...he had dark hair and bright blue eyes. There was a big happiness in the little house when he arrived in the world. A long time...
...the king and the queen had wished themselves a son. The kingdom cried by happiness. The little boy beginned his little life as a prince over...
...Tatooine, a planet in a distant galaxy far away from our world. The royal couple named their beloved son to...
Anakin Skywalker, but they didn't know that one beautiful springday in may, he would be EVIL.
The king and the queen raised their son as a true prince, They gave him love, and everything he could have wished for...but still he wasn't satisfied...he wanted to go out and see the world...on adventures...
So one day he took goodbye of his parents and went out to the world to seek for his fortune...
...The first one he met was a little hobbit called Pippin. He told a story about a powerful ring. The thing that Anakin was mostly fascinated about was the evil Sauron, which became the beginning of Anakins retreat from the good to the evil...
Little Anakin got so fascinated with Sauron, that he descided to go looking for him. But mostly, the little princeheart was good...could someone save it?
This someone turned out to be a princess from a planet nearby Tatooine. It was the same planet which Anakin had landed on. One day he got his eyes on a kingdompalace and he went through the gates...
Behind the gates was a big beautiful garden with many beautiful white statues and many flowers. Among the flowers sat the beautiful princess and she read a book, more exactly The Lord of The Rings. Anakin fell inlove at once when he saw her. He went forward to say hello to her, but then...
...all suddenly a man came ahead and kissed her. Anakin came to a dead stop, but had already been seen. The man went forward to him and introduced himself as Cal Hockley. Cal invited Anakin to diner in the gracious palacy. He explained that the princess needed a lifeguard...
...as brave as Anakin was, he thanked and took the job as a lifeguard. This meant that he would be watching the princess night and day...
...When the princess and Anakin finally got alone with eachother, she told him that her name was...
Rosa Tussle from Frogmorton. And he got deeply inloved...his hunger after the wet skin and her silky golden hair felt his senses, and he lost all his desire after the evil (including Sauron) from his head and heart.
A few days later he noticed that Rosa was missing. He looked and looked, but she was gone. Then he took his spaceship and flew away. He found her driving away from Frogmorton, but he catched up her...
...and got her to stop. He docked to her ship and went in. A smell, that maid him wanna throw up, surrounded him. The indescribable smell just went worse and worse. What could it be? He tied a clothe around his mouth and nose and went to the cockpit. It was the place where the smell came from. He was bombproof. He pushed the button and the door opened. A figure raised from the chair. "Rosa" he shouted. But the figure changed himself. The skin cracked and out came an ugly animal. "An Imrik irk," he cried. He had been fooled. The Imrik irk came against him...
He fought bravely against the Imrik irk until suddenly he saw that the Imrik irk in fact was his old pet, which he had loved so muched when he was little but his father had given it away because it was so hairy. He took the Imrik irk with him on his adventures. He named the Imrik irk to...
But what he didn't know was that Frodo actually belonged to the mean Captain Zap, who had tried to take over the world in a desperately trying to get some attention. But the funny part over Captain Zap was that he was Anakins...
...grandmother! But Anakin didn't know that, so when Captain Zap jumped out from a closet, they started to fight with their lightswords!
"Oh, little Anakin", said Captain Zap. "Not should we stand here and fight like some old couple of orcs! I am your grandmother and I don't want to be your enemy! Come here and sit down and I'll give you a cup of tee!" So Anakin sat down in an armchair and drank a little from the tee which he was given from Captain Zap. But then she suddenly laughed malinant, because the treacherous grandmother had actually poisened the tee with....
...real father! The king/ Anakins father had no idea that the queen had had a little 'fun' outside the marriage. The reasault was a well-shaped little boy who the king raised as his own and gave pets to (for an example Frodo, even though he then gave it away to the evil because of it's hairiness).
Nevertheless...Anakin arranged a big party because that he had found his beloved Frodo (who he had allways thought lived on a farm on the country because his loved parents had fooled him when he was a young and naiv little boy).
