My Memories and Last Chances.....

To the one who listened,
for the ones who actually cared

Thoughts
Animal, you're an animal...you're a goddamn
fucking animal
face your fears: you gotta face your fears
you gotta ride
Devin Townshend



Memories and Occurences
Nicole
...
..
.

An Angel:
An angel sent by no one…to help me through all the rough occurrences that have had to deal with, but yet when I felt sad or dispirited…she helped me through the hardship and foolish ways that have grown to and adapted my new life to. The ways and paths were very long and very treacherous, but yet this one person showed me, helped me get through this animosity…help me break out of the ordinary and smell the life all around me...her ways and teachings were very easy to comprehend, but yet at times when she wasn’t there…I did what all I could to make it through the next day…my life may be in dismay and a lost child hood of disarray…but yet I’m glad that she found me by mistake….my life now makes sense to me…she even taught me how to think for myself and when you screw up that its not the end of the world….like I had always thought…..i may be good at a few things….trading other old things that I used to posses for new things that systematically make up and construct what’s left of my life…she is here for me…she has made it for me to see…made it for me to be better then anything….thank you.

...Happiness..is finally found...Serenity

F A I N T....

Nicole, the days of our bliss “happiness”
Is faint “as in fading away from vision”
But I will still remember how that night was, and thank you
Thank you for everything, Nicole.
I know I didn’t tell you this, but you’re everything to me
I don’t want us to break up, or have to be separated from each other
As I pray for us to be together again, I always feel your hand
Grasping “grabbing” for mine…..
I’m still waiting here, even though we live less then a mile
It seems its forever for us to see each other
But it will all come together someday
And I will hold you in my arms again and kiss
Your soft and sweet delicate lips
Even though it may seem faint
It is still there in the presence


O U T E R R E G I O N S

Along down this road that I have fore traveled of dismay and depression, I have met the barrier that I shall not want to by-pass, I shall not want to demolish. Her name is Nicole, and by God she’s the cutest, magnificent girl that I have ever come upon. The time I have spent with her has been amazing, while I know were not allowed to be, we break away from the laws and the rules and incarcerate our selves in the love for each other. We have gone for 5 months now of the great bliss that does not desist, but keeps with us as the days go by. Along down this road of treachery and sadness, I have made it through all the madness. Living each day with the happiness and the serenity of being with my one true, my angel Nicole. I love her dearly and wish not to depart from such an illuminate angel such as she. Traveling down this road, I still run into trouble, but when I have been enveloped in it, my sadness, my sorrow, my hate, and my life, I think of the one true angel of mine and forget about all my worries, for I am with a girl that helps me through my hard times, while I educate her and teach her all I can. While we stay together I hope that we will be able to live with no worries or sorrow…. down this road I have so traveled.









\/\/\/\/
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Abyss of inevitable actions
they h a d to be

Trying to listen to what you say
How do I know you’re still the same
I help you as much as I can but,
Sweety, how do I know you listen to what I command
You listen to what I say
I listen to you cry on this day
I did what I could with you
But Nicole I don’t want to
Have to suffer over this dispute
I look at you and cry
I’m happy always when you’re at my side
But Nicole you don’t know that you’re killing me inside

I love you dearly and hope for none of this to be
I love you Nicole I hope you love me


I try and try to make you see
You say you understand me
How can you comprehend what I say
When everything you always betray It’s ironic when you talk about your parents
When you’re no better in their inheritance


I hold you by my side
Hoping I’m making you feel right
I kiss you to reassure you I’m here
You turn away and cry in fear



I listen to everything
I listen to your pain
I listen to you cry
I listen to the day
I listen to your life
I listen to your despite
Don’t you listen when I say?
Don’t think that
Don’t assume wrong
I love you
I will love you forever long.





