HOW TO EAT. By Doctor Random. Eating is an important part of life, infact, if you don't eat it will make life very difficult indeed (presuming that you are still alive). First you will need some kind of way to pay people for there food(s), seed(s) or animal(s). Once you have found a manual to show you how to do any of those thingy-me-bobby things I meantiond befoe (or you are a VERY clever-type of person and allready know how to do those things, maby you should start putting a lab coat and call yourself a docter like me) once you have the knowledege buy a folk, a knife, a spoon, a plate, a bowl and any kind of cooking and eating instruments. Now lets start with soup, grab spoon (if it feels lumpy and long, then you are sexuly harassing the waiter) once you find the spoon lift up and then lower into bowl until it's completly coverd in liquid, if there IS no liquid then you haven't got any yet, don't cry, it has happened to eveyone, honest, no really it has, look it is nothing to be ashamed of, don't walk away, com'on you are being silly. No I won't stop writing. Look I have to write these instructions.................... That is all the time I have, I will write another one soon, if I can, bye. No not forever. Don't stab the waiter with your spoon, stop, put IT down....... HOW TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TIGER AND A BEAR. By Proffesor Random. If you can tell the difference between a tiger and a bear then you are a very VERY clever person and desurve to put 'proffesor' infront of your name, like me, anyway, how to tell the difference between a tiger and a bear is easy if you follow these instructions to the very last point and letter. First take a corse in veternery. After those years have cearlessly flowen by, go to an unusal county were you MIGHT find a bear or a tiger, get yourself lost in its native forest/jungle/bunch of usless trees and start looking for a big deadly animal (that does not included that strange man in the park), when you come face-to-face with it dress up like a farm animal (thus 'turning it on' as the phrase happens to be) when you are dangeriously close to it cheack what type of teeth it has (that is where the years of veternery comes in) there you should of been able to tell the difference, like proffesor Dingmydong said before he died, "Oh, its a tiger and AHHHHHHHH". HOW TO WALK. By Sir Random. Walking is quite easy if you know how. If you can not walk, bye a weelchiar. Then call yourself 'Sir' or 'Madom', to pick up chicks/guys/both/part of A. and part of B. HOW TO SHAVE A MONKEY AND NOT GET CAUGHT. By Privet Random (a.k.a: Joe). Hello, it has come to my atention that many people want to find out how to the delicate process of shaving a monkey and able to walk, in the saberbia streets, knowen that no-one knows. Fist you must catch your monkey (of cause some humans will do). The best way is to buy one from the white market (kinda like the black market, but they give you the real deal) to catch there attention go to the center of your closets city. Then, with a chicken, rub mustard on your tummy. BEWARE!!! some other people may be 'engrossed' by your performance. Or you could buy your monkey. Now monkeys usely oppose to having a good shaving. So weare a large white coat, with two lolliepops in the breast pocket, and call yourself 'Joe'. Thus, they will think you are an average barber and won't mind (also give them a lolliepop after the prosses). Now when you DO shave them, DO NOT GO NEAR THE FACE!!!!!!, I learnt that the hard way. But that is all I can share at the mo. Use this for good and not evil. Also, we never met. HOW TO READ. By Mr Random. Reading is very important. In fact if you can't read then it makes it hard for you to understand these instructions. First learn the alphabete, then lern some spelling words, learn there sounds. Then spend years of hard work, and, HE PRESTO, you've got it.
How To.....'s to come.