Shelti: Hi everyone!
Shelti: Since that last MSTing was so fun, and since I've found more Sues since then, we're gonna do it again!
Jahari: *monotone* Whoo-pee.
Shelti: However, this one is Harry Potter --
Jahari: WHAT?? You never said --
Shelti: *ignoring Jahari* So, it should be rather interesting.
Jahari: *puts his head in his hands*
Shelti: Oh, grow up, it's only a one-shot anyway.
(She snaps her fingers and the fic starts rolling.)
Jahari: ...can be deceiving.
Shelti: That's appearances, Jahari.
Jahari: I like my version better.
Disclaimer: All these characters belong to J.K Rowling, except Elizabeth Fairchild, who belongs to me, and Roger Fairchild who belongs to my dear sweet friend, Lily Potter.
Jahari: *indignantly* Why would Lily Potter own anyone?!
Shelti: Different Lily.
I hope you all like this story; it's only my second one!
If you like it, give me some advice
Jahari: Don't even start.
for plots for a sequel! :o)
? Elizabeth Potter ?
Jahari: What, she doesn't know who she is?
Shelti: ...can be deceiving.
Only one more day until the weekend, Harry thought.
Shelti: *monotone* Yay.
He cracked his knuckles under the desk,
Jahari: Hey! Since when has Harry cracked his knuckles?
making Lavender Brown, who sat in front of him, turn around and glare.
Shelti: I would too. I hate people who crack their knuckles.
He gave a look of apology, and glanced back up at Professor Snape, who was looking unusually mean today,
Jahari: Not -- physically -- possible!
Harry thought. His gaze fell on the clock, which appeared to be moving slower than ever, like every second was a minute, every minute, maybe a year.
Jahari: I'm already lost.
Shelti: O.o You ARE??
Jahari: I lost the part in which we cared.
"Would you like to answer the question, Potter?"
Jahari: *Harry* No.
Snape asked, apparently for the second time,
his beady eyes boring down on Harry as if to say Ha! I caught you!"
"What was the question again sir?" Harry asked.
Shelti: *shrugs* Gee, I dunno.
"It's not the weekend yet Potter,
Jahari: Or so we've been told.
you're still in class.
Jahari: We noticed.
Would you like to tell the class what you were thinking about that was so much more important than the subject of using forest plants for a transportation spell?"
Shelti: As far as I can tell, he wasn't thinking about anything.
Snape was towering over him. Harry felt his cheeks grow hot as he muttered, "No, sir."
"Then would you like to answer the question?"
Jahari: *Harry* No.
Just then the door to the classroom opened.
Shelti: DON'T GO IN THERE!!! Wait...
Everyone's heads turned simultaneously. Saved, Harry thought with a sigh of relief.
Jahari: Harry seems horribly out of character.
Shelti: And we've hardly begun the story.
A girl that Harry had never seen before entered carrying a stack of books similar to his.
Shelti: *shrugs* It's Hermione with plastic surgery. So what?
"I'm sorry for interrupting your class, sir, but is this potions?"
Jahari: Duuuh. Can't you see all the cauldrons, hear the bubbling liquid, and smell Snape's greasy hair?
Shelti: That's gross.
She asked, smiling at Professor Snape. She shifted her books to one hand to push her shoulder length brown hair out of her face.
"Yes it is, and you must be the new girl.
You''ve come from the United States I hear?
Shelti: *writing in her notebook* New girl from U. S. ... check.
Well I'm sure things are quite different there, but here, next time you will be sure not to be late to my class, thank you.
Jahari: Wait wait wait ... that's SNAPE talking??
Shelti: Normally he would have given detention!
Now would anyone like to give this young lady a tour of the school, since she doesn't seem to know where she's going?"
Jahari: Oh no! Aliens have possessed Snape's body! He's not himself at all!
He peered around the room. Harry's hand shot into the air. Anything to get out of Potions, he thought, and plus this new girl had practically just saved him from making a fool of himself if he hadn't already, and he owed it to her. Beside him Draco Malfoy's hand rose also.
