Ok, finally I
have moved over the commentary pages from ICQ. This
little diddy is mainly to keep you guys up to date on
events from the previous week but in a different light:
coming from the perspective of Dordanfish! Unfortunately,
the media has a stranglehold on the Election coverage so
why bother talking about that. You know, this really wasn't
even an issue for me until it started affecting my job
and the work that I do. I wouldn't have even thought
twice about the election; knowing that once woken up by
my alarm clock on November 8th, a new President will have
been chosen. Well screw that! This sucks!! And now I
realize that I've been talking about the election when I
said I wasn't. Sorry! Next subject: Mirrors! Do they
really always tell the truth? I seem to disagree with
that old saying. The mirror only reflects the outside of
one's being. That is not enough to give a true
perspective of anything. So many people look into the
mirror every day and start thinking about how they look
or what they're going to wear. Or perhaps say, "Oh
my God, what have I become?", or get depressed at
the fact that they are not attractive and go about their
lives miserable. Although just about everyone is guilty
of doing this, I don't think that was what the inventor
of the mirror intended when it was created. Over time,
the mirror has become sort of a psychological symbol.
Resembling not just ourselves, but the blunt truth of the
world around us. Like so many things this object has been
transcendentalized to be more than it is in actuality.
Maybe we should just take it for what it really is: A
guide to vision. So the next time you get up and look in
the mirror and start to think heavily on what you see
there, STOP!! Comb your hair, brush your teeth, do
whatever it is you do in the morning and get going. Your
mind can provide you with a much more vivid picture of
who you are, and who others are, than a mere piece of
polished glass...
So the Holidays are upon us again
like taxes and once again I'm stumped as to what to get
everyone for Christmas. And on top of that, I cannot even
tell my wife what I want for Christmas. Oh yeah, she
wants a foot soaker/massager. Maybe I should just ask for
a nose warmer or something like that! Nahh! Too often
mistaken for socks these days. You know that this season
really sucks when all that concerns you this time of year
is the presents you get for others or what you're going
to get. Heaven forbid we all get fruitcake for Christmas.
Actually, I am rather fond of fruitcake myself being the
oddball that I am. (Yes I know that comes to quite a
shock to you!) You're probably expecting some deep
insightfull message as to the true meaning of this great
holiday season but alas, I am lacking in that area. I
know it really is the celebration of the birth of Jesus,
but that all gets washed down the credit card with all
the eastern syndicates running the commercial racket,
quoting Lucy from "A Charlie Brown Christmas".
In fact, ask anybody on the streets of New York what the
true meaning of Christmas is and you'll probably get an
answer based upon the Almighty...Dollar, that is. On
Friday, we saw the first signs of the traditional "Santa
Clause Rally" on Wall St. Do they call this a Jesus
rally? No, because that would be too derivative. We must
expand upon the simple to include more, these days. After
all, man cannot live on bread alone, he needs champagne
and caviar, as well the new cherry red Ferrari F-355
parked in a newly built 25000 Sqr/ft mansion. Isn't that
right?
I can remember one truly great
Christmas in my childhood: I was around 6 or 7, and we
had barely any money again for the holidays. I colored
two identical pictures of a Christmas tree and a candy
cane and cut the pictures out so I could glue them
together with some cotton balls inbetween. I carefully
wrapped each of them and gave my Mom the candy cane, and
my Dad the Christmas tree. For the first time, I saw my
Dad's eyes light up with joy when he got his present. He
wasn't drunk that Christmas, and I could truly see joy in
his eyes instead of blood-shot. I don't remember what I
got for Christmas that year, in fact, I could care less.
All that mattered was joy that year, that one memory of
happiness that I could carry with pride all throughout my
life. So you see, you CAN have a Merry Christmas with
nothing in the bank. Presents are nothing without a
reason behind it...
At times I think back at what I
learned from the people I've loved. No matter who you are,
the people you love always seem to leave their mark on
you somehow. Whether it was good or bad, you know it's
true. And so, with that in mind, here are the good things
I've learned from the people I've loved. Namely: "To
All the Girls I've Loved Before...
Lauren: You opened my eyes for
the first time to love in all its glory. Also, you rubbed
off your environmental concerns and respect for nature.
That's why I'm on this site now! Thank you Lauren.
