September 23, 2002 11:15 pm

Credit to erin for they saying "roxXxors my boxXxors" and credit goes to simple plan and good charlotte for having a concert which i will hopefully and most likely attend in a few weeks. uhhhh yeah i think thats about it.

September 23, 2002 4:00 pm

Hola!! I know i have been neglecting my blog, but it is seriously not my fault. see the little purple men that usually live on the sun, are really my long lost cousins, and they've been here visiting. thats what they wanted me to think, but thats not the truth. they were really an alliance with the evil duckies who have regular meetings to talk about their hatred for me. and they weren't really the little purple men from the sun, they were actually the bugs that regularly bite me from outside. so once they had been invited into my house, all hell broke loose. which also explains my moodiness for the past couple days.

now that we have all the straightened out... have i mentioned how much i love ariel recently? i dont know, a whole lot. damn amanda for taking me away after school. damn her. oh well...

the thornhill festival was alrite. me and tory tied ourselves to each other in an interesting form of bondage with ribbon... and then we got bored and decided to eat food. hah i bet we can eat more than you, sucker! and then we basically hung around for a while, then were at andrews with a bunch of ppl and ... that was mostly it.

meyahhh... my throat hurts... i dont wanna still be sick, i just got over being sick (i think) and it made me miss going out with andrew and dave and tory and wayne, the first two who never showed up anyways. but that doesnt matter. i hate being sick. it really sucks... i say this all as i start another little mini coughing fit. oh well, all is good... NO WAIT!! *great fun was had by all*

oki im off to go download some random disney songs! disney songs roxXxors my boxXxors... figure that out, sucker! hah! *runs and hides*

September 18, 2002 10:30 pm

hehehe.... big fun was had by all...(just my delirious ramblings)

im sick. damn.

September 18, 2002 10:30 pm

so tired... i feel like death, and my mommy says i dont look any better. i blame tory, blah tory. you made me sick you bum. you too laura! oh well... i had it coming. damn allergies. i cant think. i'd love to go to bed, but i cant cuz i sniffle and sneeze and such. other than that though, and my constant need for coffee to stay awake, the day was pretty good. danny and mark were sweeties. (danny bought me a cookie) and ummm... errrr... math was fun, i sat with bernstein buczek and erin, so it was interesting. and then... eerrrmmmm... thinking... oh yeah, my civics teacher is a fucking moron who cant teach, but the course is easy so i dont care. blah blah blah meeting after school blah blah blah make dinner blah blah blah thats about all i can remember. i do NOT want to feel crappylicious for friday. that would suck. meyahhhh

September 18, 2002 7:45 pm

Awww mark is so cute!! he completely made my day today! i havent talked to him ALL summer and so he started talkin to me today, and it went like this:

xXx says:
*you can have the world, we'll create our own* says:
xXx says:
i was just readin your profile
xXx says:
and your pic...
*you can have the world, we'll create our own* says:
and what?
*you can have the world, we'll create our own* says:
bad or good
xXx says:
xXx says:
*you can have the world, we'll create our own* says:
awww thank u
xXx says:
i mean if you were here id... omfg
xXx says:
id stare at you all night youre so beautiful
xXx says:
if there was a website called wordssexiestpeople youd be the cover model

how cute is that? hehehe he made my day

September 15, 2002 10:45 pm

I have been in such a bad mood lately. I've taken to writing in my blog only about the bad things, and it appears im always upset or sad but im really not. i had such a good day yesterday. i went to go see dave and andrew d in maple, and they are so much fun. and we got the pictures developed (and i put them up in the photos section) and they are so great and so funnie and so cute. i finally got to see daves school uniform, but i had to try it on first. omg id hate to have uniforms. they are so uncomfortable! and i am aware that dave is a guy, therefore he has guys clothes, and girls would be different, but all the same its not cool. and andrews doll is too funnie. omg. its this little kids doll that when u squeeze its hand it repeats in italian "im gonna break your face" three times, then starts laughing and vibrating like a maniac. too cute!! its so sad, andrew and i have a song, but ariel and i, who have been going out for over 3 months now dont. lol its cuz mine an ariels taste in music is so different.
ariel - debby turn that crappy music off
debby- I like this song (slit my wrists by murderdolls), its telling me to kill myself
ariel- all ur music tells u to kill urself

