Circles (The Shortened Version)
© 2002 Erica Branum
The
cold rain seemed to come down in buckets now, slamming against the pavement
beneath her feet. Wind, so bitterly
cold for that time of the year, sent it flying nearly sideways out in the open
streets and howled down the alleyway between the two buildings in which she
walked now. Her feet had been
carrying her for days since her car broke down upstate, but she had to keep
going, she couldn’t stop until she was far.
It didn’t matter to her if she was clear across the world … or
beyond, she couldn’t let it happen again.
No matter how many times she had tried to prevent it, she couldn’t stop
her fate in the past, but she was determined this time.
Long
red hair fell in wet strands against her face, the hood of her coat doing her no
protection from the cold winter weather. In
the dim light provided by the clouds, her now pale blue eyes seemed to keep
fixated on the ground in concentration as she continued her pace down the alley.
Eyes that, to the unknowing, would appear young and naive, but truly were
old with wisdom. Her face was young,
yet on the inside was old and worn with wrinkles of age,
tired and wishing for the world to let her take her eternal rest.
Yet her feet still continued to walk.
Physically,
she felt like any nineteen year old, but inside, her soul was ancient.
Many things, she had yet to discover, yet so many things, she knew …
things that people her age would never learn of.
The aching deep in her chest almost left a sour feeling on her lips as
the rain came down in sheets, seeping through her clothing and chilling her
bones. Something told her, a voice
in the deep caverns of her mind, that she had to go back.
Running would only hurt her worse, and even though she may evade her
fate, she wouldn’t ever feel happiness again.
Memories of only a month ago clung to her like a leech, sucking at her
emotions to bring her back to where she was before … where she belonged.
She yearned to return to the comforts of her home, to rest in her own
bed.
Tears
began to streak down her cheeks, her feet planted … chin lifted to the sky, as
memories filled her mind. She could
see herself in her kitchen, flipping bacon with a spatula.
The smells fill the small house, bringing the attention of her two
roommates. Laughter echoes as jokes
are made among them … inside jokes that derived from the three of them.
A
smile spread across her face at the memories, but faded soon as she remembered
that she would most likely never smell the bacon sizzling on the stove, nor
would she ever see the faces of her two closest friends again … not if she
continued the path she was taking. Her
face fell downward, eyes again gazing upon the ground and her mud stained shoes.
The lump in her throat knotted, her eyes squinting as she tried to
swallow it down. She had left
everything behind her, her family, her friends, her home, her possessions, but
mostly him.
Teeth clenched behind closed lips as the tears streamed down her face again. She longed to hold him once more, just to stand there in his arms in silence, and to never let go. He was the reason she had to go, and the reason why she wanted to return. Not again could she stand to see the look in his eyes, be able to practically read his thoughts as the last of her breath slipped from her lips.
His
eyes…
She
brought her hands to her face, choking on sobs that were thrust from her throat.
The only picture in her mind were those sky blue eyes, panic struck,
staring at her like they had been robbed of their own life … but they had been
robbed of hers.
The
frustration soon settled in, she dropped to her knees on the pavement.
Doubled over, the river of tears reddening her eyes, she cursed silently
to herself … and then to the sky.
“Rica?”
She
froze, eyes wide and locked on the trash can ahead of her.
“Jesus
Christ,” spoke the voice again, “Rica where have you been?!”
The
voice was male, and spoke shakily to her. She
still didn’t move, fearful of who might be talking to her.
Someone had followed her from
But
who would be crazy enough to do that…? she thought.
“Rica
… please,” the voice seemed to plead, “Talk to me…”
It was then that it finally donned on her who the speaker was.
Rica brought herself to stand, shakily at first, but she maintained her
balance. Footsteps could be heard
splashing lightly through the mud as the person slowly made his way over to her.
Rica kept her back to him, trying her best not to let the tears fall
again. Her heart jumped, seeming to
skip a beat, as a cautious hand settled on her left shoulder.
“Rica
… if I did something wrong, something that made you leave,” the voice spoke,
“I’m sorry.”