People from the whole planet came to the party. And Gandalf took care of the fireworks. But suddnely, totally unprepaired arrived
Hmm, vilken ska jag fortsätta på. Jag blev ju helförvirrad, ni skrev ju dem precis samtidigt ju. Jag tyckte den med farmorn lät kulast (förlåt Nikwall).
The grandmother gave Anakin a piece of jewellery...it was the most beautifulest Anakin had ever seen (except for Rosa Tussle) It looked totally elfish! The grandmother said that he should give it to the women that he loved. She had just waited for the right moment to give it to him...She was dying. Anakin understood that he had to get out to look for Rosa...she meant everything to him. I mean she meant EVERYTHING to him...but when he safely had come over the ship again...
...it was occupied of the nine horsemen, or the ringwraiths. Anakin started to fight against them with his pink lightsword, but just when he was going to kill the leader, he told him that he fought for Sauron.
Anakin came to stand still and asked if he could meet this Sauron, of who he had heard so much about.
The ringwraith lifted Anakin up on his shoulders and headed to...
...which was a world full of elves, orcs, hobbits and other funny creatures. The ringwraith told him that it was going to be a long journey to Naboo, so they had to go by boat. The name of the boat was Cinatit. Anakin was sticking the smoke in his throat (the ringwraith had given him a pipe) Because on the deck stood...
Rosa! He didn't know where she came from, but atleast he had found her. Her hands and legs were tied to a pole, where she sat and shivered and trembled. Anakin took courage and was about to go forward to her, when...
...Harry Potter came flying over their heads on his Nimbus 2000! Anakin drew his green lightsword and ran after the poisonous little amateur to a wizard. After having locked in Harry in a can and broked his magic wand, he went back to Rosa. But just when he had tied her up came...
...an orcarmy and attacked our poor hero. But Anakin felt no fear (of course!!!) and drew his lightsword. With some help from Rosa they slayed with slashes all the army, except for one pathetic little orc that begged to not be killed.
- Allright! Said our goodhearted starshipsflyer: I will spare your life if you promise me one thing!
- What, asked the horrorfied, pathetic excuse to and orc.
- Sure! Answered the orc and ran away.
Then he turned to his fair maid, smiled charming and picked up the jewellery from his pocket, but just when he was about to give it to Rosa...
she fell asleep, beacuse she was so tired. Well, the hero thought, I am also pretty tired. He laid his eyes on the beautiful Rosa one last time before he closed his eyes.
The first thing he saw when he woke up was...
...the empty space where Rosa had laid when he fell asleep. But suddenly he heard a voice.
- How would you like your eggs?
He looked around and saw Rosa sitting, frying eggs.
What happened, he said, and she said...
- Happened??? It hasn't happened anything.
He noticed that there were something strange with her, she looked she had gotten in some sort of trance.
She gave him the eggs, which where all black because she had poisened them and burned them because she such a bad cook...
Anakin then understood what had happened!!!
Darth Vader had hypnotized Rosa to get her to kill our hero by giving him cancer-inducing burned eggs!! Terrified he stepped back and screamed...
...- Watch out!!!!! Because behind Rosa stood Darth Vader in person. But Rosa was hypnotized and stood there with the fryingpan ready to strike.
- Kill him, commaned Darth Vader and suddnely it was Rosa who went with mecanic steps after Anakin to hit him in the head with the fryingpan. Anakin jumped out through the window and landed fortunately on...
e m m a:
Which would wake Rosa up from her hypnotize.
But it didn't work, actually it seemed to affect even more on Rosa, who grabbed the kitchenknife and went forward to Anakin. He didn't know what to do, so he backed...but suddenly he backed
...A Hoover-salesman. Anakin had a seriousely phobia for those people so he screamed all he could with a squeaky voice. The noise was so loud that Rosa woke up from the hypnotize and Darth Vader took his flight through a trap door.
