Life is a chore for you. Human interactions seem unnecessary to you. You walk around, your head low, no one to turn to. You feel trapped. Broken. Confined. Pressured. You are depressed.

But do not stress. If you concentrate, simple, everyday tasks can bring you great joy!

1. For example, on a school or work day, when your alarm clock awakes you, try to sleep for another five minutes. Those five minutes would be wasted if you actually slept through them! Feel the joy as you waste time and accomplish nothing!

2. Eat Breakfast. Laugh at the awkward silence. So daddy got another DUI and was accused of rape? HAHAHAHAHA! Laugh at discomfort to put yourself at ease. This anti-depression exercise can be done almost anywhere, including hospitals, abortion clinics, or wherever the Jehovah’s Witnesses pray.

3. Clothes. The clothes you wear can help you achieve an environment where task #2 can be done! Never make your style consistent. Wear Goth clothes one day. Wear Nylon pants and skateboarder shirts the next day. Then wear nothing to see if anyone notices you yet.

4. Toothbrush. Toothpaste. Toothpaste tube! You can have some fun with this. Remember to squeeze from the bottom. Once it finnaly comes out after an entire minute, aren't you vaguely satisfied?

Of course, suicide is fun as well.

In 2012, midgets across the world feel they have been oprressed by the world around them. Ireland, since 2005 it being declared the official state of midgetry, develops an intense sense of national pride, lead by a young Micky Lilla. Micky will be the director of International Migdunion (pissed off midget) Party. Micky roused the country with his speeches. Imagine the effect of a very tiny man, spouting hatred for the tall of all races and religions. He will be irrestible.

Micky will officially come to power in 2015. By 2018, Ireland will be about half-way "cleansed" of it's tall. Ireland will have increasing aggression towards England, which contains all sorts of deformaties that are not midgets. Scotland's president, Hagguss McScotch, will see the midget's speeches and laugh so hard that he decides to get drunk and is later convinced to ally his country with the State of Midgetry.

Scotland, of course, will be completely inhabitated by missle-shooting bagpipe players.

Now, the midgets and missle-shooting bagpipe players scatter their defenses across their collective borders. Then, they begin to set up islands between England and France. And then they take over Wales, and make devasting Pancake Monsters.

So now the midgets, the missle shooting bagpipe players, and the Pancake Monsters...

OK, that's enough.

I was gonna get a map out and do all this shit, but my attention span is short. Watching MTV while writing these things is not a good idea. Now I want to boogie oogie oogie 'til I just can't boogie no more. And if my attention span stops this early, then your's will as well.

So return to your happy days and hopefully you'll know how to prevent this massacre from happening.

Give Midgets flowers.

Ignorant people are a disease of this planet. If someone expresses an idea that is so trivial of human society for him to say it and he should have his prior knowledge corrected, tell him to shut his fucking mouth and pop him one in the lip.

Such as if someone says that Tom Green dressed up as Hitler and went walking around, or if someone says that they’re biggest DBZ Fan in the world after seeing ten episodes on American TV, remember: YOU OFFICIALLY HAVE THE RIGHT TO COMMIT ATRIOCITIES AGAINST THEM.

Damn, I fucking hate them. You shouldn’t hate people? What do you MMMMMMMMMMMEAN you shouldn’t hate people! I mean…gah…I mean, oh god that’s just so STUPID I won’t even DIGNIFY that with an answer.