Sunday, 20 April 2008

Regret
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Lips of an Angel~~~Hinder

I see you now
through my stoned haze.
I take a bad trip
and you catch my fall.
I tell you I love you
hoping you'll give me head
as you help me to my feet.
One more hit before bed.
you help me in, kiss my cheek,
wish me a good night sleep.

I see you now
with alcohol clouded eyes.
I pray to the porcelain god.
Your there to wipe my chin.
I tell you I love you
hoping you'll relieve the pressure
as you take me home.
I can't sleep alone.
Alcohol bringing nightmares.
You tuck me into your bed
and sleep against the wall.

I see you now.
Clear for the first time.
For you I am clean, for you I am sober.
Your a true beauty.
I try to tell you I love you
but those words mean nothing at all.
I told you that before only hoping for sex.
Now you mean so much more.
I want to kiss your eyes,
watching you sleep.
Protect you from any thing at all.

Sunday, 24 February 2008

Fat and society
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Into the Labyrinth

Ok I know this doesn't fit with the rest of my works but I just had to get it off my chest. 

I am on a couple of websites looking for penpals and go a message some time ago that just royally pissed me off.  In my profiles I state that I am fairly unattractive and fat.  I know this and feel no shame in being honest. Any way a few people have written me just to state "your fat!!!"  or worse yet "Like, oh my god you should really lose some weight.  I mean that is disgusting and really unhealthy."  

Ok, I know I have a few extra pounds but I am by no means that fucking disgusting.  I am healthy and only a few pounds over weight.  I know that I am not that beautiful are skinny and I have to come to accept that for the most part.  A majority of my weight is caused by an illness I had where I could not eat.  When the problem was fixed my body grabbed and stored anything it could get which is typical for a body to do.  Stress is also a factor as well as the fact that (although it sounds cleshey (sp)) I am big boned.

 When I was sick I got down to a mere 98 lbs.  Very unhealthy for me and looked nasty skin and bones you could count the ribs.  Despite being so close (to quote another visitor to my profile saying 78 to 90 lbs was best) "a decent weight"  I still only fit in to a size 8 jean. I am not a tiny toy of a girl.

PEOPLE I KNOW I AM NOT YOUR STANDARD OF BEAUTY SO LAY OFF!  I do not need to be told I am fat I know this already.  I don't need to be told that I am ugly because of it.  This is pointed out to me in everything that I see so I ALREADY know.  I don't need to be told I have to lose weight. I ALREADY KNOW.  I don't need to be told that it can be unhealthy because I already know that as well.  Just so all you ass holes know I am healthy my doctors are ok with my weight and am happy that I am back to a stable decent size since I got sick.  I got down to your perfect size and my body was eating itself.  My doctors informed me that if I did not get it fix my body would start eating it's own vital organs.  

In conclusion Yes i am a LITTLE over weight.  I repeat a LITTLE but I already know this and I am healthy and have a happy active sex life despite it.  All your warnings are for naught so LAY OFF MY FUCKING CASE. 

Monday, 7 May 2007

My muse?
Here is a new one for in who actually see this site. Maybe my muse has decided to return...doubtful but it is new so.

Untitled

My heart is always with you.
There is no distance it can't cross,
No divide too great.
For my heart knows no bound.

My heart is always with you.
There is no argument that can break it,
no cruel word to shatter.
For my heart is strong.

My heart is always with you.
There are no walls that can stop it,
no cold that can freeze.
For my heart is love.

Saturday, 19 November 2005

some pictures
My hubby and me

Sunday, 18 September 2005

Silent Footfalls
Silent footfalls in the night,
that is how it's known I am here.
None realize when I am gone.
The whisper of my voice doesn't stir them.
I watch them fight,
I watch them love, and cry.
Yet they have no sight.
They can not, will not see
how much their hate pains me.
They will not see I am one of them.
They will not see I love, I cry.
Sometimes I can't see the light.
They won’t see I am just like them.
They can not see
those silent footfalls in the night.

Society
It's life so I am told
to be shaped,cut apart,
and shoved in a mold.
Torn away shoved far
from all you hold.
Body skiny, hair shiny,
heart cold.
Wipe tears away,stand tall
be bold.
They'll feed a line with no time near,
don't be sold.
Your cards are good allchips on the table,
so don't fold.

Spring in Winter
The trees are blooming,
birds are singing.
Not a single flake snow,
the grass you'll have to mow.
Christmas was not white,
not a single spot in sight.
Now February is here,
feet on pavement sear.
No chill to the air,
people walking around half bare.
What is Gia thinking?
It is Spring in winter,
I should need a heater,
instead I need a freezer.

You Love Me for Me
I wake each nigh'
in a state of complete bliss.
Each and every sigh,
you know I would miss,
if you would ever leave me,
set adrift on this cold sea.
I know, love, that would never be.

You would never say goodbye.
Your voice is a whisper not a hiss.
You can't seem to let my heart die.
We both live for every little kiss.
You and me were ment to be.
Through your love you've made me see.
You love me for me.

As still as i can, I lie,
brushing your lips with a kiss.
Releasing a gental sigh.
Relaxing to the sound of bliss.
Knowing none was ever loved more then me.
You put up with every little flaw that only you can't seem to see.
I love you for you, and you love me for everything I could ever be.

Yeilding
The wind whips strands of her hair,
as people around chatter like birds,
in the trees, noise all around,
and silence is all she hears.
Her mind the quietest it has been,
in years silent and unyielding.
Her health not the best,
not knowing what’s wrong.
She tries to think,
the possibilities.
Her mind so silent,
not answering, quiet,
not yielding a single word but one,
“life”.