"I'll do it, Professor," he drawled.
Shelti: Choose Draco ... choose Draco ... stay in character...
"I think Potter will do it.
You've already done enough damage today, Potter, maybe you can redeem yourself,"
Shelti: Not -- in -- character -- too -- different -- from -- real -- Snape... AAAAAUUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Snape said with a snort,
Jahari: He did say it "with a snort."
Shelti: I DON'T CARE HOW HE SAID IT!!! HE SAID IT!!! AND IT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF CHARACTER!!!
"Remember that all of your work will be made up by tomorrow, and you will have to copy all the notes we're about to take."
Jahari: I think Snape and McGonagall switched bodies.
Shelti: I agree.
The class groaned. Harry couldn't believe his luck.
Both: *monotone* Neither can we.
He gathered his books and walked to the back of the class where the girl stood, waiting for him.
Shelti: You would think she'd at least stay for the rest of the class, then get the tour.
She followed him outside, where he paused for a moment to shut the door. Harry shifted his books to his left arm, and extended his right,
Jahari: Step by step non-action strikes again!
introducing himself as, "Harry Potter." She tried to move her books but couldn't so Harry took them for her.
Shelti: So ... boring ... falling ... asleep... Zzzzzz...
"Thanks," she said, offering him her own hand, "I'm Elizabeth Fairchild." Her bright blue eyes glowed at him, and he could tell he was blushing.
Jahari: Harry has no idea how to act around females.
"Sorry about my just appearing, I just got here, and, well, I really don't know my way around.
Jahari: How many times are they gonna shove that in our faces?!
I'm such a mess! I didn't interrupt anything in your class did I?"
Elizabeth asked shyly.
Jahari: That's shy? Wow.
Jahari: *pokes her* SURPRISE WAKE UP CALL!!!
"No, I mean, you practically saved my life!" Harry exclaimed.
Shelti: Gaah! I'm awake! I'm awake!
He then told her the whole story, and how everyone except the Slytherins hated Professor Snape anyway.
Shelti: The guy's an open book!
She giggled, when he finished with telling about when in his third year, a paper map had called Snape's hair greasy
Jahari: Say, when is this, anyway? Fifth year? Sixth?
Shelti: Good question. I have no idea.
She told him some about her teachers in America.
They found out that they were both in Gryffindor,
Shelti: *writing in her notepad* Sorted ... into ... Gryffindor ... check.
which pleased Harry.
Jahari: But made us really mad.
He hoped she hadn't noticed he'd been staring dreamily at her the whole time.
Jahari: *puts head in hands* Oh no.
Shelti: I don't like the looks of this...
He loved the way she laughed, like a little giggle sort of, but it made him feel appreciated.
Shelti: Not good ... not good at all...
And he loved the way she looked at him, like they'd known each other forever, and how she talked to him, how she told him everything.
Shelti: AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! A SAPPY ROMANCE SCENE!
She asked him once if she was boring him, talking so much, and all Harry could think of how much he loved to hear the sound of her voice.
Shelti: So ... painful...
Jahari: *still with head in hands* Tell me when it's over.
No one person had ever captivated him, and after only one day...
Shelti: *slides down in seat* Ohhhhh... I don't feel so good...
Of course, she had no idea that Harry was thinking about her, like she was an angel or something.
Jahari: *peeks out behind hands* Is it over?
Shelti: I think it's getting there.
Jahari: Okay. Good.
That's it, Harry thought, she must be an angel.
Shelti: If she asks her if she's an angel, I'll...
Jahari: What about if he asks her if she's an angle?
Shelti: I'll laugh.
"Are you listening to me?" Elizabeth asked, giving him a mock accusing glare, and elbowing him in the side. Harry laughed and elbowed her back, saying, "Of course your majesty, your wish is my command!" She giggled, and he got that dizzy feeling again.
Jahari: I'm confused.
Shelti: What are you confused about?
Jahari: When is this? Is this the same day? When is the day? Are they still outside the dungeons? There's no description ... of ANYTHING!
