Seven months later
There were a lot of things Nick did in the past that managed to lighten up the mood of the Backstreet Boys when the going gets tough. Like when he decided it was time for Howie to have purple hair even when the sweet Latino had repeatedly said he likes his hair brown, the way it always had been. That didn't stop him from convincing AJ to use a suntan lotion that will protect his tattoos from the merciless glare of the sun. What he didn't tell AJ was, it gives a very itchy side effect. He even managed to surprise Kevin when the latter was heard yelling all the way from his suite because he found a roommate in his bed in the form of a plastic rattlesnake. Brian on the other hand, has yet to teach the prankster a lesson for so convincingly made him believe that there was someone else in the room where they both shared in some cheap, run down motel.
Those things, the Backstreet Boys can take with a pinch of salt and laugh at.
But what he was about to do that day, it was something that didn't immediately go well with the guys. There were doubts and raised questions about his decisions and Nick wished that they had been more understanding. It wasn't like it was easy for him to make it.
Perhaps, they were right after all, and only time will tell. For now, the decisions were made and he was prepared for the consequences.
“Nick, you ready bro?”
Nick looked up from where he had been sitting; in the furthest corner of the air-conditioned room, deep in thoughts. Brian looked smart as always, and even though he could clearly see the sympathy and doubt in those eyes he had found fascinating to study at when he was young, it also showed warmth and support for what Nick was about to do.
“Yeah.” Somehow, the smile didn't reach his eyes, and he knew Brian could see it.
“It's going to be all right Nick, I trust you.” He nodded and rose from his seat, straightening the white suite from creases.
“Thanks. It's all for the best.”
-
2 months ago
If they were still married, it would have been a picture perfect moment. Back in the house where it all began, filled with laughter and joy of loved ones, Ryan Neil Carter turned four. In the middle of the huge living room, a table was set with all the delicacies and a birthday cake shaped of Tasmanian Devil, his favorite cartoon character. To his left was momma, to his right, Nicky. The house was filled with one united voice singing the birthday song, he felt both their hands on his, guiding him to hold the plastic knife and cutting a portion of the cake. He heard Momma whispered on the left to smile for Uncle Kevin in front of him while to the right, Nicky just whispered that he loved him. That made him smile and the flash went off, blinding him.
He blinked.
Roars of cheers filled the room and everyone started to clap their hands and he followed, knowing very well that tonight was his night. And then Nicky kissed his cheeks and moved away, leaving his side. Puzzled and feeling somewhat abandoned, he frowned, not understanding what was going on. And then Kyle filled the spot that Nicky had left and he found himself in the same spot like before.
“Smile for Uncle Kevin, honey.” Momma told him. He searched the crowd for Nicky and found him standing next to Uncle Brian. Nicky was looking at him and when their gaze met, Nicky smiled. It made him happy and he smiled. The flash went off again, blinding him.
He blinked.
Roars of cheers filled the room and everyone started to clap their hands and he followed, knowing very well that tonight was his night. And then Momma kissed his cheeks and Kyle ruffled his hair. Happy birthday kiddo, he said. He smiled.
Kyle gave him a very cool drum set. It was bigger and better than the one he had in his room. It was green with silver glitters and a huge star on one of the drums. The drumsticks had his name Ryan Neil engraved on it. He didn't know what it meant at first, but Kyle had nicely explained to him that the black scribbling was his name.
“Thanks Kyle.” He had said and Kyle gave him a hug. [Tanks Kai]
Momma gave him a two-wheeler bicycle since he had learnt to ride one a few weeks ago. It was blue with a very cool small basket at the front where he could keep his water bottle. He couldn't wait for everyone to go home so that he could ride it in the house. He had screamed in delight when she had brought the bicycle out.
“I love you momma.” He said and she hugged him and told him that she loves him too. That made him very happy. [I wuv you mum mah]
Nicky gave him a very cool book and a huge box filled with color pencils, pencils and erasers. On the first page of the book, Nicky had drawn a portrait of him and Nicky together. He loves Nicky's drawings and he had found drawing such a pleasure himself. Nicky always say that he loves his drawings and it makes him happy. There was a little scribble under the picture and momma told him it read 'You have my love forever, Daddy.'
He had frowned when momma said that and she told him that it was okay, that he would understand what it meant when he gets older. But he knew what it meant. He just didn't like calling Nicky Daddy because it was a bad thing.
When Nicky was in the car with that red thing on his head, he had called Nicky 'daddy' and cried for him to wake up but Nicky never did.
When he found Nicky outside of momma's house, everyone was crying and Nicky was as silent as he had been in the car. He had called Nicky 'daddy' again but he never woke up. He doesn't want to call Nicky daddy again, he doesn't want Nicky to sleep.
But despite all these, he had gone up to Nick and gave him a huge kiss on his cheek because Nicky looked so sad. “I love you Nicky.” He said and he was happy when Nicky told him that he loves him too.
