THE NEWS :
We are Furtanken-Sobobed Inc.
Largest oil stocks ever uncovered found directly underneath Ayres Rock in Australia coincide with George Dubya Bush labelling all Australians as the single greatest threat to National Security and next on the agenda for a pre-emptive strike.
Coiln Powell has provided the UN with photographic evidence that the Sydney Opera House is infact an advanced nuclear weapons production facility, see the pictures here.
And Furtanken-Sobobed Inc nominated for most complaints to the office of fair trading in a calender year.
In sports news this edition professional Lawn Bowler Clinton Vincent has been suspended for 8 weeks for eye-gouging and a further 4 weeks for a positive drug test for the banned stimulant viagara.
And remember to tune in for the late news tonight when we replay all of this shit and make any necessary apologies/corrections. You can't afford to miss it.
WEEKLY QUOTES OF NOTE:
" We went down to the orphanage in Naco, Mexico and wrapped presents for the kids you will one day shoot coming over the border in defense of your job. A job that any unskilled and uneducated migrant is equally qualified to do without so much as a grasp of the language. If they can take your job, it's because you are that easily replaced. You are of little value, douchebag. "
- Doug Stanhope
" If you are going to tell people the truth, you had better make them laugh or they will kill you. "
- Oscar Wilde
" The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. "
- Tacitus
" The enormous gap between what US leaders do in the world and what Americans think their leaders are doing is one of the great propaganda accomplishments of the dominant political mythology. "
- Michael Parenti, political scientist and author
" I was at a casino, I was minding my own business, this guy came up, he said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. "
- Mitch Hedberg
Stay tuned for some all important advertisements.
BONUS FACT : Red-eyed vireo birds have perfect pitch and will repeat their calls, note for note, 22,000 times a day without the slightest variation.
And that's all for today.....now heres Tom with the weather.....
TOMS WEEKLY WEATHER REPORT
HISTORY:
Which brings us to the final phase.....well you see where it's headed.....don't want to ruin the surprise.
MISSION STATEMENT:
We take the time to think
Of the products consumers need
So your pockets we can bleed
Till they're dry as dry can be
OUR PRODUCT RANGE :
THE CATALOGUE
THE LICENSE TO ILL RANGE
EASTER 2007
CHRISTMAS 2006
CUSTOM MADE PETS
Message Board
Links
THE SEARCH ENGINE PROJECT - Part 2
DISCLAIMER:
Nothing mentioned here is actually available, we have no employees or products.
However nobody ever reads the fine print even after they have been caught out before so we can say pretty much anything we want down here and you'll still send your money to us, we will become filthy rich and earn a possible guest appearance on a current affair or some other info-tainment program that deals in the business of relieving people of the need to think for themselves.
