- Hello! said Yoda loud. Go to look for Nicole and the duke we now have to do.
The group went on through the dark forest, trembeling by fear because of all the spiders and bugs.
Suddenly a whole bunch of people from the trees jumped down and landed on them. It was Robin Hood and his robbers.
- What are you doing in my wood? roared Robin Hood, but then Tramse got mad.
- But this is my wood, he answered.
By the time Tramse and Robin Hood was fighting about whos forest it was...
...came an extra large spider crawling up behind them. Similar those who are in Bilbo. He made a suddenly attack and throw out a net at random.<
- Food, hehehe, he thought spiteful. The net landed right at poor Anakin and got him entangled so that he couldn't go anywhere.
Yoda sighed high.
- Now we have to save Anakin also!
Anakin floundered helpless.
- Food shall not fight! The spider exclaimed when Anakin got to in one of his floundering-tries to hit his...
...Big spider Dick.
Yoda was embarrassed over Anakin's unsavoury move and decided therefore to deal with it himself.
Before the big spider even had a chance to blink, Yoda had...
...saved Anakin, gathered together the whole gang, including Robin Hood and his men because he and Tramse wasn't finished yet with their fight, and it is rude to break off, and had them all to run away. The spider stood baffled and wondered where all his yummy diners had gone.
Just because that they were so many they couldn't sneak so well but still...
...they tried. It sounded like 30 elephants.
- Schh! Silent you must be! Said Yoda who used his jedi-powers and floated over the ground.
- It's easy for you to say, said Tramse sour.
- Anakin gone is! Said Yoda. His nearness I no longer feel can.
- Fuck the jedi-dork, said Robin Hood. We will never find Nicole and the Duke if we're going to dart around in the forest looking for strayed jedi-idiots!
...a racercar came driving up. It stopped by Robin Hood's feet. Nicole went out together with Tom Cruise and ran her fingers through her hair to look sexy.
- What are you doing with that guy? asked Ewan and aimed at Tom.
- When no one else came, Tompan had to come and rescue me instead, said Nicole and ran her fingers through her hair one more time. That got Ewan to be so mad so he jumped onto Nicole and started to draw her in the curles.
- It is cowardly to hit girls! Elijah peeped who was secretely inlove with Nicole. Ewan understood this and then instead jumped into Elijah who...
...got completely terrified and started to hit in totally despair. He suceeded with a really good shot on Ewan who fell to the ground. When Elijah realized what he had done, he got so frightened so he ran away straight out in the djungle. Nicole, who evidently worried about Ewan, sat down next to him on the ground and tried to get some life into him.
The others stood terrified still and didn't really know what to do.
But then they suddenly heard a scream, and it was obvious that it came from the exact direction where Elijah had gone. They had to see what had happened to him...
...When they had arrived to the place where the scream came from, they found Elijah with a little dog around his feet. It was the computeranimated Scooby-Doo who snapped in the trouser leg...
- Get him off me! screamed Elijah and Anakin was about to destroy it with his lightsword, but Yoda got to stop him.
- Need for him we can get...he said and lifted up the dog.
- The crow you shall find...said Yoda to Scooby-Doo and the dog ran away like a shot...
- That's right, the crow, I almost had forgotten him, Elijah sighed.
- Good to sleuthhound have, said Yoda, follow him we shall.
Anakin leaped around with his sword drawn and waved it around, to seem cool, this resulted in that Yoda became sulky and he managed to knock down some trees. But this was on the other hand good, because they them to make food for the whole company, and it became a lot of food! And in the muddle they lost the runaway Scooby doo...
...who had picked up the scent and for ones was so excited over the hunt that he didn't care a bit about eating and ran instead away to find the crow himself.
When the group had finished their meal, Yoda said...
- Scooby Doo gone is and the crow weselves now must find.
Anakin sighed high and screamed:
- I have a hell of a pain in my feet, must we go any longer? Yoda had now had enough of that little insubordinate apprentice with the plait astray , so he took the lightsword from Anakin. This made Anakin very angry so he jumped onto a stone and said loud:
- Now I'm forming an own group who will go and look for the crow. Who are with me? Intently he waited for which ones who would back up for him on his side...
I'm in! all shouted, except for Yoda who said "In I am" and Elijah who whimpered like a puppy:
- Do we have to?! I don't have the strenght to go and look for the crow. I've already been at a great mission in Middleearth ...
- But if you borrow my lightsword for a while, will you come then? Anakin asked patient.
- Of course I will! Elijah screamed and at once he was ready for the mission.
The group now started at a rapid pace follow Anakin and everybody were very concentrated to their destination except for Elijah who was spellbound by the sword's capacity to shine...
...so he didn't look out where he went so suddenly he tripped over something. It was something dark who was lying on the ground in a heap. The brave Ewan went forward to see what it was and when he touched the heap it shouted.
- Please, don't kill me! It was the duke who lost his orcharmy in the great hurry when they were looking for the crow so that he could give Rosa's necklace to his beloved Nicole. When Tom Cruise had arrived in his racercar he had drived across the duke's foot so that he now couldn't walk.
- Anakin now him will carry, said Yoda. Annoyed Anakin lifted up the duke on his shoulders, but then Rosa got jealous, she also wanted to be carried, so she...
...rushed up to Anakin and started to scream and shout at the top of her voice and pull the duke in the legs, so that he would fell down. Unfortunately she wasn't so strong so the duke did not move, but she had all the louder voice, all in a 10 kilometers circumference could hear her, but not if you was an elv
because then it probably was around 1000 kilometers (Legolas sighed high deep away in the Mörkmården and put cotton in his ears). Now everybody started to shout at the same time at eachother to stop Rosas's mouth. Yoda got so mad that he shooted a lightning up in the air (a trick he was very proud over) which resulted in that everybody stopped at once and some of Robin Hood's men hide themselves under a spruce because that they thought it was thundering. Yoda lifted determinend up Rosa on Elijah's shoulder's so that she also could get carried. Elijah sighed highly and complained about that he actually also was hurt, but no one cared about that. But when Anakin saw what had happened, it was his turn to flare up. What did the impudent Elijah with his girl?!
