September 23, 2002 11:15 pm
Credit to erin for they saying "roxXxors my boxXxors" and credit goes to simple plan and good charlotte for having a concert which i will hopefully and most likely attend in a few weeks. uhhhh yeah i think thats about it.
Hola!! I know i have been neglecting my blog, but it is seriously not my fault. see the little purple men that usually live on the sun, are really my long lost cousins, and they've been here visiting. thats what they wanted me to think, but thats not the truth. they were really an alliance with the evil duckies who have regular meetings to talk about their hatred for me. and they weren't really the little purple men from the sun, they were actually the bugs that regularly bite me from outside. so once they had been invited into my house, all hell broke loose. which also explains my moodiness for the past couple days.
hehehe.... big fun was had by all...(just my delirious ramblings)
so tired... i feel like death, and my mommy says i dont look any better. i blame tory, blah tory. you made me sick you bum. you too laura! oh well... i had it coming. damn allergies. i cant think. i'd love to go to bed, but i cant cuz i sniffle and sneeze and such. other than that though, and my constant need for coffee to stay awake, the day was pretty good. danny and mark were sweeties. (danny bought me a cookie) and ummm... errrr... math was fun, i sat with bernstein buczek and erin, so it was interesting. and then... eerrrmmmm... thinking... oh yeah, my civics teacher is a fucking moron who cant teach, but the course is easy so i dont care. blah blah blah meeting after school blah blah blah make dinner blah blah blah thats about all i can remember. i do NOT want to feel crappylicious for friday. that would suck. meyahhhh
Awww mark is so cute!! he completely made my day today! i havent talked to him ALL summer and so he started talkin to me today, and it went like this:
I have been in such a bad mood lately. I've taken to writing in my blog only about the bad things, and it appears im always upset or sad but im really not. i had such a good day yesterday. i went to go see dave and andrew d in maple, and they are so much fun. and we got the pictures developed (and i put them up in the photos section) and they are so great and so funnie and so cute. i finally got to see daves school uniform, but i had to try it on first. omg id hate to have uniforms. they are so uncomfortable! and i am aware that dave is a guy, therefore he has guys clothes, and girls would be different, but all the same its not cool. and andrews doll is too funnie. omg. its this little kids doll that when u squeeze its hand it repeats in italian "im gonna break your face" three times, then starts laughing and vibrating like a maniac. too cute!! its so sad, andrew and i have a song, but ariel and i, who have been going out for over 3 months now dont. lol its cuz mine an ariels taste in music is so different.
Such a bad day. I just want to cry. I don't know how to deal with it all. I think I'm just too tired and not thinking clearly because I'm overtired. Tory thinks I need sleeping pills because I'm not sleeping enough. Yesterday, I had to leave my math class because I was having a bad allergic reaction to the portable and the whole outsidedness of it all. So Ariel and other various people spent the day poking fun and teasing me because our class is getting moved into the school. And after I had just totally fucked up our unit 1 math test, and my tiredness, I just couldn't take it. So I was kinda pissed off that they were doing this, so I wasn't exactly the nicest/most pleasant person to be around today. I mean, I'm on medical alert in all my classes. And then I get home and my mom tells me they think I was going into shock yesterday, and that I have to make a third trip to the doctors this week to see if I need an epipen. And this kinda upsets me after my day, so I email Ariel to tell him about it. And I come online maybe half an hour to get an email from him saying he's gone for the weekend. This is the first I've heard of it all... but whatever, that shouldn't bother me, I really do hope he's having a good time wherever he is. What bothers me is he didn't say a word about me telling him I was going into shock yesterday.
