The Mailboxes Themselves
Here are the mailboxes examined thus far. More will be coming soon. Oh, and if you have any pictures of unusual mailboxes, please e-mail them to me.
Ah yes, the Pole. This is one of the more common types of mailboxes. There are so many variations of this box, that it is often called the standard box. The specimen shown to the right is one of the more upperclass poles. Usually it is simply a metal pole, but these people apparently decided that a metal pole wasn't good enough for them. Regular metal poles everywhere are wuite outraged by this snooty idea. Support them, and put YOUR mailbox on a cheap metal, easily rustable pole today!
What's really amazing about this box, is that in many studies, when catfood was put on top of pictures of mailboxes, more cats ate the catfood off of this box than any other mailbox known to man! Isn't that amzing? Why of course it is! How could it not be? Cats instinctively know that this box is superior to the others! Just because the other pictures' catfood was not infact catfood, but was in fact burned leaves had nothing to do with the outcome. Nothing!
This box has a bit more complex structure than the pole. As you can see, there is a wooden t-shaped post that the mailboxrests upon. Of course, the post doesn't HAVE to be made out of wood. There is a very extraordinary post, only seen in the Galapogos Islands, made entirely out of leaves. No kidding, leaves! Some times, birds will try to take the leaves for their nests. This caused the leave post to become quite endangered. Fortunately, the Mailbox Squad was soon assembled, which shooed those awful birds away. Huray!
Many people has asked (well, not quite many people, more like none) "What does the 't' in the post stand for?", which is a very good question. Experts have been debating over this dillema for years. Tamborine? Turn Signal? Tranzilvania? Tallahasse? Thor? We may never know! But one thing is for certain, that 't' has to stand for SOMETHING!
This is a very interesting box. It has an extremely complex design, one that would seem to make it uncommon. However, the house seems to be everywhere. You can't even walk down the street without seeing one! Well, unless of course you live in a redneck town. They don't even have mailboxes, just cardboard boxes thrown out onto the curb. Many mailboxes are outraged that they have to share their esteemed group with such lowly creatures as cardboard boxes. Now, you may be wondering, what lives inside the house? The obvious anwer, that many people tell me, is "Mail, what did you think, dummy!" Yet I think that anwer is a little to easy. After much research, which included eating popcorn, drawing pictures of giant francophone pineapples attacking cities, and watching that part of the opener of Dr. Who over and over again, I have found what I think is a reasonable answer, based upon the findings of my research. The answer is, that the box is inhabited by a little, invisible mountain troll. Now, I think, but can't prove, that this mountain troll may be able to teleport out of the mailbox whenever someone reaches in to get their mail. Where does the mountain troll teleport too? As of now, we don't know. Hopefully, one day we will know the answer to this, and many other questions about mailboxes.
Now here's an odd looking mailbox! It's the Frog Box, so called for it's green color and odd texture. But the odd thing about this box is that it's not that uncommon. Note the little thingy for newspapers and the like. This box is rubbery, which enables it to...uh...it's got to have some purpose, doesn't it? Maybe if any metal theives came they wouldn't steel this box. You know, metal theives are the leading cause of fatality. Well, actually mailboxes can't dies, so one really can't say fatality. The point is that having the frog can protect you from metal theives. Isn't it nice to know that those pesky metal theives won't be able to get at your box? Why, they won't even want to, it's not metal! When you're neighbors are crying, and mourning their mailboxes, you can smugly say that you still have your frog, because you were smart enough not to get a metal mailbox! And don't worry about plastic theives, they're much rarer than metal theives. I mean, who'd want to steel plastic when you can steel metal?
It may surprise you, but the News Mailbox is not all that new at all. It's been around for a very long time indeed. Then why is it called the NEWS mailbox? The answer to that so unoften asked question is because this particular mailbox has a special contraption attached to it especially for newspapers. This contraption has puzzled many a mailologist. How exactly does it work? We have gone so far as to hide behond bushes and watch as the mailman puts a newspaper into the device. But what happens next? (sigh) The subtle art of putting mail in a mailbox is a mysterious one. But with patience and more than the normal amount of chocolate consumption, maybe mailolgists will one day solve this mystery! Of course (cough) the answer would come a LITTLE faster if we had a little founding. But I get the feeling that won't be happening any time soon. Sadly, mailology is not a very honored profession. Why, most people don't even realize what a mailologist is! Go up to someone and say "So, have you heard the latest developments in the field of mailology?" I guarantee they will either look at you funny, throw you into a mental hospital, punch you in the head, or just avoid you for the rest of your life. Trust me, I speak from experience.
