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November 2003
New version of Ask Pokey finally done! Of course it is, after
all, we had two all-powerful beings working on it. Special thanks goes
to Lord Abbysiadramon for designing the new page, as (as far as I could
tell) It seemed to take a lot of work.
Anyway, send those questions to askpokey@hotmail.com.
Newest questions on top, older ones on the bottom.
November Questions
To my dear, beloved pokey
Why do not birds get electrocuted when they fly onto
power lines? Do they have magic shoues, and if so, where do they buy them
and do they sell them in Australia?
Love and kissies and hugs to sir oinkalot,
Nic-Nic
The real reason why birds are able
to land on power lines is simple: Birds do not conduct electricity. Unlike
all other animal species, birds have evolved to the point where their feathers
act as a very good insulator. Fun Fact: The insulation on most common everyday
power cords is made out of penguin feathers.
Sure, if you ask someone with a
"scientific" background, they’ll tell you that the reason is that the birds
do not create a circuit, so the electricity cannot travel through the bird,
but that’s 100% bullshit. Remember: I’m right about everything.
What maker better pets, cats or dogs?
~RBN
Dogs.
Why?
Because they realize that they are
inferior. This is also why humans make bad pets. They have some delusion
that they are superior.
Monkeys kick ass, don't they?
Not really.
Do you like cheese?
Yes.
Does cheese like you?
Yes.
Will you play intergalactic Monopoly with me?
No.
Who is the most evil being in the universe?
Bob.
Where were you born?
I was never born. I have always
been and forever shall be.
Why haven't you erased me from timeline yet? I know
you want to.
You amuse me.
What do you do when you aren't answering peoples questions?
Annihilating galaxies. Some people
play video games, some people collect stamps, but I destroy galaxies.
Are you a cannibal?
I don’t see any other universal
time-piggies around here, do you? Infer what you will from that statement.
How many days are left until the end of time?
As many as I want. Maybe it’ll be
tomorrow. Depends on how I’m feeling.
I like cheese!
Good for you.
As usual, i have my stupid, but superior to the average
human title, and my equally stupid series of questions.
1. Are you sure?
~Donna Fan
Yes.
2.Do you agree that Sarah is a hoebag and a fuck faced
whore?
Not really. I don’t know her well
enough to form any strong opinions about her.
3.Sarah is a hoebag <===not a question. just a statement
I’m getting a sort of negative vibe
from you about this "Sarah." Am I right in guessing that you don't like
her?
4.Why, are you, Pokey the superior being, even bothering
to read the lesser questions, as my lowly questions are already much lower
than your standard should be?
I’m very bored, and it’s fun to
make fun of you stupid little freaks. Simple as that.
5.Are we all, in fact, bald genetically challenged monkeys
with mini-brains?
Sorta, though the way you state
it is awfully awkward, don’t you think?
6.Do you find, that most questions are completly pointless?
Sometimes. But it’s more fun then
intergalactic Monopoly with Meezlethorp the giant space monkey. He sucks
at intergalactic Monopoly.
7.Will you visit my (and Jenn's) site, the URL is www.freewebs.com/greeble
^_^ please do. if you are really as bored as you say you are, you'll enjoy
it, once it's done.
I hate you and your site. I realize
that you just mentioned it so that you could take advantage of the enormous
amount of traffic that IHC and Ask Pokey receives daily, and I’ll warn
anyone planning to do this, I’ll never print anyone’s URL again. Even if
Maddox himself sent an email to me I wouldn’t put up a LINK
to his SITE.
My most superior being, I'm sorry for bugging you again.
I need some advice. What would you do if someone started to copy you, what
you wear, and what you say, because they thought that it was cool? The
same moron that keeps doing that to me also keeps threatening me online,
and not doing anything in real life. It is very, truly pathetic. Sorry,
Pokey, the superior being, once again. Bye.
~Barb
What would I do? Well, considering
the fact that I can control the very fabric of the universe, I’d probably
just erase them from existence.
But you, being a measly human, will
have to take a different route. The truth is, they probably want to hurt
you, but they fear how it would look if they just randomly attacked you.
If you start something with them (as in a fight) They’d most likely kick
your ass. That is, unless they’re smaller then you, in which case, stop
being such a pussy cry-baby and crush them, already.
Glad I could help, you LTT.
Are people who admit to buying the socks that you wanted
to piss you off morons?
Thank you.
~Barb
Yes, they are, but so is anyone
who gets upset over socks.
Dear our great lord
how are you i cannot express my feelings for world domination
but i
think that you should be the world leader by
~Abam
I want to kill you.
Why does Abam claim to be your son? If someone who wasn't
my son claimed to be I'd tear out his throat.
~Dr. Norman Fidius Sane
If I killed every moronic human
who said something stupid and wrong to me, there would be about three of
them left. And you aren't one of them, Dr. Bald.
bWwwwaAwWwkK?
Why the hell am i e-mailing a stuffed pig? What is wrong
with me OTHER than being ugly and bitchy...HELP ME LITTLE STUFFED PIG!!!
