Besides the Fact

Besides the tears,
I shed when you aren't part of my life,
Besides the fact that my back,
Still carries that knife.
Besides the fact,
That I love you always and forever,
Besides the fact,
We will not die together.

Beside being number one in my heart,
Because you are my mom, dear sweet mother,
Besides the fact,
That I love you like no other,
Besides the fact,
That you don't want me at home,
Believe me mom,
You are not alone.

I don't know where to start,
And where I should finish,
Besides the fact,
That my love for you will never diminish.
Mom, I love you,
But hate you at the same time,
I wish I could tell you how I feel,
Without a poetic rhyme.

You are important,
But not important enough,
You'll never pull me down,
I know that life's tough.
The decisions you made,
Are more that enough to push me away,
A liar needs a good memory, mom,
I wish you'd change today.

I know you won't,
Because I know this much is true,
Your drugs are more important,
Than I am to you.
Besides your choices,
And the decisions you make,
I want you to realize,
All the love that you take.

Jose is a baby,
He needs love,
He needs the purity of life,
Like that of a dove,
Jeanne is still growing,
Though she is a brat,
If you continue doing what your doing,
She'll forget you, can you imagine that?

Oshana is an adult,
So confused, tired and alone,
Can't figure out why she loves to hate you,
And why she is the one always at home,
You are never there,
When your children need you the most,
You seem to be the mother,
But you play the role of the invisible ghost.

I hate the fact that you leave,
When I am at home,
If you don't want me there,
I wish you'd make it known,
Momma, I love you,
But you know this much is true,
I told you many times,
If I could I'd lay down and die for you.

The promises you make,
Are usually never fullfilled,
I wish you the best in your life,
I pray you are strong willed,
I know you love me,
But you don't make it known,
The anger comes out,
And is more often shown.

Momma, I can't hate you,
But I can hate the things you do,
I want you to know,
That all I've put before you is true,
I love you,
I don't say it enough,
I wish you'd be there for me,
When the times got rough.

Besides your shit,
That you put me through,
Besides the fact,
That I wouldn't be in this world without the help of you.
Besides the anger,
That I feel when you enter my thoughts,
My head goes wild,
I soon start to see spots.

I'm the child,
Though from my actions you couldn't tell,
I'm the one you love to hate,
And don't know so well,
I'm a very private person,
You don't know what I face,
I'll be the one who leaves your life,
Without a single trace.

If you keep on doing what it is your doing,
By pushing me away,
I pray the best for you,
With each new day,
I wake up each morning with you in my thoughts,
Momma, I wish you knew me,
You are the person whose heart,
Holds my key.

You tell me you'll be there,
And you always leave,
I'll tell you now,
I'm not the one you decieve,
You lie to me,
When you say you care,
Do you know how long its been,
Since I've seen your gentle loving stare?

Momma I love you,
This is how I feel,
Don't push me away,
I want to keep it real,
You care,
Or you are good at pretending,
With this poem,
My love for you I'm sending.

I'm hurt, lonely,
I'm tired and scared,
You left me in a world with nothing,
Momma, I'm not prepared,
I've grown up,
Way too fast,
Let me tell you,
How long my childhood really did last.

From the time I was six,
Till the time I was eight,
I became a child,
But it was too late,
I grew up because,
An adult was needed at the house,
I became real quiet,
Almost like a mouse.

You don't believe in me,
Or how I want to change,
You look at me like I'm an alien,
I don't feel I'm strange,
Besides the fact,
That you are always never there,
I'll tell you that I love you,
I will always care.

Anger isn't too much,
I've gotten used to it,
I often wonder why dear mother,
Why you put me through this shit,
Forget it mom,
I don't feel I'm worth your time,
I feel I'm ready to go off,
Like a land mine.

I wish I could show all the anger,
That I've built up towards you,
I have a problem with getting close to people,
All thanks to you,
You say you love me,
Why don't you show it,
Don't get close to me mom,
I'll throw a fucking fit.

I've tried so hard,
To get next to you,
You play it off like you don't care,
Almost like you are too cool,
Slipping through my fingers,
Really, really fast,
I wish this mother-daughter relationship,
Would always last.

I hate it when you are there,
When you're always right,
I hate it when you say you love me,
Then we start to fight,
I hate it when you lie,
Right to my face,
I hate the feeling I get,
When in your life I try to find a place.

Celeste Adame