Ask Pokey is (sorta) a part of Insane Hamster Cult
 
 
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December 2003
New Month! Remember to send those questions to askpokey@hotmail.com.

Newest questions on top, older ones on the bottom.


December Questions:


food?
~Donna

Starcraft.

green.

Yes!

blue?

TURNIPS!

Arn't you the pig that bites peoples heads off in the create-your-own-idiotic-adventure?

Uh.. No. Of course not. That’s just silly. Why would I eat the heads of people?

If so, how do they taste?

Certainly not like pretzels covered in caramel.

How bored are you?

Very.

How many people run the insane hamster cult site?

That’s more of a question for Abbysiadramon, the admin of said site. He’s made it quite clear in the past that all questions are to go to him at abbysiadramon@hotmail.com

What happened to the Pinky comics?

Again… Not a question for me. But Abbysiadramon agrees with me that they sucked too much to stay on the site. Especially after a couple of annoying girls kept bugging him to update it.



1) Why is my foot in pain? It just started hurting while I was surfing the internet.
Did you do this to me great lord Pokey? If so, why? If not, then who is making me feel pain?!
 ~Isa, (AKA Master Tamer)

Chances are, whenever someone feels pain through the Internet, it is Zamadoor, the magical Internet monkey who is doing it. This is not the case for you, however.  You hit it against a table earlier and didn’t notice, and your primitive nervous system didn’t register the pain until later when you just happened to be surfing the Internet.

2) Why is my telecom teacher crazy?

Actually, he’s crazy for no reason, just like all the rest of you, who are trying to steal my magic cheese. You see, I’m the only sane one! And you’ll never get my magic cheese, because It’s mine! MIIIIINE!!!



Dear Pokey,
This Morning i was combing my hiar and o realized it was very long and
i was wondering what i should do.
~Abam

Kill yourself. That won’t solve your problem, but it’ll solve my problem.



Why does this 'RBN' person think you want to delete him/her?
~Dr. Norman Fidius Sane

She’s an idiotic little girl named Cassie who has nothing better to think. Well, that's what abbysiadramon says, anyway. Personally, I think it's just because she's paranoid.

Does normal actually exist?  And if it does exactly what is normal?

If normal is anything, it is me, but since normal is really relative, you could be normal, Abam could be normal, RBN could be normal, and so could George Bush Jr. But that’s stretching it a bit. (Ha-ha! I’m surely on the cutting edge of satirical humor now!) 

How big is the universe?

Thirty feet bigger then infinity.

Really?

What do you think?

Are you sure?

Of course I am. I’m the smartest fucking being in the universe, how could I be wrong?

What is your favorite food?

Puppies.

My friend told me that earth will be destroyed in the year 5574 by
something called "the cosmic fork".  Is  he telling the truth?

Nope. In the end, I kick the cosmic fork's ass back to the french countryside. It's really cool. I have this weird flaming sword and everything.

The Scourge who destroyed Z-Land and killed the Z-Landers,  where are they now?  Tell me so I can go and eradicate them.

The scourge would kick your sorry bald ass, Dr. Bald. If you must know, however, they’re 5,608,673 light years to the left of here, you bald, bald freak.
 
 

 



"Ask Pokey" and all related personalities, characters, code, questions, monkeys, concepts, fish, jokes, planets and evil piggies are all copyright (c) Andy Schwem and Mr. Moo productions. Steal our shit and die, punks. And that isn't like an idle threat or anything, either. I will literelly track you down and kill you. Maybe tommorow, maybe the next day. Maybe twenty years from now, but one day when you don't expect it you'll come home from a long day working at Burger Palace and you'll walk to the bathroom in the dark, not bothering to turn on the lights. Then you'll look in the dirty mirror over your sink and in the reflection, standing behind you, will be me, holding a large butcher knife. You'll have just enough time to gasp in horror before I plunge th knife into your back, silencing your theiving self forever. That'll teach ya.