June 6, 2002 | June 8, 2002 | June 9, 2002 |
June 10, 2002 (first entry) | June 10, 2002 (second entry) |
June 11, 2002 (first entry) | June 11, 2002 (second entry) |
June 12, 2002 | June 13, 2002 | June 14, 2002 |
June 15, 2002 (first entry) | June 15, 2002 (second entry |
June 16, 2002 | June 17, 2002 | June 18, 2002 | June 19, 2002 | June 20, 2002 | June 21, 2002 (first entry) | June 21, 2002 (second entry) | June 22, 2002 | June 23, 2002 (first entry) | June 23, 2002 (second entry) | June 24, 2002 (first entry) | June 24, 2002 (second entry) | June 26, 2002 | June 27, 2002 | June 30, 2002 |

June 30, 2002

omg i havent written in a while, but there are many many reasons. i'll start at the beginning. first, on friday, i got up at 5 am... FIVE AM!!! i wasnt aware that my clock HAD a five am... but it does... then i was at torys house by 8:30, so that we could go to wonderland. it was a pretty good day, spent it with tory and ariel, spent some time in the sun, ate lots of food, got sunburned, ya know, the usual. so then we went back to torys to get changed and clean and ready for the party... but after the sun and the food... we werent feeling too good by then... so we went off anyways, walking to lauras house... stopping to see if kyle was working that day at licks, which he wasnt...but we had to stop halfway, cuz i couldnt go on... ugh... damn food, damn sun... and then we got there, messed around in her backyard a bit, watched scary movie, got topless at the school, went back to her place... but by then, i was sick... and exhausted, so i was kinda glad when my mom came to take me home...

so anyways, i got home and was too tired to write in my blog, so we moved on to saturday. that day started at 8:30, when i woke up. i went on msn, checked my email, then decided to look in torys email... i noticed she had a msg from kale... so she read it... told me to read it... long story short - it made me upset, i cried, called sarah, ariel called while i was crying, got worried, talked to me for a while, i realized i had to tell my mom everything in the past year that i've been hiding from her, including about kale and ariel and cutting myself... so i wrote her a letter, even if it meant that she mite break up ariel and i... that thought made me more upset, as well as making him upset... so i spent two hours, crying, locked in a bathroom with the lights off... so i was too nervous all day, but she had to read the letter... i had made sure to tell ariel i love him before anything happened, but i was sooo worried anyways... as it turns out, she wasnt mad, didnt break us up, and i did one of the most important things in my life. we called a friends parents to tell them something really important about their child that they had to know, or else. i was aware that my friend would probably hate me for doing it, but that was something i had to risk. anyways, it was the right thing to do... but it was hard...

on to today... got up at aroun 10 o clock for the day, and went to brush my teeth... my sister had already left for quebec, wont be seeing her for the next 5 weeks. so i went to brush my teeth, and the phone rings... i knew before i answered that it was ariel, so i kept on brushing my teeth... lol i woulda looked stupid if it was someone else... lucky for me, it was ariel... he came by around 11 to see me one last time before he left for camp... but after what happened yesterday with my mom, i was kinda paranoid. its gonna take a while to get used to being allowed to be with ariel...i felt kinda bad, cuz we were hugging, and i had to go, but he didnt wanna let me go... and its not that i wanted to let him go, i didnt, but i had to go... my mom was gonna come home to an empty house... not a good thing first thing saturday morning. so i gave him one last kiss, told him not to forget about me, and went in. and then at around 12, i decided that his bus was leaving at 1:30... why cant i talk to him before he leaves right? so i called him... and he was just on his way out, to leave for camp for three and a half weeks. *sigh* i miss him... i miss andrew... i miss kyle.... im gonna miss erin, joanna and bernstein... everyones leaving us! me an tory are all alone this summer!

btw, have fun tomorrow at edgefest tory and lexy, i wish i coulda gone with you guys...

June 27, 2002 10:30 pm

i got to see ariel today!! i didnt think i would, cuz first it was thunderstorming, then everything was wet, then i fell asleep, then i was sure i wouldnt be allowed to go out... but finally i got to see him at the park... awww i had such a good time... but i was sure my mom wouldnt let me be that close to home without checking up on me, so i was a bit paranoid... turns out she took a walk through that park, but thankfully didnt see us... and then as we were walking back to my building, she was standing there at the gate... just watching us... it was really creepy... but ariels sooo cute... i was looking at my skin and saying im was blindingly white... and hes like "no... blindingly beautiful"

i finally got my chicken... after going crazy for three days, my mom bought me chicken fingers... i was in heaven i swear...

