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Ok, finally I have moved over the commentary pages from ICQ. This little diddy is mainly to keep you guys up to date on events from the previous week but in a different light: coming from the perspective of Dordanfish! Unfortunately, the media has a stranglehold on the Election coverage so why bother talking about that. You know, this really wasn't even an issue for me until it started affecting my job and the work that I do. I wouldn't have even thought twice about the election; knowing that once woken up by my alarm clock on November 8th, a new President will have been chosen. Well screw that! This sucks!! And now I realize that I've been talking about the election when I said I wasn't. Sorry! Next subject: Mirrors! Do they really always tell the truth? I seem to disagree with that old saying. The mirror only reflects the outside of one's being. That is not enough to give a true perspective of anything. So many people look into the mirror every day and start thinking about how they look or what they're going to wear. Or perhaps say, "Oh my God, what have I become?", or get depressed at the fact that they are not attractive and go about their lives miserable. Although just about everyone is guilty of doing this, I don't think that was what the inventor of the mirror intended when it was created. Over time, the mirror has become sort of a psychological symbol. Resembling not just ourselves, but the blunt truth of the world around us. Like so many things this object has been transcendentalized to be more than it is in actuality. Maybe we should just take it for what it really is: A guide to vision. So the next time you get up and look in the mirror and start to think heavily on what you see there, STOP!! Comb your hair, brush your teeth, do whatever it is you do in the morning and get going. Your mind can provide you with a much more vivid picture of who you are, and who others are, than a mere piece of polished glass...


So the Holidays are upon us again like taxes and once again I'm stumped as to what to get everyone for Christmas. And on top of that, I cannot even tell my wife what I want for Christmas. Oh yeah, she wants a foot soaker/massager. Maybe I should just ask for a nose warmer or something like that! Nahh! Too often mistaken for socks these days. You know that this season really sucks when all that concerns you this time of year is the presents you get for others or what you're going to get. Heaven forbid we all get fruitcake for Christmas. Actually, I am rather fond of fruitcake myself being the oddball that I am. (Yes I know that comes to quite a shock to you!) You're probably expecting some deep insightfull message as to the true meaning of this great holiday season but alas, I am lacking in that area. I know it really is the celebration of the birth of Jesus, but that all gets washed down the credit card with all the eastern syndicates running the commercial racket, quoting Lucy from "A Charlie Brown Christmas". In fact, ask anybody on the streets of New York what the true meaning of Christmas is and you'll probably get an answer based upon the Almighty...Dollar, that is. On Friday, we saw the first signs of the traditional "Santa Clause Rally" on Wall St. Do they call this a Jesus rally? No, because that would be too derivative. We must expand upon the simple to include more, these days. After all, man cannot live on bread alone, he needs champagne and caviar, as well the new cherry red Ferrari F-355 parked in a newly built 25000 Sqr/ft mansion. Isn't that right?

I can remember one truly great Christmas in my childhood: I was around 6 or 7, and we had barely any money again for the holidays. I colored two identical pictures of a Christmas tree and a candy cane and cut the pictures out so I could glue them together with some cotton balls inbetween. I carefully wrapped each of them and gave my Mom the candy cane, and my Dad the Christmas tree. For the first time, I saw my Dad's eyes light up with joy when he got his present. He wasn't drunk that Christmas, and I could truly see joy in his eyes instead of blood-shot. I don't remember what I got for Christmas that year, in fact, I could care less. All that mattered was joy that year, that one memory of happiness that I could carry with pride all throughout my life. So you see, you CAN have a Merry Christmas with nothing in the bank. Presents are nothing without a reason behind it...


At times I think back at what I learned from the people I've loved. No matter who you are, the people you love always seem to leave their mark on you somehow. Whether it was good or bad, you know it's true. And so, with that in mind, here are the good things I've learned from the people I've loved. Namely: "To All the Girls I've Loved Before...

Lauren: You opened my eyes for the first time to love in all its glory. Also, you rubbed off your environmental concerns and respect for nature. That's why I'm on this site now! Thank you Lauren.