Shelti: I know. Maybe if we pretend to know what's going on...
Harry guided her through the school, a pleasant chatter going on the whole time.
Shelti: Getting ... bored ... loosing ... conciousness...
Jahari: *puts a paper bag over her head* Here. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale.
He heard the bell ringing, but all he wanted to do was stay with her.
Shelti: What's with the paper bag?
Jahari: Maybe it'll be better if you don't see the fic for a little while.
"Well I guess we better get back to class," Elizabeth told him. No way! Harry's mind exploded.
He would have done anything just to spend another minute with her, the girl of his dreams.
Shelti: *takes the paper bag off her head* I'm better now. And he's known her for, what, an hour?
Jahari: For all we know, he's known her for thirty seconds.
"Wait!" Harry exclaimed. His mind raced. He had to think of something. "There's one more class."
Shelti: I don't like where this is going.
Grasping her wrist, he dragged her into the last empty classroom on the hallway, and before she could say anything, pulled her toward him and kissed her passionately.
Jahari: Getting a little fast, aren't we, Harry?!
Shelti: I am now officially LOST.
At first she seemed to try to get away, but then she kissed back, putting her arms on his shoulders.
Jahari: At least it's not very graphic.
Shelti: Thank Eru. *turns to Jahari* How can a kiss be graphic?
Jahari: Remember that one slash fic...?
Shelti: AAAAAUUUUGHHHH!!!!! OKAY! I GET IT!!!!
Harry knew that there was no place he'd rather be.
Shelti: *sings* Here I am, this is me. There's no where else on Earth I'd rather be...
Jahari: Ha! Caught you red lipped ... ed. Okay, that needs work.
Harry jumped. Startled, he pulled away from Elizabeth, and spun around to see Professor Snape glaring at him from the doorway.
Harry stood in front of Elizabeth, as if protectively, and, mustering up all his courage, managed, "Sir! I...I... I can explain... I... uh..."
Shelti: *sarcastically* Articulate, isn't he.
"Potter, I asked you to show the new student the school, not harass her!" Snape spat.
Jahari: Now he's sounding like himself.
Harry knew he was done for. His heart fell. Now he had gotten them both in trouble. Maybe he would get expelled, and never have to face any of them again.
Not Snape, not McGonagall (he could already see the stern, angry look on her face), not Hermione (he wondered what kind of scorn she would have for him if he did return), not even Elizabeth, who probably hated him now and would probably never speak to him again.
He glanced over at her as they followed Snape down the long corridor to Professor McGonagall's office. Her eyes were glued to the floor, where his should have been too. When they reached the door, Snape led them inside. The two took seats across from Professor McGonagall, and Snape whispered the story in her ear. He stood back, as if to watch in satisfaction, Harry thought, as his least favorite student got expelled.
"That will be all Severus," McGonagall said sharply. Snape looked like a small child who had been told there was no Easter bunny,
Both: *look at each other and burst out laughing*
Jahari: (Snape, sniffling and in falsetto) No Easter Bunny? But -- but -- who gives us the treats? Is there no Santa, too?
but he backed slowly out of the room. McGonagall looked at Elizabeth and then at Harry, who seemed to be wishing his name was Severus.
Shelti: Severus ... Potter.
Jahari: I don't like it.
"So, would either of you like to explain this little... incident?"
Jahari: For heaven's sakes, he just kissed the girl! It's not like he ... did something else!
Shelti: I don't even want to know what that "something else" is...
She gave Harry the evil eye, and he sunk lower, if possible, into the chair. He wished the chair would eat him, although that wasn't a wise thing to wish in such a school.
Shelti: (chair) Munch munch ... needs salt ... munch munch...
"Potter?" She turned her head suddenly to him,
Jahari: Breaking her neck in the process.
and he cowered in the chair.
Shelti: And the chair ate him.
Jahari: The end.
"I... well... um..." Harry stammered.
Shelti: Yes, he's very articulate.
"I, I can explain," Elizabeth said suddenly.