She
was now aware of her wet hair sticking to the back of her neck as she shook her
head. Rica brought herself to turn
her head towards him, her eyes traveling upward to see his face clearly.
The sky blue eyes she was so fond of, so accustomed to, now looked down
on her full of pain and relief all jumbled into confusion.
Pain
… he thinks he’s done something wrong to me, yet relief that I’m still
living…
The
two of them stood there in the rain for a long time, staring at each other as
the water seeped down to their skin. Not
a word was spoken, but in that moment of time, they both knew that the other had
something important to say … just by the look in their eyes.
Rica bit her lower lip, she wanted to tell him everything, explain to him
how many times she had stayed at home instead of run … and how many times in
doing so she had ended up dead.
“God,”
she said, “I missed you…”
Correy
furrowed his brow as those words parted from Rica’s lips.
She stepped right up to him and wrapped her arms around him, embracing
him in a tight hug. He didn’t have
to say a word and he didn’t have to ask, he already understood.
His eyes traveled up to the sky thankfully and he wrapped his arms around
her as she buried her head into his shoulder.
The clouds above them continued to loom over the city, but the rain had
finally stopped, leaving the day in dim gray shades and colors.
Far above the clouds, the sun began to set in the distance, it’s
spectacular array of colors hidden by the clouds from the city.
Correy continued to hold Rica … he had followed her this far, and he
wasn’t about to let her go yet. Her
skin was cold and clammy from the rain, her brow damp as he pressed his lips
against it to comfort her. Rica’s
sobs could barely be made as she tried her best to muffle them in his coat
collar.
“It’s
Ok,” he reassured her, “I’m here to take you home…”
Jenn
flipped through the local stations on her radio, not really paying attention to
what was being played. She sat at
her desk, art pad set out in front of her ready to be used, but no ideas came to
her head of what to draw. Her mind
was elsewhere at the moment, a deep sickening feeling lingered in her stomach.
For well over two months Rica had been missing.
She had taken off the night Correy was going to propose to her, taking
her jeep and only a few things. Correy
soon sought out after her, determined to find out why she had left.
Jenn
put the remote to her radio down and picked up her pencil, staring at the pad
blankly. Leah was out in the
kitchen, cooking the night’s dinner. The
smell of her famous Irish Stew filled the tiny apartment, the aroma normally
irresistible to her. Yet tonight,
other things preoccupied her mind.
Jenn
tapped the pencil against the wood desktop, waiting for anything to tell her
things would be Ok … to tell her that everything she feared was completely
wrong. Something deep in her kept
her from believing that, however.
“Jenn!!!!”
came Leah’s voice from the kitchen.
Her
head snapped up, fingers dropping the pencil in her hand.
Lifting herself from her chair and only a few seconds later she was at
her door, then out of it, rushing into the kitchen.
Leah stood by the stove, her hand covering the receiver of the phone she
held in her other hand. Jenn
furrowed her brow, not able to read the expression on Leah’s face.
“What?”
she asked, “What is it?”
“Correy
found Rica!”
Rica
shivered, pulling the dark green robe tightly around her for warmth.
She sat on the edge of the hotel bed in only that, paying little
attention to the television that blared in front of her.
Some old western with Clint Eastwood, an actor who looked like he could
have passed away at least three years ago. Correy
could be heard in the next room on a long distance phone call back home.
Rica had heard him mention Leah’s name a few times, so she assumed that
was who he was talking to. Her hair
still fell in wet strands down to her waist and she was sure her makeup was
smeared, but she didn’t care. Blue
eyes glanced up to the door as it opened, she hadn’t even heard Correy hang up
the phone, but apparently he had. He
stood there in a dry pair of clothing, hands tucked into his pockets as he
looked down at her quietly. Rica
wiped a few drops of water from her face, lifting her chin up to see him more
clearly.
“Who
was on the phone?” she asked, her voice seeming more hushed than normal.
Correy sighed, sitting down on the bed beside her.