-We have to follow him, said Anakin after had being reined his fear. He took a Hoover from the salesman and sat himself on it with Rosa on the back. Then they drove down the trap door and landed in...
e m m a:
a starship which looked like container!
When they were safely down there they had to fight against 73 droids and they were all armed with skudd missils! But Anakin handled it good, because he had his lightsword.
And Rosa could by the way kung-fu!
A longer way in the ship, they ran into someone which Anakin hadn't met in a long long time...and it
It was his old teacher, Robert Heineken who were the son to the beerproducer Heiniken.
Anakin asked for a few advice about how he could make Rosa like him, but the only thing his teacher said was:
- Give her som beer. Chicks like that.
When Rosa heard that she bacame furious and...
started trashing on the teacher, when she happened to scrtach him in the face she noticed that he was carrying a mask. She ripped off the mask and it turned out to be...
...the famous actor Ben Affleck! He has as known been an alcoholic and that's why he was dressed out as the beerproducer's son. He wanted of course free beer, because his mother had hidden all the
When Rosa saw him she gave up a shout of joy.
- Ben!!! You are my favourit actor...
Of course Anakin got jealous and...
She started to cry and fell in Ben's arms. Then they went away in Ben's bombplane (Ben was going to drop some bombs over some distant planet) Anakin realized his misstake and...
e m m a:
...and followed quickly after with his on spacejet.
But then, Ben suddenly started to shoot at him with his bombs...(because that he wanted Rosa for his own) but suddenly...
Came a meteor flying and hit Ben in the head so fast that he never got the chance to avoid it. He fell down with a big noise and was gone forever...Rosa Tussle screamed hysterical and clang firmly on to the ship she sat in. It beguned to reek from it, and it crash down at a furious pace. Anakin understood that he had to save his beloved, so he sat himself in the ship...
...and swished after her. Stones and other things clattered against his windshield. But he managed to reach her again and got her over to his vombat car.
Anakin stopped the ship, Rosa went quivering out to the ground and sank down. She awoke with a worried but smiling face...
- Anakin, you are my hero, she said (she had obviously forgotten the poor Ben). Anakin smiled and took up the jewellery from his pocket. This was the perfect moment to give it to her, but just then a crow came and took it from Anakin's hands...
The crow, who came from the planet of the apes, was very ugly but Anakin forced himself too look at the crow so that he could follow her.
After a sixhours long tripp in the starship, finally he and Rosa came to the planet of the apes...
They crashed on the planet of the apes, but got off the ship scot-free. The thought about going in to the jungle to hunt the crow and with a big bang, the ship exploded. "Oh no, damn shit! How will we now come home?" Anakin shouted. His hasty temper had the control for a while, and Rosa looked with a troubled face on him...the got through bushes, jungle, brush and other things. Suddenly they saw a light...many lights!
When they came closer they saw that it was i little green figure with funny ears who trained fencing.
Aha, it's the guy, whatever-his-name-is, that I allways wanted to meet! Anakin thought. I am sure that he can help, if I just could remember his name.
Anakin plucked up his courage and went up to the little sly dog and asked: - Hello, there is no chance that you have seen a crow fly by here with a jewellery in his bill, ha?!
The little old man looked at first confused but then he said:
- Answer to your question you shall have, but first eat we shall!
Anakin got a little irritated (and thought that he recongnized the scenario from a movie) but he really wanted to give Rosa the jewellery so he stayed for scones and a cup of tea. When they were finished with the meal, the little old man leaned, who's name by the way was Yoda, back on his two rocket-buddies Humpte and Dumpte and said:
- Seen the crow I have, but tell you where he is I won't.
- NOW YOU TELL ME WHERE THE HELL HE IS OR I WILL PUSH UP MY LIGHTSWORD SOMEWHERE IN YOU...!
Anakin drew his nowadays orange lightsword (as you can see he is getting kind of sour pretty often), but Yoda was fast and they started to fence with eachother.
Then Bamse came and lifted them both up (he had eaten dunderhunny) and said...
