Life & Random Rants

4/4/04
Well thats cool...I sat down to ramble & typed this out & realized today is 04/04/04. Thats sexy. Why do I even bother with this stupid website? Does anybody really care what my interests are or what goes on in this messed up little head of mine? Somebody please tell me because we're all just dying to know why you find messed up little me so interesting.

11/5/03
There were these scary Christians out on campus again today handing out pro-life tracts & holding giant banners showing really gross pictures of partial-birth abortions. I think the worst part was that they brought thier children to be exposed to the pictures & to hand out those tracts. Honestly, those children dont know anything about abortion. Why expose them to that? I stood there & watched some students argue with the pro-lifers and they all kept yelling louder & louder. They (of course) kept quoting the Bible as thier basis for why abortion was wrong. I wanted to tell them that it was fine if they wanted to give thier opinion on abortion but ask them if they thought anyone would really listen to them if they yelled. Yelling & name calling wont change anyone's mind or heart. Do they think thier Lord Jesus Christ sat on a street corner & yelled to change people's minds? I've read the Bible & I dont seem to remember Jesus ever doing that. Aside from that temple ransacking I seem to remember a lot of rational teachings and discussions. Does anyone remember where Jesus yelled at people & called passers by "whores" and "ungodly"? Does anyone remember where Jesus exposed children to horrible bloody pictures for the sake of converting others? Sure, abortions can be a horrible thing, and I dont really agree with partial-birth abortions but I am definitely not in favor of taking a woman's right to choose away. I'm staunchly pro-choice because I believe in choices. I believe in second chances. I believe that a woman has a right to her own body. But with that comes a responsibility. A woman has the responsibility to use birth control & protect herself from unwanted pregnancies. A woman has the responsibility to educate herself about sexuality, reproduction, birth control, abortions & adoption. A woman has the responsibility to have the abortion early before the embryo is fully formed if she has decided she doesnt want to have the child. It's a two way street. Its a part of being an adult. You get freedoms and you get to make your own choices, but you have responsibilities and duties as well. Nothing is completely black and white in this world and people need to consider everything. Bush signed in that law banning partial birth abortions...a very broad law that could be taken the wrong way, banning abortion procedures that are safe and fairly painless for everyone involved. Also, there arent any provisions made for women who cant have the child for health reasons. Yes, they could get an abortion early on, but what about women who dont find out about these health reasons until its very late? Should she go ahead & commit suicide by having the baby? That would kill both the baby & the mother! Wouldnt it be best to save the mother? In normal birth situations when there are problems the doctor always tries to save the mother before the child. Why would this happen if it werent for the fact that the woman comes first? I'm not saying that the child isnt important and I'm not saying that the unborn baby isnt important and I'm definitely not saying that women should ignore birth control & simply have an abortion whenever we want. I'm only saying that nothing, NOTHING is completely black & white. Think about the issues with an open mind & an open heart. Don't force your beliefs onto others, no matter who you are and what side you stand on. And most importantly, really listen to what the other side is saying, really try to understand. Both sides have good points, but both sides are blinded by thier religion...and yes a religion can be simply the belief in ultimate and unlimited freedom. No matter which side you are on in this debate, remember that we're all trying to do what is best for each other and what is best for the world. There isn't one right answer, but maybe if we all work together we can find the perfect common ground. ::Hugs everyone::

9/19/03
Reality is so complex....and we can't handle it. There are two explanations to everything: the simple and the complex. We use the simple whenever possible. In fact, we use the simple explanation so much that we often forget that the complex exists. My Astronomy books says that whenever there are two reasons or explanations for something that seem equally valid, always choose the simplest, but I disagree. Reality is too complex for that. We cant just choose the simpler explanation, as much as we would like to. Those scary Christians that rant every Wednesday choose the simple over the complex. Suppose I were to go up to one of them & say hello. He would see my pentacle & immediately proclaim "This heathen is going to hell." Well, fine, that's his belief...but why? Its not a Christian requirement to announce it to the universe when you find someone you think is going to hell. I'm friends with plenty of Christians and they dont even come close to thinking that. So I would ask him "Why do you think I'm going to hell?" and being the stereotypical scary Christian he would launch into his spiel..."Because you deny the one true God, who is a God of love. You deny him in order that you may worship your evil heathen Gods. Accept Jesus Christ as your Savior and you will be saved from the fiery depths of hell and when you die you can join him.".....but why would a God of love condemn someone who was simply following thier own heart and not hurting anybody? Who said my Gods are somehow evil...they seem to be more compassionate towards mankind than the scary Christian's view of God....thier God sounds like a jealous cult leader to me...Love me and I will let you come hang out with me? The Heaven & Hell problem seems a lot like a simple answer you would give a child when he asks where he goes when he dies. Its kind of like when a child asks why the sky is blue, you kinda dumb it down for him. You dont launch into a huge explanation of the spectrum of light, because it would be hard for him to understand. Same with the Heaven & Hell problem. One newly converted Christian, a long time ago, asked his very learned priest where he would go when he died. Now the priest knew that he had just recently converted and had a strong sense of faith, and he wanted the man to follow the religion and become a better person, so he said "If you are good, my child, you shall be rewarded by getting to live with God but if you are not good and do not follow the teachings you shall be punished." And the man followed the religion and did good deeds and the priest ended up having a wonderful group of Christians who truly believed and were nice to thier neighbors...but then the priest knew that his flock were ready for the truth, so he gathered them together and said "my children, remember when I told you that if you were good you would go to heaven, and if you were bad you would go to hell? That is just the simple answer. In fact, when you die you go to the same place, a place of reward and rest, until you choose to return to Earth again." But the people could not believe this, or did not want to believe this...like when you tell a child that there is no Santa Claus, sometimes he doesnt want to believe that his world of black & white has dissolved into grey...but grey is all there is. There are no simple answers to anything, nothing is strict black and white and simple, everything is grey & complex.

