THE LICENSE TO ILL RANGE
Furtanken-Sobobed's License's to ill
This impressive range of licenses was born of the need for the beholder of the afore-mentioned license to display maximum illness in public, and then be able to justify it with certification of his/her illness.
On aquiring one of these licenses one may find themselves posessing out of the ordinary confidence and ability, aswell as being more attractive to the opposite sex.
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1. The "ILL JUNIOR" license™
This is the starting point in our license to ill range, perfect for the youngster (ages 3 to 15) who wants to create a little mischief.
Whether it be say : a small inferno, vomiting on relatives, maiming wildlife, hiding food in household entertainment systems etc.
~ R.R.P. $49.99
2. The "GAVIN" license™
This license is the standard issue for those wishing to dabble in the occasional bout of illness.
Perfect for a night out on the town or any situation where your basic forms of mischief may arise. Suited to your average Gavin one might say.
~ R.R.P. $99.99
3. The "FAST RISING KICK ASS BAND HOPEFULS" license™
Suited to those wishing to display illness in the form of music to an audience of awe-struck observers.
Past customers include : Creed, Linkin Park, Papa Roach, POD, Matchbox20, New Kids On The Block, Billy Ray Cyrus, Five, Hootie And The Blowfish. Guaranteed success overnight following purchase.
~ R.R.P. $199.99
4. The "RENKEEE" license™
This particular license is strictly for the advanced practicers of illness, complete dedication is required to use this little baby to its full potential.
Less advanced users may find themselves in more mischief than they can handle. Practical for use in almost all applications.
Will get you out of many situations such as : Drunk and Disorderly charges, Indecent exposure, Posession of a dangerous drug, Supply and distribution of a dangerous drug, Posession of equipment used in the manufacture of a dangerous drug, etc.
~ R.R.P. $249.99
5. The "Furtanken Special" license™
The ultimate license.
Only one of these exists and it allows the beholder to be : obnoxiously drunk, obnoxiously intoxicated by means other than alcohol, talk absolute shit, be under the impression everyone is laughing with him/her and not at him/her.
This license is usually held by one half the Furtanken-Sobobed team, namely the one with short dark hair and tattoos, however it does get passed around occasionally with the following results: Losing of ones clothing.....particularly shirts; Punching of walls resulting in broken hands; Taking members of the opposite sex home only to peruse their photo albums; Being thrown out of caravan parks for running around naked, Repeating the phrase "my world is hell......i am cursed"........and so on.
~ not for sale
The Fineprint or Disclaimer......whichever you like
1. Never try to actually use one of these licenses, especially with an officer of the law (refer to One Minute Silence track Pig Until Proven Cop).....they have their own licenses......only they spell it different......they spell it B.A.T.O.N.
2. Furtanken-Sobobed do not support the maiming of wildlife......unless it's an introduced species such as a toad.........introduced species don't feel pain so it's ok to maim them.......strange but true.
3. The name Gavin appears courtesy of the fact that one of the owners of Furtanken-Sobobed desires to meet a girl named Gavin.
4. All the events listed under the "special license" actually took place.
5. Furtanken-Sobobed really do dislike some police officers.
6. Furtanken-Sobobed encourage you to never watch tv again.
7. We have no products..........oh and Furtanken-Sobobed says you're a trippin fool.
THE CATALOGUE
EASTER 2005
CHRISTMAS 2005
CUSTOM PETS