the busses on saturday were fucked up though... i wont even go into that, but in the end it took nearly two hours from the time we left daves house to get home. at least dave and andrew kept us company waiting over a half hour for the bus. andrew is too funnie, playing with the cars on the street and all! omg and dave is sooo tall! he was standing behind me and omg i felt like such a midget! plus, the two of them are so incredibly sweet.

today i was dragged to the mall by laura with cameron danny and geffen... it wasnt too bad, except geffen and danny have no concept of personal space. more danny than geffen, but still... saw a crappy movie, then came home and tried not to fall asleep all nite.

i wanna go to ariels house tomorrow... cuz i dun have to go to school, and neither does he... but, i mean, im not allowed to go alone, and what am i gonna tell my mom? "oh yeah mom, im skipping school to go to my boyfriends house" oh yeah thats gonna go over real well. dunno how im gonna manage that but im gonna try. i'll be so disappointed if i dont get to go...

September 12, 2002 7:45 pm

Such a bad day. I just want to cry. I don't know how to deal with it all. I think I'm just too tired and not thinking clearly because I'm overtired. Tory thinks I need sleeping pills because I'm not sleeping enough. Yesterday, I had to leave my math class because I was having a bad allergic reaction to the portable and the whole outsidedness of it all. So Ariel and other various people spent the day poking fun and teasing me because our class is getting moved into the school. And after I had just totally fucked up our unit 1 math test, and my tiredness, I just couldn't take it. So I was kinda pissed off that they were doing this, so I wasn't exactly the nicest/most pleasant person to be around today. I mean, I'm on medical alert in all my classes. And then I get home and my mom tells me they think I was going into shock yesterday, and that I have to make a third trip to the doctors this week to see if I need an epipen. And this kinda upsets me after my day, so I email Ariel to tell him about it. And I come online maybe half an hour to get an email from him saying he's gone for the weekend. This is the first I've heard of it all... but whatever, that shouldn't bother me, I really do hope he's having a good time wherever he is. What bothers me is he didn't say a word about me telling him I was going into shock yesterday.

at least tory and alan decided to visit me today as a surprise. that was pretty good. tory says it was for revenge from when i made a surprise visit to her house and she was in shorts. it was too funnie.

im going to take a nap. im too tired and its making me upset cuz im getting frustrated

September 11, 2002 10:00 pm

I cant take it anymore. Am I stupid or just invisible? did what i say not matter? or when that wasnt enough, when i knew it wouldnt be enough, was my mom invisible too? coula been prevented, coulda been stopped. i said the exact words 4 months ago. but no, im the stupid one here. i just cant do it, and they cant see that. then it got blamed on me. im going to bed. im too tired for this shit, and now i need some tissues.

September 11, 2002 9:30 pm

today was a fairly good day... sept 11 an all sure, but this is where the phrase complete and totaly apathy comes in. if you dont know what apathy means, which i didnt tell yesterday, its basically just you couldn't care less. i ate lunch with ariel on the field behind the school, so taht was really cool. excpet for the fact that the red ants tried to eat me alive. so i got bitten like 4 times, and somehow ariel didnt get any. i knew nature hated me, but still, its just crazy. i cant go outside without getting bitten. then was more boring classes, and other than being really tired all the time, the day was fine, but i think my doctor put me on edge. im so freakin edgy. i didnt like him going down my shirt to do the stethescope thing. im pretty sure he can do that above the shirt. the fact his hand was on my boob really put me off. and he was sooo boring. good news is i weigh 5 lbs less than last time i went.

im just so freakin tired. all i really want right now is to just fall asleep. beside someone like i nearly did at lunch. very comforting.

the doctor told me i need more sleep. he said im slowly running myself into the ground and its not good. but my mom still hasnt said anything about me going to bed earlier... i guess i'll have to do that by myself. not starting tonite however, i'll be fine. time for finishing up hmwrk...