What a lovely site. What could be more wonderful than looking out upon a mailbox with a majestic Stone Post. Well, I suppose a diamond mailbox might be more wonderful, but for some unknown reason, those aren't very popular. Go figure.
Unlike it's cousin, the post mailbox, the stone post mailbox does not have the "t" shaped post. This eliminates the question of what the t stands for. However, it does raise a brand new question, what type of post DOES it have? Some whole-heartedly believe it is shaped like an upside-down "h". Others refuse to hear of such nonsense. They say it is the shape of a very narrow bird's head. Though if you go with that belief, then what is the bird that has had the honor of having it's head immortalized on the stone post mailbox? Still other mailologists believe it is distinctly in the shape of and arctic wombat named Earl. We worry about them. The field of mailology is full of this sort of controversy. Some rather luney historians now believe that the Battle of Hastings was actually caused by an argument amoung mailologists over whether the flag of a mailbox had to be red.
This is perhaps the weirdest mailbox I have ever seen. It's not only the weirdest, but also the most musical. Have you ever seen a mailbox (besides this one, of course) that was at all musical? I mean, they make musical doormats, so why not musical mailboxes? Why don't they ever make mailboxes that play music when you open them? You know, the Mailbox Council of Education has made many attempts to make mailboxes more musical. In mailbox school, they listen to classical music an hour each day. And they are also required to sing absolutely everything they say. Of course, as mailboxes cannot sing or speak, this didn't have much of an affect. It's sad really. The Mailbox Council cried and cried and cried until they realized mailboxes can't cry. They got rather sad about that fact. They would have done something about it if it weren't for the fact that mailboxes can't do anything. Anyway, in the field of mailology, this mailbox is called a "Oncer." This means that it is very unlikely that two of these exist. Although some oncers, such as the House and Cow(which shall be examined at a later date) mailboxes, would seem to be unique, yet they have become quite common. Quite common indeed.
Keep on playing, tuba mailbox (sniff, sniff), we'll keep on listening!(sniff, sniff)
Oh, by the way, my friend Amanda has informed me that this is not actually a tuba, but is in fact a sousaphone. I would rename it to the Sousaphone Mailbox, but Tuba Mailbox has a better ring to it. Just thought I'd let you know that I do realize it's not a tuba, but I don't care. And Amanda wanted her name somewhere on the site.
Ah! The mailbox is wheeling away! Actually, this mailbox is held fastly to the ground, with the help of this group of purple flowers. Thankyou, purple flowers! What would we do without you? This is another oncer, as I doubt more than one person would want to put a mailbox on a wheel. The Moving Mailbox is a bit of a sad site to see, as it is always trying to get somewhere, but we all know it will never get there. Why? Because it's a mailbox that's why! Not only does it lack a brain, but it also has the fate to gaurd the front gate, and take news from any passerby. Most mailboxes are quite happy with this fate, but not the moving. It even developed a wheel to support it, so that maybe someday it could get away. Where would it go? We can't really say. However, it is my personal opinion that it would go to the convinience store. It's so very convinient! And it would provide all the moving's grocery needs! If you were a mailbox that could move, wouldn't you go too? I know I would!You'd be crazy not to!
At last, a mailbox with an arch! Who could have thought of such an excellent idea for a mailbox? Now me, the best I would have thought of would be an oven mailbox, that can store and cook your mail at the same time. I sent the idea to many mailbox producers, but they said it was "practical". Shows what they know! Dummies!
Any way, the arch is a good way to keep snow, rain, and invisible goblins from breaking the roof of this mailbox. You'd be surprised how often invisible goblins will attack mailboxes. Mailologists believe that centuries ago, an ancient battle was fought between mailboxes and invisible goblins. Obviously, the mailboxes won, and now the invisible goblins are murderously angry at anything that stores mail. So it's very lucky that this mailbox has an arch, the natural enemy of anything invisible. See, it all makes sense!
Don't let the name fool you, the telephone pole mailbox is not related at all to the pole mailbox. In fact, it's closer related to the post mailbox. Note the almost "t" shape of it's support. It's only called the telephone POLE mailbox, because it is attached to a telephone pole, instead of using it's own support, which is rather lazy if you ask me. I mean, other mailboxes manage to stand on their own, why should the telephone mailbox be treated any differently. Of course, the main reason this mailbox does not stand on it's own is to not to use up the energy it needs for hunting. This mailbox is quite vicious. Many innocent lives have been taken by this ferocious mailbox. Why, it hardly even serves out it's purpose of collecting mail, as any and all mailmen that approach it are quickly killed. The photograph of this mailbox is so blury, because our photographers were afraid to go near it. I don't blame them. Look at the thing! It's scary! People have had reaccuring nightmares where the telephone pole mailbox is chasing them. It's true!
back to the Menagerie!