Rushly he went up to Elijah and screamed:
- Let go of my girl immediately, or else...
Elijah sighed and tried to explain that he actually didn't want Rosa on his back, but Anakin did not listen.
- I challenge you! He said and pointed at Elijah who suddenly felt very small compared with the tall jedi. He tried to protest, but then Yoda had already fixed up a starting line with his jedi-powers.
Anakin and Elijah would run a race with the duke and Rosa on their backs.
- Ready, steady...Yoda shouted, who was the judge...and DART!!!!!!
Naturally Anakin led in the beginning: He did have both Jedi-powers and a reduced Hollywood star on his back instead of Rosa who wasn't that expacially thin. But Elijah (who in fact didn't really care about Rosa, but just wanted to win) came up with a solution to his problem:
- Look Anakin, he screamed at the top of his voice, A spaceshipstore! And they're on SALE!
Anakin stopped immediately. He had been longing for a new spaceship a long time since his broke during another competition about another girl. He turned around and started foxed to look after the store without knowing that this was a cruel trick from Elijah's side.
- HAHAHAHAHAH! Elijah laughed while he passed his competitor and by that led the competition...
Elijah was just about to run in to the finishing line when Rosa all the suddenly came up with that she really should be chearing at her boyfriend instead of Elijah. Without anyone seeing it, she bumped her stiletto into Elijah's arse who screamed and dropped her when he held his hands on his bottom. Sourly he stared at her, but forgot his anger at once when he understood that he had won. Then Robin Hood said:
- Hello! He didn't have rosa on his back when he crossed the finishing line and then he couldn't have won!
- But...Elijah tried, but Tom Cruise interrupted:
- Do you think that I would have won the racecompetition in Days of Thunder if I would have runed into the finishing line without the car?!
Now all turned to Yoda who was the judge...
- Difficult problem this may be...Yoda mumbled and looked confused. I not this problem solve can. Must to higher powers turn.
Everyone looked stunned on Yoda when he...
...hit on hill with his staff, so that a blue cloud appeared infront of them.
From the cloud raised nobody less then...
...Paul in the ICA advertisement!
-..But.., Elijah squeaked, who had expected something else.
Yoda set up a pant noise and...
...looked at Paul.
- Who this is?? Yoda sked confused. I Godzilla should have conjure forth.
Because that none of the others ever had seen Paul before, they stared filled with wonder at him. All except Robin Hood, who mostly was bored. Nobody did care about him.
- Is this another jedi-jerk?! He asked annoyed.
- No, I am Paul, said Paul.
- Paul? Asked Anakin who was still going around, checking a little discreet under the bushes to see if there was any spaceshipstore.
- Yes, Paul from the ICA advertisement! Don't say that you haven't seen the ICA advertisement?!
- Yes....Elijah answered a little insecured, who never seen any advertisement, but didn't want so seem like a fool.
- Pull yourselves together now, goddammit! A voice said and everybody turned around to see who it belonged to...
...it was just Robin Hood who had completely got tired of been waiting so long.
- Shouldn't we be looking for something? he said, I wasn't with from the start so I don't know all the details, but now I think we should speed up! That failured jedi-dork can come with us also, so many as we are now it can't make a difference.
- But Scooby Doo still gone is, Yoda informed.
- It happens to be so, Paul announced, that I am no jedi-dork (angry look at Robin Hood) because when I'm not recording ICA-advertisement I use to look after strayedaway dogs. He ran that way (he pointed between the trees at west). If you hurry you might catch up him before nightfall, but first I must ask master Yoda to conjure me back, I was just on a rehearsing!
Yoda waved a little with his hands, the cloud appeared again and Paul disappeared.
- I hope he right came, Yoda sighed, now we'll leave...
So they continued to crash thorugh the forest.
- Where the hell have you been?! A voice said. It was scooby doo came panting from two trees.
- I had to fight through a wall of spiders and 32 orcs all by myself! He said, and sounded almost as sour as Robin Hood.
- Aaaaww, poor little scooby! said Nicole, who was the most chicken-hearted of them all. Then she lifted him up on her back and continued forward. Because Nicole was to be sure a strong girl.
- No one is carrying me, said Robin, sour as always.
- But, I am carried! shouted the duke and laughed.
Anakin looked surprised up, because he had totally forgotten that the duke was still on his back. He had had plenty of doing by looking for spaceshipstores.
- Tally hoo! Shouted the duke. Onward my proud courser! We shall face all the dangers! And then he laughed so the moustaches jumped.
- Now what is this!!.................
...Elijah shouted and aimed at the wierd shoes the duke was wearing.
- They are my ballet-shoes! Said the duke and moved proud a little further up on Anakin's back.
- Can you dance ballet?! I would really like to do that...said Elijah and the duke jumped down from Anakin's back and started to demonstrate the mainsteps. Nicole let go of Scooby Doo who came down on the ground with a thud and went forward to the duke and Elijah.
- This is how you're doing! She said and pulled up her skirt and started to step just as Kate Winslet in Titanic. And all the suddenly Leo came from the bushes and started to dance a duette with Nicole!
Elijah and the duke...
...also started to dance with all their heart.
- Hihi, this was fun, Elijah giggled, come you too Anakin!
But Anakin had suddenly become very sensible, and looked at them like they were insane, dance NOW when they had an important mission to conclude! Scooby doo who had a little pain in the arse after beeing thumping so unprepared sat himself next to Anakin to show that he agreed. But it didn't seem to help on the happy dancers, that now even sang very heartily and jumped around the forest so that not even a stone could escape it.
This made Anakin and Scooby doo so terribly annoyed (otherwise they were pretty upset for not being with when everyone had such a good time...) so they...
...started to melancholy go away from there. Nobody noticed that they left which made Anakin and Scooby Doo even more sad.
When they slowly went thorugh the dark forest all the suddenly strange noises could be heard. Anakin started to shake and wished that he had never left his dancing friends. Suddenly a dark figure could be seen at the edge of the wood.