Spring is Here
I have a need,
the need to create,
the desire to lead.
I feel it with in,
it goes against what I believe,
my personal creed.
The bed is ready
for us to plant the seed,
to work hard,
making sure it has what it may need.
Paying every price
for the dirty deed.
Time passes for the seed.
It begins to grow.
Soon it will have a need,
all its own.
To bloom and grow,
the calls of nature it must heed.

Soldier
You’re headed out.
You don't have the best threads,
or the best hair style.
The again your not along for the ride,
you never pout,
you're all strong, the work on you they pile.
You work hard keeping you head.
Though some might be snide.
You can't just lie low.
Hiding curled in your beds.
We can't be in denial,
a thousand tears we've cried.
sometimes we don't want to know why,
but we all know the truth in our head.
You’re our soldiers, our pride.
Stay strong, though your troubles may be stout.
We hope, we pray.
We will not lie.
We know you'll be home someday.
We love you,
this most of all we can't deny.

My Life
I lay my head back on a pillow each night.
Waiting for the dreams to come flooding in.
Memories of this life, some of a life before
fill every sense; taste, touch, sight.

I dream of my death and that of lovers, waking to find no wounds of a fight.
Not entirely sure what happened or when
the dreams fade until I sleep again.

I lay my head back on a pillow each night.
Memories from my past flood my senses.
A young girl beaten by her brothers, abused by their friends,
screaming with all her might.

I lay my head down on a pillow each night.
Memories of a past unknown fill my senses.
A beautiful women not quite dead on the floor, nine months along
a husband coming through the door.
She tries to fight to stay alive,
warn her lover of what lurks just out of sight.

I lay my head back each night.
Knowing what waits ahead knowing the terror.
I lay back, close my eyes each night.
My lip I bite and shudder in fright.
I lay back as the memories flood back
into my sight.

Lost Love
You want to be my brother
brush my hair, protect me from evil
tell me to go play with me dolls
whenever you find another.
Though when it comes right down to it,
your more like a friend or lover.
We'ld sit and talk at night
in between hugs and back massages.
I ran my fingures down your back,
you'ld moan giving my father a heart attack.
I'll wake in the morning with you by my side
or like a sleepy pup curled at my feet.
Never quite touching, I'ld ask why
you'ld say, I am trying to be discreet.
You took me to my prom,
by then you were engaged.
We danced and had fun all night
you watched my butt "checking for a panty line"
fight the desire to dance dirty
the cops all telling you to keep in line.
At our table you'ld bring me strawberries
saying they fit nicely in your mouth
though they were as big around as your um... never mind.
After all the worry and fuss of the night was through,
you took me home took my hand
saying almost honestly i wanted to believe
"dearest I love you"
The last words I said that night
still ring in my mind
the things I regret the least and most
are with you, I whispered
walking toward the door hand in hand.
I regret most that I ever fell in love with you.
The words hung in the air
I couldn't take it back.
The trueth is not that I fell inlove with you
but instead that you couldn't love me.
You still see me as your sister,
you trying to forever be my big brother.
The saddest is that I must bite back my pride and tears
letting it be just that.
little sister and big brother
forever we will be.

Booted
Frustration runs free.
I search for what I need.
My blood rises, red is all I see.
I crack my knuckles.
I have a need to destroy thee.
To smash and demolish,
this computer in front of me.

First Anniversary
We fit together perfectly,
hand in hand,
heart to heart,
this is how it’ll start.

Our love growing quickly,
friend to love,
side by side,
there’s nowhere to hide.

We wait patiently,
month to month,
May to June,
It will be soon.

We live together happily,
year to year,
sad to marry,
a year it’s been, Happy Anniversary.

The Pain
The pain so brilliant,
I can’t see beyond.
Your heart so cold,
you couldn’t have seen
how much you hurt me.
The tears stream down my face
like droplets of blood.
Yet I know I will live.
My love slowly growing old
but the blue wound will never quite heal.
How could you know how I feel.
I know you didn’t mean to be mean.
So I forgive you,
it was my fault you see
for being so bold.

Today's Dinner
The days change
with the tide
coming in a wash
leaving only a memory.
The sun shinning
through your window
you can't hide.
It is time to start the day.
As it rolls on the work gets done.
It would be a lie to say
you remeber all you've done today.
As it gets dark your not finished.
You have to get started.
You scrub you wash you clean.
It's been days since you've had time.
Without a dinner...
you could have died.

Unforgivable, Unforgetable
I sit and watch as the days go by.
Wondering when he is coming home again.
The hours fly but the days barely creep by.
He is in my heart, my soul, my mind.
I can't forget if I try,
those unforgivable days and nights together.
I sigh the deepest sigh and cry a silent cry
for those unforgivable, unforgettable
moments we shared together.
I sit and wait as the days sneak by.
Wondering if when he is in my arms again
will we create more memories?
Those unbelievable, unforgettable, unforgivable
moments together

Bright Days
The stars shine
bright in your eyes
and they will untill
your ninety nine.
There will be many goodbyes
yet you'll live still,
near and dear
to this heart of mine.
When your here
there willbe many cries
of joy along the line
enough to fill
the oceans times nine.

Tuesday, 13 September 2005

First Love
A breif kiss,
a quick embrace
he was gone.
A broken heart,
a tear in the eye.
The sobs come
only as a hiss.
It truely was a sad case.
With dagger sharp
he speared her heart.
Then with a change of face
none could hardly miss,
he did in haste pull
her heart free of him.
She knew her time
to leave him was near.
So with what she had,
she ran.
All that was clear
is her dear,
tore from
her chest, her heart
for a quick kill.

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