The Making of Submodalities

Title: The Making Of Submodalities
Fandom: The Moffatts
Category: Humour
Summary: Scott wants to do a new record.
About: Written before I new about slash =P


In the Moffatts house

Scott – I wanna make a new CD

Frank – Tidy up in your room first




Scott – I wanna make a new CD

Frank – Shut up and eat you food

Scott – I wanna make a new CD…

Frank, Clint, Dave, Bob– WE KNOW!!!!




Scott – I wanna make a new CD

Frank, Clint, Dave, Bob – OK then

Dave – But what is it going to sound like?

Scott – Rock!

Clint – Music?

Scott – Rock!

Clint– Pop?

Scott – Rock!

Clint –Hiphop?

Dave, Bob, Scott– NOOOO!!!!!

Scott – Rock!

Clint, Dave, Bob – OK



Frank – We’re going to the studio tomorrow

Bob –Where?

Frank – The studio!

Bob – But where is it?

Frank – On Hawaii

Clint Dave – Yes!!!!

Scott – Girls….

Bob – No!!!

Scott Frank Clint Dave – Why?

Bob – I hate Hawaii! It’s so messy there

Frank – You come with us anyway.

Bob – Yes…


On Hawaii

Scott – Come on, let’s go to the studio. I wanna make a CD!

Clint – Yes, coming…

Bob – Dave doesn’t wanna come.

Scott – Why?

Bob – He’s sulking, love problems.

Scott – But he doesn’t have any girlfriend?

Bob – He knows, that’s the probmem.

Clint – It’s Just Another Phase, he gets through it.

Bob – Have you written any new songs, Scott?

Scott – No, I thought you made it.

Clint – Fuck! We don’t have anything to record!

Scott – *sulking* I wanna make a CD!

Bob Clint – We know!

Scott – Dave maybe has written anything?

Clint – I wouldn’t count on it.

Bob – Ask him.

Scott – DAVE!!!!!

Dave – Yea?

Scott – Have you written any songs for our new album?

Dave – No, I’m busy with love problems.

Scott – I hate you!

Dave – I hate you too, so that’s alright.

Scott – Forget it!



Scott – We have to write songs now!

Clint – Go ahead!

Scott – You first.

They try to think

Bob – I know! Like this *singing* She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah, She loves you ye…

Clint – No, Beatles have already done that song!

Bob – Oh…

Dave – *singing* It’s not the cloth I wear or the colour of my hair…

Clint – No, that’s our old song!

Dave – Oh…

Bob – I know, I know! *singing* Call The Doctor yeah, yeah, yeah!

Scott – Shut up, Boberta!

Bob – Sorry.

Clint – But that’s good…

Bob – Told ya!

Clint – …if we change the lyric and the melody.

Scott – Yeah!

Dave – I can’t think, my brain hurts, there is too many love problems. I should need that doctor.

Scott – I love you, Dave!

Dave – You do!?!

Scott – Yes, your love problems make my brain work.

Dave – I thought it was me you liked…

Scott – Look at this *singing* Call the doctor she’s in my head, she’s in my head…

Clint – Yeah, that could work.



In the studio, some days later

Scott – Now let’s record some songs! Clint, do you have the lyrics?

Clint – I thought you took them.

Scott – Boberta?

Bob – No.

Clint – Dude, where’s our lyrics?

Scott – Dude, where’s our lyrics?

Bob – Dude, where’s our lyrics?

Clint – Dude, where’s our lyrics?

Scott – Dude, where’s our lyrics?

Bob – Dude, where’s our lyrics?

1 hour later

Bob – Maybe we should go and get the lyrics?

Dave – What are you seaching for? This?

He holds some papers in his hand.

Scott – Why didn’t you say something!

Dave – You didn’t ask and am too busy with my love problems to know what you arguing about all the time.

Bob Scott Clint – Stupid!



Clint – Now let’s record Just Another Phase. Who wants to sing lead?

Scott – I want!

Dave – I want!

Scott – I want!

Dave – I want!

Scott – I WANT!!!

Clint – OK, Scott takes it.

Dave – *sulking*

Scott – You can get Bang Bang Boom instead Dave. I don’t like that song.


Scott – I know how we can make this CD sound cool!

Clint – How?

Scott – Smoke this.

Bob – Why?

Scott – It’s marijuana, and if we paly when we’re high it will sound crazy and cool.

Bob – But I don’t want to!

Scott – Don’t you wanna be a star?

Bob – Yes…

Scott – Then just shut up!

Bob – I…

Scott – Boberta!

They all smoke a bit.

Scott – Now go ahead and do some cool stuff!

Scott, Clint and Dave start to ply weird things at their instruments and Bob falls to the ground giggling.