- Who is that? Anakin asked anxious.
When the figure stepped forward, Anakin saw that he wore a dark helmet and a dark gown. It was...
...himself, his evil grown-up I! (but at the first sight it could have been looking like a nazgul who had started to be wearing a riding helmet) He got so scared that he jumped up in Scooby Doo's arms and buired his face in his soft fur and swore by his lightsword that he would never be evil (atleast not in the nearest months).
Scooby Doo though that the dark apparation looked nice and kind of humorous and didn't understand why Anakin was so scared, it wasn't any Hoover-salesment. So he...
..went up against the (for him) scary creature to get familiar with him and mabye invite him into their now growing expedition (Scooby isn't that specially quick-witted and did not take the black suit and deformed the riding-helmet + the scary voice as a bad sign). Darth himself took this as a hint to a fight and pulled his lightsword, with two blades, against the dog. Scooby withdrawed and then turn around to find some hidingplace a shelter or something but only found Anakin and choosed to hide himself behind him. So Anakin...
...started to scream with the same squeaky voice as he used when some Hoover-salesments approached. Darth Vader did have his both lightswords drawn and the hoarse breath and that made Anakin to get goose pimples all over his body.
- I don't want to die...I don't want to die! the frightened out of his senses and a little bit of geeky apprentice repeated again and again, which got the otherwise melancholy Darth to begin to laugh.
- I will come back, he said and the disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
Anakin breath out when he discovered that he was gone and got up. Just then he got suprised by Pippin.
- They're coming...the hobbit shouted and Anakin could hear hoofs coming closer...and closer!
Anakin drawed his weapon, but when he saw who it was who were coming, he lowed it and raised his eyebrows confused instead.
- Pippin! It's just Robin Hood and the others!! Don't scare us up like that unnecessearily!
- GET OFF THE ROAD!!!!! They've become crazy!! Pippin shouted.
The old withery of the Forest is on the go again! It have made them to begin to sing and dance, they can never conclude the mission like this!
Soon the couple got to Anakin and Pippin.
- Stop them Anakin!
- My powers aren't yet enough.....ah...
Just as the duke was about to make a pancake of the poor Pippin you could hear a.....SCOOBYDOOBYDOO!
It was of course Scooby who gave off this terrible yell!! And as if by a stroke of wonder, Robin Hood and the others woke up from their dance-trance! Yoda turned around to the dog and asked:
- How do you know magical password? You hidden knowledge about magic have?!
Scooby looked puzzled at the green creature.
- Nah...I just screamed because I saw a box with scoobysnacks! he mumbled while he pushed in the cracker in his mouth. Yoda didn't realise that not even the strongest trance could get the dog to ignore a box with scoobysnacks...
...so Scooby could munch further on.
- But we do have a mission to perform! Robin Hood shouted! Suprised he looked himself around when he didn't got any answers. All the others had thrown themselves over the scoobysnacks when they felt the smell and now everybody was so busy by pushing in so much as possible in themselves. The worst of them was Yoda who were halfway down in the packet so that only the feets sticking up.
- Fanatsticly good these snacks are, you could hear Yoda's voice waydown from the packet.
- I want also! Nicole shoted annoyed. That damn frog is eating everything up! And then she started to pull in Yoda's feets.
But then Yoda used his jedi-powers so that a branch fell down on her head.
- Ouch! Cheating!
- No, No, do not fight! Said Elijah despaired and also started to pull in Yoda's feets. But then Yoda got really annoyed and...
...now the whole tree fell down! It was lucky that Elijah got to throw himself to the side, it was just a hair's-breadth away. But he hurt his knee when he hit it against a stone on the ground.
- Ow, ow...Elijah whined and looked with his big blue puppeteyes on Yoda.
And as you all know, no force in the whole world could resist a look like that, so Yoda immedietley got Anakin to get a plaster for him.
When they were done they noticed that all the scoobysnacks was eaten up and they decided to continue the journey.
- What is our destination to reach for the evening? wondered Robin Hood...
- Well, Yoda answered. Now we eaten and full and satisfied we are. Now we sleep.
- Noooo!! all the members of the group screamed like they were five years old and got forced into bed by their parents. Please, Yoda, only 15 more minutes.
- Okey, minutes 15. Then you sleep!
Everybody did the best of their fifteen remaining minutes and when it was time to go to bed, Yoda read them a story and they all fell asleep peacefully in their sleeping bags. Everything were peace and quiet until everyone suddenly was awoken by...
...a big bang in the air. The drowsy members looked suprised up into the sky when they saw a gigantic firedragon sailing around up there.
- Gandalf! Elijah screamed delighted because he immediately recognized Gandalf's firework. But that didn't the others.
- Gandalf? Nono, Elijah, now you do have brownies on the loft, said the duke reasonable. That is a dragon, you do see! And then he pursed his mouth supercilious.
- Who is Gandalf? Asked Anakin who was totally uneducated.
- Nobody important, just an old buffer! Yoda answered sourly. He didn't like Gandalf because he wanted to be alone to have fantasticly superpowers. (Anakin-whippersnapper he did not count).
- Gandalf is no old buffer! Elijah shouted despaired. He is the best wizard in the old world! He takes Saruman easy-cake!
- Saruman? Anakin asked but nobody cared.
- By the way, he is soooo handsome, said Nicole dreamy.
- I am actually both better AND more handsome that grey-beard, said an even more sourlier Yoda.
But then a laugh was heard behind them......
...and there stood Gandalf.
- Dream on your genetic manipulated frog! I am the most handsome one of us both, and by the way I beat Saruman also. That's right!!!
Yoda was quiet. He realized that it wasn't so clever to disregard a powerful wizard. Even if you do have jedi-powers.
- Oh...kidding only I am. You do have sense of humour oh you master of the world?!
Anakin thought it was real fun to se his master get oppressed by an old man and screamed therefore happily:
- Give him what he can bear, old Garr!!!
But this he shouldn't have done because...
...Gandalf was a kind wizard and did not like evil thoughts. So he made himself really big and got the sun to go behind a cloud and the wind to howle.
