MR KEN...

***22:56 20/04/02 UPDATE 22:56 20/04/02***

Ken has been joined in his journey through life by the maniacal Kaley Botting as his girlyfriend! He also seems to have taken to the idea of taking long pointless runs for no apparent reason, co-incidence? probably.
He's still better at all subjects than me but on a lighter note, he has decided that A Level Economics isn't for him, which will make my results look better FINALLY! Maybe this "God" that Tom keeps blabbering on about does exist after all...

Meet Ken, a nice, hard working young American lad.
Now, RUN!

While Ken may look like your average idiot, he is actually a sophisticated super villain sent back from America to change the future for one lucky Englishlady! He has fiendish plans to manipulate macro-economics to aid his conquest of the world and I must educate you all to these to thwart his evil ambitions! My suggestions to help in this thwarting are:

1. Never buy ANYTHING.

2. If you must buy something, only pay in cabbages, lapdances or blood - in the future, these will become the ONLY legal tender...

3. Special offers are not special. Only I am.

4. If anyone offers you money off a thing, this shows they are in line with Ken and so they must be set on fire.

As long as you follow those four simple rules/tips, no harm should come to you or any of your childhood pets...

Like me, he has his own private malicia but, as you'll see here, it is far less civilised and sophisticated!

Vital Statistics

Name: Ken Koi

Age: 16 

Favourite Toe: Toes???

Favourite saying: Weird threats or "YOU KICK MY DOG, I KILL YOU!"

Do they deserve a kicking?: SHHHHHHHHHH! He might hear you....

Are they as cool as Max?: If you count being good at Economics as cool then unfortunately yes...

Other facts:

He's from that big weird country...what's it called....uuuuuum...Oh yes, Uranus!

He has an elite army much like my own Moon Donkeys (except much less cool obv.) who help him carry out his evil bidding...

See his army here

HIS SITE

LINKS

Absurd.org