In my senior year of high school, I had a really awesome English teacher ~ Scott Dorr. His wife, Doris, was also a teacher at the same school; she was just as wonderful as him. I don’t think I would have survived my senior year, had it not been for the two of them and my guidance counselor, Jerry Tollefson.
Mr. Dorr was not like any other teacher I have ever met. My first impression of him, with his long hair pulled back in a pony tail, was “Oh my god, he’s a long-haired hippie druggie freak!” Not true at all! He was down-to-earth friendly, took time to get to really KNOW and try to understand the kids, and when I needed advice or a shoulder to cry on he was always there for me.
One of our final assignments in Mr. Dorr’s class was to write 10 epitaphs (don’t ask me what that is, because I haven’t the slightest clue anymore). I don’t remember if they were general topic, or if he had assigned something specific to write about. I do remember that I was really emotional over this assignment ~ and I guess that’s why I held on to them all these years. Most of the original sheets had a notation in the upper right corner describing what the poem was about ~ so here it is, life through the eyes of an 18 year old girl.
Epitaph #1 (Life)
Like a shadow
You linger in my mind,
A thing of the past,
Loneliness and pain,
Tears of anger and hate.
I tried many times to destroy you,
But it was all in vain.
I am glad,
For now you are like a young child,
Pulling anxiously at my hand,
Urging me forward.
You say you have many things
To show me,
Many things to teach me.
I am yours now.
I will follow you
Wherever you may lead me.
Epitaph #2 (Teddy Bear)
Anytime I needed a friend
To comfort me,
Or a hug to brighten my day,
I knew I could turn to you.
You listened to every complaint,
Every sorrow,
Every fear.
Any hour of the day or night,
You were always there,
And not once did you turn from me.
You always had a kind word.
You knew just what to say
And when to say it.
You were my best friend.
I couldn’t possibly ask
For more than what you gave me.
Epitaph #3 (My Birthmother)
You brought me into this world,
A baby, unable to take care of myself,
Then you turned around and walked away,
Leaving me all alone.
I never saw you, not once.
I have no memory of you.
I have only questions,
Which for eighteen years have
Gone unanswered.
I am not angry, I do not hate you,
Although I sometimes wonder why not.
I am only confused and full of wonder.
I know someday I will know who you are.
I hope and pray that we will meet one another,
Although it will bring about much pain.
I want to know you,
Who you are, why you left me alone.
Someday, my questions will be answered.
Until then, I will sit and wonder.
Epitaph #4 (Love)
The first time you came into my life,
I was only a child.
I had no fear'">no fear'">no fear'">no fear'">no fear of you.
I welcomed you with open arms.
Within only a short period of time,
You brought me
Happiness and laughter,
Sadness and tears.
Behind all the smiles,
I hid my many fears.
I began to run from you,
Scared, as any young child would be.
For a long time,
You followed me, begging me to come back.
But every time I turned
To come back to you,
You laughed at me.
You kept taunting me,
Being there for me one moment,
And the next moment being gone.
Now you are here again.
This time you say you are here to stay.
I am scared of you,
Because you have hurt me
So many times before.
But I am willing to take a risk.
I want to know again
The happiness I once knew before.
And if you bring sadness and tears,
I know you will make up'">make up'">make up'">make up'">make up for them
With happiness and smiles.
I will not run from you anymore.
I will face you head on,
And deal with you moment by moment.
Epitaph #5 (My Adopted Mom)
She brought me into this world,
Then turned around and walked away.
Soon after, you came to me.
You took me home with you,
Treated me as your own.
But you didn’t know how to love a baby.
You didn’t know how to be a mother.
I could never get close to you.
I didn’t want to.
I wasn’t happy with you.
I know you tried hard
To do everything in your power
To make the relationship work.
I just couldn’t do it.
You were always yelling at me,
Always finding something wrong
In whatever I did.
You treated your other daughter
Better than you treated me.
She got every wish her heart desired.
She was given more freedom, more privileges.
I never received anything from you.
Maybe you didn’t see it, but it’s true.