- Don not tempt me! I would cooperate with Yoda to make good, but if I was mean then he would through me get a force so power and terrible to imagine. (FOTR-vibes? Anyone?)
- All right, Anakin squeaked frightened. It was just a proposal!
Yoda got a litte more kinder adjusted to Gandalf now when he had defended him so he said:
- Old Garr! How nice! We with superpowers here have to hold together.
- I have indeed also powers! said Anakin a bit insulted.
- Yeah, yeah, Yoda answered uninteresed (he did'nt think that Anakin was counting). Then go and do something fun with them.
- Listen up! Gandalfs voice roared all the suddenly. You had a mission to preform! Sit down and consult together so that you can decide the best way to perform it!
So everyone sat down in a circle. But then it got all quiet.
- You begin, Elijah, said Gandalf calm.
- Weeell, it's like that....ehm...I don't really remember what we should do...
- Robin Hood then? Gandalf asked.
- Nooo...I mean...what was it now?
- Somebody? Gandalf started to become worried.
But nobody remebered.
- What shall we do now?!! .....................
Nicole looked up from her powder compact and asked:
...quickly he took away Nicole's nailfile and waved it against the poor wellsinging-ex-courtesan who didn't seem to pay any special attention to the jedi's weapon. She sighed loudly and examined her nails.
- You guys are hopeless!!! she said and all at once Anakin had a sword against his throat. Quickly Nicole tear to rags her dress and under it there was a complete equipment by pirateclothes. After been recording a duett with Robbie Williams, Nicole decided to take a course in pirate-knowledge. She was now a full-blown seapirate and when she whistled, all the cancan-dancers jumped forward and showed theirs right themselves. They were Nicole's faithfull subjects.
- Now, Anakin, you're in big trouble! said Nicole and Anakin started to weep as he recalled that he had left his lightssword at the path when Darth had shown up
The rest of the gang looked terrified when Nicole menacing walked around Anakin with the sword still at his throat...
...a seethrough ball who it was lightining funny from.
- What is that? asked Rosa.
- It's Sarumans predictionsball, Gandalf informed and started to walk menacing around it,afraid that it would hurt him.
- But with it, then we can see where Nicole have taken Anakin, said Elijah who recalled a little from a certain journey to a certain mountain with a certain ring...
The whole fellowship stood around the ball, ready to see where their friend had took the road, but nothing happened!
- How do you get it to work? Rosa was wondering and knocked a little on the glass.
Nobody seemed to know, so they all turned to Gandalf...
- I really don't know, but I see some inscriptions at the bottom. It seems to be standing at elvish, but translated to the ususal language it means: "What's the name of the now only girl in the fellowship?"
- Oh, a riddle!! Elijah screamed. I LOOOOOVE RIDDLES!!!! AND I KNOW THE ANSWER!!!!!!!
- Quiet, you unknowing hobbit/man! Gandalf roared. You got to break the melon-riddle and took all the credit for that. Now it's my turn.
- Buuuuut old Garr!! I know the answer. Please, let me say the answer!!!!
- SHUT UP! Gandalf roared and Elijah became silent and sat himself down on a stone to sulk.
Then they had to wait...and wait...and wait. Until Gandalf brightened up.
- I know. It's Elijah!!!
- Nooo! Elijah screamed. Stupid wizarduncle. It's Rosa!!! How stupid can you be!!!!
Then a light came from the ball and dazzled them all. And then they looked into it to discover that it had started to work...
...and in the mist they saw Nicole riding a big horse with Anakin thrown over the horse's back and behind her the thirty cancan-dancers were following. They all were heading against a high mountain who was ligtining mysterious red on the horizon.
- Shit, she's heading to the Mont of Doom, Gandalf proclaimed. Elijah stroke his brow in dismay.
- Of course she is! What did you think? That she was going to "Lena's massage and pedicure"? he exclaimed.
Garr and Lij were a bit annoyed at eachother after the riddle-episode, but that didn't stop the others from starting to pack their thing so that they could start to walk to the Mont of Doom. It certainly took a little time to pack together all the caravan-carriage, that Ewan had brought. He had found it at the supermarket at a cheap prize.
At the same time, pirate-Nicole and her subjects slowly were getting closer to the Mont of Doom.
But just when you should turn right to get to the mountain, a dusty signboard could be seen on a little house where it stood "Lena's massage and pedicure". Nicole...
...could absolutely not resist a sign which contained the words massage and pedicure so instead of turning to the right against the Mont of Doom she turned her horse to the left and Lena's saloon.
- Puh! Gandalf exclaimed who was riding at the head with the ball in his hand.
- What? the others asked!
- Haha, I won't tell you! Gandalf shouted provoking because he was still a little a bit sour over that it was Elijah who had came up with the answer to the riddle.
- It is so unfair that you are having the ball all the time! Robin Hood exclaimed. We also want to know what is happening! Yoda thought the same and besides he had got tired of not being in the centre of attention, so he used his jedi-powers again so that the ball flew out of Gandalf's hand an d to Yoda.
- What now...?!
- Hehe, Yoda grinned. But the Gandalf got sour and created a little cloud which just rained over Yoda, but still he refused to let go of the ball, so when the got to the place where Nicole had turned to right, he was soaked to the skin and his ears slouched.
- Against "Lena's massage and pedicure"!! Elijah shouted. But when they arrived...
...the whole saloon was in insurrection. Things laid thrown everywhere and the poor owner whos name was Stina (Lena was her mother who had opened the store sometime during the Middle Ages) sat and sobed high and miserable at the cash (which was intact).
The whole fellowship, except for Tramse who was wating outside and watching their things, hurried themselves to her and asked what had happened.
She told between the sobbing how Nicole and her fellowship had comen to her as late as last night and when she couldn't give all the dancers plus Nicole massage at the same time, they had got a outburst of rage and started a crazy dance in the middle of her saloon, while they were picking all the beauty products. After about four hours, they had all gone away in the direction of the Mont of Doom.