June 26,2002 11 pm

owwwww my stomach hurts... i havent eaten in a really long time... but we dont have food i like... i like chicken... and...well chicken.. and raspberries... but noooooooooo... my mom will only buy "summer food" so that i dont start cooking and overheat... i swear to god im the only one i know who could get sunstroke or heat stroke or whatever the fuk its called on a cloudy track and field day. lol oh well

omg ariel started talkin about elena today... and i had some really really bad memories... of when she and igor got into a big fight and starting kicking the crap outta each other... and then one of em broke the glass bottle and threatened to use it on the other one... i dont really know what happened after that... i was too upset to stay so i left with someone else... i just couldnt take that situation... my friend... against *him*... ugh i hate him now... soooo much. if i never see him again, it will be much to soon... hes such an asshole!

enough ranting about insensitive jerkoffs... ariel leaves sunday! im gonna miss you sweetie!! but im thinking... me and tory were thinking actually... again, about andrew and ariel. is it fair to tie them down when they're going off to camp? i mean, camp... y'all know what happens at camp... thats pretty much what camp is for according to some ppl! i dont know what to doooooooo...

my goodness me and tory certainly are skanky... we were walking with kyle and he goes "so what does it take to get you two ladies shirtless?" and tor says "honestly? not much..." the thing is... shes right... i mean, we did it cuz we were bored one day!! but not skanks as in we sleep around.. cuz thats just not cool... oh well i just thought i should tell the world that we're whores! =) you heard me...

June 24, 2002 10:00 pm

ok now you all may or may not be wondering why guys suck... im going to write about it whether you give a damn or not

so i think all this started after my exam around 3ish when i was sleeping. i was woken up by the phone ringing, but it was tory. so when im awake enuf to call her back, shes on the phone with someone else... so i decide to call ariel. i call him and i guess hes got a bunch of his friends over, so when his brother gives him the phone, he passes it off to siddarth. so im talking to sid for a minute, when i realize they're prolly busy, so i get sid to tell ariel im gonna go, and ill talk to him later... and hes like "..ok... eventually" ...i felt ditched... for the third time in twenty four hours... and then im on the phone with tory after, and i get a beep and hello! its kyle!! i talk to kyle, and he asks me if i wanna go hang out and of course i said yes, so i call tory to come, change my outfit and go to meet tory and kyle. let me just say, i hate guys on yonge street. on the way to meet them, i pass this truck driver... and he looks at me, honks at me, waves at me... and TALKS to me... he goes "hey baby..." to which (thank god) the light turns green and he has to drive off... and then we go see kyle and we find that andrews at his house with his ex gf.... damn guy... if hes cheating on tory, im gonna break him in half i swear... so we go to walking on yonge a bit more... and some guys in a car called me a fat ho! i swear, rite then i was so upset, i just wanted to go home, lock myself in my room and cry... its bad enuf that the gifted girls have to totally reject me, and ariels ditching me for nintendo, i've got total strangers making fun of me!! and then theres these numerous other assholes just being insensitive jerkoffs, staring at tory and i... ugh... and so i get home, my name on msn is something about hating guys, and greg just has to come along and say "debby you suck. you're totally useless you know that?" and i love greg to bits, i know he doesnt mean it but i just couldnt take anymore... so all i say to him is "i really hope you dont mean that" which is when he got that i was upset and started apologising.

i think thats all i can remember about guys being jackasses today, but there was something kyle said that stuck in my head... he asked me and tory if we've ever given head... so tory gives her answer, then he looks to me for my answer, and i go to say something and he interupts me and hes like "dont bother answering, i can tell" ...now was he saying i have, or i havent?? i really cant tell and its bugging me now!!

blah thats enuf... im gonna check a list of reasons why girls hate guys... seems appropriate, eh?

June 24, 2002 9:00 pm

more on this later but... GUYS SUCK!!!
Thats all i really have time for now tho
ta ta

June 23, 2002 11:00 pm

...i feel like such a reject! apparently the gifted girls dont like me... like, not at all! but not ppl like erin and sarah... apparently the gifted girls were planning this big gettogether for after the geogrpahy exam, and they were all gonna go out and go eat then go shopping together.. and all of them knew about it... sarah found out near the end of school and she calls me today to ask if i knew about it and if i was going... but i had no idea what was going on... so sarah was talkin to seraphina on the phone, and asked if i was coming, and seraphina says something like "oh, well we didnt invite debby, cuz she doesnt really hang out with us, shes got all those other friends.. and well, bernice doesnt really want too many people to come...blah blah blah" and sarah, omg i love her, starts defending me saying stuff like "well she just doesnt eat in the caf and of course she would wanna come i mean shes still ur friends"

so i decided not to go... first cuz they fun wan me there... second cuz i wasnt invited... third cuz sarahs prolly not going... and fourth cuz i mite be doing something else...

and then later on msn, cecilia asked me if i was going... and im like no... they dun want me there.. and shes like "who? its just gonna be me, sarah and you"...so there was a second gathering planned for the same day that i wasnt invited to...

i feel like such a reject...

