Violated

A Short Story
By Me

Tashlin was sitting on her bathroom floor. The skin on her face was tight from dried tears; her eyes were heavy and dry from crying. She had a blue towel wrapped around her with her head tucked in her arms on her knees.
She wanted to know what happened, but was also too afraid to know what happened. Whatever it was, she knew it was bad. Between her legs was sore, and hurt whenever she moved her legs. It also felt damp, and she knew it was blood. She couldn’t understand how it could happen; she tried to remember as much as she could…

Her and her two friends, Siobhan and Claire, had gone to a rave that night. She remembered walking in there and being shocked. The music was so loud, and there were lights flashing everywhere. There was energy flowing all around, and the people all seemed so happy, Tashlin felt happy. She couldn’t just stand there; she started dancing into the centre of the crowd. She could just feel all the energy pulsing through her veins. Everyone was all smiling and dancing.
After a while, her friends came and told her they were leaving and asked if she was coming along. There was no way she could just leave all these people and all the energy so she said no, she brought her own car anyway so she could get home on her own. Her friends just shrugged at each other and left as Tashlin kept dancing to the music.
Not too long after her friends left, she started to feel faint from dancing so much. She didn’t listen to her friends earlier that evening when they told her to bring a water bottle, so she felt she was going to pass out. She found a place against the wall away from the speakers and sat down to rest. She leaned against the wall and covered her face with her hands. She had really wished she had listened and brought some water. She figured as soon as she started feeling better, she’d find her car and go home. She just needed to rest for a little bit…
“Hey, are you alright?” Tashlin heard from above her. She uncovered her face and found a guy looking down at her. He looked about her age, around 20 something. He wasn’t too bad looking. He had dark blond hair that hung in his face, with deep brown eyes breaking through his bangs. His had a big warm smile as he asked her. He started to lean down next to her against the wall.
“Meh, I’m just feeling a little faint. All I need is something to drink, then I’ll be fine.” She said with a bit of a shy smile. She started to look in his eyes, but quickly looked away. She looked out at all the people dancing everywhere. And out of the corner of her eye say the guy taking something out of the big pocket on the side of his baggy jeans.
“Here.” he said handing her a bottle. Tashlin looked at it, and was a bit hesitant. “It’s just water.” He said laughing. She nodded and unscrewed the lid, still unsure she took a quick sniff of the clear liquid, and she couldn’t smell anything. It looked and smelt like water, so she figured she’d take a chance. He seemed really nice and didn’t look like a bad guy.
“Thanks.” She said in a kind of shy voice. She raised the bottle to her lips and took a sip. It must’ve been water; she couldn’t taste anything in it. She looked over and saw him watching her take a sip. She closed the bottle again and smiled. “Tashlin.” She said.
“Robbie.” He said smiling and putting the bottle of water back where he found it, in his pocket. Tashlin let her head fall back and hit the wall behind her. Suddenly, that water wasn’t making her feel any better. “Are you sure you’re ok? Would you like more to drink?” Robbie said sitting next to her. Tashlin shook her head while closing her eyes. She felt like she was spinning. She threw her hand at the floor to keep herself from falling over from the spinning. She felt something slide around her shoulders and thought it was a snake. She screamed and waved her arms. “Shh, it’s ok, it’s only me.” Robbie’s voice whispered in her ear. She began to calm down. She felt herself being lifted up and opened her eyes. Everything was blurred, and she thought that maybe she was getting sick and it wasn’t just some water she needed. She turned her head and saw Robbie carrying her to the exit.
“Where…where are you…taking me?” she managed to say. He didn’t seem to hear her because he didn’t say anything. “I said…where…are you…taking…me?” she said. Once again he didn’t answer. Usually, Tashlin would have panicked, but she felt fine. Finally when he got outside he answered her.