September 9, 2002 10:45 pm

It was so damn hot today, it just wasn't fair. My school has no air conditioning, and last period I was in the portable and it was so hot. I felt all disgusting and such... so of course because I feel all gross I don't really want to be touched or anything. But I was hanging out with Ariel after school... I dunno, I felt kinda bad cuz I kept pulling away... it's just me, i know, im crazy, but i hate the heat.

i also feel kinda bad because something happened at lunch, causing a few people, including myself, to be very mad at geffen, danny, and cameron. but i feel bad because i went home for lunch because those three have been kinda annoying me lately. and i know that if i was there at lunch, what happened wouldn't have happened. and i know its not my fault, but i cant help but feel bad. at least now we dont have to deal with them anymore (geffen, cameron, and danny). in my mind, they don't exist. i've totally had it with them and i cant take it anymore.

dave and andrew are soo sweet. i dont know why, but i spent most of yesterday talking to them, and getting to know andrew and all, and they are so incredibly sweet. and ariels been soooo sweet lately.

yeah, things happened today, but im still pretty happy. well, minus this goddamn heat. i cant wait for october or november when we have to start wearing jackets... light jackets though, i dont like big jackets. i like the cold.. but not too cold...i like the snow. i just like being cold... sleeping in the cold is funki...

September 7, 2002 6:30 pm

Robin Black was amazing. Too much of that to talk about right now, so I'll talk about something else. Something that some guys said to me today. They said that they think that me and Tory are afraid to be alone.. they said that we always have boyfriends because we don't want to be lonely... wtf is that supposed to mean? I don't know, maybe they're just trying to be nice or something, but I'm afraid to be alone? i?? i dont think so...

September 5, 2002 10:30 pm

I don't even know what to say. Lots of angry words in my head... directed at a few certain people... and the funny thing is, they havent done anything different in the past week to make me mad. Just thinking about some things, and I can't even make these thoughts go into words right now and it's really frustrating.

oh well, not a big deal...robin black tomorrow!! wo0t wo0t!!!

September 4, 2002 8:00 pm

Second day of school, and I already have a sick day. I have a godfuckingdamned cold and i was up the entire night sneezing and such. Im so tired, even though i stayed home, and attempted to sleep, so i was in bed for like, 6 hours during the day. and i feel the urge to go back before i fall outta my chair. but i wont...not yet anyways. one good thing about today was i got some visitors!! ariel came to see me at lunch... only bad thing about that was i was wearing my pajamas... a big shirt with teddy bears all over it... kinda embarassing, so after he was there for like 5 minutes, i went to go put on my only pajamas suitable for actualy ppl to see. i mean, i usually just wear pajama bottoms and a bra, or a shirt to bed... do i really want ppl seeing me in that? i think not. anyways, i was asleep for my next visitors, that being sarah and erin, only it wasnt real sleep, cuz i knew someone was at the door for me, it just wasn't physically possible to drag my ass outta bed to see them. finally though, i got dressed and lay around, just in time to be visited by cameron, geffen, and danny, who apparently dont understand the meaning of the phrase "dont hug me!!! im sick!!!". oh well... there was something else but i dont know if i can remember it now... oh yea!!

while i was sneezing and blechy this morning, i got out my scary health book. and i read a bit more of it... which therefore means it was another day of healthy food... i think whole wheat toast and chicken soup is healthy... cuz thats all i've really eaten today... the former for breakfast, the latter for lunch, and a combonation of the two for dinner... that was all i could manage to eat, and even eating that didnt feel so great.

anyways, i must be off now... although inevitably, if im not asleep, i will return.

September 3, 2002 11:30 pm

One more thing. During lunch, before I was gonna explode, Danny kept tickling me, so of course i kept laughing cuz i am the epitome of ticklish. So he looked at me, and told everyone i was a gothic smurf because of my outfit and because of the way i laugh and my high pitched voice... how cute is that?