Erinn: You refined my taste in colors and olfactoy stimulation with herbs and other California things, as well as the value of a good friend. Thank you Erinn.

Mandy: You taught me to lighten up a little! Thank you Mandy.

Emily: You accentuated the value of my own beliefs, without which I would not be the person I am today. Thank you Emily.

Liz: There are so many things I've learned from you, my friend. The best one would be how you taught me to sift through the bullshit of life and find the truth. Thank you Liz.

Kristen: You opened my eyes and inspired me to learn the truth about Wicca. Although I am still Christian, I can respect it more and fear it less. Thank you Kristen.

Eileen: You taught me so much on how to love a woman, both physically and spiritually. And, you helped me to discover what I want out of a relationship. Thank you Eileen.

Ersula: At the time I met you, you had a 6 month-old son. I learned that kids aren't all that bad...boy was I mistaken! (J/K) Thank you Ersula.

Jen: Last, but certainly not least. You taught me to keep my hopes up when things look bleak; To laugh when times were grim; To love when anger swelled. Although I've never told you, it was your courageous spirit that inspired me to end the "war" with my Father and bring peace to my heart and mind before he passed away. I cannot thank you enough, Jen.




Failure: A word that we all wish didn't exist at times. That word strikes fear into the hearts and minds of many, yet is oftentimes overrated in my opinion. What is failure? The inability to complete a said task? Or the constant reminder from life that there are some limits that need to be pushed. I say "need" to be pushed because if we were to assume that failure in a certain task meant that we were not supposed to try it, then why attempt it? I believe that we are driven to obtain something better. Failure is just the natural process of achieving something better. It should not be feared, but welcomed. It's kinda like how some people fear death. Why? It's inevitable. We all live to die, why fear the obvious? The same should apply to failure. It too is inevitable. How else do we achieve something better without it? Too often we think that obtaining something better comes to us without a fight when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. So I say to failure, "Bring it on!". It only shows I'm on the right path of learning and by golly, I am sure learning alot!


How many times have you been faced with a situation of dire importance only to find out that the conclusion is a timespan away? You know what I'm talking about, being put on pins and needles. When you suddenly discover that you have a bottomless pit located in your stomach. When caffeine is a double-edged sword: keeping you awake when you need to be sleeping, yet keeping you alert for the final conclusion. When your nails suddenly decrease in size due to teeth mangling. When your imagination is at its evil best, conjuring up conclusions of every sort, from every angle, in every imaginable situation. Sometimes it seems that too much rides on situations like these: Pregnancy tests; mortgage foreclosures; job layoffs; various medical outcomes; death...Just to name a few.

I admit, I've been at fault for "pacing the aisle" many-a-time, we all have I'm sure. I go through more pairs of shoes and more bottles of Dr Pepper that way! I'm a constant worrywort. So I probably should read this too once I'm done with it. I recently read a book entitled, "Who Moved My Cheeze?", by Dr. Spencer Johnson. If you've never heard of it, I would highly suggest it to anyone. Now, for those of you who know me, you know that for me (an avid non-reader of books) to go out and buy a book at the bookstore is an abslolute miracle! It was probably the fact that it's not long and has big print, but this particular book does shed alot of light on the subject of change. Once you get past your fear of it, you can notice the other doors that are open for you when one has closed. And maybe, just maybe, there might be something better out there. So for a quick read that is, in my opinion, very good, check out that book!


Ever notice that today's advertisements are getting more and more desperate? I mean, take a look at those Viagra commercials, for example. As if the fact that it's a sexual performance enhancer isn't subtle enough, you have to have a visual of a bunch of old couples! And that goes for all those 'Herbal' substitutes for Viagra as well. Now, I have nothing against people in their "upper age" wanting to be more active sexually. In fact, more power to 'em! But please! Do you have to involve all forms of media? Keep it personal, will ya?! It just tortures us "youngin's" with vain visuals of our parents having sex. OH THE HORROR!!! Would that be considered punitive psychological damage? I mean, next you'll see a full 30 minute infomercial on it!!Maybe I could get a case filed against it or something...

