MONSTER # 15

HI! MY NAME IS...Wait a minute...

STOP : We wrote this one about the whole Grammy controversy. Yep. The Master and I were watching the show, eating lots and lots of M&Ms, when we both turned to look at each other....and we could both read each other's mind...'why not?'....the Master then asked me, are you thinking what I'm thinking? And I'm like 'Yes! Oh Master! I lov-' And he's like 'Let's write a story' And I had to hide my broken heart for the rest of the night *wipes tear away* No, don't look at me! Just read the story!


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Close encounter
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'OK. I'm on-line now. Right?'
'Yeah, yeah. Finally.'
'Watch it, motherfucker. It's the first time I use one of these things.'
'It's called a computer, you stupid white trash.'
'Whatever, nigga.'
'Don't fucking mess with me.'
'Ok, ok. I'll shut up. Just tell me what to do'.
'There are a million things you can do on-line. You tell me what you wanna do and I'll help you out.'
'Hmm, let me see. I wanna visit my website 'cause I've never seen it. '
'Ok. What else do you wanna do?'
'...And I wanna visit the Glaad website. You know, the fags website.'
'And why do you wanna see that site? Tired of hiding in the closet for so long?'
'Don't fuck with me, cocksucker. I just wanna know what those idiots wrote about me, you know, about the whole controversy. Me and Elton John at the Grammys.'
'Right.'
'Shut up and do it.'
'Which one you wanna see first?'
'The gay one.'
'Ok, then. Type www.eminem.com'
'I said don't fucking mess with me, you-'
'Yeah, yeah. I just followed what you said.'
'I'm warning you'
'Alright, alright. Just don't hit me. Please?! Geez. You homophobics are so fucking pathetic.'
'You think that being a gay lover makes you better than me or something? '
'I'm not a gay lover. I'm gay. Oops. You are gonna shoot me now, right?'
'You are?!?!'
'What? You actually thought I wasn't queer enough to be gay? You wanna kick my ass now that you know the truth?'
'Jesus, settle down for a second. Stop putting words into my mouth. I didn't say that. No wonder you people made such a big deal out of the Grammys. Even the gay celebrities think you all got something up your asses.'
'Whatever. Just tipe www.glaad.com. That'll do.'
'W-w-w-dot-glaad-dot-com '
'Whoa. You can spell. It's really you who writes those stupid lyrics. '
'Yeah, yeah. I really don't get why you people get so fucking upset over a bunch of songs. It's just music. I ain't writing the Bible. Oops. Sorry. I forgot not even the fucking christians love you.'
'You don't get it, do you? We know it's just fucking music. That's the reason we fight your lyrics.'
'You actually think some kid is gonna go and blow some faggot's brains with a gun?'
'It has happened.'
'Nah. You're blaming music, individual artists, using them as scapegoats. We're all part of society and I'm not the one who fucked it up. If you really wanna fight something you gotta start where it all begins. Where do kids learn their shit? At school. At home. You're just wasting your time fighting the media. I ain't stopping and you know it.'
'You have no idea how much influence the media has on kids. You're gonna tell me that you learned your shit from your parents? From your friends? Yeah, right. Kids don't listen to them as much as you want to convince yourself. Music is one of the biggest source of role models for kids. It's been that way since Elvis. A couple of teens comitted suicide after Kobain did.'
'And you think that's a reason to censor musicians? Why don't we forbid the use of alcohol and porn as well then. Ever heard of freedom of speech?'
'Ever heard the word responsability? Yes, you're free to say whatever the fuck you want, no matter how ignorant your message is. But, you should also know that being a grown up, a role model for millions of kids, you got a big responsability. Even if you're not obligated to do it. It's just being human.'
'So just because I gotta be human I can't fully express myself, huh? I can't say shit about my mother, about my wife, nothing. I should just fucking write jingles for Petsmart then.'
'When you talk about your mother or your wife, you're talking about people you know in real life, people that has hurt you. I don't see nothing wrong with that. As long as you don't do what those lyrics say. The problem is, when you talk about gays, you're talking about all of them. You're not talking about a gay person that pissed you off or that hurt you. You're hating us all, for no reason.'
'I got a reason. You all piss me off.'
'Do I piss you off?'
'You have no idea.'
'I see. I tried to have a mature argument with you but it's impossible. Your ignorance is so much bigger than my patience.'
'Geez, man. I was just joking. You're ok. And no, I am not hitting on you. In case you're getting any weird ideas.'
'Ok. I'm sure I'm not the only gay person you know that doesn't piss you off, right?'
'Uh huh. So?'
'That's my point, you see, do you think it's coherent that you sing shit about gay people in general when you don't know all of us? Some of us are jerks-'
'I can see that'
'-and some of us are ok. That's the way it is'.
'You think I'm 3 years old or something? I fucking know what you're talking about. Did I hit you or insulted you when you told me you are gay?'
'You did insult me a couple of times'
'Just because you insulted me first. I can be tolerant when I meet someone, and yes, my opinion about that person can change. '
'Why do you gotta have an opinion about me when you don't even know me? Just because I'm gay you already have an opinion about me?'
'Just let me finish. You don't understand where I come from. I was raised that way and the shit I learned when I was growing up ain't gonna go away just like that. I'm still learning, everyday, and I will continue to learn till the day I die.'
'I'm glad to hear that.'
'Cool. But don't expect me to give you head anytime soon.'
'The next time you write a song, now that you know me and you think 'I'm ok', and I'm quoting you on that ...Are you gonna write shit about gay people again?'
'Look, man. Just because I know you I ain't gonna change. I am who I am. You like who I am. Cool. You don't like who I am. Go fuck yourself.'
'Did you hear me when I said how fucked up generalizing is?'
'Yes. And did you hear me when I said I can be tolerant with gay people I get to know?'
'Could the real reason you're doing this be the money? I think you just wanna sell records using the ignorance and fears of people.'
'What if I am? You think that if I stop writing shit about gays, homophobia it's gonna go away? Just like that? Like I said before, I'm part of society. I didn't fucked it up.'
'It would be a big deal if you did that. And I think you know that but you just don't wanna have that weight on your shoulders. No, the problem wouldn't go away, completely. But it would mean something. I saw the Grammys yesterday. '
'At home?'
'Yes. I didn't go protest. I didn't think it was ok to censor your music.'
'Cool.'
'Yeah, I agree with you on that. Anyway, when I saw you and Elton share the song, it meant something to me. And I hope kids learned from it.'
'What did it mean to you? That's the reason I wanted to see the Glaad website. '
'It meant that two people, as different as they are, can share something together. Music. It shows that we're all human beings after all. We're all different but we have that thing in common.'
'I'm glad you liked it. And I'm glad you could forget that stupid controversy. I just wish you could let me be who I am. That's all.'
'You think it's fair that you get to be who you are and we don't?'
'Your friends got to protest. Ain't that freedom of speech?'
'Yes. But we all know you bring big ratings too. Couldn't that be the reason they let you perform?'
'Could be. You know what, I don't think we're going to get a final answer to all these questions. I wanna relax now '
'Ok. Avoid the question.'
'I said it could be the reason.'
'I know, I'm just fucking with you.'
'Yeah, yeah. '
'So...what site you wanna see now?'
'I want to see a porn site. And not one of your favorite porn sites. I ain't being homophobic, by the way, it's just not my thing.'
'Sure. Let's see...type www-'
The end.

STOP : Why? Why? Why?....Why can't he love me!?!?! ...Oh there you are, this is a really weird experiment, the bastard and I wrote some other stupid night. Just read. And don't let me catch you laughing again you f-