September 3, 2002 11:10 pm

I feel I owe my devoted audience of readers a loverly tale about how my first day of school went.... *waits for the cricket chirps before continuing* Firstly, don't go to ur first day of school on like, 3 or 4 hours of sleep. I tried to go to bed before midnight, but it really didn't work. My mind kept thinking about everything and everyone and ugh, it was annoying. But I got up and got my butt off to school for my normal time anyways, which would be like, 8:00 am. Damnit im a nerd. Anyways, so I got there, showed my sister around, said hello in an annoyingly perky voice to a million people, then went off to my normal place by my old locker. Went to first period, my teacher is a totaly scatterbrain... Gave us lockers, but didn't take the combo. Was talkin about how he knew alot about English, and how it originated from latin and then procedes to turn around to write on the board "brittain". stupid guy cant even spell it right. He also has this annoying habit of being stupid. When I asked to open some windows 5 minutes into class, he started into a speech about how he has a bad neck and back so he woke up sweaty. Ew. Like we care. Anyways, an hour later, wonders if its so unbearably hot in there because no one opened windows, and why didn't anyone bother to ask him if they could open them? Another annoying habit he has is being so blatant about how stupid he thinks we are. "This is civics class. *thinks about it, then turns around and writes civics on the board*" He'll say something, then turn around and write it on the board, as if we couldn't hear him and had to see it to understand what he's saying. Dude. We're NOT in grade 4!! This is grade 10!! Then is french. Please refer to Sarah and Erin's blog to see how stupid that is. There's about 35 ppl in our class, and it's all applied, academic and gifted, and most of the ppl are so smart, and i feel so stupid in there!! It's so intimidating man! Then science, which sarah is right, is prolly the best class of the day. Mr Odlum is probably the best teacher we have, and this science class reminds me exactly of last years science class, except now thers' more people and our thingies... errr.... course booklets? are bigger. Then comes lunch. Don't get me wrong, I luv them to bits, but the guys I hang out with at lunch really got to me today... I have no idea why though, and I don't know what to do during lunch, but I think I'll come home tomorrow just because of the fact that its so hot that, and so nice and cool in my apartment. All day I was thinking "omg its too hot. nobody touch me, i WILL explode". Then comes math. My math teacher is really freaky, and she gave us a bunch of homework already. On the first day... this woman has no morals! Did I mention that I got an assignment in civics class today, due on friday 13th, worth 10 PERCENT OF MY FINAL MARK??? THAT'S FREAKIN INSANE!! thats almost as much as the exam in some courses!! Oh well, after school was pretty fun, minus Kyle being an ass and all the mini spiders attackin us from all directions. They tried to eat us, but we were too smart for them. I got home and made my dinner, and then fell asleep. I was awoken three hours late by Danny, Geffen and Cameron, who then proceeded to drag me outside in my half asleep stupor. At least i fell asleep in my clothes, so that i didnt have to answer the door in my pajamas. See, no one else was home, so if i didnt answer the door, my dog wouldnt have stopped freakin out and i never would have gotten back to sleep anyways.

that stupid book i was reading has taken away all my happiness. Not only did I go for a jog yesterday, I ate only healthy things today. Fruit, veggies, whole wheat bread.... crazy crazy book. I'm gonna bring it to school and take everyone elses happiness away too!!

although im sure theres more i wanted to say, im sure i've rambled on enough...
ok that was a lie. im just too tired to think of anything else to say other than it was too fucking hot today and my schools too old to know the meaning of the word "air conditioning." ugh... stupid ppl

September 2, 2002 12:30 pm

I am proud to say that I won over the ice cream yesterday. No Ice cream for deblee. Today, I was reading this book my moms makin me read about how to be healthier, and it was the chapter on how ppl are all fat and unhealthy, and they gave me lots of scary statistics. So I decided I'd do something good today, and go out for a run/walk. Some running, some walking. Last time I decide to do that alone. I was going along just fine when I passed a parked car with a dude in it. No biggie, jog by, ignore him. Look around 5 minutes later when I start walking, and see the same car with the same dude inside slowly driving behind me. So I think, strange, but whatever. I kept walking. He pulls up beside me and levels his speed with mine and starts talkin to me. It went something like this:

him-hey! whats up?
me-*ignores him*
him-whats up?
him-u wanna go to a party?
him-u sure?
me- yeah
him-well, then do you wanna go out sometime?
him-alrite... bye...

see?? i try to do a good thing... and it doesnt work out as it should. damn guys. thanks to averil, i have joined the "guys are retards society" or something like that. i dunno.