June 23, 2002

ok so the golf course about 15 minutes down yonge street from me is apparently haunted according to tory! and there's gonna be an investigation this fall and everything! so of course, i wanna go, so i ask tory if she wants to go walking down there with me one evening... but of course, us, being us, aren't gonna go there by ourselves... i mean duh, its supposedly haunted! so we decide to take ariel and andrew with us... only problem is they're leaving for their camps really soon... andrew on thursday... and i am ashamed to say i dont know when ariel leaves, i only know its after friday... and we decide to go tonite, so that we can actually go with them. so i even ask my mom if i can go... our only problem is andrew is at his dads house and doesnt know when hes getting home... and then its around 8:15ish, when im thinking my mom wont let me leave if it gets too late... so i ask my mom what time i should be home by (even though im not leaving, cuz andrews not home yet) and she says its too late for me to go cuz she doesnt want me going out there in the dark... like wtf?? its HAUNTED hello!! am i gonna go in the daylight?? i mean what the hell does she expect?? i even told her about the haunted part!! *sigh* so i dont get to go... but tory said i should sleep over her place sometime soon, and then we'll go, cuz her dad lets her stay out later than my mom will let me stay out, thank god... but andrew and ariel are leaving... would we really go by ourselves?? hah i doubt it

June 22, 2002 11:15 pm

...although I did have a good day today and I would love to talk about it, currently im feeling too tired and much too dizzy to think about what im actually saying so im gonna leave it at this. mwa

June 21, 2002 11:30 pm

omg I just read Toryís blog entry for today... I knew something was wrong, so I asked her earlier this evening but all she said was I canít talk, I need to write. So I knew that meant that I was definetly checking her blog tonite, even though I do it like twice a day anyways. So I went and I read it and it was about her sister, and her dad and how living in their house isnít the greatest... which started me thinking.. I started thinking about how Iím going to be alot nicer to Shannon from now on... I started thinking about the email that I will inevitably write Tory when I get around to it, telling her that I love her and that Iím always gonna be there for her. I started thinking about my home life too... and about how my dad left... and about how my sister and I nearly got taken away a few months ago... and about how my sister said she was going to take me away if things got much worse... I started thinking about how I cried when I moved into my apartment because it looked like a little hell hole... and how I tried not to cry, but the more things I moved into the apartment, the more real and the more final it became, until I couldnít take it anymore, and just sat down in the stairwell and cried. While reading Toryís entry, I started to cry, not just for me, but for her too, because I know what itís like to have a bad teenage-hood. And I was crying because I donít want her sister to go through anything like what I had to go through...

I donít think Tory knows exactly whatís going on at my house right now, but I think Iím gonna tell her... because I trust her and she might know how I feel. I mean, sure, Iíve told Sarah it all, and Iíve told Ariel part of it, but they donít really understand. They donít know what itís like... Tory... lotsa love!!

June 21, 2002 10:50 pm

today was an...interesting day... i was up kinda late last nite, so i woke up at 12:30 pm, which is really strange for me, because I'm normally up by 1:30 at the latest no matter waht... but then i spent the next few hours lying around... but this afternoon there was a huge storm... with thunder and lightening... omg those scare the fuk outta me... and there was lightening that struck about 25 feet away from the house... i was looking outside towards the apartment building beside me, and all of a sudden theres this huge white flash with a huge BOOM!!! at the same time... and i start screaming and freaking out and shaking and everything, and theres this burned spot over there on the sidewalk... holy hell it was scary... and then just after nine kale called... but i had mixed feelings about talking to him, cuz that hasnt been going very well... he always brings up him wanting to kill himself, and then i feel bad... but he didnt really want to talk on the phone, he just wanted to listen to me talk... so i told him thats not how it works and everything... oh well... things between me and him arent so great lately...

the best thing happened today though... i finally found my ring!!! although now that im looking at my finger... its gone again... and im starting to worry... but im going to run to the bathroom to see if i left it in there while i was showering..oh thank god, its returned safely to my finger once more... i was looking in my hello kitty bag for another thing which i have lost, my black eyeshadow, and i look into the smallest pocket... and i pull out a ring, adn im like w/e i lose lots of rings, it cant possibly be my claddagh ring, i've looked everywhere for that... and i look at it... AND THERE IT IS!! the bag was under my bed when i dropped the ring.. but then i lost the bag for three weeks... and now i have the ring!! yay!!

