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The Truth About My Little Pony

You walk over to the apple orchid where you see an eccentric looking pony with bright neon green hair. She gallops over to you.

"I suppose you think you're clever, sneaking up on me like that." She eyes you suspiciously.

"I didn't mean to..." you respond, but the pony isn't listening.

"Well you didn't succeed! Ol' Scrumptious might be getting old, but she still sees and hears fine!"

"I'm sure you.."

She cuts you off again. "Well, what are you doing here, bugging an old pony out of her peace and solitude? Cupcake sent you, didn't he! He must of. Or perhaps Tabby. They're all out to get me, you know." She steps closer and closer to you until she is a hand span away.

"yes, well..." you reply, backing slowly away.

"It's because I know the truth. These old eyes can spot a conspiracy a mile away!"

"Tabby said you could tell me the truth about My Little Ponies," you say finally.

"She did, did she? Well, I suppose. Sit down a spell..."

Everyone knows about Hasbro's My Little Pony dolls, but they have yet to learn the truth. Did you ever wonder why Hasbro would make such a pony? Well, here Scrumptious shows us Hasbro's ulterior motives.

Perfume Puff Ponies

Hasbro's guise: Ponies that smell like perfume with pretty poofie hair!

What Hasbro should have said: The perfume puff ponies had a hair transplant gone wrong.

Scrumptious's Paranoid Conspiracy Theory: Come on. There is no way that kind of hair could be found naturally on a pony. It's obvious where they came from. The government was illegally crossbreeding ponies with poodles. Somehow, six of these hybrids escaped the laboratory, and crossed the rainbow into Ponyland.

Twinkle eyes

Hasbro's guise: Ponies with pretty twinkling eyes!

What Hasbro should have said: Ponies that take color changing contacts a tad too far.

Scrumptious's Paranoid Conspiracy Theory: Can't you see it? They're possessed! What else am I supposed to believe about ponies with that evil gleam in their eyes! Don't even get me started on those 1998 ponies.

Beddy Bye Eyes

Hasbro's guise:cute little babies with eyes that blink!

What Hasbro should have said:Terrifying bugeyed babies with freaky eye shadow!

Scrumptious's Paranoid Conspiracy Theory: They're aliens. Look at them! The horror, the horror. That's all I've got to say.

Drink and Wet Babies

Hasbro's guise: Cute little ponies that need to be potty trained!

What Hasbro should have said: Ponies with a bladder control problem! Watch as they pee all over you!

Scrumptious's Paranoid Conspiracy Theory: Even I can't come up with a theory for this one. Why would anyone come up with this idea? I have no idea.

Magic Message Ponies

Hasbro's guise:Ponies who have a secret message for you!

What Hasbro should have said: Ponies who have a symbol that is ruined easily!

Scrumptious's Paranoid Conspiracy Theory: These ponies are sending subliminal messages, can't you see? It

Sweet Talking Ponies

Hasbro's guise: Ponies that talk when you squeeze them!

What Hasbro should have said: Ponies that have a brain like a pea!

Scrumptious's Paranoid Conspiracy Theory: These too send subliminal messages, between...the...pauses...of...the...words. It must be that, or a typical alien brain zapper. After all, a pony with the intelligence of a squash can say more than "I'm Pretty," and "comb my hair."

Pretty Eyelash Princess Ponies

Hasbro's guise: Pretty princesses with luxurious eyelashes!

What Hasbro should have said: Princesses who suffer mascara addiction!

Scrumptious's Paranoid Conspiracy Theory: A hybrid of llama and pony. This explains the eyelashes, and the thinness. They MUST be the real mothers of the horrid Beddy-Bye-Eye babies. I can see the resemblance...

Come back soon for more of Scrumptious's theories. Soon to come: The sweetheart sisters, the sundazzle ponies, the fancy mermaid ponies and more!