Mood:  hug me

  I need a hug!

  I've gone through alot lately and a hug would be nice.  Anyways... Now I'm a lady in waiting...waiting for the results of the testing to come back...waiting to meet with the VD to tell her how it went... waiting for the meeting between the VD and the others...

  Waiting for my sunflowers to grow up and flower!!!!!  They are starting to come out of the ground now.  I'm sooo excited!!! Something's actually growing and I haven't killed it yet!!!  I haven't had the best of luck growing things in pots, so I think that if I leave them alone and let mother nature take care of them, they'll grow up.

I've got the insurance info for my job.  All of this paperwork is confusing.

I went to the local thrift shop and got some teethers and rattles for my babies.  I saw some other really neat things like teddy bears and things that play music, but I didn't have enough change to get them and I really didn't want to put the purchases on my credit card.  I hope that the babies like the things I got for them :-)

I have a bulletin board at work that I get to decorate.  I'm really excited about it because I can be artistic there.  It's going to be a summer theme.  I was thinking about maybe doing a big sun...maybe out of tin foil...so that it's shiny and people can see their reflection in it... and then something with teddy bears and maybe some pictures of my babies.  Or at least put their names on the teddy bear cut outs.

Mood:  happy

Today I planted some sunflower seeds in the Sisters' yard.  I planted them along the fence in hopes that they won't be mowed down or the dog wouldn't get them.  I really hope that they grow and make it to their flowering stage.  I haven't had much luck growing much of anything and the last time I tried to grow a sunflower it shrivelled and died before it got very big at all.  Hopefully with time and a little TLC from God, they will grow and mature.  These particular flowers are supposed to grow to 12 feet tall.  I'm soooo excited about the possibility!!!

I hope that I'll be around long enough to see them flower!

Well, later this week I'll take the first part of the psych evaluations that the Sisters want me to take.  I really hope that they don't find something that will make them not want to accept me.  I'm a bit scared about it, but it really shouldn't be anything to frighten me...  My therapist says that it's a win-win situation.  How is it winning for me if I find that I cannot be accepted in Religious Life based on something that these tests might say?  It would be such heartache to wonder why God is leading me through this only to find out it's not for me.  All of my trust is in God on this, hopefully He will see me through.  I really LOVE this community and I really can see myself spending the rest of my life with them...if they'll have me.

Mood:  don't ask

I'm currently covered from head to toe in spots!!! Woohooo!!!  (Said with a tint of sarcasm).  I took some medications for something and had an allergic reaction to them...so I'm now taking medication to fix the side effects of the first medication... Gee Whiz..and people don't seem to understand why I am so against medication in the first place.  There are always side effects and they are generally NOT good.  Why destroy one part of your body to cure another?  It's like a curse.

With that said, the Sisters want me to take the Psych Evaluation.  I'll be doing so one day next week and a day the week after.  That's going to be fun...

I don't need a test to tell me that I'm challenged...

These dang spots are itchy... dang medication... how was I to know that the medication they perscribed would make me break out almost near the end of the perscription?

Anyways...

I found a job that I think I would do really good in.  It's in childcare again, but the rooms are set up so that there are a few classes in the same room at the same time.  It makes me hopeful that I wouldn't be alone in the classroom for long.  In the past, I've been alone and working with the kids and while kids are really neat to work with, I find it VERY helpful to have extra sets of hands and eyes in the classroom.

This new job (that I hope I'll get offered) is a Lead Teacher position in an infant room.  I'm actually looking forward to it.  It will be working with the children of poorer people (kinda like what I did in AmeriCorps). 

Please pray that I am offered this job and that I'm able to keep it.  I don't want this to end up like my past couple of jobs did.  I REALLY REALLY want to stay employed this time.

Please pray for me.

Mood:  hug me

Well, the job that I wanted at the Catholic book store didn't work out for me...they said that they were going to go another way...and they didn't hire me.  Bummer.  I was sooooo looking forward to possibly working in that store.