I cant take it anymore. Am I stupid or just invisible? did what i say not matter? or when that wasnt enough, when i knew it wouldnt be enough, was my mom invisible too? coula been prevented, coulda been stopped. i said the exact words 4 months ago. but no, im the stupid one here. i just cant do it, and they cant see that. then it got blamed on me. im going to bed. im too tired for this shit, and now i need some tissues.
today was a fairly good day... sept 11 an all sure, but this is where the phrase complete and totaly apathy comes in. if you dont know what apathy means, which i didnt tell yesterday, its basically just you couldn't care less. i ate lunch with ariel on the field behind the school, so taht was really cool. excpet for the fact that the red ants tried to eat me alive. so i got bitten like 4 times, and somehow ariel didnt get any. i knew nature hated me, but still, its just crazy. i cant go outside without getting bitten. then was more boring classes, and other than being really tired all the time, the day was fine, but i think my doctor put me on edge. im so freakin edgy. i didnt like him going down my shirt to do the stethescope thing. im pretty sure he can do that above the shirt. the fact his hand was on my boob really put me off. and he was sooo boring. good news is i weigh 5 lbs less than last time i went.
It was so damn hot today, it just wasn't fair. My school has no air conditioning, and last period I was in the portable and it was so hot. I felt all disgusting and such... so of course because I feel all gross I don't really want to be touched or anything. But I was hanging out with Ariel after school... I dunno, I felt kinda bad cuz I kept pulling away... it's just me, i know, im crazy, but i hate the heat.
Robin Black was amazing. Too much of that to talk about right now, so I'll talk about something else. Something that some guys said to me today. They said that they think that me and Tory are afraid to be alone.. they said that we always have boyfriends because we don't want to be lonely... wtf is that supposed to mean? I don't know, maybe they're just trying to be nice or something, but I'm afraid to be alone?
I don't even know what to say. Lots of angry words in my head... directed at a few certain people... and the funny thing is, they havent done anything different in the past week to make me mad. Just thinking about some things, and I can't even make these thoughts go into words right now and it's really frustrating.
Second day of school, and I already have a sick day. I have a godfuckingdamned cold and i was up the entire night sneezing and such. Im so tired, even though i stayed home, and attempted to sleep, so i was in bed for like, 6 hours during the day. and i feel the urge to go back before i fall outta my chair. but i wont...not yet anyways. one good thing about today was i got some visitors!! ariel came to see me at lunch... only bad thing about that was i was wearing my pajamas... a big shirt with teddy bears all over it... kinda embarassing, so after he was there for like 5 minutes, i went to go put on my only pajamas suitable for actualy ppl to see. i mean, i usually just wear pajama bottoms and a bra, or a shirt to bed... do i really want ppl seeing me in that? i think not. anyways, i was asleep for my next visitors, that being sarah and erin, only it wasnt real sleep, cuz i knew someone was at the door for me, it just wasn't physically possible to drag my ass outta bed to see them. finally though, i got dressed and lay around, just in time to be visited by cameron, geffen, and danny, who apparently dont understand the meaning of the phrase "dont hug me!!! im sick!!!". oh well... there was something else but i dont know if i can remember it now... oh yea!!
One more thing. During lunch, before I was gonna explode, Danny kept tickling me, so of course i kept laughing cuz i am the epitome of ticklish. So he looked at me, and told everyone i was a gothic smurf because of my outfit and because of the way i laugh and my high pitched voice... how cute is that?