Gandalf snorted angry at Yoda who hadn't seen this in the ball, apparently it needed a wizard so that things could be correctly performed. (Yoda kept quiet about that he sectretely had changed the channel a little to see how the world championship in football ended.)
- Did they have a jediknight named Anakin with them? Rosa wondered.
- Yes, but him they dumped in the stable before they came in. I do wonder if they brought him with them when they left, I've heard mysterious noises from there...
The whole fellowship sat course against the stable out on the yard. Gandalf strode out and opened bravely the door...
...but stepped terrified back when he saw the mess in the stable. A sobbing could be heard from under a lot of lumber and the strong Tramse lifted up a board where Lena sat. Stina had hurried herself to her mother and sat down next to her. Tramse howled. It was his "kidnapped" wife and daughter, who actually never had gotten kidnapped only ran away from home when Tramse had gotten one of his twitches and tried to take over the world with his twinbrother's dunderhunny. When Lena saw her husband who she had escaped from, she sighed loudly, but Tramse didn't notice that.
He huged his wife and daughter so that they almost got choked.
- Enough with kissing-party! said Elijah definitive. We must find Anakin.
When lena finally had released herself from Tramse and could start tell more in detail about when Nicole had been there.
- It was a damn good-looking boy she had with her also...she finished her story and got an angry look from Rosa.
- Don't say so about my fiancé, said Rosa artificial.
- But if I give you some manicure? asked Lena and a minute later sat Rosa and Lena over the manicuretable and entered deeply in the subject "Anakin's good-looking arse".
Gandalf started to get impatient so he...
...sauntered about in the room and mumbled some not so beautiful words on Sauron & the Orch's blackspeech. Even more sourer he got when he saw that even Elijah sat in one of the pink manicurechairs, and got his small nails which had bitten on to look nicer.
- AGAINST THE MONT OF DOOM!!!!! Gandalf finally roared and actually got everybody with him this time. Except...
...Elijah who thrived in the manicurechair surrounded by the two scandalmongers Lena and Stina, and also Tramse who didn't want to leave his family to the chiclover (and possibly the gay!) Elijah Wood!
Elijah promised to come later when his nails were in good shape again.
The ones who departed now are following:
YODA (a little bit in a bad mood, since he had gotten Gandalf with him on the trip)
GANDALF (on very a good mood, since he had shown to be more smarter than anyone else on the trip)
ROSA (glad over he new nails, but worried about her boyfriend)
TOM CRUISE (who didn't contribute specially much to the group, more than look good)
EWAN MCGREGOR (who took care of everyone after they had being hurt. Had almost forgotten about Nicole)
SCOOBY DOO (pretended to trace Nicole and Anakin, but was allways behind Gandalf and the gang)
The Mont of Doom had started to peep out more and more and the whole gang was tense and excited over what they were going to find there...
...suddenly came Elijah riding up them on a Icelandic horse.
- Wow, that went fast, said Gandalf astonished.
- Yeah, Elijah answered. Sure it's nice with pedicure, but now when there's coming a bit adventures I don't want to miss anything!
Everybody looked a little bit surprised at Elijah who hadn't exactly shown any signs of courage or adventure-loving before.
- What are you looking at? Just because that I am shorter it doesn't mean that I'm a coward!
This pronouncement made everybody even more surprised and they looked sceptical at Elijah.
- All right, all right, he sighed. It became a bit lonely out there and I didn't want to be left...But I am actually brave!!!
- You frightened us a bit there Elijah, said Ewan.
- Hmpfr, said Elijah sulky. But then I won't let you ride my horse.
- Horse? I thought it was a dog, Robin Hood laughed scornfull.
But then sent Gandalf small-lightnings on him because that he was so mean.
- Nooo, do you........but more didn't Yoda say because then.......
...came Robin Hood and his men riding up behind them. They had obviously lost eachother sometime during the wandering, without noticing it. So now they all had been on a quickly visit in Rohan and bought brand new horses.
This was for once not a dangerous event, because they just wanted to see how things went and mabye even help out a bit, the only thing that happened was that Elijah almost fainted when he saw their big horses.
They wandered away to the Mont of Doom, now a big fellowship. Gandalf, who knew the good thing about to sneak in this areas of the world, got a bit downhearted and thought about how he should do to get Robin Hood to be off again. But...
...just then, Robin Hood and the gang started to sing community singing, which made it impossible for Gandalf to make himself heard. Even Yoda had started to sing with in the ballad "I will allways love you", Whitney Houston. As you can understand, it didn't sound that very beautiful with twenty yelling men!
Suddenly the ground beneath them started to shake and Gandalf blamed them for being so mindless and loud.
Slowly you could hear that something was approaching and suddenly all the antelopes from the Lion King (those who trampled Simba's father to death) came against the whole company.
- Seek shelter!!!!! screamed Gandalf and...
...they all rushed away to every possible ways at the same time as the antelopes started to streamed past. Yoda had tooken a leap up in the air and landed on a stone where he now sat, still humming on the tune.
Gandalf saw that Elijah and some Robin Hooders still were out in the jumble of animals.
- Robin Hood can take care of his owns as the best he wants to, he thought, but Elijah shouldn't need to fall a victim to these unnecessaries. So he sticked out his staff, hooked it on Elijah's collar and drew him to himself. Then they could calm sit down up with Yoda and wait for everything to end. Which it did after about two hours (many antelopes this year).
- I wonder how many who survived, said Gandalf (at heart a little spiteful, because now they weren't as many any more...). They went down together to take part of the devastation...
...and down there stood all Robin Hood's men unhurt! Some few antilopes (I thought it was gnues, but I'm surely wrong, I use to be) was still jumping past them. Gandalf got a little sour at first. He had slightly been hoping that it wouldn't be many of them men left. They were very undiscreet and wouldn't be to any big help. But then he reminded himself that he was a good wizard and smiled instead (even if it didn't look specially natural). Some of the horses had got loose and jumped away with the antelopes (gnues? kangarooes? frogs?) but otherwise, everything was back to normal.
- Puh! That was tough! Robin Hood exclaimed.