Soon, the people started leaving and Kyle was on hand to let him ride on the bike. Momma told him to listen to Kyle and he had promised he would. Kyle was always fun to play with, he doesn't do it often with him but when he did, he'll let him play anything he wants. Momma seemed content to play spectator by the verandah with Nicky. He doesn't mind because seeing Momma and Nicky together makes him happy.
“So, are you going to tell me or do I have to dig it from you?” Nick said casually as he eyed Ryan from afar. They looked good together, Ryan and Kyle. Whenever he was around, Ryan seemed to be at ease with Kyle and that somehow gave a sense of relief for him. Kyle won't be one of those nasty stepfather. His only fear though, was that Ryan would call him daddy and still acknowledged him as Nicky.
“What are you talking about?” Mandy asked, amused at the question. Nick turned to look at her and sighed. Mandy knew that look; it said not to mess with him.
“Come on, are you going to stand there and tell me nothing has been bothering you?”
She should have known. She could never hide anything from this man. Anything except for the fact that she had been unhappy with them once and he had never seen a hint. “Everything's perfect, with the wedding I mean…but I can't believe that my dad's not gonna be there to give me away. So he's a bastard and never care about me anymore, he thought I already screwed up with you and wasted his time, but…it's my wedding damn it, I want him there.”
Nick smirked. She was having cold feet, just like before, when their wedding were approaching. From the wedding dress to the wedding cake, she had fussed about it lacking something. Now, the girl has grown and become a woman, and her worry was about her dad not being there to give her away.
“You'll be fine. I'll be there to make sure everything goes well.”
Mandy shook her head. “I don't care about everything else Nick. If they miss a lily on the reception table or the white swans ran away, I don't care. It's just sad that I'll be walking down that isle alone. No one to give me away.”
Nick wanted to tell her that it would a million times harder for him to be there, to witness the wedding ritual, to listen to her taking those vows for another man. To see someone else there instead of him. But he didn't say any of that, because it was his to know and keep.
-
“Lets go meet the bride.” Brian smiled as they walked out of the room. The church looked mesmerizing in white and pale yellow, everything was silk and pearls. Everyone was already in there, waiting for the bride to make her grand entrance. He felt his heartbeat fastening its pace; there were too much emotions in him, all making its presence known at the same time. Happy, sad, thrilled, anxious…
That was when he saw her. White wedding gown, nothing too princess like she had worn for their wedding; she had opted instead, for one of those modern wedding gown that just flows down and wrap her delicately, showing off every curve of her body. Her hair was elegantly styled up, with a small tiara to finish it off. Her neck simply enhanced by a necklace with a single diamond, a birthday present from Kyle. Soon, that finger will have a new wedding band, this time it was for forever.
“You look beautiful, even more so than on our wedding.” He said and really meaning it. “It's perfect because this one is for real.”
“Oh Nicky…this is the suite you wore on our wedding.” Mandy cried as she traced a finger along the length of his sleeves.
“It's the only white suite I have, to go with the theme.” Nick replied, waving his hand to the decorations that were surrounding them. “I'm surprised it still fits.”
Mandy cried. “I don't think I can thank you enough for doing this. It means so much to me.”
“Hey, don't go crying now, they might think I'm making you pull out of this wedding or something.” Nick said, wiping the single tear that had already paved its way down her rosy cheek. “I'm happy for you baby, there's nothing to cry about today.”
Mandy nodded, not trusting her voice still. He lifted her chin up by a finger and she met his eyes, surprised to see it glazed. He was holding back his tears. “I'll always love what we had and what we have still. Promise me you'll be happy for yourself, not for others?”
She nodded and smiled.
“Cool. Now lets give you away before Kyle gets bored and leave you alone up there.” She chuckled at that and scooped her arm around him, the song played and they entered the chapel together.
-
Everyone was looking their way; some had tears in their eyes while other stared in awe. Ryan was walking a few steps in front of them, with AJ's princess, throwing white and red rose petals along the red carpet. Kyle was waiting on the altar, a wide grin on his face.
He saw his brothers on one of the rows, they had tears in their eyes and it took every single nerve in him to divert his attention elsewhere before his own tears start to spill. Nobody knew how difficult it was to be him right then. To have the only woman he had known how to love and to give her away to another man.
She stopped and he found himself standing right there with the groom. It's time to give her away.
He stood there frozen as she cupped his face gently in the palms of her hands, their eyes met again and then, without warning, she planted a soft kiss on his lips. He closed his eyes, willing to remember that moment. Their last kiss. “Thank you, for everything.” She whispered and he only found himself nodding before he felt her slipping away from his arms and reaching out to hold the hand of another man. The man she loves.
He froze as they said their vows, took every word that came out of the priest's mouth as he announced them husband and wife. Froze when Kyle scoop Ryan up and together, a perfect family, walked out of the church as newly weds.
The next thing he remembered was sitting on one of those beautifully decorated benches, with the silent yet warmth company of his brothers. He didn't need to pretend in front of them. He didn't think he could if he wanted to. He was no superman; there was only so much a man can take. And so, when he felt the incoming assault of tears waging in him, he let it escape.
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