*nowone will fight in my wood! Here everything is peacefully! The one who will have the courage to even show his lightsword in my country, is going to be arrested right away...*
Bamse trampled away with Anakin under the other arm, and Yoda under the other, and Rosa got standing outside where it almost had been a fight. Hehe...how will you manage out of this, Anakin?
Isn't Bamse the world's most nicest bear? Rosa wondered, maybe had Old Grandmom mixed heroin or something in his hunny? She decided to run after.
At the same time a stone's throw away, Bamse went along with his two prisoners. Both thought: "Isn't Bamse the world's most nicest bear? Shouldn't he put us down on the crown of the trees?"
But Bamse had other use of this two figures...
...and continued to walk against his little house where he thought that his mean wife and 4 children was waiting for him. Tramse had planned to come back, finish the hunny and in that way take over the world. But when Tramse came in through the door of his home, he discovered that someone had kidnapped his wife and children. He got devistated (because even evil persons have feelings) and decided to dump the 'take-over-the-world-plans' for a while to go and look for his family. Unfortunately Tramse was a clever bear so he tied his two prisoners by two chairs before he left them alone in the house.
Anakin and Yoda sat quiet because they didn't know what to do. Suddenly something came down with a thud in open fireplace!
What? Is Santa Claus allready coming? Anakin thought, but it was just Rosa who had taken the way through the chimney. She released Anakin and Yoda and they sneaked out through the door and was hoping that Tramse wasn't nearby. They ran through the dark forrest, but there...
...they found Tramse, who was sitting on a stump, crying.
Rosa went up to him and laid her arm around his shoulders.
I am sure you'll find your family, she said and Tramse stopped crying, struck with wonder over the kindness which Rosa showed him. Nobody had never been so nice to Tramse and that's why he got so mean. After a while's considering, Rosa said;
- If you want to, you can come with us and look for the crow, then we can look for your family at the same time.
Tramse brightened up and...
decided to join. The little gang went on through the forest while they were singing the theme song to "Friends". But then suddenly....
...Ewan McGregor jumped forward with Nicole upon his heals, singing on a song by Elton John. The came to a deadstop when they saw Anakin and Yoda.
Anakin stared angry at Ewan, because he didn't like his arrogance in Moulin Rouge.
Yoda asked Nicole and Ewan about help to find the crow, so even these two joined the group and they all continued in the direction to the Mont of Doom where they assumed that the crow should be...
But there was still a long way to go. You could only see the Mount as a shadow on the horizon.
Suddenly they heard a uproar on the side of the path they were following. Tramse jumped high and acted almost like Little-Bound, but Anakin took bravely a step forward and in between the trees to see what it was who disturbed their journey with his now lime-green lightsword drawn.
- Oh, I think I've broken something! They heard someone moon from inside...
...It was the friend of us all, Elijah who had decided to take a little look at the view from one of the trees but then a little bit clumsy had fallen down. But Ewan was quickly there and bandaged Elijah's wound. (He had retrained himself to a doctor after Satine had died, he didn't want anybody else to lose their love because of some disease as he had done himself in Moulin Rouge.) Anakin thought it would be nice to have some of the same age with him on the journey to the Mount of Doom, and that's why he invited Elijah on the trip.
- But I can't walk with all my injuries, said Elijah who allways was a little bit of a pussy when he was ill and mummy wasn't there.
- it's OK, answered our hero. I can get you to sway ahead us with my jedi-strenghts!!
Recultant, Elijah agreed to the proposal (he did want to come home to his mother) and the group continued their journey but then suddenly...
...by the horizon they saw the big crow and they was just about to draw their swords when Elijah...
...got so refractory against the jedi-strenghts so that he fell into a pathetical heap ahead them on the path and hurt himself even more. He also screamed to high heaven, so that the crow heard them and disappeared.
Anakin loudly sighed. Elijah is ruining everything. So he rang to a spacecab which could take Elijah home again to his mother. As a last greeting he said...