Anyways, schools tomorrow, so i gotta go to bed early... in an hour or so... so im gonna shut up now

September 1, 2002 11:20 pm

Why am I getting the feeling that tonite it's going to be a war against the ice cream? ...damn that tasty food in my house. i really must remember to tell my mommy not to buy such tasty food.

September 1, 2002 11:00 pm

The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
By Dashboard Confessionals

buried deep as you can dig inside yourself,
and covered with a perfect shell,
such a charming beautiful exterior.

laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
and perfect posture, but you're barely scraping by,
but you're barely scraping by.

well this is one time,
this is one time
that you can't fake it hard enough to please
everyone or anyone at all,
or anyone at all.

and the grave that you refuse to leave
the refuge that you've built to flee
the places that you've come to fear the most,
is the place that you have come to fear the most.

buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
and hidden in the public eye
such a stellar monument to loneliness.

laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes and perfect makeup,
but you're barely scaping by,
but you're barely scraping by.

well this is one time,
this is one time
that you can't fake it hard enough to please everyone,
or anyone at all, or anyone at all.

and the grave that you refuse to leave
the refuge that you've built to flee
the places that you've come to fear the most,
is the place that you have come to fear the most.

I must give credit for hooking me on Dashboard Confessionals a long time ago, (yes erin, they are your band, u discovered them and im letting the world know that) But i was reading these lyrics, and i dunno, i really like them. it kinda reminds me that too many ppl spend life just going through the motions, not really meaning what they do. random thoughts... heheh lots of those in my head tonite it seems... usually not a positive when that happens. last time, it ended up with me wondering how eskimos have sex... think about it!!! im talkin old day eskimos, in igloos... it must be cold... and on top of that, wouldnt shrinkage be a factor too?? strange strange thoughts

September 1, 2002 2:30 am

I did my hour and a half of being nice, and i removed some wallpaper, and now i smell of vinegar. blech. they decided not to use the wallpaper remover, because they thought vinegar was working better. and now i smell like it... ewww... im off to showering... remind me never to remove wallpaper again. no matter how nice im trying to be

September 1, 2002 1:00 pm

I woke up this morning again to the lovely ringing of the phone. I dunno how tory lets me wake her up all the time without blowing up at me, but i think i kept my blowing up to a minimum today. It was ariel calling, his internets finally working. he lasted over 48 hours and didnt die... i dont know if i could do that... oh well, thats just me, little computer nerd that i am. and we started talkin about his friend that upset me... and he said i should tell people when they're upsetting me... i cant do that... if someone upsets me, i dont tell them... i mean, im sure they usually figure it out... but telling them? no, when someone upsets me i tell tory, or sarah or someone like that. i tell them that im upset. maybe he's right... maybe i do take things to personally... but i cant change that...oh well...
on another topic...robin fucking black baybee! ohhh im so excited! oh yes, let's also give cheerleader their due credit, because they'll be performing too. tory were trying to find hmv yesterday so that we could find sunrise to get the tickets, but the people at the candy store gave us crappy directions, so we didnt know if we were going in the right way. so we asked the first guy we passed, and omg he had the coolest accent. he was old, but thats ok... it was like a soft british accent or something like that and it was so pretty.

tomorrow i move outta my room again. oh well, i dont even care anymore. even when i had it back, its not like i spent all the much time in there. i get the choice of spending the afternoon lounging around my apartment, or going to help my mom and her friends take wallpaper off of some guys apartment whos in a wheelchair. i think i might go for the second one. it sounds tedious and borign, but i dont wanna lounge around and i really have nothing better to do, so im off to get dressed now.