How the Feds Stole Christmas
By Gary Krist

Sunday, December 16, 2001; Page B05
"The federal government is the Scrooge of the season."
-- D.C. Del. Eleanor Holmes Norton

The American people liked Christmas a lot --
But the Federal Government clearly did NOT!
The feds hated Christmas! They did -- every one!
They hated the chaos, the crowds and the fun.

"It's wartime!" they cried. "We have to be wary.
The prospect of Christmas is simply too scary."
(For they saw in the season's delightful excesses
The makings of untold security messes.)

"Those tourists will come to D.C. on their jaunts
And want to see all of our usual haunts.
They'll fly in from places like Flint or Peru
And expect to see Congress, the Archives, the Zoo.

"But how to distinguish, amid all the revels,
The innocent tourists from terrorist devils?
We've got to be hard-nosed -- too bad if they frown!
We've got to take action to lock up the town!"

So those Grinches did issue an edict to close
All tours of the White House to regular Joes.
"No visits allowed -- not sooner, not later --
For you never know who is part of al Qaeda."

This order, however, was only the latest
Of numerous acts to defeat those who hate us.
For one Grinch named Ashcroft already had taken
Draconian steps that left liberals shaken.

"It's crucial," said he, "to adopt zealous measures
In order to safeguard our national treasures."

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GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!