Clint – How can we make an album with a stoned drummer.

Scott – He’ll get over it.

Scott starts giggling too.

Somone’s knocking at the door. Clint goes to open it. Then he comes back.

Scott – Who was it?

Clint – A guy with no face dressed in a black sheet asking if we have seen a ring or a turkey dinner. I tried to give him my ring, but he just went mad.

A loud sceam can be heard.


Clint – I think he was hungry…

Dave – I’ve got it!

Bob Scott – What?

Clint – The turkey?

Dave – No the scream, I recorded it.

Dave pushes a buttom and the sceam can be heard again.

Bob – You scared the ass of me!

Dave – And if I make it go slower it sound like he says "sub-moooo-da-li-ty"

He pushes the button again and a weird voice sings "sub-moooo-da-li-ty"

Scott – Ey, that’s good! We make it the name of our album!

Dave – And a song.

Scott – And a song.

Bob – What sould the name be?

Scott Clint Dave – SUMOBALITY!

Bob – I think Submodalities sounds better…

Scott – Shut up and paly your drums.

Clint – I think is sounds like someone kills a seagull.

Dave – That doesn’t sound.

Clint – The sceam of the seagull that dies…

Dave – You mean a dying seagull?

Clint – Yepp.

Scott – I know, we call the song Killing The Seagull and make it a secret track at our album and then we don’t tell the name to anyone!

Bob Clint Dave – Cool!

Somone knocks at the door.

Clint – I will not open, it’s probably that scary black guy again.

The door opens and Frank comes in.

Frank – What are you doing?

Scott – Recording the album.

Frank – Do you need to smoke for that?

Scott – Light effects…

Frank – It smells like marijuana.

Bob – You know how that smells?

Frank – Of cause.

Scott Clint Dave – Fuck!

Frank – Got ya! Now I have to lock you up in your rooms, yay!

Dave – I haven’t done anything, I have love problems.

Scott – Me neither.

Frank – Don’t try anything.

Frank carries away his sons and lock them up in their rooms.

Scott starts to hit the door madly.

Scott – I want my guitarr, I want my guitarr!

Frank – Shut up, or you won’t get any breakfast!

Scott – …

Bob sits down in front of a morror and brushes his hair, Dave looks depressed and Clint reads a book called "The Academic Dictionary for Idiots"


Next morning.

Clint – Hey guys, I found out something brilliant last night!

Bob Scott Frank Dave – What?

Clint – A name for our album, I found it in my dictionary for idiots, Submodalities.

Scott – But we already found that out last night.

Clint – I know, but I just want to get the honour of it.

Bob Scott Frank Dave – OK .


Scott, Clint and Dave leave the house to go to the studio. In the garden a bunch of girls and a shark stand looking stupid and the scary guy dressed in a black sheet sleeps in a sun chair and beside him his even blacker horse stands dressed in armor.

Dave – Who are they?

Clint – Our fans.

Dave – OK.

Scott – How do you know we were here?

The Fans – We asked Frank.

Dave – What’s HE Doing here?

Dave points at the shark.

The Fans – He wants an autograph, like us.

Dave – OK.

Scott, Clint and Dave begin to walk again.

The Fans – Can we get our autographs now!

Scott Clint Dave – OK, here you are.

They give the fans one autograph.

The Fans – But we want one each!

Scott Clint Dave – In your dreams!

They walk away again. Suddenly something hits Scott at his shoulder. He turns around.

Scott – Who was that!?!

The Fans– It was him!

All the fans point at the shark who looks innocent.

Scott, Clint and Dave walk into the studio.

Dave – Oh God! It’s a girl in there, help Scott!

Scott – Take it easy. It’s just Boberta.

Dave – Are you sure?

Scott – Yea, almost.

Dave – You should really cut your hair, Boberta. It makes you look like a girl.

Bob – But I did last week!

Dave – You just makes my love problems worse when you look like a girl.

Bob – Can’t you think of anything else?

Dave – No.

Bob – But if I cut my hair more, can no one tell me apart from Clint.

Dave – Maybe, but no one can say you are a girl either.

Bob – But I don’t want to be Clint. I just want to be me!

Dave – There’s not much difference, ey?

Bob - *sulking*

Dave – Just cut your hair, Boberta.

Bob – Don’t call me that!

Dave – Cut you hair then.

Bob – I’m going to. I do it in a year when no one can say I just want to be like Scott…

Scott – Everyone wants to be like me.

Bob – …and chock all our fans with no hair att all.

The Fans– *getting chocked*

Dave – Cool!


Frank enters the studio.

Frank – I’ve got something for ya!

Scott – A CD?

Clint Dave Bob Frank – No, stupid, it’s a dog!