“You don’t seem to well, it must’ve been too hot in there for you.” He said taking her towards the parking lot. “Where’s you’re car? I’ll take you to it, so you can get better.” Tashlin drowsily looked around, searching for her car. They all started to look the same. It was a giant sea of car clones. She chuckled a bit to herself, then spotted her car.
“There…by the lamp…the red one…” Robbie turned and started taking her there. Tashlin couldn’t remember much else about the parking lot. Her memory was patchy until they got to her car. Robbie asked for her keys so he could let her in, and for some reason, she gave them to him. She was just so out of it at the time, she couldn’t tell right from wrong and would do whatever he said. She remembered him fumbling with them and nervously looking around. He had opened the back door, and Tashlin had tried to say something, she couldn’t remember what. And then it all when black.
The next thing she knew, she woke up in the backseat of her car. Her head was pounding; she raised her hand and rested it on her forehead. She opened her eyes, only to be blinded by the lamp shining on her from outside. She quickly closed them again. Then she started to notice she felt cold. She felt a breeze around her legs. Then she looked down and saw her skirt gone. She panicked and didn’t know what to do. She looked over herself and saw her shirt was ripped and she was bleeding. She didn’t know what to do, so she just started crying and screaming, over and over. The parking lot was empty and not a soul was around to hear her scream. So she just kept screaming.
After she started to recover, she dressed herself after finding her skirt on the floor under a seat, and drove herself home. Shaking the whole time. As soon as she got home, she undressed and had a bath. She felt dirty, she felt bad. Her bathtub turned a reddish colour from her bleeding. She kept scrubbing herself harder and harder until her skin turned red with the water. When she finished, she wrapped herself in a towel and sat on the bathroom floor crying.
* * *
The next morning, she called into the restaurant she worked at saying she was too sick to come in. She just stayed in bed all morning without getting up. She’d sleep for most of the morning, and when she couldn’t she’d just lay there staring at the ceiling. There was no reason for her to get up.
At around noon the phone rang, it startled her and woke her up, just to have her turn in bed and stare at the phone. Why answer it? Maybe it was Robbie. Maybe he found her number. Or followed. He could be watching her right now. He could want another go. So she just stared at the phone watching it ring and ring. Finally she heard in outside her bedroom, the answering machine pick it up.
“Hey, it’s Tashlin, I obviously can’t come to the phone right now, so leave a message.” A muffled voice said through the door. Right after she could hear the beep then another voice. “Hey Tashlin, it’s me Siobhan. I saw Candy today down at the restaurant asking if you were around and she said you never showed up. You ok? You’re probably just tired from last night, aren’t you? See, you should have just left when Claire and I did. Anyway, call me when you wake up or whatever. Ok? See ya.” And then there was a click. Then silence. Tashlin turned over to face the ceiling again.
“I should’ve left with you Siobhan.” She whispered to the cracks in the plaster. “I should’ve left. Why didn’t I? Why did I trust him? Why am I so dumb?” she blinked constantly holding back the tears, and the memories of waking up in the car came back to her. “How could this happen to me?” she whispered, her voice cracking as she did. “This wasn’t supposed to happen to me.” She shook her head. Trying to convince the ceiling that this was all wrong. You read about it in the paper, watch it on the news, but it’s not supposed to happen to you. You’re supposed to be the smart one. These things always happen, just not to anybody you know. You’re supposed to be the smart one. The smart one.
* * *
Tashlin.
What?
Why are you so sad?
I’m not sad.
Why do you cry so much?
I’m not crying.
Yes you are, I can see it. The blood tears running down you’re arms.
Stop. You’re lying.
Tashlin…do you want me to do it again?
Please, stop…stop…