Whenever my angel is never near
I become embezzled with fear
Where could my angel be?
For all I know she is not with me
Her glistening eyes show such illuminate praise
Where is my angel today?
She could be sick or sleeping
All I wish is for my angel to be
To not be sad is something I've always had
When I met Nicole I became happy
Where is my angel that I love so thee?
She is not here at my side
She is not comforting me when I want to cry
I will always love my angel
Yet she is not here
So now I'm in fear



The Rest of this Site pertain Nothing to my Princess Angel, Nicole

[Man]-[M]K[iNÐ]

Slaughterhouse of the mass-es
Eternal (re)-[demp]-{tion}
CPhAiRlEdNrTeSn –P-A-Y- as another pass-es
Lives within (de)-{cep}-[tion]
No one cares of who leaves
P-F-e-I-o-E-p-N-l-D-e-S sBcUuYrrIyNiGng for {Free}(dom)
Lead by the O’ great oHnEe who (de)-{ceive}(s)
Expiring within the ma[W]rt[O]y[R]r[L]d[D]om
(Dys)-{functional} abyss that portrays lig-ht
(Happi)-{ness}runs within the -M-I-N-D-
Slaughtered of their sig-ht
The minds lay bleeding within [MaN]-[M]K[inÐ]
Burning eternal with –FL-EI-AF-RE-
Moping on slaughtered dreams, no one’s (dr)-[HEAR]-(m)




Never Acclaimed, No instructions
Delerious, explain to me why
Why am i the black sheep?
the one that everyone execrates
never accompanied with reasons
excluded i am, execrated
Acclaimed, lost




You're so silly....


Flourished with Joy
sadness portrays your soul
emptiness reigns within
fire in your eyes
lost are you?



Happiness runs marrily through your thoughts
laughing and feeling free
acclaimed of one that will destroy this bliss
your life and soul how it glistens, shimmers in the light
you look around to see no one in sight
finally you have found the greatness
after all the treachory and malicious melancholy
your soul is cleansed within
now you're reborn into an illuminate light
Here you lay with shear delight
Submerged in your skull the bullet lay
incisions of seringes scatter across your outer shell
blood disipating
eye sockets whole
deteriorating on the blackened walk
sadness portrays in your mind
your mouth swollen shut
bruises along your outershell
inhabiting all of the weariness eveloped within
accomodating with all the problems at which you loathe
your body lay on the glass remnants
the same that pierced through your eyes
as you tried
attempted to redeem what you yourn for
your limbs lie dangling in the air
eyes lay, water with dispair
settle as the blood streams down the walk
people laughing at you
wishing you could exclude them from your life
trying to make it to the gates
you look from the heavens down
your body, wrecked, lifeless, and stationary people kicking the remnants at which scatter across the walk flourished with joy that the torments over looking at how your sircomsized body lay in the blood portraying all you tried


Acceptance

Happiness
Sadness
Confusion
Delusion
Cry
Fly
Appreciation
Hesitation
Help
Dealt
Cherish
Diminish
Talk
Walk
Exclaimed
Proclaimed
Trying
Dying
Dreams
Screams
Cared
Despaired



Life Blood Seeking out the heart Frantically running around every twist and turn Melody flowing through the mind Meandering through the internal tunnels Ending up at the brain Continuing the cycle once traveled Enveloped lay the pressure within the vein Negligent to the running immunities Indigently scurrying for the skin Attacks such as the pulses that transport energy Helplessly running rampant when clots form Blocking the way of nutrients The crimson syrup evolving To the burning redness of demonic eyes Our great gift expires and leaves us desolate Through the cracks in our skin.


Bitter (sweetness)

LIFE WHAT A WONDERFULL THING
HAVING NOTHING TO DO WITH ME
GLADLY I'M HERE NOT CARING
LEAVING EVERYONE ELSE DESPARING
HOPE IS NOW IN MY GRASP
OF WATCHING YOU FALL ON YOUR ASS
LAUGHING AT ALL THE MISTAKES YOU MAKE
KNOWING THE TIME IT WILL TAKE
I WILL BE FAR AWAY FROM THE MISTAKE

HEARING YOU CRYING
WILL LEAVE ME WONDERING
HOW EXACTLY ARE YOU DYING?
PERHAPS YOU MAY BE BURNING IN A FLAMING INFERNO
I DON'T REALLY GIVE A FUCK NOW ON WHERE YOU GO