Anyways, I guess God just didn't have that place in mind for me to work.  I wonder what God really does have in mind for me.  I am planning to accept a job at one of the Auntie Anne's Pretzel places.  They can only work me some unconventional hours, though.  It's gonna be a bummer that I won't be able to eat supper with the Sisters, but I really need to work to make some money.  They understand.  This will only be temporary until I can figure out if one of my nanny positions will work for me.

I interviewed with a couple of nanny placement agencies and they both will take a little while to set things up with parents and such.  I hope that I can find something that will be more like the time that I worked previously...with weekends off.  I will miss my weekends while I work at this other job, but I must do what I have to do.

At least I don't feel like I'm falling down a hole anymore.  That's a plus.

This is going to involve a major schedule change on my part, but I hope that it will work out until the nanny positions come through.

Mood:  not sure

Ok, I admit.  Job-seeking makes me nervous.  I'm a normally quiet person and it takes a lot for me to do interviews etc...you know the "normal" things that someone who is looking for a job would do.

I've been offered a couple of jobs, but I'm still searching to see what else is out there.  One of the jobs I was offered was to be the cashier at a local restraunt.  I don't know if I want to deal with money-changing.  This is the only job that I've been offered that is considered full time.  I don't know if I should just take it because it's full time, or if I should take several part time jobs.  I've never taken a couple part time jobs and I wonder if I'd really be able to swing it.

Why do I still feel so scared?  I've been offered a couple of jobs...but are either of them things that I can see myself doing in another couple of years?  I don't know.

I know that I REALLY need to get a job, but should I take one that I'm not so sure I'd like just because it was offered?

Mood:  hug me

So, it's been eleven days since I lost my job.  I have been keeping myself so busy that I haven't had time to slow down until today.  I feel really bad for slowing down though.  I should be out there until I am employed and have my first paycheck in hand...  But I'm not.  I need to take a break from all of this hustle-bustle.

I have two interviews next week for sure, and one that I think will be scheduled then too, but I don't know what time or where to meet the person.  One's at a Catholic bookstore and the other is with a woman who runs a nanny business.  I'm nervous about both interviews and hope that I do ok.

I've been told that I'm back on square one with my discernment.  There's no way that I can move forward at this time.  I'm dissapointed in myself for that...  I'm back to meeting once a month with the vocations director.  I've been told that I only have a month to find a job or I'll be asked to leave this place where I've been living.  No pressure there...

I'm scared.

Mood:  don't ask

I am currently jobless.  I was informed on Monday after work, that I was just not a good fit for the place where I was currently employed.  What I bummer, I really didn't see it coming that they would let me go, but I had been thinking about getting out of childcare for a little while so that I could build some much needed skills.

So, with that said, know anyone who is looking to hire?  I've been "working" at finding a job for the past week straight, and I've got some interesting leads to follow, but no one has really offered me a job yet.  Some of the leads include unconventional hours...like a 4:30 am-1pm job... I'd miss morning prayer if I took that one.  I also found one that would be part-time at first but would involve travel to different stores.  I don't know about that.  Especially if it involves leaving my car somewhere where I have to pay to park.  I could take the bus, but I'd rather not go there until I find no other options.  And YES, trying to find a job IS work...and hard work at that.

I need prayers.  I wonder if I am really adequate sometimes...

On a positive note, we're having an Easter party at the house.  That should be fun!  There will be 20 people here on Sunday afternoon/evening, including both of the vocation directors.  I'm really looking forward to it.

Mood:  not sure

So, I'm at my parents' house to help my dad out a little.  My mom is at a wedding in N.C.  I went to our Province event earlier today.  It was awesome.  Earlier this week, there was a sister from Rome who came to talk with us at our house.  She was really nice and easy to talk with and I felt as if I had her undivided attention when she was with me.  I gave her a copy of the drawing that I did of our foundress.  If you'd like to see this drawing, it's on my website...  www.annesworld.shorturl.com

Let me know if you do go see it and what you think.