Erinn: You refined my taste in
colors and olfactoy stimulation with herbs and other
California things, as well as the value of a good friend.
Thank you Erinn.
Mandy: You taught me to lighten
up a little! Thank you Mandy.
Emily: You accentuated the value
of my own beliefs, without which I would not be the
person I am today. Thank you Emily.
Liz: There are so many things I've
learned from you, my friend. The best one would be how
you taught me to sift through the bullshit of life and
find the truth. Thank you Liz.
Kristen: You opened my eyes and
inspired me to learn the truth about Wicca. Although I am
still Christian, I can respect it more and fear it less.
Thank you Kristen.
Eileen: You taught me so much on
how to love a woman, both physically and spiritually. And,
you helped me to discover what I want out of a
relationship. Thank you Eileen.
Ersula: At the time I met you,
you had a 6 month-old son. I learned that kids aren't all
that bad...boy was I mistaken! (J/K) Thank you Ersula.
Jen: Last, but certainly not
least. You taught me to keep my hopes up when things look
bleak; To laugh when times were grim; To love when anger
swelled. Although I've never told you, it was your
courageous spirit that inspired me to end the "war"
with my Father and bring peace to my heart and mind
before he passed away. I cannot thank you enough, Jen.
Failure: A word that we all wish
didn't exist at times. That word strikes fear into the
hearts and minds of many, yet is oftentimes overrated in
my opinion. What is failure? The inability to complete a
said task? Or the constant reminder from life that there
are some limits that need to be pushed. I say "need"
to be pushed because if we were to assume that failure in
a certain task meant that we were not supposed to try it,
then why attempt it? I believe that we are driven to
obtain something better. Failure is just the natural
process of achieving something better. It should not be
feared, but welcomed. It's kinda like how some people
fear death. Why? It's inevitable. We all live to die, why
fear the obvious? The same should apply to failure. It
too is inevitable. How else do we achieve something
better without it? Too often we think that obtaining
something better comes to us without a fight when in fact,
nothing could be further from the truth. So I say to
failure, "Bring it on!". It only shows I'm on
the right path of learning and by golly, I am sure
learning alot!
How many times have you been
faced with a situation of dire importance only to find
out that the conclusion is a timespan away? You know what
I'm talking about, being put on pins and needles. When
you suddenly discover that you have a bottomless pit
located in your stomach. When caffeine is a double-edged
sword: keeping you awake when you need to be sleeping,
yet keeping you alert for the final conclusion. When your
nails suddenly decrease in size due to teeth mangling.
When your imagination is at its evil best, conjuring up
conclusions of every sort, from every angle, in every
imaginable situation. Sometimes it seems that too much
rides on situations like these: Pregnancy tests; mortgage
foreclosures; job layoffs; various medical outcomes;
death...Just to name a few.
I admit, I've been at fault for
"pacing the aisle" many-a-time, we all have I'm
sure. I go through more pairs of shoes and more bottles
of Dr Pepper that way! I'm a constant worrywort. So I
probably should read this too once I'm done with it. I
recently read a book entitled, "Who Moved My Cheeze?",
by Dr. Spencer Johnson. If you've never heard of it, I
would highly suggest it to anyone. Now, for those of you
who know me, you know that for me (an avid non-reader of
books) to go out and buy a book at the bookstore is an
abslolute miracle! It was probably the fact that it's not
long and has big print, but this particular book does
shed alot of light on the subject of change. Once you get
past your fear of it, you can notice the other doors that
are open for you when one has closed. And maybe, just
maybe, there might be something better out there. So for
a quick read that is, in my opinion, very good, check out
that book!
Ever notice that
today's advertisements are getting more and more
desperate? I mean, take a look at those Viagra
commercials, for example. As if the fact that it's a
sexual performance enhancer isn't subtle enough, you have
to have a visual of a bunch of old couples! And that goes
for all those 'Herbal' substitutes for Viagra as well.
Now, I have nothing against people in their "upper
age" wanting to be more active sexually. In fact,
more power to 'em! But please! Do you have to involve all
forms of media? Keep it personal, will ya?! It just
tortures us "youngin's" with vain visuals of
our parents having sex. OH THE HORROR!!! Would that be
considered punitive psychological damage? I mean, next
you'll see a full 30 minute infomercial on it!!Maybe I
could get a case filed against it or something...