~he he he im talkin to a piggy~
You got me thinking; what’s wrong
with ME? I’m actually answering the questions of you little worms!
As if you bald monkeys could ever understand the genius that is me!
Anyway, what’s wrong with you is
that you’ve got a very common affliction called retardation. End of story.
Why do you rule?
Signed, another insolent person you will kill...
- George
It’s just the way things are, the
way things have always been, and the way they shall always be. Don’t mind
yourself with petty questions of "why" and "how." Just realize that I am
the greatest being to ever live and leave it at that.
Dear Pokey,
Hi its me again I was just wonderin if anyone has ever
tried to kill
you and if they have who
Your
son,
a genius,
Abam
Xingor Miiiitttieengleplx tried
to kill me last year. Never heard of him? That’s because I erased him from
existence. So shall be the fate of anyone else who dares to dream of harming
me.
And stop calling yourself my son.
Retard.
Y iz their so mnay pokemon and so much less of Ninja
Turtles
-Darryl is the collese Kowalski II
P.S. Dude your the cooolest man.
Holy Shit. I can’t even begin to
explain how very… wrong what you just said was. Did you suffer some sort
of head injury right before firing off this incompetent e-mail?
To answer your horribly written
question, there are only 4 Ninja Turtles, and there are 351 Pokemon. The
reason for this is simple. Pokemon have both male and female genders represented
in their leagues, whereas Ninja Turtles have only males. Try as they might
(and trust me, they tried. They tried a lot.) the Ninja Turtles cannot
reproduce. Thus, the evil little sugar-coated monsters continue to multiply,
while the Ninja Turtles just stay the same in their numbers.
Dear Pokey,
How are you dear lord pokey, I am fine How long till
I get an "A" in
math,or English. I have never gotten an "A" in math my
whole life. About the whole world domination thing I think that I should
leave it to you and just go about dominating my neiborhood. I will leave
the world to
you.
Your son,
A genius,
Abam
If you multiply like you write,
you aren't getting an "A" in either class any time soon.
Also, I seriously doubt I'm your
father. I don't remember having ever slept with any retarded whores.
I hate you.
how do i come about world domination? i have been trying
ever since i have been a baby. How does it happen.
Sinceraly, Your leader(Abam)
Step one is to learn how to write,
you stupid asshole. Secondly, You need to take all the world leaders out
for a drink at your local bar. "Next round’s on me!" You scream. You continue
doing so for several hours until all the leaders of the world are drunk
off their asses, and then you manipulate them verbally, getting them to
do ridiculous things. Wearing a dress, kissing a goat, anything that could
be considered a homoerotic occurrence is gold. Remember to take plenty
of pictures of them doing said acts.
Then blackmail them all into giving
you control over their countries. And just like that, you own Earth. Just
remember your place in the grand scheme of things.
I rule you.
Why do most people call me Dr. Bald even though I have
a full head of hair?
~Dr. Norman Fidius Sane
You’re kidding yourself. Three strands
is not "a full head of hair."
Who invented the deadly art of Pirate-Ninjitsu?
The ancient art of Pirate-Ninjitsu
was invented 2 years before the birth of Christ in Polshvnkstania, a small
country located somewhere in modern France. The day after Jesus was born,
after all the wise men had left not a little bit drunk, the Pirate-Ninja
showed up and gave a gift of their own to him, a big old metal sculpture
of a piece of corn. Pirate-Ninja are weird that way.
UPDATE: It's been pointed out by
this jackass that this does not answer his question. The truth is, I created
it, at least in a way. I used humans as intermediaries to bring into being
this wonderful martial art. I thought that it was pretty obvious that I
would have at least something to do with such a perfect invention. Apparently
I overestimated you all. Too bad.
Are you, perhaps, a bit crazy?
Of course I’m not crazy. Everyone
else is crazy, I’m the only sane one. You crazy bald freak.
Why do all the robots I build taste like squirrels?
A bigger question is, how do you
know what squirrels taste like? You sick, sick bald man.
What is your favorite paradox?
You’re bald if you do, bald if you
don’t. Oh wait, that’s not a paradox. It’s true, though. Baldy.
Oh Lord Pokey! please forgive my intrusion on your oh
so great and powerful mind. I am the pitiful leader of an army of elves,
battling against the scourge humans, dwarves and orcs. My army grows stronger
and larger each day, but alas, we are still weak.
Tell me oh my great and mighty lord, how may I grow stronger?
What is the secret to divine victory and power?
You pitiful slave- Maru
The secret to divine victory and
power is very simple. Teach your elves the ancient secrets of Pirate-Ninjitsu,
or the art being both a pirate and a ninja at the same time. Elvin/Pirate/Ninja
should be quite superior to anything in a world like the one you described.
Of course, if the humans manage to make robots and teach THEM Pirate-Ninjitsu,
then it's a whole other story.
What is your reason for (sort of) leaving the IHC?
~Dr. Norman Fidius Sane
None
of your damn business, that's what. No, actually, it's a long story, involving
a badger, a weedwhacker, a jar of mayonnaise and a cat named whiskers.
Same reason the Beatles decided to leave IHC.
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