Jim Barnard BIO:
Favorite Bands: The Dead, The Ramones, The Buffett
Pet Peeves: The boys touching his legs due to loose underwear leg hold supports, Assholes that don't know that the lines in the road by the traffic light need to be driven over to trigger the light, animal rights people, anyone under the age of 30, Department of Motor Vehicles, Poor People who are on welfare, people who fake workman's comp claims, any driver from Mass., any bump that spills his coffee into his lap, people who don't buy American.
Favorite quote: A white sheet with two holes is not necessarily a broad view of the world
Songs he has written: Backdoor Bombardier, Little Bully, The General & other songs about things in his pants
Favorite Drink: Blood of a Virgin (during a full moon) otherwise Coke if fine.
Favorite Topics: Things in his underwear, bodily functions
Jim has been called many things in his life. Many not repeatable on a PG-13 web page.
He has been referred to as a Hobbit, The Fearless Leader, Rock Star, Peter Pan.
He is a Gemini. If you know anything about that astrological sign, you will know that they have dual personalities. Jim has sort of stretched that a bit to having many personalities. Sort of in a Sybil like fashion.
Unable to support a family by playing bass, Jim rents himself out as a lawn gnome. Too self-effacing to brag, fans will be pleased to know he achieved 4th place (for his age group) in a neighborhood Buddha look-alike contest.
“It’s just something I was born with”, he shyly admits around a mouthful of cheeseburger. “Some people are really smart, or artistic, or contribute to society. I can sit still for long periods of time.”
‘Recreational gnoming’ however, is not something one should try at home! Here Jim demonstrates for two gnome wanna-bees a glimpse of the discipline involved. Yeah, good luck with that, Dudes!
*Note the sixth toe on Jim’s right foot while the left impersonates a baby monk seal.
Jim in his early years. I guess the only way is up.
Even in this hip phase of his life, he never could get laid
Jim teaching our children. How Frightening is this?
What half truths and hurtful hearsay will he present as
facts to this impressionable group of potty bottomed miscreants??
Before starting a band, Jim was not only a model prisoner, but a model in in prison.
his weekly concerts as "Johnny Clash" went over pretty well, but that did not stop the other prisoners from treating him like a screen door on a beach cottage.
What do you guys think of my hair? Are my curls too obvious.
What do you think guuyyyys??
We always turn to Jim for advice on how to be politically correct.
Here Jim pretends to be the first Jewish Astronaut: "nose
Cohen".
We have just two words for you, Mr America: SUN BLOCK.
Surprisingly, this was not the first time, Jim had mistaken the word brist for tryst..
or
The all you can eat Chinese Buffet closed early that day...
Jim, unusually late in life, discovers his fingers.
Heh, heh, hey... look what I got for selling "True Grit"!
Don't get all pissed off Jim. You will get the note next time.
or
Look how big I can make my head by gritting my teeth!!!
THE END