Anakin said Oh No, not orcs.
Anakin realised that Elijah wasn't so bad at that thing, you know, fighting and invited him to fight against the orcs, he did have the most experience of them all. Tramse took a jar with dunderhunny which he had stealed from his brother and then everybody was ready to face the animals!
Everybody stood with their swords ready to strike and were waiting fot the orcs, but there weren't orcs who came out from the bushes. It was cancan-dances from the whorehouse (Moulin Rouge) in Paris. They had excaped from the duke who had bought the place after discovering his own talent in ballet. But now the dances had got sick of his fiddlering and left.
The got happy when they saw Ewan and Nicole. They knew them since before.
The dances joined the company and everybody waited for the duke (instead of orcs)...
Elijah looked peculiar on his sword, which now was more blueish than ever. It didn't use to react on dukes. This must be a very evil duke, or he has been inspired by Saruman and built an orcsarmy.
It started to sound crash and crack from the forest as if something big was approching...
The big something was Mace Windu who had become fat by all the food he had eaten on Burger King.
Everybody dropped their swords (Mace Windu did was a good jediknight) and started with a big hug-and-kissing-party. It was such a long time since they had seen eachother. Right then, the duke came at full galopp (balettsteps) with orcs close upon his heals. Elijah was right; the duke had followed in the footsteps of Sarumans and raised his own species with orcs. They could take ductile balettsteps at the same time as they were fighting. Anakin...
exclaimed: Oh no!! I don't know balett!!!
But he didn't have to do that because it turned out that the cancandances were a hell son-of-bithes- on kicking real high and at the same time pull their skirts off. It didn't take long time until all the orcs laid kicked down on the ground. Unfortunately, the duke had escaped and a was right now standing ahead of Anakin ready to fight...
Anakin drew his turquoisecolored lightsword (have you noticed that it has a capacity for shifting color every now and then?) and the duke took his magic wand. He had recieved it in a birthdaygift from professor Dumbledore for a long time ago. Just about when they were going to start trying to kill eachother, a Hoover-sailsment came strolling on the path. Anakin shouted as high as he could and jumped up into Tramse's arms. Everybody thought that something terrible had happened, so they also started to shout. You can figure how it sounds when Anakin, Tramse, Ewan, Nicole, Elijah, Yoda, Mace Windu, Rosa and thirty cancandances is shouting in the same time!
Then the duke took the opportunity to kidnap Nicole (she reminded him about a whore he had met on the whorehouse Moulin Rouge)...
Tramse sat down on a stone by the side so that he could comfort the terrified Anakin and he got to talk about his fear, which lead to that it atleast got a little better.
The rest stopped screaming when they saw what was coming, so they sat down and drank tee. (time for second breakfast) but suddenly they noticed that the duke and Nicole was missing.
Ewan started to cry copiously and scream noooooooooooooo Nicole!!
Anakin put his hand on Ewan's shoulder and said "Be brave my dear Ewan. We're going to fight for her and then we win and then you can marry her."
Ewan said "But I don't wanna marry her. I wanna marry the Hoover-sailsment. I was screaming because that Nicole got La Couer de la meer which my grandmother Rose gave me."
- What!!! She shouted to Ewan. But old Rose is MY grandmother.
Rosa picked up her licens and showed it to the others. There was a terrible picture of Rose where she had braces and a lot of pimples in her face and next to it there stood with large capitals; ROSE DEWITT BUKATER DAWSON.
- B-but, Ewan stuttered, then we are sisters and brothers!
Rosa and Ewan hugged eachother, but then Anakin got jealous.
- Let go of him, your pizza-face! He said to Rosa...
Anakin continued, "You both are so stupid, just because that you have the same grandmother doesn't mean that you have to be brothers and sisters. You can just be cousins."
Rosa asked Ewan "Who were your parents?"
He said "It were Bert and Berta."
Rosa "Oh Fuck. Mine were Jim Carrey and the charwoman."