23 happy fun things about life
1) Well for starters, I love cod.
Codman rocks my world..... Does he rock yours? Well he should he is all cold and slimy.
2) Oh yeah. I love burritos. Not to eat, just to look at. They taste sort of blah but are perfect visually.
3) Anyone ever find the rest of that guys butt? Just curious, cuz I heard a large fish in a penguin suit stole it.
4) Who the fuck is Alice?
5) I feel like I need a large rock. With my large rock I shall find the land of purple monkeys. Then I shall tell the purple monkeys of the Land of Everlasting Banana Cream Shakes which is just over the burning tire hill.
I shall wave my large rock and they will be believers. They shall run over the burning tire hill and get all crispy. When they are done getting crispy, they will be dead, and I will have their land. You will call it Canada. And there shall be cod.
6) Puce is a good colour.
When worn I think it is really code for "kill me now, I am useless". Ever notice those would wear it suck?
7) What is a "nerf"? What do they eat? How can I ever hope to herd one?
8) Fuck fuck fuck a duck.
I hate ducks. Donald scared me as a child.
9) Clowns are sent by Evil Jesus to warp your mind. Be warned. But who would have guessed, with the white death mask, the bloody lips and alki-nose?? Evil and insidious I tell you.
Look don't just take my word for it, go talk to one and see for yourself, numb nut.
10) Orange Slice pop contains tranquilizers to numb the masses. When I drink it my mind slowly wipes, my fingers tingle and I resist the urge to join the Marines. Not that they'd have me.
11) Jesus loves tighty-whities, just look and see! :)
12) Chocolate covered spiders are good. They taste like children's fingers, but without all those pesky bones.
13) Smurfs......small blue appetizers for cats.
And what was the deal with just the one female Smurfette? I think they were the first gay role models. Good for them! But Papa Smurf, well, he was their pimp. Gay sex pimp daddy Smurf. Yea ha! I wonder how the money is in that business. I need money. Lots of it.
But then who doesn't need money? Pimping Smurfs, that is who.........
14) Ever see shirts walk? I did once, 'course I was really, um, happy, but you know it is all good.
15) Teeth are cool. I like my teeth. I can bite things. Like food and annoying people. Also the occasional hapless Smurf. They taste like wet blueberries.
Mmmmm.
16) Papa John's Pizza has the worlds best clit sauce with their pizza. I love it with those little hot peppers. (So do many others, a hint guys!) It comes with recommendations!
17) Today I saw a dead rabbit by the highway. There was nothing left but a skin and a bloody smear. It was all gooey and gross. It was cool, all covered in maggots and stuff.
18) Teenaged siblings are the worst. They have this attitude that they are now the coolest thing walking. They wear Gap, or what ever mass media convinced them is currently cool, tell other similarly clad inbred morons that they are "played" and THEN get upset when they are told the same by a whole new group of wenches. Very insufferable at best. That, and they actually think I will buy them beer.
Idiots.
19) Chocolate covered roaches are a good way to relax. Just give them to the object of all your stress, and tell them it is a peanut.
20) Fraternities are fun. Hehehe If handled right. Namely, with a poo stick and stun gun. Frat boys are just those idiot jocks you might remember from high school. ( If you don't, then chances are you are one.) They still do all that fun stuff, grunting, burping and scratching them selves through out the public domain. Sorority girls, are for the most part smutty drunks. All they seem to do is wear similar makeup, matching coats, and think they are somehow better then all the other sororities. And hell forbid that you are not a member of some club with Greek letters! If you are not, then poop on their shoe is better off then you. Just goes to show, cliques refuse to die.
( As with all rules there are exemptions, of course. A few are not spoiled by their companions and remain in various stages of normal.)
21) Late at night I sometimes think that the Unibomber may have been right. I think this generally after watching the news. I hate the news. It depresses me. Prez Bush makes just about anyone think about bombs.
Luckily for him, I am the pacifist type who would just like him to ascend to Evil Jesus, his true master soon. He would be happy there! No bloodshed.
*Sigh*
22) BOOM da baddaBOOM badda da da BOOM BOOM ba BA badda BOOM
~ The basis of all rap crap. I refuse to call that music. Some guy or chic chants to a rhythm. (sounds like cult music), yaps about how much money they make or how much sex they get, which you know they lie about. For example, the big fat guy who is dead, forget his name ....But no way he got all those skinny little bone bags they show in his videos to actually do him. He'd squash 'em like bugs! And since I ( being High Queen and all ) brought up videos, why do all rap videos do the same thing? It is worse then those fucked up 80s hair metal videos! Rap video format: Get lots of just legally clad females, allow them to shake asses into camera; place male (or even female) singer in their midst. The singer should be "normally" dressed, say, not strip wear. Said star shall stride about masterfully, and look evil or tough or thuggy, whatever someone thinks will sell.People this is just stupid. Am I the only one who sees this?
23) Evil Jesus, I really love you! I swear it, please don't beat me with your ski pole any more... I will be good and not listen to kind ol'Satan when he tells me he loves me and will protect me from harm. Owww that hurt. No! Not again! THUD THUD CRICK CRUNCH! Jesus, why do you..................................
I got Him when He turned His back. All seeing and knowing, my ass. No more pain and suffering in this world, at least for three days or so. Shit, almost forgot about the resurrection bit........., maybe if He is encased in concrete? I know, I'll cut Him up with this handy dandy hacksaw. Help me here..... grab a leg.Back to there...