8/06/03
ugh! I can't believe the way Roman & Christian women allowed themselves to be treated! Most Roman women didn't know how to read & write & were expected to serve thier husbands & do what they wanted & never have a care for thier own desires. The only way they could ever be fulfilled or respected was to bear a son or to become a Vestal Virgin or a Nun in later Christian times. I'm sitting here reading The Forest House and this Roman woman is all upset cuz she bears her husband a daughter & she's all afraid that she has failed him...and then her husband names the girl for her! As if she can't think of a name herself. Its supposed to be a woman's job...men care not for names the way we do! And then later in The Mists of Avalon by the same author of course, Guinevere is all upset cuz she can't give Arthur a son so she feels like she has failed as a woman.

Now Celtic women were something else. They could choose to serve thier husbands, but they didn't always go meekly. They had some fire in them. Many ruled tribes as warrior-chieftains and many just remained warriors. They could also join the Priestesses but they weren't meek little virgins, but great leaders. Sure, you had your virgin priestesses, but that was thier choice, not a man's. And Celtic women could name thier own children! Even the Norse peoples for all thier egocentric masculinity respected women and the Goddess and women's magick. If so many ancient peoples like the Celts & the Norse respected women, why did we ever let the Romans take over & masculinize everything?

Its all because ancient men were afraid of ancient women! After all, we bleed regularly with the moon & we're connected to the Earth & we bear children. Somewhere in The Forest House it talks about how men became afraid of women because they go through a great physical change twice. Men have puberty & that's it....he is a boy, then he is a man. Women have puberty yes, but we go through menopause after that....she is a girl, she is a woman, she is a crone. Men can understand the first change, but it is beyond them to understand how we can become so wise and old....and deified. Plus, we have such power when we are angry. Like in nature, with the she-bear and the lioness...when someone threatens the ones we love, we become unstopable. Tiny shy women who wouldn't hurt a fly suddenly transform into ancient Amazons and will strike you down without a thought. Stupid Women! We all know we have this power inside of us, we all know we have the strength...so why dont we claim it? Stop listening to men & society when it says you're not good enough, because you are! Hear the tribal call & stand up! Cast off your shackles & the ties that bind & claim your rightful spot next to man, as mother, sister & consort! Be the Goddess within!

7/15/03
The following is something I jotted down today....interesting...I had a lot of creativity today...that's really odd...maybe I should have my head examined

The Grocery Store

I got off my ass & went to the grocery store today cuz Mum needed some stamps. The cashier was a girl I used to know from middle school. I would have recognized her anywhere, even without a nametag blaring "Alexis" in bright blue. I think she's had some plastic surgery done. She recognized me from somewhere I guess and gave me one of those fake smiles like you do when you recognize someone but you can't remember thier name. I didn't have a ridiculous nametag. So she asked how things were going as she charged me for a roll of American flag stamps and a yellow tube of M&M Minis & I said "Fine" but I didn't feel it. Even though I hardly knew her, I wanted to tell her everything. I'm like that these days. I wander aimlessly up and down the streets. I want to stop each stranger & let them know everything. Same with Alexis. I wanted to tell her that this guy I used to know just died, but I don't really seem to be sad at all. I didn't tell her all about how it costs 20 friggin thousand dollars to study in Paris for a year and where the hell am I supposed to get 20,000$? And I certainly didn't tell her about you. I didn't mention how I hurt you last night by bringing up old suppressed memories. Or how you put up an away message on your Instant Messenger & wouldn't talk to me. Or how you wouldn't respond when I IM'd you today. I'm so sorry and I"m surrounded by my melancholy. I want to call you & talk to you & make it alright but I'm afraid of making it worse. And I didn't tell her about how I cried myself to sleep last night. Imagine how ridiculous that would look...me standing there in line talking to a complete stranger (almost) about how sad I was. I actually think I might have told her, but there were people standing in line behind me, so I paid for my mother's stamps and my M&M's and I drove home crying.

6/27/03
Ok, so I'm reading Moby Dick by Herman Melville & I just couldn't get into it at first....all this crap about Ishmael and Queequeg and Paganism & Christianity just turned me off. Ishmael judges Pagan Queequeg right off the bat...then they become friends and Queequeg goes to a Christian service and Ishmael joins Queequeg in a lil pagan worship & everything's ok, right? WRONG! So in chapter 17, Queequeg has a day of fasting & sitting in meditation & Ishmael freaks out, telling him that sitting all day long is bad for you and he starts telling Queequeg that his religion is wrong after Ishmael has already worshipped with Queequeg and mentioned that basically all religions are the same & he's trying to be open-minded, but he's really a hypocrite. And yes, I do understand the time period it was written in, but really...Ishmael's an ass. Good for Queequeg though...he just sits there and takes it all calmly. Turn the other cheek, so to speak....use "Christian" methods against the Christians who are using "barbaric, heathen" methods. How amusing.