I'm currently eating a whole box of Valentine sweet tarts.  I'm soooo not going to be able to get to sleep tonight.  At least I don't have to be going anywhere early tomorrow morning.  I will not make it home in time for Sister Suz's cooking brunch.  I love the time that we have eating together on Sunday and the conversations that we have had.  I also miss her cooking....she fries goetta sometimes and it's sooo yummy.

So, a week until Easter!  I'm really excited about our Easter party that we're having.  There will be plenty of people there.  I'm in charge of the decorations.  I have an idea of what I want to do, but I don't know for sure.  What do you all think of colorful plastic eggs with Biblical verses in them?  Perhaps we can make a game out of reading them and sharing them?  I don't know...just an idea.  Do any of you have any ideas?  Perhaps I'll get some flowers.  I had my eyes on these purple roses for a long time.  They are sooo pretty.  They are light purple, more of a lavendar color.  But from what Sr N said, she doesn't think they sound pretty...  Perhaps I'll stick with yellow or some springy-Easter color.  Perhaps not roses at all.  Maybe some tulips.  I don't know about Easter Lillies.  There will probably be an abundance of them around the house...because the Sisters seem to love them.  As I remember from last Easter.  What's another Easter flower???

I have these questions that I have to answer for the vocation director.  I have only started writing a little about my answers.  I need to do this...but I've been procrastinating.  They are do after our Easter party, but the same week...  EEEK!

I can't wait to color eggs!  I helped Sister Suz do this last Easter and it was great fun.

My mom has clipped out an article that my vocation director had written that ended up in the local newspaper.  Here it is: http://news.enquirer.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080309/EDIT02/803090358/1090

Mood:  chillin'

It's a blizzard....eeeeeekkkk!  I should be out shovelling snow, but I really didn't feel like it.  I'm going to do my chores INSIDE the house, but right now I'm waiting on the laundry to get dry.  I washed my fish tank out earlier today, and now you can see the fish better.  Tee Hee just kidding, it wasn't THAT dirty.  Perhaps once I get the bathrooms clean, I'll go out and play in the snow a little.  It's been a looooong time since I've played in the snow.

On Thursday of this week I will get to meet with the Sister who is coming from Rome.  I'm excited about it, but I have no idea what I want to tell her.  Hopefully she can put my mind at ease.  I worry about things alot.  It's just a part of who I am at the moment.

I'm trading my day to cook this week with Sr N because my day to cook would have been on Thursday, and they didn't want to put this Sister from Rome through my cooking.  That was not an experience they want her to have...LOL...oh well.  Takes alot of stress off my back.  I'll be cooking on Tuesday.  I'm going to make a Taco Salad.

Later this month, there will be a ceremony to rededicate the stained glass windows in the chapel at the Heights.  They are originally from Germany.  They had to take them out to wash and refurbish them.  Looking at them, they are a whole lot brighter than they were before.  I'm excited to go to that ceremony and celebrate with the Sisters!

I was praying for some help with the questions that the vocation director wants me to answer, and I had sort of a revelation...well, it was to me at least.  It may be something that others are already aware of. 

Did you know that Our Lady had to be continually challenged in her view of God???  When her Son was born, she had to accept that God was not coming as a warrior, but as a little helpless baby.  Then when they presented Jesus, she had to come to terms with the fact that her heart would be pierced through with a sword, and that she would perhaps lose this baby which she loved so dearly.  Then when Jesus was left behind in Jerusalem and they searched for him for days and found him in the temple, she had to come to terms with the fact that this child was not her own and that she didn't understand what He meant when He said He was in His Father's house doing his Father's work.  Again she was challenged when Jesus kept calling her WOMAN, as if she were not his mother?  She had to learn to share Him with others.  Lastly her view was shaped and molded when she watched her own child be crucified and die on the cross.  She had to trust God in all of this.

I just wanted to share the fruits of my reflection.