- Yep, but our happy gang can do everything! said Friar Tuck and clapped himself laughing on the stomach (he do is on of Robin Hood's men?).
- Yeah, yeah, you really good be, said Yoda impatient. But now we must ahead go.
- Exactly! Rumbled Gandalf's voice. Let us see......but where is now Elijah?!
Here I am!! he answered.
Everybody looked up and there he hanged on a slouching dry branch from a little tree.
- What you do there?! asked Yoda annoyed. Now not play all-the-ocean-storming!!
- But isn't this how you protect yourself from runaway frogs? I saw this scenario in a movie once and there Simba saved himself by clung on to a tree...Didn't I do right? (Elijah's eyes started at this point to be filed with tears) All I wanted to be was a good boy..(the tears started to flow down on his cheek..) *sob, sob* NOBODY LOVES ME!! (At this time he had thrown himself on the ground crying copiously, hitting the ground with his fists..)
Yoda realized that he had made the fatal misstake to make Elijah cry and thought feverish on a way to make him happy again.
- Can nobody shut him up? wondered Robin Hood annoyed.
Then old Garr brightened up...
...he knew exactly how to make a hobbit/human happy again. Food! So he took out an apple from his innerpocket which he gave Elijah, who immediately brightened up and stopped crying. Instead he sat himself down to munch satisfied on the apple. But he shouldn't have done that...
...because it happened to be the poisened apple which had contributed as properties in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. All the suddenly the corners of Elijah's mouth started to twitch, just as it does on the police in Dumb Dumber after he had drunk the beer with Jim Carrey's piss in! Gandalf became worried because it was him who had given him the apple and immediately started to do heart massage on Elijah who now laid gargling on the ground...
...but it didn't help. Elijah's state of health just got worse.
Yoda kicked Gandalf's bum and mumbled something about that he was useless.
- Let me, said Evan and made his way to Elijah's side. He was now furnished with a doctor's bag that he had found at "Lena's and Stina's and from the bottom of it he picked up injection and in it was written "against poison" and he gave it to Elijah. Elijah screamed of pain (Evan didn't have much use to give injections to people) and stumbled offended away. He was now even sulkier. One more proof that nobody liked him, first they poisoned him and than give him a horrible injection like that wasn't enough! Now he was going to go home!
He turned around a huge rock, than he almost fainted by surprise and fright because there...
...sat Anakin trembled. Nicole had dumped him off when she was going with her fellowship in the big mountain who was just a few metres away. Anakin had weeped and screamed so Nicole had fastly got tired of him and didn't wanna risk to provoke Sauron if he heard childrencry in his massif mountain!
Elijah pulled Anakin with him to the others and they immediately started to ask him question. Highest range had Gandalf and succesed to ask his first:
- Where is the entrance?
Anakin scrathed his head and...
Looked even more frightened than he has done from the beginning.
- I'm not telling you!!!! If I do you're just gonna force me to go into that horrible mountain again and I don't want to!
Elijah brightened up. At laaast he had find someone that was as sulky as him! Gladly he sat down beside Anakin to demonstrate that he wasn't going to move either. So it was that...
...Gandalf really got mad. He had to be sure not lead that whole complicated expedition just because that Elijah and Anakin, who actually were supposed to represent heroes, were to much of cowards to come with in the mountain!
- NOW YOU'RE COMING WITH OR ELSE I CONJURE FORTH ALL THE HOOVER-SALESMENT IN THE WHOLE WORLD (Anakin gave a jump by consternation) AND TAKE ALL THE MEN OF ROBIN HOOD TO CART IN ELIJAH IN THE FLAGPOLE (Elijah came to think of a embarrasing period of his time in High School)!!!!
...jumped fast on his feet again and Anakin began to tell a mysterious way description, the meaning of it was (thought Gandalf) that they was going 1 km forward and than take to the path to he left.
And they where of. Gandalf and Yoda walking in the lead and in the back walked Elijah and Anakin, a little bit after the others. Scooby Doo jumped about all over the place and seemed to think that this was great fun.
Suddenly a dark shadow came flying towards the wandering fellowship.
- Nazguls!!! screamed Gandalf, take shelter!
...everybody panicked and began to run around in every direction.
- This way! Screamed Anakin and everybody followed him. Over their heads flew the Nazgul threatening, but they didn't got time to do anything because the whole fellowship suddenly found a cave that they saved themselves into. When Ewan and Robin Hood helped each other to put a big rock in front of the opening could everybody be calm again.
- That was close. What luck we had time to get in here, said Elijah, but where are we?
- Mount Doom, whispered Anakin in piteous voice and Elijah peeped by fright.
Slowly did they began to quietly walk into a tunnel that no one knew where it took its way...
It grew darker around them when they walked towards the mountain's inner.
- Nice shortcut, Anakin, thanks, said Gandalf contentedly, at last they seemed to reach their goal! He turned around and saw Anakin and Elijah holding hands to get more courage, Elijah's eyes was wide open and so big it looked like they was going to fall out.
- Pull yourself together, it's not that bad, you may just die, but it's probably no danger as long a I'm with you!
They entered a something that looked like a big hall or cave.
Gilmi would feel at home here, thought Gandalf to himself.
Deep in the darkness of the cave could they see something flying.
- The crow! Screamed Anakin. He did totally forgot that he was scared he was and fun after it.
...but suddenly there was a loud sound far away. It was Anakin who had fallen into the well that Pippin once had pushed a skeleton into.
- What are we going to do now? Asked Elijah who didn't wanted to louse his nwe best friend (he had never met anyone who was as wimpish as he was before).
- Someone have to jump after him, said Gandalf wisely, but everyone started do look uneasy at each other. They didn't want to risk their own life for that stupid jedii-jerk.
- Draw lots for that we will, said Yoda and picked up some cables he had in his pocket.
- Louse that one does that shortest cable get, he said and hold out all the cables...
...all of them picked grimly one cable each. Scooby Doo showed the others a cable that was about 1/2 cm and suddenly he brightened up.
