June 21, 2000
June 21, 2000
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I would call today a rather good day, due to the fact that my fiance was here. I had a good time, we didn't do all that much, but just being with her is enough for me. Lately I have been thinking a lot of my past. I have done a lot of things that I am not proud of at all. Yet I cannot change them, or I would. At any rate I have spent close to a year of my life of 19 years behind bars, or in institutions of some kind or another. All because of some poor choices I have made in my life. Lately I have been thinking of the days when I was away, and recall a lot of good times I had. Not all were good, don't get me wrong, but in the midst of the chaos of my life back then, all of the good times I can recall were while I was in jails or institutions. This last time when I was away, I thought I would fake it till I made it. And through all my faking, I got through all of it and came home. When I got here I thought that I did a damn fine job of getting my way. It has almost been 10 months since I have been out of trouble, and you know what I have just realized? I have just figured out that I am a pro faker if there has ever been one. I faked so well that I even faked myself out, and have fooled myself into doing the right thing. This may sound crazy to you all, but I believe I fooled myself into doing the right thing, if that makes any sense. I am a better person due to the fact that I was so busy trying to fool everyone into believing I was changing for the better, that I actually did. I know I must sound completely outrageous, and I didn't intend for this entry to be so long, but I just started typing and this is what happened. I am going to let ya'll go now, so goodnight and God Bless!!!


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