Jahari: What's there to explain? He showed her the castle, he fell in love, they kissed. Period. The end.
Professor McGonagall looked surprised, but not half as surprised as Harry.
Jahari: It's so OBVIOUS, yet they aren't SEEING IT! Gaaaaah!! WHY is she surprised?! Nothing makes sense!
Shelti: You're beginning to sound like me.
Jahari: Great. -.-;;
"Ya see, um, I, it's my fault," she said.
Shelti: Ya see.
"Oh, really?" McGonagall asked skeptically.
"Um, it is, because I kissed Harry first,"
Jahari: Least she knows she was kissed.
Shelti: Never mind she has an identity crisis.
she finished. Harry couldn't believe his ears. This was twice she had saved him. He was definitely in love...
Shelti: Lesse... That's the four thousand, five hundred, eighty-second time the authoress has told us that.
"Alright, Miss Fairchild. You can go back to class. I hope you got a good enough tour that you can find your way back.
Jahari: Apparently she wasn't given a tour at all.
And the password to the Gryffindor tower is water beetle."
Shelti: And suddenly, Draco Malfoy popped out of the wall!
Jahari: (Draco) MWUAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!! I HAVE YOUR SECRET!!!
Harry knew McGonagall hadn't believed one inch of her story,
Jahari: Neither do we.
Shelti: Because we know the TRUTH!
Jahari: ...And because there's no story to believe.
he'd gone to Hogwarts long enough to see that. He sighed.
Both: *heave huge, dramatic sighs*
"Oh yes, Professor, it was a lovely tour. Thanks Harry," Elizabeth exploded,
her eyes shining at Harry. She winked at him, and swept out the door.
Jahari: Like a broom.
Shelti: *pretending to be a broom* BROOM! BROOM!
He blushed looking at the floor, a small grin spreading across his face.
Jahari: Better wipe that up.
"So that's the story? Just a little puppy love," McGonagall said looking at Harry.
Jahari: FINALLY, she gets it right.
Shelti: GO MCGONAGALL!!!
"I like her,"
Both: No, REALLY?
Harry blurted out, "I mean, I really like her. It's like, anything I want I can't have. Anything I need, I can't get.
Shelti: *sings* Anything I waaaaaant I cannot haaaaaave... Anything I neeeeeeeed, I cannot geeeeeeet...
Jahari: *slaps hand across her face*
And then when I saw Elizabeth, and it was like, whoa! Where have you been all my life?"
Shelti: *puts face in hands* Oh gods. THE oldest and WORST pick-up line EVER.
Harry grinned at Professor McGonagall, "But I guess that sounds silly..."
Jahari: Actually ... no.
"No, Harry, it's perfectly reasonable. We all go through that stage. I guess if that's it, you can go back to class," said the teacher, smiling at him almost kindly.
Shelti: Almost kindly, but not quite.
Harry's eyes widened.
Shelti: It's that deer-in-the-headlights look again.
He gathered his books, and realized he still had Elizabeth's too.
Jahari: Didn't she get them when she left?
He could give them to her later. I'll still be alive, Harry mused, and I'll still be attending Hogwarts.
Shelti: *takes out lightsaber* Well, yes on the attending Hogwarts, but as for the "still be alive" thing...
He felt like he was floating back to the Gryfindor tower, where the rest of his classmates crowded around him.
"I can't believe you! Harry I thought you of all people..." Hermione Granger scorned.
Jahari: He. Just. Kissed. Her. Get. Over. It.
Gosh, news travels fast, Harry thought.
Shelti: Very fast.
"Way to go Harry!"
Both: *monotone* Whoo-pee.
his best friend Ron Weasley exclaimed slapping him a high five.
"That's so sweet!" Lavender Brown and Parvati Patil cooed.
Shelti: *high-pitched* Awwwwwwwwwww!
Harry walked through the crowded common room, toward his dorm. Ron followed.
Shelti: *sings* We're following the leader, the leader, the leader. We're following the leader, wherever he may go!