I JUST HOPE YOU WILL LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES
THAT SOME DAY I'M GOING TO SEE TO IT
THAT YOU DON'T GET ANOTHER TO PLAY WITH
YOU WILL BE SIX FEET UNDER AND I WILL BE LAUGHING
CAUSE YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS NOW GRASPING
TRYING TO ESCAPE ETERNAL TORMENT
NOW YOU WILL KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE FUCKED WITH


FUCK||I||YOU||DON'T||CARE

FUCK YOU and bring it back and smash it at you
FUCK YOU, kill you, destroy everything about you
FUCK all this shit and let it burn
FUCK everything you ever told me and take it away
I DON'T CARE
FUCK IT, you're the one who's trying to live up to it
Your reputation of FUCKING with people's lives suits you
….but…guess….what..none of this is going to get to me,
everything you ever said made sense till I heard it
over again. You told me a few problems that you had,
I asked if you wanted me to help you solve them, but guess bitch….
i don't care(2x)
I don't care(2x)
I Don't Care (2x)
I DON'T CARE
FUCK YOU and all your sympathies you had for me
You're FUCKED up tendencies and everything
Needing to let it be
Escape me and do away with everything
FUCK YOU + I DON'T CARE(2X)
FUCK||I||YOU||DON'T||CARE(2X)
FUCK everything you said to me
FUCK everything and let it be
FUCK YOU
FUCK||I||YOU||DON'T||CARE
FUCK||I||YOU||DON'T||CARE
FUCK||I||YOU||DON'T||CARE
FUCK||I||YOU||DON'T||CARE



Glory (the day after)

Glory to see that you're gone
I'm happy
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG
I can finally run without fear
And be happy fucker
THAT YOU'RE NOT HERE
I finally can see everything
and hope that you're now nothing
Gazing out at the world I can see you
Even if I may not be with you

YOU'RE FUCKING UP ANOTHER SOUL
THE GLORY THAT ITS NOT ME
MAKES ME FEEL LIKE KILLING YOU
NO ONE SHOULD SUFFER
FROM ALL THAT YOU BROUGHT ME FUCKER!

Laughing with my friends once again
Carrying out my life long dreams
With out having you come and redeem
The world such a place
I don't see your face

IN MY MIND!
I KNOW YOUR KIND!
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE IT MY TIME
IM GONNA SEE TO IT
THAT YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T, YOU CAN'T
DESTROY ANOTHER LIFE
AND LEAVE IT FOR DEAD
I'm at least happy that you're not here
And I can continue my life on this sphere
The glory is such a price to pay
When someone has to live you for one day
Glory, glory, serenity, happiness, and you SEIZE TO EXIST!





I (lesson)

I learned my lesson
When I first came to this bitter session
I hoped that my life could actually have a meaning
Now look what am I to me?
I followed on all you told me
I followed you with self-pity
I FOLLOWED WHAT YOU SAID
I WENT BY EVERYTHING
I LEFT IT ALL BE DEAD
ITS YOU WHO I WANTED TO HURT
You were the teacher that told me I wouldn't get shot
I NEVER should have listened to that and let you ROT
Sadly I still wonder where you are
Sadly I still wish you were here in my arms
SO I COULD MAIM YOUR SOUL
AND LET YOU SUFFER AND TAKE YOUR GREAT TOLL!
HIDEOUS THOUGHTS OF WHAT I COULD DO RUN THROUGH MY MIND
NOW YOU'RE GONNA SUFFER FROM ALL THE PAIN
Now I'm here all alone wondering how to carry out LIFE
I NEVER SHOULD'VE LISTENED to YOU!
Lost and without question
I learned my lesson