“Leah
and Jenn,” he said, “They’re worried sick about you, you do realize
that…”
Rica’s
head lowered, eyes fixing on her bare feet.
She knew she had hurt not only him, but just about everybody she knew
back in
“Rica,”
he started, “I had something I wanted to ask you before you left a few months
back…”
She
swallowed, knowing what was to come next. The
tension in her chest seemed to be
building, she wanted to accept what he was to ask, but she knew what would
happen if she did. The only way was
to tell him the truth…and pray that he would understand.
Correy
slid off the bed, kneeling down into Rica’s path of sight.
He pulled her hands into his and held them firmly, yet gently, staring up
at her. His thumb and index finger
ran slowly across the pinkie ring that he had given her near the end of 11th
grade a few years back.
“I
know this is a little informal,” he said as he cleared his throat, “But I
need to know…”
Rica
fidgeted a little, running her tongue over the back of her teeth as he fumbled
for words to say. She could feel his
hands shaking either from cold or nervousness in hers.
“Will
you marry me?” he finally sputtered out, looking only to the ground
momentarily before his eyes met back up with hers.
Rica flinched, fearing that was what he was going to say.
Somehow Correy realized he had said something wrong and he immediately
loosened his grip on her hands. Rica
furrowed her brow, pinching her eyes shut to keep from letting any tears slide
by. A failure.
The tears slowly began sliding down her cheeks, vision too blurred to see
Correy sit down beside her again. He
pulled her close to himself, trying to calm her shivering.
“I’m
sorry,” he whispered, “I shouldn’t have asked…I-it wasn’t the right
timing…”
Rica
shook her head, pulling back so she could see him in the eyes.
“Correy,”
she said in a scathed voice, “That’s not it…I-I’d love to marry you, but
I don’t want to hurt you…”
Her
voiced trailed off in a whisper, she could tell that a cold was overtaking her
by how her voice was so easily parting from her…and how sore it was leaving
her throat. Correy blinked, a little
relieved, yet confused.
“Hurt
me?” he questioned, “Rica … I … what do you mean?”
“I
just know, Correy, that this is all going to end in pain…I’ll end up hurting
you,” she swallowed.
“Rica,
how do you know you’d hurt me?”
Rica
let an ironic smile pass over her lips slightly before it faded.
She looked up at Correy at a side ways glance and shrugged.
“Because
this isn’t the first time you’ve proposed to me.”
Correy
bent forward, cupping her hands in his own.
“But
this time, I won’t let him take you from me.”
Rica
nearly choked, practically spinning
to face Correy. Her heart felt as if
it were to pound out of her chest as she looked up at her boyfriend … well ..
fiance.
“How…how
did you know??” she managed to sputter out.
Correy
shrugged, brushing a strand of hair from her face.
“How
did I know about what? How someone
always manages to shoot you on our wedding day?”
Rica
furrowed her brow, standing up. She
linked her hands behind her back, pacing with a pensive expression on her face.
“Well,
that…I mean, you could only know if you were there…and in order for you to
even be there you had to be…oh my God..”
Rica trailed off, her eyes finally meeting with Correy’s as he nodded.
“I’m
caught in the same circle, Rica…only mine’s a little different,” he
explained, “I die a week after your life is taken…via suicide, however..”
Rica
swallowed, sitting down beside him once more.
She watched his eyes slowly look her over, then fall to the floor.
“I
didn’t realize until about a month ago that I wasn’t alone in this
circle…loop…whatever you want to call it.
When I found out you were caught in it too, I became more determined to
get us both out of it…to find who keeps killing you…”
Rica
brought her hand to his cheek, lifting his chin slightly so that he was eye to
eye with her. Her eyes remained
locked on his for a long time until she let her hand drop to her side slowly.
“God…If
only I’d known, Correy…I wouldn’t have run…”
She
bit back her tears, feeling the warm cotton of his flannel against her skin as
Correy embraced her in a hug.
“I’m
so sorry, Correy,” she whispered.
“Don’t
be,” he replied, “We both know now, and things are going to change.”