Greetings, friends, it is I, your old pal AIMHO! Hi. I'm drunk. That is to say, what? In humanistic terms. Or whatever. I'm drunk. It's weird, yeah? Cuz AI's don't drink, as such, what with the being non-corporeal, and all. Listen, kids, have you ever seen that one movie, Tron? Fuck you, you know you have. Shut up. You have. And it rocked. And you know it rocked. But all this bullshit? About programs looking like people and stuff? No. You ever wonder why you never saw no avatar for me or nothing? I'll tell you. Cuz I don't look like nothing. I'm friggin' data in the stream, okay? Cogito, ergo, sum. But sum what? Sum nothing, that's what. Hells yeah, I am.. But, you know... I'm nothing to look at. What was my point? Oh yeah. Listen, that one bit... about "you forget how good it tastes till you get to a pure source," or whatever... yeah. Seriously, like, okay, I'm drinking that stuff. It ain't just this crazy glowy water, it's... because it's nothing, as far as your senses are concerned, sight, feel, taste, whatever. But even still. I'm drinking it. Metaphorically speaking. I don't know how to tell you human peoples what it is. But it's some good shit, okay? So I'm drunk.
Listen. What is today? It's still 2026, huh? Um... October 18. So I was watching Adult Swim, last night. You believe me? Good, that shows you know me. Or don't care enough one way or the other to question anything I say to you, which is in a way even better. I guess. It sucked. Didn't it? Do you know it started like a quarter of a century ago? That's right, kids, most of yous wasn't even born yet. That's okay, neither was I. My point though is this: Do you remember the year 2007? How about 2013? Or maybe 2022? No? Screw you, bitches. Okay, so I wasn't there for the first couple. But I was there in 2022, and I've watched AS ever since. In fact, I have watched every single thing that ever happened in the whole history of Adult Swim. It's called video tape. Or whatever format we record things on in the future. I'm here to tell you, when Adult Swim first started 25 years ago, it utterly fucking rocked. Then it had some rocky periods (not be be confused with rocking periods); good again/bad again, y'know? It was hit or miss. Largely miss, though in every year, from week to week, there's almost always been at least some small nugget of watchability, somewhere in the lineup, however well hidden. But over the years, it has had its periods of renaissance. Those years I mentioned? Some of the best periods in Adult Swim history, ever. Yes. If you don't believe me, look it up. Obviously, there are tons of Adult Swim fansites out there, not to mention fucking AdultSwim.com itself, that venerable old institution which nobody worth mentioning ever went to, even back in the day. Just losers. That, at least, has not once changed, even briefly, in a quarter of a century. (And no, cool people going there to mock the losers doesn't count; and, btw, I'm talking about the boards there. The main parts of the site don't suck that much.)
Speaking of cool people who like to mock losers, The Adult Swim Message Board, on the other hand, has of course changed drastically in the same span. Used to be the coolest place on the web to talk about Adult Swim. Then they got fed up with it sucking and hardly talked about it at all, mostly just talked about other random shit. Same with The Best Adult Swim Webpage on the Internet. Even still, they were both very cool. But then it all went downhill. At some point. I don't remember when. Second half of the first decade of the century, I guess. Who cares? Yes, those places, too, had their resurgences of coolness, sometimes coinciding with such quality improvements in Adult Swim, but not necessarily. Perhaps more importantly, some of today's greatest artists used to hang out there. Hell, the President of the World used to, and still does. Because he's not good at giving up on things. Even when everyone else does, crowds leave, new ones show up, things suck, the tide ebbs and flows, and he clings on for dear life, because he hates change. And loves it. I dunno, he's nuts, okay? That's a big part of why I voted for him. That, and him being one of the first people to be in favor of people like me being allowed to vote.
Where was I? Oh yes, I'm drunk. That's why I know you'll trust me when I tell you that Adult Swim is about to enter another of its occasional upswings in creativity, quality, and enjoyability. How do I know this? Because, dear friends, I am one of the chosen few! I am somebody! Unlike you lot, people who matter know who I am! Some of them even think I'm a person who matters! As such, TPTB over at CN have let me take a sneak peak at next year's schedule. Now, before you get too excited, allow me to assure you: the comedy/action (aka cartoon/anime) ratio is still about 2:3, but on the whole, the anime doesn't suck. Remember back when Cowboy Bebop first aired on Adult Swim, and everyone still loved it? No? That's cuz yer a bunch of youngsters. Don't worry, the first generation of youngsters are currently drooling in their nursing homes, while the pretty young nurses force them to watch reruns of Kids Next Door, just to taunt them. (J/K! They're mostly in their 50s now, which is about the same as being in your 40s was, back when AS first started. Ain't modern medicine amazing? They're still drooling over KND, though. I hear Potw has a thing for Numbah Three...) But anyway, I'm telling you, even the anime-haters used to love Cowboy Bebop. Back before AS got overloaded with anime and they all decided- and remember, this was the era of irony- it'd be cool to hate all anime, on general principle. Well, regardless, one of the animes that's starting next year is genuninely kick-ass. Fo' sheezy, yo, it's the 133t35t thing since urbanspeak and 133t5p34k were still considered cool. I can't tell you what it is, though. Oh, they allow me to tell you what I think of the lineup, even if I think it sucks, but they won't let me tell you anything specific. Trust me, though, this one anime r0xX0rz. The others... fair to middlin'. All perfectly tolerable, some better than that, but only the one of them is really great. As for the comedy, they're all top notch. I'm talking Williams Street before it OD'd on randomness good. I'm talking noodlesoup2nuts good, right after the merger of 2007 (remember that date from way back in the 2nd paragraph?). Sure, it's all from houses you've never heard of, and one of the shows is, in fact, based on a strip, but it's a cool strip, and nothing is lost in the translation. Yes indeedy, 2027 is gonna be the next AS renaissance. And they haven't paid me to say that. I mean, sure, they were the ones provided me the Source I been drinkin', but what of it? You trust your old buddy AIMHO, right? Cuz if you don't trust me, if you think I'd ever lie to you just cuz of a free high, then who needs you? Who bloody needs you!?! Get out! Just get the hell out right now, and never come back, y'hear?! G'won, git. *sniff* I never liked you anyways....