Easter Sunday. I read last night about the actual origins of Easter, having of course nothing to do with Christ. Very interesting. I am more and more disillusioned with religion every day. Even non Christian religions perplex me, the rituals, and traditions, and ceremony-I just don't understand the need for it.

Amazing date with Michael last night....I forget how important it is for me to debate and converse intelligently. When I am discussing something political, or just anything outside the realm of my immediate life-I feel more alive. My brain seems to wake up and stretch, and I find ideas I had forgotten I had, and new conviction in the beliefs that I've been building. It's so very important for people to exercise the brain, to take the thought process outside traditional comfort zones. I would expect that kind of intense thought to wear me out, but it instead energizes me, helps me organize my thinking, and leaves me wanting more. I find myself less satisfied with my day to day interaction, chats about babies and food prices and music preferences. In that way he is spoiling me. I finally feel like I can be myself, not have to worry about one day hearing "why do we always have to debate everything? you think too much". It's my nature to be analytical, to seek out the logic in any situation, to find a practical explanation for everything. I am so lucky to be able to embrace that now, and to have someone in my midst who will challenge that and bring me fresh insight.

I am beginning to notice that my daughter has one of my more annoying traits. She too needs to know reasons behind decisions, and excessive amounts of information about task she's asked to do. I found myself annoyed and snapping at her yesterday about doing something I asked her to do, istead of asking me a million questions about why-and that's when it hit me. She was just trying to understand. Neither of us takes absolute direction well. We both are more comfortable doing tasks and making decisions when we have a wealth of information to refer to. In this instance I stopped, answered her question and said, you just wanted to know why it had to be that way, didn't you? Smile, nod, head duck..."is that OK?" We don't realize how incredibly important our approval is to a child. I want my child to question everything, I want her to know her tasks inside and out! If I have to, if her teachers have to, take the extra time to explain things to her, so be it. Too often inquisitiveness is mistaken for insubordination in schools, and I see it happening here at home sometimes as well. I don't want my daughter to be taught to "just do it", to blindly follow direction. She's not in the military. I guess it might make things harder for her as she ages, especially if she gets a job like mine, where there isn't time for each little thing to be explained to me...but sooner that than have her wake up one day and find herself in someone else's life because she just went along with the tide.

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