Frank – Your CD’s probably in the microwave as usual.

Scott – Have somone used it?

Frank – How could I know?

Scott runs out from the studio.

Dave – May we keep it? Please dad!

Frank – Sure, if you find out a name for her.

Clint Dave Bob – OK!

Frank leves.

Clint – Now, what are we ganna call her?

Bob – I know, we name her after a Beatles song! Cause we love them, remember?

Dave – All you need is love?

Bob Clint – NOOOO!

Dave – I want to hold your hand?

Bob Clint – NOOOO!

Scott runs back into the studio with a burned CD in his hand.

Scott – It’s the third time I’ve got to by a new one of this now!

Dave – Don’t put it in the microwave then.

Clint – *looks innocent*

Bob – What are we gonna call the dog?

Scott – We name her after this burned CD!

Clint – Nevermind?

Scott – Nevermind.

Dave – We can name her after us!

Clint Scott Bob – MOFFATTS?

Dave – Yes, that’s easy to remember.

Clint Scott Bob – Yes.

Dave – *looking proud*

Moffie– Ey, why don’t you ask me for my name?

Clint Dave Scott Bob – Can you talk?

Moffie – Of cause I can! What do you take me for, a dog?

Clint Dave Scott Bob – Yes.

Moffie – Well…alright…I can anyway.

Dave – What’s you name then?

Moffie – My name is Little Miss Moffatt, but my friends call me Moffie. I’m 2 months old and I love to eat you favorite shoes.

Dave – It’s a pleasure to meet you, Moffie.

Moffie – Pleasure to meet you too, Dave.

They shake hands.

Dave – How do you know my name?

Moffie – I used to surf around on your fansites. And anyhow, Frank told me.



Scott – Can we start recording this now?

Bob – Where is Dave?

Clint – In his room disscusing love problems with Moffie.

Scott – Can someone go and get him?

Bob walks to the window.

Bob – Ey, there’s a shark in the garden!

Clint – We know, he’s our fan.

Bob – And there’s a bunch of girls holding a sign saying "We wanna hear the new CD!"

Scott – I made them do that…

Bob – And there’s the scary guy dressed in a black sheet sleeping in my sun chair.

Clint – He’s probably waiting for a ring or a turkey dinner to drop by.

Bob – And there’s his horse eating up all the grass in the lawn.

Scott Clint – Stop him!

Scott, Clint and Bob run out and chase the horse around the garden for about 2 hours. Then Dave and Moffie come out from the house and they return to the studio and the horse returns to eat up all the grass, like nothing had happened.

Suddenly Moffie’s cellphone rings and she walks out.

Dave – Now what?

Scott – We’re ganna record.

Dave – With all these girls screaming outside?

The Fans – Aaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!

Scott – Why are they screaming now? I’m not outside.

Bob – The scary guy dressed in a black sheet chases them round the garden.

Scott – Why?

Bob – How could I know? Maybe they got a ring?

Clint – Look, the shark is lying in the sun chair!

Dave – Cool!

Moffie comes back in.

Moffie – Aren’t you supposed to ask me who called?

Dave Scott Bob Clint – No.

Dave – We’re busy looking what will happen with the fans when the dark, scary guy catches them.

Moffie – Then I’ll tell you anyway. It was my cousin Hey Jude who was wondering if she and her sister Eleanor Ringby could come and visit me in a few weeks.

Dave Scott Bob Clint – Cool.

Moffie – We all look alike so you probably can’t tell us apart.

Dave Scott Bob Clint – Cool.

Moffie – Are you listening?

Dave Scott Bob Clint - No.

Moffie – Scott, I’m eating up you CD.

Scott – Stop it you stupid dog!

Moffie – At last some attention.

Moffie runs away and Scott runs after.


All the Moffatts, including Moffie sit around the table waiting for Frank to finish the dinner.

Frank – Why is there a shark in the garden?

Dave Scott Bob Clint – He’s our fan.

Frank – Why is there a scary guy dressed in a black sheet lying in my sun chair?

Bob – It’s mine!

Dave Scott Clint - He’s looking for a ring and a turkey dinner.

Frank – Why is there a bunch of girls holding a sign saying "We are hungry!"?

Scott – Fuck, they’ve changed it!

Dave Scott Bob Clint Moffie – They problably are.

Frank – Now dinner’s ready!

Moffie – What do we get?

Frank – Turkey!

Dave Scott Bob Clint Moffie – You’re kidding!

Frank – Why should I?

Moffie – Give it to the dark, scary guy so we can get rid of him I don’t like his atitude to dog food. And we can eat at McDonald’s!

Dave Scott Bob Clint – Yay!

