"no one knows she's hester prynne,
someone please tell anne boleyn
chokers are back in again.
someday she won't have to fake it,
living will itself seem sacred;
someday she will just refuse" --hole, "old age"
doll parts was my introduction to hole...the video for it, while scanning mtv in 1995 for nirvana videos. i saw, this woman, this absolutely beautiful woman, done up in a grubby white slip, done up in old makeup, like a whore in dollclothes, with a voice like a mother's love, with a rage like that which flows through teenaged girls' blood.....i saw courtney love singing doll parts, and i found my favourite band, ever. my doll and my love and my grubby white slip all together again again. the music was like burnt salt and clotted flowers and tea and cake and teeth and cunt and blood and the ocean washed through my veins. the music was a religious agony that broke my heart apart a million times over and sewed it together again, with nacre needle and thread. i wanted that, to possess all of that, all of that beauty. i bought "live through this"...i was fifteen, and broke, i stole money from my mother's purse. it was the first tape i'd ever bought, in my life. even the name of the thing...live through this. it felt like fifteen. i listened to it over and over and over again, secretly, not too loud, trying not to scream in love with it all. espesially "plump" espesially "miss world" .... these were my favourite songs for the longest while. "you say i'm plump, but i throw up all the time"....the song sounded like pregnancy, it sounded like bulimia...it sounded like it was dripping with girl. i felt like i was dripping with girl, and it made me happy.and "i'm miss world, somebody kill me, kill me pills, no one cares, my friend.....watch me break, yeah you watch me burn, no one is listening my friends"....it was like the book on tape version of anne sexton and sylvia plath, kinderwhore style.