Another
advertisement that just chaps my lips is the one where
this chick from a health club comes online and advertises
"The Spasomatic", or something like that. You
know what I'm talking about. The device that looks like a
mini EKG machine with all those patches that you attach
to muscles in your body. These patches then "stimulate"
muscles to move by sending electric pulses to them. Who
on God's green Earth would spend money on this load of
crap? I guess what they're really saying is that if I
hold the power line that attaches to my house, I'll
stimulate every muscle and lose tons of weight, right?
Maybe 'Old Sparky' gave inmates a slimdown before dying?
They sure looked thinner afterward! Hey! Here's an idea!
Let's tone down the voltage just a bit and market it as
"The Spasomatic"!! We'll make millions!
Desperate times call for desperate measures, but this is
ridiculous!
Ok. I think I'm just about sick
to death over this "Survivor" craze. Everywhere
I turn it's 'Survivor' this and 'Survivor' that. Can't
anybody think of anything better to do? I mean for Christ
sake, get a life! If you have to gawk and stare at a TV
screen over a bunch of greedy backstabbers on an island
to have fulfillment in your life, then you have a serious
problem. "Oh, but it's so realistic! You really get
into the lives of these people and become a part of their
Tribe when you are thrust into their harsh world. Then
you realize just how good you have it here in your own
life."...
Bullshit!!
Hell, the damm show isn't even real! The f****n'
producers admited to staging the scenes to make them more
dramatic and literally decide the outcome of who gets
kicked off the island. It's about as real as WWF
Wrestling. How's that for 'reality' TV? One thing is for
certain though, I do realize that I have it better where
I'm at now. Because I sure wouldn't want to be on a
deserted island with a camera crew up my ass 24/7! (Where
DO they plug in those cameras? Hmmm...I wonder...Maybe on
the commercial set across from where they are actually
filming the show? Hmm....I just don't know)
And to make matters even more annoying, on every radio
station, it seems, there is a morning show devoted to it.
As if the TV show wasn't enough, now you got a bunch of
morning DJ's bowing down to every word that comes from a
'Survivor' candidate. Doesn't anybody play music in the
morning? Oh, I know. Some stations do play music...inbetween
'Survivor' trivia. I hear that they're even considering a
'Survivor' soundtrack but are being delayed by a lawsuit
by the actual band "Survivor".
And that's another thing I wanted to mention. All the f****n'
lawsuits over this stupid "reality show". A
candidate sues over being let go unfairly, to rigging the
outcome of the show; the list goes on and on. I guess it's
not enough to prove on national TV that you're a greedy
grabass by just appearing on it, you have to file a
dumbass lawsuit over it! Man, when they say "Stop
lawsuit abuse!", I think of s**t like this. Sooner
or later, the producers are going to realize that this
whole thing was a bad idea. I can only pray that 'Survivor
3' is delayed indefinitely by setbacks from its own
creation and never gets done. But until then, I'll just
skip over that channel and watch cartoons on TV; listen
to CD's in the car.
I think I'll do this week's
commentary in the format of a person with Tourret's
Syndrome; only with song lyric outbursts.
Here goes...
I'm so glad that Disney decided to start making movies
that appeal somewhat to adults as well as kids. [Rock the
Lama-lama!] I mean if it weren't for that, [I'm a loser,
baby, so why don't you kill me] we'd all probably go
insane with the cuteness level reaching high levels. [I
know you're f***ing someone else!] Since I have two
unbelievable rugrats,[Kill Da Wabbit!] I can appreciate
this too. It makes being a parent a little more tolerable
[Who let the Dawgs out??]...sort of. Now instead of
cringing to the thought of sitting through another disney
flick, [I am Iron Man!] I can sort-of look forward to
watching it with my boys. Maybe they realized that
parents have to watch these movies too. [You might as
well be walking on the sun] With that fact, one would
realize that it is the adults that take their kids to the
movies, or buy them at the store. [I'm your Venus, I'm
your fire, what's your desire] You think they would have
catered a little bit towards the adults sooner, [I've got
big balls, she's got big balls] but I guess not. Oh well,
everything must evolve sooner or later. [I wanna f**k you
like an animal!] I just wish that this evolution could
have come sooner because some of the earlier movies are
almost too sickning to watch, cuteness-wise. [I fell in
love with a beautiful stranger]
I got to thinking
today, after I was reading an article on the recent
school shootings, about my feelings on this subject. I
just thought I'd share them for the hell of it! One of
the most important factors leading to these shootings,
according to the so-called experts, is the large presence
of bullying in our schools. Because of this, according to
them, the victims feel rage and are pushed over the limit
to the point of acting out irrationally. These irrational
acts of violence are what we then read about in the
newspaper, or watch on the news. My only comment on this
centers on the word 'Irrational'. Is it really considered
irrational to feel rage over being picked on? Pushed
around? Pointed at for being different? Put in the center
of a myriad of jokes for all the school take part of?