Another advertisement that just chaps my lips is the one where this chick from a health club comes online and advertises "The Spasomatic", or something like that. You know what I'm talking about. The device that looks like a mini EKG machine with all those patches that you attach to muscles in your body. These patches then "stimulate" muscles to move by sending electric pulses to them. Who on God's green Earth would spend money on this load of crap? I guess what they're really saying is that if I hold the power line that attaches to my house, I'll stimulate every muscle and lose tons of weight, right? Maybe 'Old Sparky' gave inmates a slimdown before dying? They sure looked thinner afterward! Hey! Here's an idea! Let's tone down the voltage just a bit and market it as "The Spasomatic"!! We'll make millions!
Desperate times call for desperate measures, but this is ridiculous!


Ok. I think I'm just about sick to death over this "Survivor" craze. Everywhere I turn it's 'Survivor' this and 'Survivor' that. Can't anybody think of anything better to do? I mean for Christ sake, get a life! If you have to gawk and stare at a TV screen over a bunch of greedy backstabbers on an island to have fulfillment in your life, then you have a serious problem. "Oh, but it's so realistic! You really get into the lives of these people and become a part of their Tribe when you are thrust into their harsh world. Then you realize just how good you have it here in your own life."...
Bullshit!!
Hell, the damm show isn't even real! The f****n' producers admited to staging the scenes to make them more dramatic and literally decide the outcome of who gets kicked off the island. It's about as real as WWF Wrestling. How's that for 'reality' TV? One thing is for certain though, I do realize that I have it better where I'm at now. Because I sure wouldn't want to be on a deserted island with a camera crew up my ass 24/7! (Where DO they plug in those cameras? Hmmm...I wonder...Maybe on the commercial set across from where they are actually filming the show? Hmm....I just don't know)
And to make matters even more annoying, on every radio station, it seems, there is a morning show devoted to it. As if the TV show wasn't enough, now you got a bunch of morning DJ's bowing down to every word that comes from a 'Survivor' candidate. Doesn't anybody play music in the morning? Oh, I know. Some stations do play music...inbetween 'Survivor' trivia. I hear that they're even considering a 'Survivor' soundtrack but are being delayed by a lawsuit by the actual band "Survivor".
And that's another thing I wanted to mention. All the f****n' lawsuits over this stupid "reality show". A candidate sues over being let go unfairly, to rigging the outcome of the show; the list goes on and on. I guess it's not enough to prove on national TV that you're a greedy grabass by just appearing on it, you have to file a dumbass lawsuit over it! Man, when they say "Stop lawsuit abuse!", I think of s**t like this. Sooner or later, the producers are going to realize that this whole thing was a bad idea. I can only pray that 'Survivor 3' is delayed indefinitely by setbacks from its own creation and never gets done. But until then, I'll just skip over that channel and watch cartoons on TV; listen to CD's in the car.


I think I'll do this week's commentary in the format of a person with Tourret's Syndrome; only with song lyric outbursts.
Here goes...
I'm so glad that Disney decided to start making movies that appeal somewhat to adults as well as kids. [Rock the Lama-lama!] I mean if it weren't for that, [I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me] we'd all probably go insane with the cuteness level reaching high levels. [I know you're f***ing someone else!] Since I have two unbelievable rugrats,[Kill Da Wabbit!] I can appreciate this too. It makes being a parent a little more tolerable [Who let the Dawgs out??]...sort of. Now instead of cringing to the thought of sitting through another disney flick, [I am Iron Man!] I can sort-of look forward to watching it with my boys. Maybe they realized that parents have to watch these movies too. [You might as well be walking on the sun] With that fact, one would realize that it is the adults that take their kids to the movies, or buy them at the store. [I'm your Venus, I'm your fire, what's your desire] You think they would have catered a little bit towards the adults sooner, [I've got big balls, she's got big balls] but I guess not. Oh well, everything must evolve sooner or later. [I wanna f**k you like an animal!] I just wish that this evolution could have come sooner because some of the earlier movies are almost too sickning to watch, cuteness-wise. [I fell in love with a beautiful stranger]


I got to thinking today, after I was reading an article on the recent school shootings, about my feelings on this subject. I just thought I'd share them for the hell of it! One of the most important factors leading to these shootings, according to the so-called experts, is the large presence of bullying in our schools. Because of this, according to them, the victims feel rage and are pushed over the limit to the point of acting out irrationally. These irrational acts of violence are what we then read about in the newspaper, or watch on the news. My only comment on this centers on the word 'Irrational'. Is it really considered irrational to feel rage over being picked on? Pushed around? Pointed at for being different? Put in the center of a myriad of jokes for all the school take part of?