Tashlin’s eyes opened and darted around the room. Her eyes fell onto her clock that read 5:15 p.m. She sighed and lay limp in her bed. She had only left it twice that day to go to the bathroom. She was thankful that her bleeding stopped, she was still sore, but at least she stopped bleeding. She heard a knocking at the door. It seemed years away. Down the hall and over the rainbow, back down on earth. Tashlin had spent the day drifting in and out of reality. Back on earth, the knocking had turned to banging. A distant voice called her name. Tashlin smiled to herself, she wasn’t sure why, she just did. Suddenly the banging stopped. They had left. Then when she thought it was ok again, the phone rang. That awful phone.
“Hello Tashlin, it’s me.”
“Who’s me?”
“Robbie, I’m back.”
She stared at the phone. Like earlier that day, she couldn’t answer it. She just stared. She even stopped blinking after a while. The only thing left in the world was her and the phone. And the person calling her. Tormenting her. The person who won’t get out of her head. She started to feel like she was going crazy. She couldn’t tell anyone, who was real and who was in her mind. But she did know the phone was bad. And the door was bad too. Since last night, nothing and no one could be trusted. Nothing.
* * *
Tashlin awoke from another nightmare at midnight. It was the same nightmare. She nightmare she had lived the night before. What scared her the most was what she didn’t remember. What see didn’t know happened. And it horrified her.
She looked at how she had spent the day in bed. Too afraid to move, or leave, or answer the phone. She didn’t know why she was so afraid. He didn’t even know her last name, he wouldn’t come back. It wasn’t at all likely…but it was possible.
She thought back to before this when she was normal, before she was afraid. She’d go to work and see friends and talk on the phone. But she wasn’t sure why anymore; she was too scared now. She had no effort. No meaning.
* * *
She opened her eyes to the sun shining down onto her bed; it was too bright so she quickly turned to face her wall. She didn’t check the time, so she had no idea when it was. And frankly, she didn’t really care. She found it hard to really care about anything anymore. She hadn’t eaten since the day she went out and she wasn’t hungry. She’d put her hand on her stomach and notice how much lower it sank compared to before. She wanted to just rot away in this bed for all she cared. Nothing mattered anymore.
She sighed and wondered why she’d bother to keep waking up. There was never anything to really wake up to. Just herself, wasting away. And the fear, whenever she heard a sound. The fear that would make her shake, and stare blankly. The fear that now controlled her. Because of him. Because of him she knew she could never be herself again. How could she go out in public? So many people. Everywhere. What were they thinking? What were they planning? What did they want to do? She couldn’t stand to ever go outside, around so many people and not know what they’re thinking. Never could she ever be near a guy again, in case he did something to her. What if he touched her? Just something harmless, she would scream. Scream at him not to touch her. What kind of life was that? And she knew there was no way out. The only safe place was her bed; the only thing she could do was stay in bed…or…
She reached under her bed. She only would keep it there for protection. In case someone came in, so she could defend herself. It was never intended for this. She slid it out of it’s case and watched it shine. What were her choices? This…or fear. She couldn’t stand to be afraid. So couldn’t stand to feel like this, so sad. So alone. She put it to her skin and thought about what she was doing. Would anyone miss her? How could they? Everyone was just using her. Nobody cares about anyone anymore, only themselves. So she took in a deep breath and held in it for a minute, trying to hold in her courage, hold herself together. And then she pressed. Down, down, down. What a release. She moved it to the other side. Down, down, down. She let her breath escape as it dropped to the floor. She looked at her wrist. Almost hoping for some regret, but found none. She knew this was for the best. Nothing else could have saved her. She was alone. She then stared at the ceiling, and started talking to the cracks in it again. “I guess this is goodbye. There’s not much more to say. I guess I could have written a letter, but that would be for it someone cared. Which they don’t.” so she closed her eyes, as her sheets began to turn red and her life start to escape from her. Her wrists were facing up, like to show what she did, to prove she did it. That she had some control.
She knew no one would know what happened, but that was ok. Everyone would know how dumb and weak she was if they knew. So she was fine with it being a secret. A secret only her and Robbie knew. And she knew Robbie wouldn’t be telling anyone what he did…

And there's a demon in my head who starts to play
A nightmare tape loop of what went wrong yesterday
And I hold my breath till it's more than I can take
And I close my eyes and dream that I'm awake
---Third Eye Blind