June 20, 2002 10:40 pm

it was too damn hot today, and i refused to go out. it was over 30 degrees and thats just too much damn heat for me! but i thought i mite give it a chance, so i went outside to lie on a blanket and tan with my sister. and after about 15 minutes, i wimped out and came back inside. so i went to go change clothes... and the buzzer rings... and i have no pants on.. how does this always manage to happen? ppl always call or visit when im changing or in the shower!! so in the end i ended up going to tory's house, where we swam... and im not a good swimmer but i had fun anyways... ariel looks sexy in a bathing suit... and i got to catch up with lexy, who i havent talked to in a really long time... it was actually quite fun, but the thing is, although we never really got into a fight, a few months ago me and her didnt really like each other.. its like, when we're away from each other, we start thinking that the other persons mean, or bitchy or something, even if they really arent! and so it was good to get to know her again... we have alot in common... lol we decided our boobs are our personal flotation devices... who knew boobs float on water?

June 19, 2002 10:30 pm

well there were only two positive things about today. I didn't fail my science exam, and I got to lie in Ariels lap. But other than that, today sucks. And now I have actual reasons for hating nature! Damn you fire ants! Damn you dog shit! Damn you poision ivy! I hate you all! Damn you all to tory's hell!!! ugh... this blows

June 18, 2002, 10:11 pm

i am aware that i should be attempting to sleep soon, even though i will most likely end up sleeping on my lving room floor like most days, cuz its so damn comfy, because I've got an exam tomorrow, and I still want to review my science once more before I go... but I just have to sit here and wind down... how can one day where I didn't even go to school be so stressful? Well let's see, there was five hours of studying. There was getting myself and my notes rained on. There were the bugs. And then there was the constant, nonstop ringing of the phone and doorbell all day. DUring the day, I did try to study, except for the time period where I have my lunch period. But even after that people kept coming over. So I finally gave up, and went to school to see tory and to watch her and Ariel give Daniel his birthday gift. Only to have a shoe hit my face and make my lip swell up. So I finally get home, and decide to study a bit before going on the computer. And I got two phone calls. One from Geffen, and one from my friend in Maple... oh yeah, plus all those calls that I answered that were fortunetly not for me. After I went on the computer, I started my intensive studying, aka my cramming. And honestly, the phone rang nonstop. I didnt mind talking to Ariel, and I didnt mind talking to Jesse, cuz with them I was talking about normal things. We weren't studying, they weren't asking me for page references or to explain something, they didn't need a shoulder to cry on or my advice, or for me to listen to them talk about something in particular. Not that I minded the people who called for that reason, it was just too many people all at once when I HAD to be studying for science. And then my mom banned me from the phone for the night after I completely freaked out and started throwing pillows and yelling and jumping around. Thank god. I wasn't sure if I could take any more before I just went to the park and sat all night so I could get away from ALL of it. After I was done studying, at 9:45, I watched a bit of tv. At 10, I figured kik ass I can go on the computer now, everythings good, my evening will improve... and the phone rang... for me... and it was someone needing page references and had a question about science. ANd that was when I gave up. Which is about where I am now, just sitting here hoping, but knowing that Ariel probably won't come online because he has the same exam I do, and he's probably doing the smart thing and getting a good nights sleep. I would love nothing more than just to be lying in his lap right at this moment. I would be sooooooooo happy if that were true, but it's not. Which really sucks, but I'll deal. I just hope that even with all my distractions tonite, I learned enough science to pass for tomorrow... *sigh* oh well, I guess I'll have to just wait and see...