When they got inside, Harry told Ron what happened, ending with, "I think I'm in love... When I think of Elizabeth I get all tingly, you know?"
Jahari: (Harry, dreamily) Elizabeth, whenever my foot falls asleep, I'll think of you.
"Yeah, Lavender," Ron said dreamily.
Both: Ron and LAVENDER??
Jahari: Never seen that before.
Shelti: COOL! *writes in notepad* I'll add that to my list of ships!
Just then, the door to the dorm opened slowly, and
Shelti: A CRAZED MANIAC WITH A CHAINSAW CAME IN AND KILLED THEM ALL!!!!!!!!!
Jahari: *holding ears* Ouch.
Elizabeth peeked in.
Shelti: Well, I was close.
"Harry? Do you still have my books and stuff?" she asked. Harry elbowed Ron in the stomach.
"I was... just going," Ron muttered.
Shelti: *waves* Bye bye!
"When the door shut, Harry lifted Elizabeth's books off of his own stack,
Jahari: Which is a mile high.
Shelti: I wonder who's talking now.
saying, "Hey, I'm really sorry about getting you in trouble like that, it's just..."
Jahari: I guess it was no one, Shelt, just a spare quotation mark.
Shelti: What’s it doing there, then?
"Oh, it's okay, I didn't get in trouble. You didn't either did you?" she asked taking the books and sitting down on the bed beside Harry.
Shelti: I think we can see where this is going.
"No I didn't. I..." Harry leaned forward and whispered, "I can't believe it though!"
Both: *monotone* Neither can we.
"Me neither!" she whispered back, "I got sent to the headmaster's office the first day here!
Shelti: Ummm... McGonagall isn't the headmistress. Dumbledore is.
My brother Roger will be impressed.
Jahari: (Elizabeth) He wanted to kiss you sooooo bad, you know.
Shelti: Stop that!
He's still back in the states. But you know what
Shelti: (Harry) No, but I know his brother Where and his sisters Who and Why.
"What?" Harry asked hopefully.
Jahari: (Elizabeth) I'm actually a diseased chipmunk.
"I'm glad you kissed me," she leaned closer to him, and to Harry's surprise, kissed him gently on the lips.
Shelti: *squeakily* Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
When she pulled away, she whispered, "I, I better go."
Shelti: *pats her lightsaber* Yes ... you better...
"Yeah," Harry replied, still dazed, feeling like he had stars in his eyes.
Shelti: *sings* Staaaaaaars in his eyes, and the wind in his haaaaaaaair...
Jahari: *sings* And a kiiiiiiiiife in his throooooooat...
As she shut the door softly behind her, he fell back onto his pillow.
Jahari: But unfortunately his head missed the pillow, and the bed completely, and hit the floor. He died on impact.
Ron entered again, asking excitedly, "How'd it go?"
Shelti: Why do YOU wanna know?
"Great," Harry said dreamily, "No, perfect."
Shelti: Great! Now that you're happy, let's put you out of our misery. *picks up lightsaber*
Wasn't that lovely?
Ill write a sequel if people want,
so give me some ideas for another one.
Shelti: It's okay. We don't give her ideas, we're safe.
Shelti: Well, it's over!
Shelti: That wasn't so bad, was it?
Jahari: Actually ... yeah. It wasn't so bad.
Shelti: I've decided that we should find something good with every story.
Jahari: Something good??
Jahari: Well, the grammar was good, I'll give them that.
Shelti: And they spelled people's names right. No Hairys or Hormones or anything.
Jahari: Hormone?! *snickers*
Shelti: *stands up and looks at hand* I think my mood ring short circuited again.
Jahari: *stands up* Incredible.
(She snaps her fingers, the doors open, and they exit the theater.)
"Acquaintances" written by Elizabeth Potter
MSTed by Sheltigrrl Moonfire and Jahari
(MSTed without permission.)
MSTing concept belongs to Best Brains, Inc.
Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling
Snape looked like a small child who had been told there was no Easter bunny, but he backed slowly out of the room.