I don't think so.
I for one agree,
in part, with the feelings that the shooters had. It is
NOT irrational to have feelings of rage over these things.
I was picked on pretty much throughout school and had
rage bottled up inside of me for 12 years. So much so,
that I attempted suicide 8 times to no avail. This just
added fuel to my fire. Vengeance is a dish best served
cold .... and after 12 years, I was 0 Degrees Kelvin baby!
There were many times I wished I had a gun to blow the
living shit out of those who would make my life
unbearable. I sometimes wished that I had a huge Vulcan
Gattlin with a whole backpack full of rounds and walk
into school and specifically shoot those who gave me
grief. That would have almost constituted the whole
school, so I would also have an extra side arm M-9 and
possibly an MK-185. Not to mention the 3 bowie knives and
daggers I would have strapped all over my legs and arms.
Forget the .38 revolver and shotgun shit, I think large!
I even had dreams about it ... I felt better enough in
the morning to stand going to school once again. It
frequently became a subject of my daydreams and still
haunts me to a lesser extreme today.
So to me, these shooters are nothing more than repressed
kids who fulfilled their fantasies. I'm sure they had
these daydreams and thoughts too. Only they got caught.
If they had done things like this in the town where I
grew up in, they probably wouldn't have as much trouble
getting away with it if they thought it through a little.
So, irrational? No, I don't think so.
What I do think is irrational is the way that these kids
got a hold of weapons so easily. From their parents or
guardians was the typical response. THAT, my friends, is
the only thing that is irrational about these tragedies.
The fact that you, as a parent, have these weapons (One
parent collected shotguns, I do believe) and leave them
lying around the house so that anybody, including your
son or daughter, can get a hold of them. "Oh, but I
kept them locked up so that Billy-Bob wouldn't get to
them"
So Fucking What!!
You don't think that your kids will be able to get to
them or unlock the clever padlock you placed on a glass
cabinet? (HELLO! It's glass!) These parents seriously
underestimate the intelligence of the modern child. I for
one am not going to make that mistake. I don't carry guns
around the house. I abhor guns. But that doesn't mean
that I won't teach my kids about them and what they do to
someone. Parental education is alot better than what kids
see on the TV. You also cannot hide anything from your
children. That's what makes them curious. And a curious
kid around a gun makes them dead. And that goes for any
weapon. I've already started teaching my kids about
weapons. Right now, I've limited it to 18" daggers.
We might get to guns later, but not right now. My oldest
is only 4. But he knows more than the average kid about
weapons already. I hope to continue this and remain an
open channel for him to communicate with when he goes
through the tough times that I went through as a kid. And
when the youngest comes of age, I'll teach him the same
as well. I love my children and will do everything I can
to teach them how to deal with anger in positive manners
as well as teach them about the weapons of the modern
front...
This time, I actually have
something to say instead of being bored. I've really been
amazed/appalled by the media coverage of the
disappearance of Chandra Levy. You know, that D.C. intern
that's been missing since April 30th. Too much
information is not known about this incident to warrant
such media coverage. I mean c'mon, it's just one person.
How many people go missing every year and don't get this
kind of coverage? This is rediculous! It's pretty obvious
that the only reason her name ever came up is because she's
a Jewish intern who comes from a rich Jewish family. And
the fact that she's been giving BJ's to a Democrat just
spurs the Republicans on to "bring this to light".
The only difference between this and the Monica Lewinsky
thing is that the intern is missing so the Republican
press cannot ask her any questions to link anything to
Gary Condit for a nationally covered trial...
And Condit really DID have "sexual relations"
with that woman! You GO Boy!