I don't think so.

I for one agree, in part, with the feelings that the shooters had. It is NOT irrational to have feelings of rage over these things. I was picked on pretty much throughout school and had rage bottled up inside of me for 12 years. So much so, that I attempted suicide 8 times to no avail. This just added fuel to my fire. Vengeance is a dish best served cold .... and after 12 years, I was 0 Degrees Kelvin baby! There were many times I wished I had a gun to blow the living shit out of those who would make my life unbearable. I sometimes wished that I had a huge Vulcan Gattlin with a whole backpack full of rounds and walk into school and specifically shoot those who gave me grief. That would have almost constituted the whole school, so I would also have an extra side arm M-9 and possibly an MK-185. Not to mention the 3 bowie knives and daggers I would have strapped all over my legs and arms. Forget the .38 revolver and shotgun shit, I think large! I even had dreams about it ... I felt better enough in the morning to stand going to school once again. It frequently became a subject of my daydreams and still haunts me to a lesser extreme today.
So to me, these shooters are nothing more than repressed kids who fulfilled their fantasies. I'm sure they had these daydreams and thoughts too. Only they got caught. If they had done things like this in the town where I grew up in, they probably wouldn't have as much trouble getting away with it if they thought it through a little. So, irrational? No, I don't think so.
What I do think is irrational is the way that these kids got a hold of weapons so easily. From their parents or guardians was the typical response. THAT, my friends, is the only thing that is irrational about these tragedies. The fact that you, as a parent, have these weapons (One parent collected shotguns, I do believe) and leave them lying around the house so that anybody, including your son or daughter, can get a hold of them. "Oh, but I kept them locked up so that Billy-Bob wouldn't get to them"
So Fucking What!!
You don't think that your kids will be able to get to them or unlock the clever padlock you placed on a glass cabinet? (HELLO! It's glass!) These parents seriously underestimate the intelligence of the modern child. I for one am not going to make that mistake. I don't carry guns around the house. I abhor guns. But that doesn't mean that I won't teach my kids about them and what they do to someone. Parental education is alot better than what kids see on the TV. You also cannot hide anything from your children. That's what makes them curious. And a curious kid around a gun makes them dead. And that goes for any weapon. I've already started teaching my kids about weapons. Right now, I've limited it to 18" daggers. We might get to guns later, but not right now. My oldest is only 4. But he knows more than the average kid about weapons already. I hope to continue this and remain an open channel for him to communicate with when he goes through the tough times that I went through as a kid. And when the youngest comes of age, I'll teach him the same as well. I love my children and will do everything I can to teach them how to deal with anger in positive manners as well as teach them about the weapons of the modern front...


This time, I actually have something to say instead of being bored. I've really been amazed/appalled by the media coverage of the disappearance of Chandra Levy. You know, that D.C. intern that's been missing since April 30th. Too much information is not known about this incident to warrant such media coverage. I mean c'mon, it's just one person. How many people go missing every year and don't get this kind of coverage? This is rediculous! It's pretty obvious that the only reason her name ever came up is because she's a Jewish intern who comes from a rich Jewish family. And the fact that she's been giving BJ's to a Democrat just spurs the Republicans on to "bring this to light". The only difference between this and the Monica Lewinsky thing is that the intern is missing so the Republican press cannot ask her any questions to link anything to Gary Condit for a nationally covered trial...
And Condit really DID have "sexual relations" with that woman! You GO Boy!
I swear the media looks for these things and really jumps-and-humps them, much like Condit and Levy. With the attention that Condit is getting, everyone involved, including the rich Jewish parents, is forgetting the real problem: someone is missing. All I got to say to these fucking media lackeys is: Stop interfering with the search for this ho--I mean intern, so she can come back home to her sexually Kosher life. Then I'm pretty sure you can have all the press coverage you can poke a dick into with the stories that you help develop.


