Anger in My Thoughts

Pain got to be too much,
decided to go use,
Was a no-win situation,
I'd always fuckin' lose,
Face is beat red
as I walk down the street,
My higher power I will soon meet.

Death's calling my name,
I won't answer back,
Look over my shoulder
for fear of an attack,
Attack from what,
I really don't know,
I'm goin' backwards,
but forwards I want to go.

An oxymoron of life,
the thing that goes round and round,
A cry comes from my mouth,
but there is no sound,
Death's on my mind,
I can't even fucking sleep,
Into my thoughts,
slowly did it creep.

Tired of pain,
tired of lonliness,
Tired of all you motherfuckers
trying to second guess,
I'm not stupid,
I know what you are trying to pull,
I want to explode
but I get even madder playin' it cool.

Like DMX I'm slippin',
I'm falling, I can't get up,
Fuck you haters
for telling me to pee in a cup,
Be like 2Pac
and dissapear into the night,
I'll tell you now, bitch,
I won't go down without a fight.

I'm tired of head games
you try to play with me,
Tell me to look up but my vision is hazy,
I can not see,
Dope is my friend,
I'll tell you this much,
Forget all you haters,
I hate the human touch.

There is nothing for me,
not here or at home,
Anger is on my mind,
this is how I make it known,
Poetry is my only escape
from the reality of this fucked up life,
Do you think I can find serenity
as I reach for the knife?

I won't do it,
I mean I can't even try,
When the thought enters my mind,
I start to cry,
Yeah I cry,
this much I'll tell you sons-of-bitches,
Life for me,
will go on without a hitch.

Anger in my thoughts,
nah, gee, you think,
I want to pick up a bottle,
oh how, I want to drink,
Sarcasm in my poem,
gee, your fucking smart,
Don't argue with me,
I don't want to fucking start.

Celeste Adame