I swear the media looks for these things and really jumps-and-humps
them, much like Condit and Levy. With the attention that
Condit is getting, everyone involved, including the rich
Jewish parents, is forgetting the real problem: someone
is missing. All I got to say to these fucking media
lackeys is: Stop interfering with the search for this ho--I
mean intern, so she can come back home to her sexually
Kosher life. Then I'm pretty sure you can have all the
press coverage you can poke a dick into with the stories
that you help develop.
Recently, I
rented"Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone"
on DVD: Although the movie is pretty good for kids and
those strange middle-age folks who also read kids books,
this movie turned me off in several ways.
1) It's another example of British film making: Natural
lighting makes this movie hard to see at times. Unless
you're used to hard British accents, this movie is hard
to listen to as well. Of course, that's exactly what the
movie makers want; for you to go back and see it and
catch all that you couldn't understand. Anyway, just like
any other British-set movie it drags with too much detail
as the director attempts to put a book's details into
cinema.
2)The setting reminds me alot of "The Wall" in
that all the kids are dressed up in British prepschool
garb with the typical Elizabethan era decor. It just made
me want to sing "...We don't need no education..."
in an outlandish British accent.
3)The orchestration volume is overdone in several areas
of the movie when it shouldn't be and vice versa.
Although the orchestration score is not that bad. (I
might consider buying it). If I were the sound editor on
this film, I'd totally reverse the volume settings on 80%
of the flick.
4)This movie is too fucking long!! At 152 minutes, this
movie pushes the limits of the average adult's attention
span, let alone a child's. And there are deleted scenes
as well on disc 2...ZZZZZzzzzzzz....Huh? Wha? Where was I?
Oh yeah! At first I was intrigued by this movie, but
after 30 minutes of it, I got bored.
5)It's a book brought to the world of film. This always
poses a problem to any director who wants to take on the
task of bringing to live action a tale with too many
details for the eye. There have been very few films that
were done well where the original story came from a book.
"The Wizard of Oz", "Brahm Stoker's
Dracula", "The Green Mile" are a few that
I can think of. This won't be one of those. It leaves out
too many details. And on top of that, it's a fad. Fads
brought to film always fade in their original format.
This should have been well left alone as a book. And to
think, this is part one of seven! Oh shit....
I must
apologize for not updating this site on a more frequent
basis. Rarely do I find the time to write commentary
nowadays. Between work, the kids, and the stress that
accompanies them, I hardly have the time to take a shit
in peace. Not to mention that Jen likes to use the
computer frequently. All-in-all it's just not as
interesting to me as it was 2 years ago and I don't find
it worthwhile to maintain the site if nobody ever looks
at it.
Or perhaps I'm just lazy?
Anyway, enough of that! Why should I care if anyone reads
this or not? It's just an aside commentary anyway! So if
you read this, great! If you don't....well that's great
too!
Recently I saw my brother for the first time in 3 years.
He came down to visit my Mom and managed to swing by
Austin for a brief (but fun!) visit. It sure is a treat (or
curse?) to have the 2 Guajardo brothers in one room. We
reminisced a little, joked around alot and competed a
little on our "Captain Kirk" impersonations. It
was pretty fun, although Jen and my Mom would probably
dissagree. One of the most enlightening chats my Brother
and I has was concerning his 20 year High School reunion
located in good 'ol Brownsville Texas. Aptly named for
the overall color of the town in more ways than just skin
tone. Recently retired from the NAVY, he has alot to talk
about with his friends. From what he told me though, not
many had much of anything to talk about! He chalked the
whole experience as typical "Brownsville-style"
and overall was a huge disappointment. To quote my
Brother, "The fuckin' DJ needed to be shot and
nobody in that entire fuckin' bar could make a mixed
drink!"
By the way, did I mention that my Brother cursed like a
sailor?
Anyway, it got me thinking. Is that the way my High
School reunion will be? Just the same old cliques and
groups that there were 10 years ago, just older? Eh, most
likely. That 's why I don't plan on attending. Unless
someone really requests my there, which isn't likely to
happen. I don't really have anybody I'm dying to see from
my school days. In fact, I'm trying hard to purge all
those memories away. I've maintained some contact with
old friends, what few I have, and that's enough for me.
Reunions are ideas with good intentions that are often
poorly carried out with those same intentions. Why waste
your time. I'd rather spend it with my family and close
friends NOW, instead of living in the past.
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