June 17, 2002 11:00 pm

ok, well reading over everyone elses memories, and falling asleep on the floor last nite (its alot more comfortable than one mite think, trust me) i thought of alot of other memories from grade 9... so here it is, for me to look back on whenever i wonder what im missing out on this summer whenever im thinkin about how great it will be to not be at school
2001/2002 memories I remember the horrid trips to wonderland and the drunk guys who insisted on talking to me on the bus ride home. I remember the Thornhill festival and being followed home by the drunken Samir. I remember the first day of school. i remember being scared when i first got there, cuz they fucked up my schedule and i didnt know anybody... and i remember lunch time i couldnt find anyone i knew, so i gave up and went home...and i remembered the night before, jay, kale and i all promised to meet on msn the night after the first day to talk about what happened that day and everything, cuz the night before we were all talking and we were all kinda worried... I remember Tory coming over after school to see how my first day was and to tell me stories about hers and just to see how we were doing. I remember how at lunch I could never find the gifted girls so Sarah and Erin always came to my house to keep me company and eat there. I remember meeting Ariel. I remember thinking that he was kinda shy, but looked forward to getting to know him anyways. I remember talking to Ariel about the antisocialness of most gifted people and how they hardly ever flirt. I remember band camp and getting to know Daniel. I remember how I met Mitch at band camp and discovering him and Annie like each other. I remember setting Annie up with Mitch. I remember liking Daniel. I remember going trick or treating with tory, erin and daniel. I remember daniel's "miniskirt" and my see through shirt with bright blue bra I remember going out with Daniel. I remember crying one day during school because I felt like nothing I could ever do would be good enough for my english class. I remember Daniel not knowing I was upset, let alone crying for over an hour. I remember Daniel coming over after school one day, but me wanting to go see Tory so making him walk with me all the way up to Tory?s house, only to find that she wasn't even home. I remember walking away from Tory's house to see her driving down the street. I remember having heart to hearts with Tory and discovering how much in common we really do have. I remember Kale cheating on me. I remember the angry conversations and emails between Jay and Kale because Jay was mad at Kale for cheating on me. I remember what it feels like to have a thing for Andrew. I remember him being a total sweetie to me, then just us drifting apart. I remember Tory calling me up one day going "Hi Debby... guess who I'm going out with?" I remember my hamster dying. I remember Erin being there for me when my hamster died. I remember Wayne and Tory breaking up. I remember spending hours on the phone with Tory while she was upset about Wayne. I remember helping Tory when something was wrong. I remember Ariel always being there for me when something was wrong, or someone did something that pissed me off, or I just had had a bad day. I remember Ariel always giving me hugs. I remember the day that everyone got together after school to corner Andrew and ask him about why he had two girlfriends. I remember him denying that him and Jessie were still going out. I remember Andrew not wanting to talk to me that night, even though I was just going to tell him that no matter what her friends said, Tory did not want to break up with him. I remember pouring glitter in Gabe and Daniel?s hair. I remeber getting mad at Bernstein for telling me I act like a hooker. I remember being "madly in love" with Bernstein. I remember going to Sunny's house with Jay and playing strip poker, then Sunny freaking out for not ante-ing. I remember liking Ariel, but thinking that it was pointless because he would never like me back. I remember Victoria Day. I remember calling up one of Laura's ex boyfriends named Tim, only to have him not be home and to leave him a message from some total stranger named Debby. I remember then calling another one of her ex boyfriends named Jesse. I remember thinking how nice he was and inviting him to the party that night. I remember skank wars. I remember everyone getting up on that big box to sit and watch the fireworks, only I was too short. I remember Jesse and Daniel helping me up. I remember being too scared to get down and starting to freak out. I remember Jesse telling me that it would be ok, and that he could get me down, but me not believing him. I remember him getting me down without a problem once I trusted him. I remember Daniel and Tory under the blanket. I remember feeling all alone because everyone else there had someone to hug that night, and I didn't. I remember everyone going topless that night. I remember Jesse telling me I look like I could be a belly dancer. I remember breaking up with Kale. I remember crying because he was being so mean and I was so upset that night. I remember calling Tory, only to have to leave a message because she was on the phone with Andrew, but the message was kinda creepy and made her worry about me. I remember then calling Sarah, freaking out and crying. I remember Sarah being there for me. I remember Tory coming to visit me after school the next day to see what had happened and to see if I was ok. I remember cutting myself. I remember Geffen asking me out, but me saying no. I remember staying after school one day with Ariel, Tory, Andrew, Geffen and some other dude. I remember Andrew telling Ariel they had to talk, and then when they came back, Ariel took me on a little walk and asked me out. I remember seeing Greg again. I remember all the 'bitching walks' Tory and I went on. All the shopping trips we went on that always seemed to end up at Centrepoint. I remember everything we found out about each other. I remember her being one of the first people that I could really talk to about personal things that other people really shouldn't know about. I remember going to her house and eating lots of ice cream, and the two of us getting "drunk" without any alcohol. I remember becoming the best of friends with her. I remember all the people I've met and all the new experiences I've had. And I'm just gonna sit here, and hope that I don't have to move so that I can stay for next year to do it all again.