MEMORIES

Lying here in my bed I wonder where you have enveloped into being
I lay here looking at the walls
Seeing pictures and growing sad
Knowing of all the great times we had
I dream of when we were together and I was holding your hand
But now I feel the sadness and can't understand
I had you, and let you flee
The sadness of all the times burrows within me
My dear sweet angel, I miss everything
I look out the window and see it raining
I remember the night we had
I'm growing cold and more sad
After whipping away the tears
The memories and all that used to be
I'm still crying and feel as if I'm dying
I know this is not what was supposed to happen
But the lord took you, what could I've done to stop him?
The funeral made me feel I was lost
But my angel you're with me and my thought
I loved you and wish I could find another
But you're all I ever wondered
I had my serenity with you
But how they're just memories
I grow sad knowing of all the times we had
I loved you
Now you're with the new
Good bye my dear take care
Remember, the memories, and I
I with you…..




Pathetic

Seeing you behind the doubt
You though you could make it out
Un-sym-pat-hetic
Trying to find your way, scrambling and running around
Then I will come and smash you Fucker into the ground
E-mpe-thetic
You thought you could be just like me?
Kill people and get fucked up and still breathe
Ho-rr-ific
You screamed when I told you your past
Now bitch you're lying on your ass
Po-et-ic
Wanting to learn from all my mistakes
Trying to write something with such distaste
Sin-ister-istic
You say you could kill, maim, and destroy
But look at you MOTHERFUCKER; you're just a toy
No one would want you to be
I hate you, learning from all your lies I never knew you could be like me
Now I see that you have shown me who you are
PATHETIC you're the one who tries to be sympathetic
Trying to be the empathetic one who knows of the horrific
Scenes of all the poetic shit, you sinisteristic bitch
You showed me who you are (3x)
PATHETIC



Searching

you found me

I'VE FINALLY MADE IT OUT
I'VE FOUND
Everything you've ever wanted me to be
All the wishes and dreams finally have come true
I've finally found
YOU
Telling me that I'm all you ever wanted
Then how come my life has become so haunted?
You look at me with pride and everything INSIDE
I LOOK AT YOU….I WANT YOU TO DIE
You might like me and the serenity about me
You always look at me with a keen eye
I see you I want you to DIE
I HATE YOU, everything and it all
I'm going to get you fucker and you're going to fall
You will be bawling and crying while I leave you and wish you die
I don't want to be with you, you're not my type, but fucker
Its all going to become a fight
I will win and leave you with all this sin
I don't give a shit fucker about what you're going to do
But fucker, all of this is annoying the shit out of me
Fucker everything you said may have been true
Saying you loved me but FUCKER
I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU




y O U


You claim like you know me
You claim like you cared
Now look where it has left me
Now I'm sitting here with such despair

I FUCKING HATE YOU
WHY DID I HAVE TO LISTEN?
LOOK WHERE IT HAS LEFT ME
NOW IM NOTHING
NOW IM WONDERING….

I listened to you and thought you were right
Look at me, no more delight
Here I lay wondering what I did wrong
Now all I have is what I have had all along

I FUCKING HATE YOU
YOU MADE ME THINK WE WERE RIGHT
YOU MADE ME LOSE IT ALL THAT ONE NIGHT
LAUGHING AT ME
WHAT ARE YOU?
Looking at the picture of ourselves
I THROW IT AWAY AT THE SHELF!
Slitting my wrists of the pain that has come
CUTTING MYSELF UNTILL I'M DONE!

…here I lay wondering what I did wrong…..
Wondering where it went in the long run….
Looking out the window to see where you are
YOU LIER! WHY DID I LISTEN TO YOU?

I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!
YOU'RE GOING TO SUFFER FROM ALL THE BULLSHIT YOU HAVE CAUSED!
THROWING THE PICTURE AT THE WALL!
LAUGHING AND CRYING!
DESTROYING EVERYTHING AS I WATCH IT FALL!

Why…………..why….why?
Did I listen to you?……you
You…..I FUCKING HATE YOU!
LEAVE ME AND NEVER RETURN!

Here I lay with the knife in my hand
Wondering why did you do all you can?
You…YOU! YOU! FUCK YOU!

Email: skidbizkut@hotmail.com