I feel I owe my devoted audience of readers a loverly tale about how my first day of school went.... *waits for the cricket chirps before continuing* Firstly, don't go to ur first day of school on like, 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I tried to go to bed before midnight, but it really didn't work. My mind kept thinking about everything and everyone and ugh, it was annoying. But I got up and got my butt off to school for my normal time anyways, which would be like, 8:00 am. Damnit im a nerd. Anyways, so I got there, showed my sister around, said hello in an annoyingly perky voice to a million people, then went off to my normal place by my old locker. Went to first period, my teacher is a totaly scatterbrain... Gave us lockers, but didn't take the combo. Was talkin about how he knew alot about English, and how it originated from latin and then procedes to turn around to write on the board "brittain". stupid guy cant even spell it right. He also has this annoying habit of being stupid. When I asked to open some windows 5 minutes into class, he started into a speech about how he has a bad neck and back so he woke up sweaty. Ew. Like we care. Anyways, an hour later, wonders if its so unbearably hot in there because no one opened windows, and why didn't anyone bother to ask him if they could open them? Another annoying habit he has is being so blatant about how stupid he thinks we are. "This is civics class. *thinks about it, then turns around and writes civics on the board*" He'll say something, then turn around and write it on the board, as if we couldn't hear him and had to see it to understand what he's saying. Dude. We're NOT in grade 4!! This is grade 10!! Then is french. Please refer to Sarah and Erin's blog to see how stupid that is. There's about 35 ppl in our class, and it's all applied, academic and gifted, and most of the ppl are so smart, and i feel so stupid in there!! It's so intimidating man! Then science, which sarah is right, is prolly the best class of the day. Mr Odlum is probably the best teacher we have, and this science class reminds me exactly of last years science class, except now thers' more people and our thingies... errr.... course booklets? are bigger. Then comes lunch. Don't get me wrong, I luv them to bits, but the guys I hang out with at lunch really got to me today... I have no idea why though, and I don't know what to do during lunch, but I think I'll come home tomorrow just because of the fact that its so hot that, and so nice and cool in my apartment. All day I was thinking "omg its too hot. nobody touch me, i WILL explode". Then comes math. My math teacher is really freaky, and she gave us a bunch of homework already. On the first day... this woman has no morals! Did I mention that I got an assignment in civics class today, due on friday 13th, worth 10 PERCENT OF MY FINAL MARK??? THAT'S FREAKIN INSANE!! thats almost as much as the exam in some courses!! Oh well, after school was pretty fun, minus Kyle being an ass and all the mini spiders attackin us from all directions. They tried to eat us, but we were too smart for them. I got home and made my dinner, and then fell asleep. I was awoken three hours late by Danny, Geffen and Cameron, who then proceeded to drag me outside in my half asleep stupor. At least i fell asleep in my clothes, so that i didnt have to answer the door in my pajamas. See, no one else was home, so if i didnt answer the door, my dog wouldnt have stopped freakin out and i never would have gotten back to sleep anyways.
I am proud to say that I won over the ice cream yesterday. No Ice cream for deblee. Today, I was reading this book my moms makin me read about how to be healthier, and it was the chapter on how ppl are all fat and unhealthy, and they gave me lots of scary statistics. So I decided I'd do something good today, and go out for a run/walk. Some running, some walking. Last time I decide to do that alone. I was going along just fine when I passed a parked car with a dude in it. No biggie, jog by, ignore him. Look around 5 minutes later when I start walking, and see the same car with the same dude inside slowly driving behind me. So I think, strange, but whatever. I kept walking. He pulls up beside me and levels his speed with mine and starts talkin to me. It went something like this:
Why am I getting the feeling that tonite it's going to be a war against the ice cream? ...damn that tasty food in my house. i really must remember to tell my mommy not to buy such tasty food.
The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
I did my hour and a half of being nice, and i removed some wallpaper, and now i smell of vinegar. blech. they decided not to use the wallpaper remover, because they thought vinegar was working better. and now i smell like it... ewww... im off to showering... remind me never to remove wallpaper again. no matter how nice im trying to be
I woke up this morning again to the lovely ringing of the phone. I dunno how tory lets me wake her up all the time without blowing up at me, but i think i kept my blowing up to a minimum today. It was ariel calling, his internets finally working. he lasted over 48 hours and didnt die... i dont know if i could do that... oh well, thats just me, little computer nerd that i am. and we started talkin about his friend that upset me... and he said i should tell people when they're upsetting me... i cant do that... if someone upsets me, i dont tell them... i mean, im sure they usually figure it out... but telling them? no, when someone upsets me i tell tory, or sarah or someone like that. i tell them that im upset. maybe he's right... maybe i do take things to personally... but i cant change that...oh well...