June 16, 2002 10:10 pm

two days left till the end of school... and i survived grade nine... now to some people, it was the worst year of their life... to others it was their best... but they say everyone remembers their first day of grade nine. personally, my memories are already fading. i remember being scared when i first got there, cuz they fucked up my schedule and i didnt know anybody... and i remember lunch time i couldnt find anyone i knew, so i gave up and went home...and i remembered the night before, jay, kale and i all promised to meet on msn the night after the first day to talk about what happened that day and everything, cuz the night before we were all talking and we were all kinda worried... omg so many memories from this year, just sitting here thinking of the first day brings up so many things! jay yelling at kale when he cheated on me... going trick or treating with tory, erin and daniel.. and daniel's "miniskirt" and my see through shirt with bright blue bra...pouring glitter in gabe's hair... me and ariel talking about how gifted ppl dont flirt... crying when i felt like nothing i could do would ever be good enough in english class... the victoria day party and skank wars... when my hamster died... the penny jay...seeing greg again...sarah getting into a car accident... getting mad at bernstein for him saying i look like a hooker... playing strip poker with sunny and jay, then sunny not ante-ing...discovering jack off jill... the thornhill festival...all the people i've met this year... omg i could go on forever! and grade nine's almost over and there's two months of not seeing most people until next year. that is, if i get to come back. and then what if we get back, and some people aren't there? jessie is leaving, and there are bound to be others, or maybe just others leaving the gifted program, but its all gonna change regardless. there won't be band camp for me next year, cuz im prolly not taking music. and there's no more sleeping through mr aurich's classes. i wonder what things will be like next year though... ugh, im too tired for this even though its not even 10:30 yet... i didnt take a nap this afternoon, silly me... my brain stopped thinking

June 15, 2002 10:30 pm

just a thot... but this is a song my daddy used to play for me all the time when we were in the car going somewhere, and so i was playing this song on my computer, singing along softly, and my sister walks in, hears it and starts singing too... just thot i'd share this song with tha world.. it occurs to me that he was gone this time last year too, off somewhere in texas or new mexico undoubtedly...

I recall the night that you came into this world,
I couldn't believe the doctor when he said "Mr. Wall, it's a little girl."
I said "Now, doc, you must be wrong, you see I want a boy."
Then he put you in my arms, and my heart sang with joy.

Daddy's girl, daddy's girl,
I'm the center of daddy's world.
I know I'm daddy's number one.
He loves me like I was his son.
Daddy's girl.

I recall the day I took you to a baseball game.
You brought along your baby doll and half its baby things.
We sat there a-playing house, while the Dodgers played the Braves.
Everyone in the bleachers looked at us as if to say,

Daddy's girl, daddy's girl.
I'm the center of daddy's world.
I know I'm daddy's number one.
He loves me like I was his son.
Daddy's girl.

I recall the day I took you on a fishing trip.
You said "Daddy, won't that hook hurt the fish's lip?"
Then you said "If they don't get air, those things in the can will die."
So we turned the worms a-loose and chased some butterflies.

Daddy's girl, daddy's girl.
I'm the center of daddy's world.
I know I'm daddy's number one.
He loves me like I was his son.
Daddy's girl.

I recall the day that your young man came to call,
It seems like only yesterday, you swam and played football,
But I know the time has come and I must set you free,
But no matter where you are, you know what you are to me.

Daddy's girl, daddy's girl.
I'm the center of daddy's world.
I know I'm daddy's number one.
He loves me like I was his son.
Daddy's girl.

anyways, on a different topic, i was on the phone with sarah this evening, telling her everything that happened today, about my granparents calling and about the alaska vacation and about possibly having to move... and i was just telling her everything... and i got upset.. and so for the first time in a while, i actually cried... like, it wasnt a sobbing kinda of cry, just tears and wanting to cry more but having too much self control for that... and she knew i was upset... so she tried to cheer me up... ahhh gotta love sarah... i cant remember the last time i cried... i know it was about kale and it was less than a month ago... but in the last two weeks or so, i've been pretty happy overall...

June 15,2002 6:30 pm

omg i got a phone call from my grandparents today! it's the first i've heard their voices for the past six months... but im not technically allowed to talk to them... but the thing is, the offered me a chance to go with them on vacation this summer! to alaska! on an alaskan cruise at the end of july! i mean, who wouldn't go on that? especially with your only living grandparents, if you hadn't seen them in almost a year! i miss them alot... so i can try to talk my mom into it... but it may not work... actually it probably wont... and if i leave, it will just be an extra two weeks or so away from ariel and everyone.. and if when i get back i have to move, will it really be worth it?