- Scoobydoobidooooo!!!!! he screamed and ran around in the cave for a while to find the well. After a few minutes they heard one more " Scoobydoobidooooo" that was fast fading away.
- A dog no good can do, said Yoda and sighed.
The second after the dog flew up again and hid himself insulted behind Robin Hood.
- What I say! Yoda pointed out.
- No, you didn't say that, informed Gandalf, you didn't say that he would fly up.
- Bla! Yoda put out his tounge at Gandalf.
- Ah, let us get on! said Robin Hood. I am not here to watch an old man and a jedi-dork fighting!
He went with detirmined steps against the well who laid two metres at right from them.
- Noooooooo!!!!!! screamed Elijah, watch out!
Robin Hood looked up and a smaller shower of rocks hit him in the head.
A distant malignant laughter echoed in the cave...
...Robin Hood looked up angrily, but just got hit by one more rock at the moment so he fainted. Luckily Ewan run forward to him to take care of him.
- Someone here that fly can? Asked Yoda and than Anakin picked up a can that he had in his pocket and let out a creased Harry Potter with a well used Nimbus 2000! (Someone remember that episode in an earlier part *haha*) Harry was too scared to say anything so he immediately flew away to see who throw the rocks...
...and there he stood...GIMLI!!!
- What are you doing in my caves?!!!!! He roared.
Gandalf looked blankly at him and said:
- But Gimli. This is the Mont of Doom! Your caves is in Moria!!!
- What?!! No, pull me backward in my beard-plaits!!!! Is this the Mont of Doom? Now I understand why there is a deep full of lava in here!! I thought that somebody had changed the interior decoration...
- No, this is the Mont of Doom, Gandalf established and Gimli nodded.
- Then I guess I must depart to my own caves, I'm just gonna tell Legolas, he said and started to scream high:
- LEGOLAS!! LEGOLAS!!
The elv who had a superhearing and was supergood on sneaking, hit fastly as a sqiurrel a stone in the head at Ewan so that he fell to the ground.
- Are you hurt Gimli? he asked and drawed his bow to mow down the rest of the gang.
Gimli stopped him and explained that they weren't dangerous, but Legolas had thought that they were burglars.
- Don't you recognize Gandalf...and Elijah?! said Gimli...
- Oh, but old Garr, hello! Long time ago! exclaimed Legolas happily. Do you really believe that I would recognize Elijah without a hobbit outfit? he added distinguished.
- But I did! Haha! But to the point now, Gandalf claims that we're not in Moria, but in the Mont of Doom, so I guess we gotta have to move.
- But...the well that Pippin threw down that godddamned skeleton in really is there!
- Sauron gotta have installed a copy to dislead stupid elves.
- Yeah, mabye...
Legolas and Gimli went away, Legolas highly complaining that he didn't have the strenght to carry all his hairproducts much longer now, and that Gimli must have done this on purpose to make fun of him.
Harry Potter, who by now had had the time to unfurled himself in his full length, had flown back into the well and picked up Anakin. So now the whole fellowship was gathered again, Anakin pretty sulky for been missing the crow and Elijah in much better mood after being meeting his old friends again.
Suddenly came Gimli back into their field of sight, wildly whisking with a hairspraypot and crying blue murder!
- LEGOLAS HAIRSPRAY IS EMPTY AND NOW HE HAS GOT MAD!! screamed Gimli and almost knocked Robin Hood when he was whisking the spraypot.
Everybody watched behind Gimli where Legolas laid and writhed with pain when he had realised that he had no one in reserv either.
Ewan was just about to hurry up to him, when Elijah exclaimed:
- But I have a hairspray which I got at " Lena's massage and pedicure". When Legolas got it the twitches stopped and he kept it close into himself as the same time as he thanked Elijah.
- We better come with you if it should ever be empty again, said Gimli and now the whole fellowship continued into the mountain to find the crow before Nicole.
Suddenly they heard a scream...
...that pierce through the big cave hall. Legolas was fast in the lead of the fellowship and hold his bow ready to fire. (He did get well fast after his hairspray withdrawl symptoms)
Suddenly they heard the sound of many horses that came galloping towards them. And a gang of riding men came to sight. They ride towards them and than stopped.
- Who are you? Asked one of the man on the horses, I don't trust you.
- I'm Gandalf, said Gandalf, and...
- Okay, than I trust you. I'm Eomer and this in my men, we are on a holiday.
- I wasn't finish...said Gandalf sulky.
- Have you seen a crow? Asked Anakin and looked slightly hysteric.
- Yeah, there is a whole crow-city out there, said Eomer and pointed into the dark, but there was already a women there, that I think I recognised...
- Thank you! To the crow-city, my brave men! Screamed Anakin gladly and ran away, the others hurried after him as fast as they could.
- Bye, bye! Screamed Eomer after them in the dark, hope to see you again...
The scream could be heard again as they run as they was crazy through the dark, and this time it was much closer. And suddenly they saw...
...the opening of the cave! The light streamed towards them and they had to cover their eyes to not get dazzling...they went out from the cave and saw the crow-city in front of them. They looked around themselves surprised. Where was the crow with the jewellery? There was a million of crows there. Would they ever find the right one? Naturally both Elijah and Anakin began to sulk. Anakin because he couldn't find his jewellery and Elijah because he thought this whole mission was in vain.
- Gaaaandaaalf!!!! What are we doing noooow?? They both asked in chorus.
- I have a solution, said Yoda, irritated that no one had asked him in the first place.
- What? Cryed Anakin gladly and looked expectant at Yoda.
- We ask them! He said and smiled happily, sure that it was a very good idea.
- Oh, yeah, and you have never thought about that crows can not talk? Said Gandalf with a superiority smile.
- A jedi can! Yoda got a defiant look in his face.
