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Q: Why did the Baby fall out of the Tree?
A: Because he was DEAD!
Q: What's grosser than gross?
A: A garbage can full of dead babies.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: The one at the bottom is still alive.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He has to eat his way to freedom.
Q: What's grosser than that?
A: He goes back for more.
Q: How do you get a baby to run faster?
A: Chase it with the lawn mower.
Q. What's the difference between a dead baby and an onion.
A. You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.
Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman in a children's playground!
Q:What does a baby and a Pinto have in common?
A:They're fun to ride until they die.
Q: What happens when you burn baby's face off?
A: It makes weird noises and crawls into walls.
Q: What do you get whan you dislocate a dead baby's jaw?
A: Deep Throat.
Q: What's blue and bloated and floating in your beer?
A: A dead baby with fetal alcohol syndrome!
Q: Whats white and red and hangs from a telephone wire?
A: A baby shot through a snowblower.
Q: How do you know when a baby is a dead baby?
A: The dog plays with it more.
Q: What does a bum call a dead baby in a dumpster?
A: A Freeloader.
Q: What do you get when you put a dead baby in a blender?
A: Hold on. I'll tell you in a second.
Q: What is better than a dead baby?
A: The revoked child-support.
Q: Whats the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
A: Grandmothers dont die when you fuck them in the ass
Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a peanut butter cup?
A: The dead baby won't stick to the roof of your mouth.
Q: Why didn't they crucify baby jesus?
A: I dont know why they didn't either.
Q: What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
A: You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Q: What's the worst thing about fucking a dead baby?
A: Wiping the blood stains off of your clown suit!
Q: What's the best sound in the world?
A: Hearing dead baby's hips crack under pressure!
Q: What's blue and orange and lies at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A: A baby with burst armbands.
Q: How do you make a dead baby float?
A: Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby.
Q: Whats worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.
Q: What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?
A: Crib death.
Q: Why is there always hot water at childbirth?
A: In case of a stillbirth, soup.
Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?
A: Take your dick out of its mouth.
Q: What's red, bubbly, and scratches at the window before exploding?
A: A baby in a microwave.
Q: When is the best time to bury that baby you killed?
A: When it starts talking to you again.
Q: How many babies does it take to make a bottle of baby oil?
A: It depends on how hard you squeeze them.
Q: What's more fun than stapling babies to a wall?
A: Ripping them off again.
Q: What do you call a dead baby with its skin peeled off?
A: Sexy.
Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: A dead baby in a clown costume!
Q: What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A: A baby with a punctured lung.
Q: What do you call a dead baby pinned to your wall?
A: Art!
Q: How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
A: With a blender!
Q: How do you get them out again?
A: With Doritos!!
Q: What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A: A baby chewing on razor blades.
Q: What is green and sits in a corner?
A: The same baby, six weeks later.
Q: What is red and pink and can't turn round in a corridor?
A: A baby with a javelin through its throat.
Q: What is more disgusting than a pile of 100 dead babies?
A: One live one in the middle is eating its way out.
Q: What's blue and sits in the corner?
A: A baby in a baggie.
Q: What's present do you get for a dead baby?
A: A dead puppy.
Q: What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Q: What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting smaller and smaller?
A: A baby combing it's hair with a potato peeler!
Q: What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A: A baby with forks in its eyes.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: What do you get when you cut a baby with a straight razor?
A: An erection.
Q: Why did the baby fall off the swing?
A: Because it had no arms or legs.
Q: What's got four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A: A bus load of babies on fire.
Q: What's harder to do than nailing a baby to a tree?
A: Nailing it to a dead puppy.
Q: What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
A: One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Q: What's pink and chunky?
A: A baby with leporacy.
Q: Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
A: So you can pick them up five at a time.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as it takes to climb on top of them in order to reach the socket.
Q: What's pink and spits?
A: A baby in a frying pan.
Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
Q: What's more fun than a barrel of dead babies?
A: Sticking pins in their eyes.
Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear
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In 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's
penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000, they
concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give
the Man more pleasure during sex.
After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study.
It took three years of research and $250,000, they concluded that the
reason was to give the Woman more pleasure during sex.
The University of Wisconsin, unsatisfied with these findings, spent
$13.27 (for a Playboy, Penthouse, and a case of Old Milwaukee) and
concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting
him in the forehead.
^top
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a scum sucking bottom dewler and the other is a fish.
Why is a lawyer worse than a tapeworm?
Because a lawyer continues sucking you even when you are dead!
A lawyer is bombing along the moterwat in his brand new Ferarri F50. All of a sudden he loses control of the vehicle and drives onto the wrong side of the road. He has a head-on collision with a lorry. A passer-by saw the accident and phoned for an ambulance. The lawyers car was smashed up. When the paramedics arrived they found the lawyer through the windshield. The lawyer was screaming,''oh no! My car,my car!'' The paramedic replied,'' I don't think you should worried about your car sir, your arm has come clean of.''
The lawyer shouted,''oh no my Rolex, my Rolex!''
Why don't sharks attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy
There is a truck driver driving along, and he stops and picks up a priest to give him a ride. He's driving down the highway and he sees a lawyer along the side of the road and things, ''Hot damn! A lawyer that I could run over!'' So he speeds up and heads straight for him. At the last second he remembers the priest with him. So he swerves real quick to miss, him, but still hears a thump. He looks behind, no sign of the lawyer. He says to the priest ''Wow, that was a close one, I almost hit that lawyer!'' The priest then replies ''That's ok son, I got him with my door.''
Q. What do you call 100 lawyers chained to the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
What do you call a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?
Not enough Sand
What is the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead lawyer?
There's skid marks in front of the dog.
A Russian, a Cuban, a Canadian and a Lawyer are seated in the same compartment on a train. The Russian takes a bottle of vodka out of his luggage, pours some into a glass, drinks it, and firmly stated, ''In Russia, we have best wodka in the vorld. Nowhere in the vorld you can find wodka as good as one we make in mother Russia. And, we have much of it, so much we can just throw it away like vater (water) ...''
That said, the Russian opens the train's window and hurls the vodka out of the train. The others in the compartment are quite impressed. Just then the Cuban removes a box of Havana cigars from his luggage, removes one, lights it and begins to smoke.
''In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world 'Havanas', nowhere in the world are there such many and good cigars, and we have much of them also, such many that we can just throw them away ....'' Making that bold statement, the Cuban sends the box of Havanas the way of the vodka.
Once again, the compartment's occupants are quite impressed. At that moment, not to be out done, the Canadian abruptly stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer out!
What's black and brown and looks good on an attorney?
A doberman pinscher.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
Cut the rope.
How do you save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman.
''What a ripoff,'' the man muttered. ''I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman.''
Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, ''Who are you to question that woman's punishment?''
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