April 2003
On April 3rd, i flew to Him... the plans were for 10 of U/us from our IRC channel to finally get to meet at a BDSM event called "Beat Me In St. Louis".
All the time in the air, the excitement built and although i had little sleep and my flight was 6am, i couldn't nap. Once we saw one another, it was as though there hadn't been months that passed... it was so natural, so comfortable, so wonderful to feel His arms around me. We left the airport and spent the night at His house then got up very early for the drive to St. Louis.(see page) Returning on Monday, we settled in for the week... i belonged there with Master, i felt relaxed and at home and where i belonged... with Him.
That Look
What was that look, that saw inside my soul?
Peering, feeling, to make me feel whole?
As no one before, You’re the Mastermind,
Unleashing the woman once confined.
Afraid no more to face the unknown,
You found the seeds within to be sown.
Never have blossomed to what I feel now,
Becoming the flower that You allow.
All that I am, You’ve made me feel,
Opening, wanting, my heart to reveal,
That I belong to You, the world to see,
You are the Keeper and hold the key.
How can I be more to You each day?
When miles and miles keep us away
From that look, that saw inside my soul,
Peering, feeling, that made me feel whole.
Into past weeks I delve deep inside,
Remembering moments, I become misty-eyed.
Not wanting the times to become foggy dreams,
Where all I can hear is my silent screams.
Will the flower wilt under the strife?
When can I have You in my daily life?
Life is too short to let distance destroy
The love, the passion, of O/our heart’s joy.
Try I will, to be what I can,
Try I will to understand,
That when life allows and the time is right,
We’ll be together, day and night.
Captured and held, my heart will beat
For no one but You, my Master, my Sweet.
What You have done, what You have found,
Leaves me Yours, completely spellbound.
I love You Master,
Nan
4/22/03
Our days were spent waking early, loving, napping, eating... the best of which was falling asleep in His arms and waking the same way, listening to Him breathe, looking at Him and amazed that i belong to Him. Such love, i have never known; it gets deeper and deeper with each time we spend together. It's the return home that gets harder and harder, difficult on both of U/us.
There's something about being around all the things that make up the daily life of the one you love. It makes you feel more intimate and knowing in your love; knowing their routines, their tastes, habits. O/our visits had been limited to neutral ground, vacationing together and traveling, staying somewhere different each night. But this time, it was Master's home; witnessing His environment, His town, seeing what it is that He loves so much where He lives. i know that this may sound silly to some but the small things meant alot to me... things i could do around the house, making coffee, cooking for Him.
Master took me to get my nose pierced, giving me somthing to remember the trip by. We browsed antique shops, walked hand in hand, went for drives. It's beautiful country there, rolling hills and a sense of peace out in the country. i had no time schedule, no one but Master to take care of... it was heavenly.
Life isn't fair, that we can't be together. A day doesn't go by that i mourn my losses in being apart; some days it takes so much to put on a smile when i meet Him online, not dwelling on what i cannot have. But it wasn't a month before Master was wanting to come visit me, which made me feel honored.