Recently, I rented"Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone" on DVD: Although the movie is pretty good for kids and those strange middle-age folks who also read kids books, this movie turned me off in several ways.
1) It's another example of British film making: Natural lighting makes this movie hard to see at times. Unless you're used to hard British accents, this movie is hard to listen to as well. Of course, that's exactly what the movie makers want; for you to go back and see it and catch all that you couldn't understand. Anyway, just like any other British-set movie it drags with too much detail as the director attempts to put a book's details into cinema.
2)The setting reminds me alot of "The Wall" in that all the kids are dressed up in British prepschool garb with the typical Elizabethan era decor. It just made me want to sing "...We don't need no education..." in an outlandish British accent.
3)The orchestration volume is overdone in several areas of the movie when it shouldn't be and vice versa. Although the orchestration score is not that bad. (I might consider buying it). If I were the sound editor on this film, I'd totally reverse the volume settings on 80% of the flick.
4)This movie is too fucking long!! At 152 minutes, this movie pushes the limits of the average adult's attention span, let alone a child's. And there are deleted scenes as well on disc 2...ZZZZZzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha? Where was I? Oh yeah! At first I was intrigued by this movie, but after 30 minutes of it, I got bored.
5)It's a book brought to the world of film. This always poses a problem to any director who wants to take on the task of bringing to live action a tale with too many details for the eye. There have been very few films that were done well where the original story came from a book. "The Wizard of Oz", "Brahm Stoker's Dracula", "The Green Mile" are a few that I can think of. This won't be one of those. It leaves out too many details. And on top of that, it's a fad. Fads brought to film always fade in their original format. This should have been well left alone as a book. And to think, this is part one of seven! Oh shit....


I must apologize for not updating this site on a more frequent basis. Rarely do I find the time to write commentary nowadays. Between work, the kids, and the stress that accompanies them, I hardly have the time to take a shit in peace. Not to mention that Jen likes to use the computer frequently. All-in-all it's just not as interesting to me as it was 2 years ago and I don't find it worthwhile to maintain the site if nobody ever looks at it.
Or perhaps I'm just lazy?
Anyway, enough of that! Why should I care if anyone reads this or not? It's just an aside commentary anyway! So if you read this, great! If you don't....well that's great too!
Recently I saw my brother for the first time in 3 years. He came down to visit my Mom and managed to swing by Austin for a brief (but fun!) visit. It sure is a treat (or curse?) to have the 2 Guajardo brothers in one room. We reminisced a little, joked around alot and competed a little on our "Captain Kirk" impersonations. It was pretty fun, although Jen and my Mom would probably dissagree. One of the most enlightening chats my Brother and I has was concerning his 20 year High School reunion located in good 'ol Brownsville Texas. Aptly named for the overall color of the town in more ways than just skin tone. Recently retired from the NAVY, he has alot to talk about with his friends. From what he told me though, not many had much of anything to talk about! He chalked the whole experience as typical "Brownsville-style" and overall was a huge disappointment. To quote my Brother, "The fuckin' DJ needed to be shot and nobody in that entire fuckin' bar could make a mixed drink!"
By the way, did I mention that my Brother cursed like a sailor?
Anyway, it got me thinking. Is that the way my High School reunion will be? Just the same old cliques and groups that there were 10 years ago, just older? Eh, most likely. That 's why I don't plan on attending. Unless someone really requests my there, which isn't likely to happen. I don't really have anybody I'm dying to see from my school days. In fact, I'm trying hard to purge all those memories away. I've maintained some contact with old friends, what few I have, and that's enough for me. Reunions are ideas with good intentions that are often poorly carried out with those same intentions. Why waste your time. I'd rather spend it with my family and close friends NOW, instead of living in the past.


Page made by Dordan Thann.
Last fiddled with: August 27, 2002.