Frank – OK…

They leave the house. Frank is carrying the turkey dinner. They walk to the scary guy dressed in a black sheet.

Clint – Sure you don’t want my ring too? I don’t like it.

Frank gives the turkey dinner to the dark, scary guy who takes it and quickly rides away on his horse into the sunset, which is really weird because it’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon while he’s singing a happy song.

Frank – He didn’t even thank me.

Scott – Dave, did you record that?

Dave – What?

Scott – The happy song.

Dave – No, I don’t have any recorder here.

Scott – Sad, we could have used it in a song.

They all walk down to the nearby McDonald’s restaurant followed by all the fans and the shark who tries to get them to write autographs, but when they realise they don’t they all sit down around a table in the McDonald’s restaurant and eat together, including Moffie the shark, who accidently eats up some of the other guests to.

They don’t go back to the house before late that night.

The Fans – It was nice hanging out with you guys.

Scott – Yea, we have to do this again sometime!

Dave Bob Clint Frank Moffie – Yes!


Next morning

Frank – Now everybody wake up! It’s a wonderful morning!

All the fans and the shark come out fram the guestroom and walk to the door.

The Fans – Thanks for the bed!

Frank – You welcome!

The fans suddenly stop in the door on their way out.

The Fans – Frank, look outside!

Frank – Oh, my God! YOU LAZY BASTARDS!! Get up now or you won’t get any breakfast!

Scott, Clint, Bob, Dave and Moffie suddenly apear beside him as the last of the shark walks out the door.

Frank – What have you done to the garden?

Dave Scott Bob Clint – WE?

Frank – Yes, who else?

Scott – I have slept all night.

Clint – Me too.

Bob – Me three.

Frank – But who else but you could have turned the whole garden into a tomatoe field over a night?

They all go to a window and looks out just to see that the garden has turned into a tomatoe field and in the middle of it stands the shark with all the fans on his back, so thay can see anything.

The Fans – We can see all the way to New York from here!

While The Moffatts and Frank are busy looking outside the window, Moffie sneaks away.

Scott – We can’t record an album in this tomatoe mess!

Bob – No, not with tomatoes, it gives me bad vibs.

Dave – What are we going to do?

Frank – We move. Pack your bags, now!

They pack their bags and leaves the house.

The Fans – What are you doing?

Dave Scott Bob Clint Frank – We’re moving.

The Fans – Where?

Dave – Somewhere where we can get peace and no one plants tomatoes in our garden.

The Fans – But where exactly, so we can follow?

Frank – Bengtsfors.

The Fans – OK, thanks.

Bob – Where is the shark?

The Fans – He’s out on a dinner with Moffie.

Dave – We can’t leave without Moffie.

The Fans – And we can’t leave without the shark!

Clint – Then we have to wait.

They all sit down in the old garden that now is a tomatoe field and play cards until the shark and Moffie come back. Then they all take a plane to Bengtsfors (even the shark) where Frank fixes them a new studio. The Moffatts and Frank walk inside and the shark and the fans stand outside.

Scott – At least some peace! Let’s record!

They start to record

The Fans – Can we get inside?

Bob – Of co…

Scott – Shut up Boberta!

Dave – No, we want peace and quiet.

The Fans – But it’s raining!

Clint – You are fans and your work is to stand outside.

The Fans – OK…*sulking*


Two months later.

Clint – Our album is finished!

Scott – Yay!

Dave Scott Bob Clint – WE ARE THE BEST! WE ROCK!

Dave – Now let’s have a BIG party to celebrate!

Scott Bob Clint – YES!


In the night of that day when their party takes place, and everyone is invited, including the fans, the shark, who has stood outside the studio all the time, the scary guy dressed in a balck sheet, who hasn’t found a ring yet and still carries around on the Turkey dinner which now smells awful, with his horse and some local rabbits that Moffie has spent her spare time hunting.

Dave – Weren’t your cousins going to visit us?

Moffie – Yes. Oh, my! They still think that we are on Hawaii!

The Moffatts, Frank and Moffie take a plane back to Hawaii along with the shark who began to get homesick to get Moffies cousins.

At the airoport they hug the shark goodbye and then he takes a cab to the sea. When they come to the house they can see two small dogs that look almost exactely like Moffie that sell tomateoes to the fans.

The Fans – Lovely tomatoes!

Dave Scott Bob Clint – What are you doing here!?

Frank – I thought we left you in Bengtsfors!

The Fans– We took a helicopter.




Clint – Now let’s travel around the world promoting our CD!

Dave Scott Bob – Yay!

The Fans – Can we follow?

Clint – Sure!

The Fans – Cool!

Dave Scott Bob Clint The Fans Frank Moffie – Let’s go!




---THE END---