June 14, 2002 10:35 pm

yay! i think i talked ariel into making a blog! although it wasnt very hard ya know... pretty much me saying "ya know what ariel? i think you should make a blog" hehehehe oh well

but seriously... im getting kinda worried about one of my friends and i dunno what to do aobut it... hes changed so much in the last month or so, and its not for the positive... he never talks to anyone anymore, and when laura and i ask him whats wrong, he'll always say nothing or that hes tired. but... he doesnt even eat lunch with his regular group anymore.. and when i asked him to eat lunch with us, he said no.. cuz he doesnt eat lunch with ppl anymore... and im worried about him and i dont know what to do!! ugh, this is so frustrating... especially since school is ending in two days, so i wont know if something is wrong!

speaking of summer in two days, ariel leaves for camp in like, two weeks... and he'll be gone for half the summer... im gonna miss him sooo much... its not fair! i mean, he's gonna have a great time and all... and im happy that hes gonna be happy and having fun... but i dont want him to go all the same.. cuz nearly a month is a long time and i'll miss him... is that selfish of me?

June 13, 2002 10:30 pm

I was sitting here at my computer about 15 minutes ago, when I see something moving beside me. Whenever I see something moving, like a little bug or whatever, my brain always tells me its a spider. So I initially freak out. And then if it actually turns out to be a spider, *boom* panic and anxiety and all sorts of fun stuff. And this time it was a spider, but everyones sleeping already. But me, being so scared of spiders as I am, cant kill it... cuz i cant actually go that near it... so finally i start screaming for my mom to come... and i told ariel about all this, cuz he was online when it happened... actually i started going "omg kill it omg what do i do omg theres a spider" and... he found it funnie that i was so scared... so i started looking at a website about arachnophobia... its the stupidest thing, most websites about arachnophobia have pictures of spiders on them.. and he found that funnie too! im sitting here... afraid to put my feet back on the floor... close to tears... and... hes laughing at me...oh well...maybe he just doesnt know...i still love him all the same

and i might have to move again in august... this really sucks, what did i do to deserve this? cuz if i move again, it wont be anywhere near ariel, or tory, or erin, or sarah, or anyone i know and love. it will be far away from all them, cuz of stupid crap goin on with my dad! its not fucking fair! why do i have to move so much? i get settled in, and finally start to feel happy again, and my life gets uprooted and i have to start over. i mean... i know im not perfect, i know i make mistakes... but do i deserve this? i dont want to leave all my friends... i dont want to leave ariel... they make me happy...*sigh* im not even in the mood to bitch about my ongoing battle with html

at least theres only 3 days of school left... then two exams... then two months of sitting around to look forward to

June 12, 2002 10:00 pm

Ok so I went on msn just like i do every nite, cuz like, the computers my friend... duh... and dane was talking to me.. and the first thing he said to me... "i just want you to know that nothing my brother has said or done reflects what i think of you" and it kinda hit me as being really really sweet that he would take the time to say that... cuz alot of things go unsaid... people usually just assume that people know what they're thinking, and some of the time they do... but before dane told me this, i thought he hated me just as much as kale did. i dunno, maybe this is just me rambling on and on cuz im too tired even though i took a nap..

which reminds me... my mommy told me about when she was little, how she took naps all the time like me... shes finally promoting my naps! kik ass! oh well... today was her court date... but she hasnt mentioned it to me, so i dont know if thats good or bad... but i do know that when she came home, she spent nearly an hour on the phone with the Family Responsibilities office.. and sure, i mite sound intelligent saying that... but ask me what it is, and i'll be clueless

even though this is long and prolly pointless, im just going to take the time to once again laugh in the evil face of html, cuz i have once again beaten it!! only this time, i put a little thing on the home page... and it gives u a new saying every time u refresh the page! hahahaha! *kicks html when its down* i knew it wouldnt be long before it would get scared and run away.. my terrifying battle cry prolly helped... muahahahaha... MEEEEP!!!

