Tabbie, *Before*
So, this is my beautiful young friend, Tabaitha. This picture was taken in December 2000, and she was at a reletively "healthy" weight, around 100 pounds. *Thin* yes, *Anorexic* no. Although I believe she was already beginning to lose some weight at this point in time. What many people don't know is that "Anorexia" has *nothing* to do with losing weight. It *may* start out that way. But what it is about is *Control*, over something. It is usually perfectionistic people who get this disease, people who feel that they have to do everything right, have everyone like them. It also occurs to people who feel that their lives are so out of control, the only thing they can take charge of is what goes in their mouths. However, this thing they chose to "control" eventually starts controlling them. Another thing people don't know---the term "Anorexia" simply means loss of appetite. I *Doesn't* mean "Can't eat" or "Won't eat"---Anorexia Nervosa is the disorder that includes the unhealthy preoccupation with weight. The image of self becomes very distorted, and the importance of the weight (which is really the *control*) is magnified. People have said to me about Tabbie "Well, she should just eat". It isn't that simple.
Tabbie, *After*
Okay, and so *here* is Tabbie on February 9th, 2001, the day she was admitted to the hospital at just under 66 pounds. That is around 40 pounds, a *little* less, that she lost from Christmas 2000 to February 9th. That is because of stress, fear, panic. That is because of her feeling so out of control of everying in her life, she grabbed hold to some wherever she could. 66 pounds. Think about that. She is *not* a 10 year-old child. She is a 16 year-old girl. She is *not* excessively short---she is petite, yes, but she is almost 5'3". Again, remember, this is *not* about weight. Tabbie has admitted herself, she doesn't think she is *fat*, never did. In her own words, she was "hoping to shrink away until I just disappeared". She allowed the stress of everything going on with her literally eat away at *her*. This is a little girl who has lived most of her life with *no one* loving her. So now, even the *good* things in life, people caring about her, loving her, they scare the hell out of her. Because, let's face it, emotions are *another* thing you can't always control. Add to the stress, and the control, you also have the depression or despair that almost always is present in a person with this illness. Those emotions can be so pervasive that one often just "gives up".
I am hoping that someday *very* soon, I can add a third picture to this page. One of a happy, healthy Tabbie again. I know that it may take some time, but that will be my ultimate goal. I know that this is an emotional issue for many. I was bulimic for years as a teenager. As with Tabbie, it was *not* about weight. It was about fear, insecurity, and yes, control. My older sister, she is a compulsive overeater, trying to feed pain that she feels, rather than deal with emotions. This is *so* incredibly common, especially with young women (Don't get me wrong though---this disease also affects men, and older people, and is just as dangerous). The images we live with tell us we need to look a certain way to be accepted. Well, people, that is just bullsh*t! I really hope that everyone who reads this, and sees this site, will do me a favor. I want you, the next time you look in a mirror, no matter *what* you look like, smile at yourself. Because *you* are beautiful, no matter what the scale or the mirror says. The true essence of beauty is not the size of the clothes, or how they fit, or how much skin you have on your body; it is measured by the grace and love in your heart.
I am including a few sites here, regarding Anorexia and other eating disorers. The "Something Fishy" website is the *best* I have found in my research of this subject. It also has information on mental disorders, such as depression, and others. Please---if you feel out of control, get help *Now*! You are too precious to lose. Love, FrumpyGranny
http://www.anad.org (National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders)
http://www.anred.com (Anorexia Nervosa and Related Eating Disorders)
http://www.something-fishy.org (The "Something Fishy" website)
New picture of Tabbie, June 2001
Well, as you can see, Tabbie is doing so much better! Right now it is June 15, 2001, and her weight is staying stable at around 95 pounds. She has gotten married, and is in counseling to deal with the issues that led to the eating disorder, as well as the anorexia itself. I said that I wanted to be able to add a picture of a healthy Tabbie here---and here it is! Again, please remember to love yourself, be kind to yourself as you would be to someone else. Love, Colbee