I never told you,
Because I didn’t know how.
Instead, I walked away
And found a life of my own.
I told you to go away,
That I didn’t want you around.
You only cause trouble
And mess up my life.
Every time I see you,
You make me cry.
But you insist on calling,
Or having someone else call for you.
You insist on sending cards or letters.
You see me in the store,
And won’t acknowledge my presence,
Yet two days later you send me a gift.
You insist on keeping the pain going.
You are part of the past,
A part of my life
I want to put behind me.
I want to forget all the trouble
And all the pain.
You have always said that
The only thing you want
Is for me to be happy.
The only thing you can do for me now
Is to leave me alone.
Let me live my life in peace.
Epitaph #6 (My Best Friend)
I will never quite understand
How it happened.
I was happy,
Until you came and took
His love away from me.
I wanted to hate you,
But something about you
Caught my attention.
I’m still not sure what it was.
Strangely, we became the best of friends.
Over the next few months,
We drew closer and closer,
Until nothing could separate us.
We were there for one another
In times of fear,
In times of hurt and pain,
In times of sadness.
We were there for one another
In times of laughter,
In times of happiness,
In times of joy.
Then one day I had to go away.
It hurt to leave you behind,
But we swore that no matter what,
We would never lose sight of one another.
If we ever did,
We would search high and low
To find each other.
Years went by,
And we did lose track of each other.
But just as we promised,
We never gave up hope.
We searched high and low,
Until we found each other.
Today you are still there for me,
Just as I am still there for you.
We are inseparable.
Nothing can ever tear us apart.
And if anything were to happen to you,
The memory will still be there in my heart.
I hope that it will be the same with you.
And during our time away from each other,
We can remember the past,
When we were together,
And we can dream of the future
When we will someday be together again.
Because I know in my heart that
Although it is only a dream at this time,
Someday it will be a reality.
Some day we will be together again.
Epitaph #7 (Time)
When I really need
More of you,
You move so quickly.
When I want you to
Fly on by,
You linger on.
You never do
What I ask you to do.
But yet,
If you were not there,
Life would never
Hold any excitement.
I would have nothing
To look forward to.
I am glad you are there.
You give my life
Something to
Hold on to.
Epitaph #8 (Subject Unknown)
There are some people
In the world
Who do not know you.
You never seem to
Cause them any pain.
There are some people
In the world
Who know you a little.
You cause some pain
In their lives,
But not enough
To destroy them.
There are some people
In the world
Who know you all too well.
You bring them
A lot of
Sadness and pain,
Enough to destroy
Their lives.
But through it all,
The pain and sorry,
You have taught
Me a lesson.
I do not have
A perfect life,
And I am not as rich
As some people,
But you have not
Destroyed me yet.
I can no longer complain
About all the things
I do not have,
Because I have more
Than many other people have.
I do not know you
Like many others,
And you have not destroyed me.
I can destroy you
Before you ever cause me pain.
Epitaph #9 (Myself)
As a baby,
You were left all alone,
Unable to take care
Of yourself.
As a young child,
You were always
So insecure.
You couldn’t do anything
On your own.
Several years went by,
Full of pain, anger,
Confusion and frustration.
You never stayed
In one place for long.
Then a special family
Took you in as their own.
They taught you about love,
And how to be part of a family.
You met a very special man,
Whom you fell in love with.
Now you speak of marriage,
And of having a family.
You speak of the future
And all the happiness
You wish to have.
You have turned your
Life of sadness and fear
Into one of love and happiness.
Epitaph #10 (My Teacher)
When I first saw you,
I thought you were
The strangest person
I had ever met.
But I immediately took
A liking to you.
You were funny,
You made me laugh.
You were serious,
You made me take a look
At reality.
You may not know it,
But you have been a
Great influence
In my life.
You have taught me
Many things,
Not only about school,
But about myself,
And about life in general.
You have always
Been there
If I had a problem,
And needed someone to talk to.
I will miss
Not seeing your smile
Every day.
Thank you
For all you have
Done for me.
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