June 11, 2002 6:00 pm

ok, now im gonna try out some more codes... hmmm lets make something blink! **i should be blinking right about now** DAMN YOU HTML! I SAID TO MAKE IT BLINK GODDAMN IT!! WHY THE HELL WONT YOU EVER WORK FOR ME?!?! *walks off to kitchen* ok so blinking didnt work out to well.. but lets try a marquee... which i think is a scrolly thingy... i had better be a marquee or else deblee will scream HAHAHAHA HTML! I GOT YOU!! I BEAT YOU!! *does victory dance* NO LONGER DO YOU REIGN OVER MY FAILURES!! CUZ I HAVE BEATEN YOU! YES HTML, BOW BEFORE YOUR MASTER IN FEAR OF ME CUZ I CAN NOW CONTROL YOU!! I AM YOUR GOD!!! *looks around and remembers that people maybe reading this...* errr.... *runs away*

June 11, 2002 5:00 pm

writing in this thing is addictive i swear... but the best part is taking quizes, then copying the code into here! no work on my part! nothing new to screw up! cuz it turns out not only did i screw up the picture, my link didnt work either... although it looked like it should work, the page it linked to didnt exist cuz i did something strange. oh well, heres mah latest quiz result...

take the "what's my fault" quiz.

June 10, 2002 6:18 pm

omg i did it! i made a link! i made the little link to the moon and stars site! and ariel went to go to some soccer game, so i did it all by myself! hahahahaha *does victory dance* ok.. now lets see if i can put a picture in too...

ok lets see if its works... dammmit... well i gotta go eat, i'll try it again later

June 10, 2002 5:00 pm

I had my fitness test today... and i completely embarassed myself again... i know im not the only person in the world, but i'm the only person in my class to get to just level 2 on the beep test... and most people were upset with their result, but they didnt get level 2... i hate not being able to run without starting to cough and die... oh well. today just wasnt a good day though. it started off badly from way early this morning, at like 1 am when kale and i were having another one of our "last conversations" ya know, where he tells me that he cant talk to me anymore, but then talks to me a few days later. and every time, it ends with a bang. he told me that i wrecked his life, but i honestly dont know what i did that was so wrong. sure, i made some mistakes, but ya know, im not perfect, im gonna screw up sometimes. ariel can attest to that, i embarass him all the time! after i finally went to bed, and went to school, after the beep test, the day just went downhill from there, currently ending with a massive headache. ugh... some days would be better off non existant

what's your battle cry? | mewing.net | merchandise!

June 9, 2002 12:45 pm

So I was sitting here, racking my brain for what i could do about a certain goddamn science project, for which my printer is broken, and its due the next fucking day... when i started clicking random links about the moon. so i click something called the moon star just cuz it didnt make sense. i mean, wtf is a moon star? so that gives me another link to something called the moon and the stars... and i come across one of the most beautiful...things... ive ever read.. and the first paragraph just stuck in my head no matter what i did

"Did you ever have a lover who promised you the Moon and Stars? And for just a little while you believed they could be yours... and they were? And slowly that lover seemed to slip away and so did the Moon and Stars? And you thought you were alone and the nights were black - no Moon or Stars?..."
Look at it... trust me


June 8, 2002
no wait... its june 9 now.. its 12:15...

Friday night I went to maple to see victoria, cuz i havent seen her in a really long time. so at first it was all good, just chilling with her friends and all. then some of her friends started smoking... which im fine with, but then she started smoking. it was strange, cuz the girl i knew a year ago would never have done that. it scary how ppl can change so much in such a small amount of time. i mean, shes blonde now.. and smokes... and the people she hangs with are even weirder than i am, if thats possible. and i saw greg too! and hes so different! he?s so tall and he looks so much older... the greg i knew two years ago was so different. i mean, i just called him up on friday and said hey im in town, want me to walk down to ur area and we?ll hang out for a bit? so it turned out he took me out for coffee, and we talked about life and caught up a bit... but i never realized how much i miss him, and victoria, untill i saw them again. i guess i?ve changed too, cuz tory and all my old friends barely recognised me. everyone on my old street was outside when victoria and i got back at like 1 am, and they had no clue who i was untill she told them. ugh i hate change... especially bad changes... like kale hating me now. i?ve only known him for just over a year, yet he means so much to me... hes just leaving my life like that... it hurts so much, and to know that theres barely anything i can do about it! except hope things turn out for the best...

June 6, 2002 10:10 pm

muahahahaha! i have a blog! as a matter of fact... i also have a website now... thank you ariel!!! *mua* *hugs* you're the best! o0o0o0o there are soo many letters and codes in this box here... they're soooo confusing... and as of yet, i only know how to write in mah blog... but... i can learn!! *dances around* yay!!! ok thats enuf for the moment... time to learn more about whatever it is im doin here!