- Forget it! Screamed Robin Hood, we have to do something! Ha gathered all his men around him and they started to whisper to each other, ha hand came out from the group and Legolas and Anakin was dragged into ot as well. Some secound later they walked away purposefully, Legolas with his bow, Anakin with his wine-red lasersword draw and all Robin Hoods men with weapons of different kinds draw (pot lid, lighter, guitar, bible and more, and ofcause the usual weponds as pistols and swords.) Gandalf and Yoda did at first get very angry, but thay came over it when they realised that they could go to Elijah, Gilmli (who was sulky) and Rosa and look at what was going on and eat chips when the others run into the crow-city...
...gladly they began to cut the head of the crows as they tried to find the right one. Rosa sat around screaming "Come on! Come on!" as much as she once got a chip stucked in her throat and almost was choking to death if not Gimli had put his fingers down her throat and picked it up!
It took a good while before there was and signs of life from the group that settle out in the crow-city, but when the crow. screams began to die out and he feathers began to settle down a tall man came to sight. It was Anakin with something in his hand (besides the lightsword). It was...
...a crow that he thought that they could eat to dinner.
- But...stammered Rosa.
- What, Anakin excused himself, it's not good if we're starving...
Rosa couldn't do anything else than think that was right, but she was just a pretty much disappointed that she didn't got her jewel back.
Suddenly she felt something wet licking her on her neck. With a scream of fear she was on her feet (almost as a crow) just to see a happily barking and panting Scooby-Doo stand behind her with a glittering jewel in his mouth. It was close that Rosa fell around his neck by happiness and relief, but she didn't came that far with that though because Anakin tried at once to take the jewel from the smiling dogs mouth. It was his, which he should give to his girl! But Scooby-Doo was so happy that he had found this glittering thing that he didn't want to let it go, so he jumped lithe away and Anakin after (not quite as lithe).
The rest of the gang sat themselves around Gandalf and Yoda and had a little fight over the chips that was left at the same time as they happily found out new cheers to encourage their fighting friends. Scooby -Doo thought this game was very fun and interesting, but Anakin...
..on the other side was less happy. Anakin screamed
- Give it to me!!!!!
*it was Scooby-Doo. He decided that he should give the jewellery to Rosa instead, to really annoy the jedi.*
Scooby: Here you are Rosa! *he said and hold out the greenish. Something in Rosa's changed in her way to look at him when she took the jewellery and then she said with love in her voice*
- Ohhh Scooby!!!! Thank you, it's the most beautiful gift I ever had!!! You are a wonderful dog! And good-looking too!!
This made Anakin very jealous. So he went to Scooby-Doo and tried to strangle him at the same time as he cried the worst words a jedi can find out. The most people of the fellowship (besides some of Robin Hood's men that sat and ate the crow) ran to save Scooby from Anakin. Everybody screamed and tear each other. When everybody was exhausted and had fell quiet by tiredness did they hear how Rosa cried.
- What is it, Rosa my dear? Asked Anakin what worry in his vice.
- I lost the jewel when you stupid gits were fighting! She said and everybody...
...scream by disappointment. Just when their mission seemed to come to an end so does she lost it again!!!! They began to search around their feet, it couldn't have came that far. But theirs searching was pointless.
All of them had totally forgot poor Scooby-Doo who lay fagged out a little way from them and still couldn't understand if he was living or dead. One thing was fore sure anyway, he was never going to put his trust in Anakin again, but he was going to continue the journey, even through Anakin's thoughtlessness because he didn't want to leave that crazy git alone with Rosa again!
Suddenly he was something glittering a bit down the green mountainside, fast he was on his legs again and on his way to it...
...and it was the jewel!!! But at the same time came someone and picked it up from the air. Scobby looked up and saw Harry Potter flying away with the jewel glittering in his hand. Angrily he began to run after, but it was hard to get the same speed as Harry had on his Nimbus 2000. But than did Harry get knocked by something. It was...
That naturally couldn't let Harry have something like that by himself. Laughing he flew away on his Nimbus 65488 up to the sky that was black by crows.
- What are we now doing? Asked Yoda himself at the same time as he looked at the broom + men that just got smaller and smaller and in the end just was a small dot...
...maybe if he could collect all his old jedi-powers and float up to him? But that took so long time, and he really needed to take in on the lead Gandalf got himself in the "I Save The Mission"-cup. Suddenly he got a brilliant idea, it was almost that as through a lamp popped up over his head. Fast he grabbed Harry's broom from him (whom was really confused), jumped on it and flew away.
The whole group did now stand on the ground almost breaking their necks to see what was happening in the air.
But Yoda wasn't that used to fly around on brooms, and the crows began to pork at him too. If he only had a spaceship, there he was at home...
...but now he didn't had that and suddenly did the motor in the Nimbus began to clung (yes, it was a fake broomstick!). The fellowship that was standing on the ground saw how the little green creature on a broom began to fall to the ground without knowing how to stop it. But than came a spaceship and Yoda fell on the top of it. But everybody was standing there as helpless as they was before when the spaceship flew away. How was they going to get Yoda now?
- Now this begin to be boring, sighed Anakin, everybody's just disappearing and won't let me give the jewel to Rosa! He gave Rosa a sight, but she was busy with Scooby-Doo.
- No this just started to be fun! Said Elijah exited and everybody gave him a weird look.
- Yes...he excused himself, because Yoda flew away in a spaceship. We would fly after him in a spaceship too, and I always wanted to fly one, just liken they do in Star Wars! Now Anakin lighted up, he also wanted to fly again!
- But where are we going to get a spaceship? Asked Robin Hood, I can't see a spaceshipstore around here.
- Doesn't everyone knows how to get a ride when there is none to find! Sad Harry Potter, he thought about once that he had escaped from his uncle and aunt after he had blow up his uncle's sister. You just go to the roadside and wave with you wand!
And so he did. But he thought that it would come something like the Knightbus as it did last time, but he didn't thought about that they wasn't on the earth, so now did an old scurfy spaceship appear from nowhere with a "plop!".
- Couldn't you find anything with better quality? Complained Anakin and Elijah with one mouth. But they did nicely enter anyway and the whole fellowship followed, Robin Hood and his men suspiciously mumbling, they was used to horses and has never seen a car in their life. When everyone was safely onboard did they fly away with full speed to find the kidnapped Yoda...