Scared to Tell

Scared of rejections,
That's why I don't let many in,
You want to know me,
But I don't know where to begin,
The pain I feel,
Is that of a thousand knives,
The life I've lived,
Is that of a hundred lives.

I cry silently,
With each new day,
I want to pull you close,
But in reality I'm pushing you away,
Don't think I don't love you,
Because I act like I don't care,
I hate what I put you through,
I wish I could tell you that I'll always be there.

I know I won't because,
It gets unbearable at times,
I'll tell you how I feel,
In my poetic rhymes,
I care about you,
But this much you know, I'll never be the one,
To let this friendship go.

I'm scared of you,
For reasons unknown to me,
I'm scared to not hold back,
Because the light is too bright to see,
I'm lost, tired,
And oh, so weak,
I'm scared of the words,
That I can not speak

Sick and tired,
Of that look in your eye,
The smile on your face,
Can make a thug cry,
I'm sorry for nothing and everything,
All at the same time,
I'll close it out,
With this final rhyme.

Lonliness and pain,
Is all that I'm used to,
I feel it is the reason,
I can't get any closer to you,
I want to, really I do,
But I can't or should I say I won't,
Because I'll allow you into my heart,
No, wait, I won't.

I'd love to tell you what is going on,
But I don't feel any trust,
Just for you,
I left my old life in the dust,
There was no use,
In that I feel,
You broke my heart,
I don't think it'll ever heal.

Maybe it will,
Maybe it won't,
Maybe I'll let it,
Maybe I'll say don't,
Maybe I'm tired,
Maybe I'm scared,
Maybe i left a bad world with nothing,
Basically unprepared.

Celeste Adame