For Women Weighing Over 200 Pounds!
I am really sorry that I have not updated this site in a while...but She's Back! Stay Tuned...I will bgin working again on this in April 2001...check out Mama Sutra's Adore Yourself site in the meantime!
Click here to visit:
FAT GRRLS ARE DANGEROUS! by Shoshone
A fat grrl is abnormal. Different. Other. Not normal. Not okay.
A fat grrl is fed excessively. A fat grrl eats all the time. A fat grrl sneaks food.
A fat grrl must never speak of food. She should never want candy or spaghetti or cake. A fat grrl must never have seconds. Or desserts.
A fat grrl must be reduced. To size.
A fat grrl does not fit.
IT IS A PUBLIC SERVICE TO BE BRAVE. I.Frasier
The Venus of Willendorf is powerfully healing. She helps women gain a sense of belonging. She is an important role model as she stands proud and beautiful in her body.
Fat acceptance is VERY important in these days of narrow beauty standards and weight-slavery. A multi-billion dollar "beauty" industry is thriving on women's low self-esteem. Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Xenocal, Phen-Phen, Liposuction, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, Cosmopolitan Magazine...the fat-hatred industry is quite lucrative, playing on negative brainwashing endured by women their entire lives. When I look at a banana, I still hear my dad saying, " That is 90 calories. " Marilyn Wann's book, Fat?So! is a good way to start deprogramming! And here is a great fat pic postcard,called Goddess Garden.
It is rare, even shocking, to see fat women portrayed as gorgeous and sensual, and that is what makes Debbie Notkin and Laurie Toby Edison's book Women En Large a must-have for any large woman. This book will make you feel proud to be fat and unafraid to be naked. Q:Why did the mermaid wear seashells?
You would be amazed at how many times I hear women say things like, "I liked that lover because they didn't care what I looked like." This is ridiculous. Your lovers SHOULD care what you look like and LOVE it, not have to ignore your body as a favor to you! Or I hear women refer to their " weight problem, " yet there is no health problem involved. The only "problem" is society's fatphobia!
I hear the use of "beautiful" applied to a stereotyped thin, young, blonde woman. IT IS RARE TO HEAR SOMEONE SAY "She was beautiful" AND HAVE CONVEYED TO ALL AN IMAGE OF A WAGNERIAN VALKYRIE! Our choices of words that we use to describe our own worlds are very important. Don't sabotage yourself with loaded language. Here are a few things for you to think about:
You can buy really nice fat mermaid and also Venus of Willendorf soaps from Sistercraft out of Seattle. You can email them at sister@serv.net
JENNY CRAIG IS A TOOL OF THE MAN!
Maybe it is time to put the FatGirl Logo on your computer as wallpaper! It looks really cool as your computer loads and she comes bursting onto your screen! RIOTS NOT DIETS!
IMPORTANT GOALS
WHAT CAN I DO?
GOD IS COMING AND SHE IS FAT!
Flirting When You're Fat - Workshop Summary
This mixed-gender "Flirting When You're Fat" workshop was held in Seattle on Dec. 19th, 1998. This is a review of the activities from the instructor, Kirsten Anderberg. If you enjoy this set of handouts,
then you may also want to read the set of handouts from Kirsten Anderberg's recent Art of Wooing workshop, soon to be posted on this website.
Despite snow falling outside, we had a good time and friendships were made... The workshop began with a circle to introduce ourselves and find out how we got there and why we came. Most of us basically wanted
to feel more sexy in a culture that does not portray sexy and fat harmoniously. We also sought an erotic fat identity in a sex-negative society. So that was where we started from, basically...
Kirsten's Rules for Fat Flirting:
The workshop then proceeded with elaborations, personal stories and resource sharing as follows...
1. NEVER SELF-DEPRECATE
Do not make excuses for your body weight or size. Never say things about being on a diet or you recently gained weight. Do not try to beat people to the punch regarding fat comments. As a thin friend of mine said, "It makes one seem too vulnerable to be that afraid of being insulting for being fat, that one insults one's self, afraid someone else will beat them to it." Yes. That is the thing. It shows you fear those comments, rather than you have heard them and they are stupid. It gives the comments undue power. Do not laugh at jokes that disrespect large people. Pythagoras said, "Let no man entice thee to say or do whatever is not profitable for thyself."
2. USE FAT-POSITIVE LANGUAGE
We discussed the need to learn fat-positive language because we have learned fat-negative language our whole lives. A great fat-positive website is FAT?SO!. They are wild! Their manifestos include things like saying the word "fat" until it comes out sounding
the same as short, tall, thin, young, old, etc. They suggest using fat in sentences like, "You're looking good. Are you getting fat?" or "Gee, I wish I could be fat like her." They proclaim Jan. 1st at 12:01 AM to be a "Fat Outing Moment." They suggest all fat folks celebrate being fat with noisemakers, instead of starting the year with another diet resolution (Diet is "die" with a t)!
Another site we discussed was Ann Simonton's Media Watch site. This site is dedicated to protesting weight slavery in the media and promotes beauty diversity wider than the narrow standard currently available in the media. The instructor, Kirsten, sang a song about the media and women's body-image. Radiance Magazine was talked about as a good fat-positive alternative to fat glamour magazines like Mode and BBW, which serve a purpose but are not as
political about fat as Radiance. SeaFATtle, a group that sponsors fat-positive events in Seattle was recommended. They help organize
the International No Diet Days in May every year with scale smashings, workshops and poetry!
We thought about words to describe how sexy we were...like Rubenesque, vuluptuous, succulent, ravishing, goddess-like...It is important to refer to yourself with positive, sexualized words. The instructor suggested saying something like, "I think tonight we would all look better in invisible pants!" to see if someone can handle you fat and sexualized. If they laugh with you, and are open sexually a bit, then they are safe(r). But if they freak out at the idea of you in invisible pants, run!
Sexualization through language can be a powerful tool. The instructor suggested complimenting other fat people in the room to the potential lover to see if they can see the fat people as gorgeous. For instance,
a large woman could say to a potential lover, "Wow! That fat woman over there is gorgeous!" and check out the reaction. Another interesting tip was to say "That is attractive," about something someone does you are interested in. That way if they are not interested in you, you can pretend you just thought the trait was
attractive and leave it there. But if they are attracted to you, they may take that opportunity to say, "So you find that attractive?" and you are on your way. Also, it is nice to tell someone you enjoyed
being sexual with that you found them creative, funny and SEXY or whatever the traits you enjoyed were...but throw in SEXY, since most people are so rarely told that. Fat people need to assert a sexual identity through the words they use, as much as any body language.
3. PAMPER YOURSELF
Make dates with yourself for yourself. Buy nice oils at the SoapBox stores in Seattle or other BodyShop-type stores. Massage your own legs
or thighs or butt or arms or chest... Buy nice smelling bath salts and sensual clothing. You can get custom-made velour or cotton bras and underwear from Decent Exposures at www.decentexposures.com. (Many large women highly recommend this brand, including the
instructor.) Buy erotic leatherwear. Sometimes I feel fabulous in a vinyl minidress, wild tights and Doc Martens. You can find large women's sizes in leatherwear at Venus in Seattle on Pike Street. Also, go to arts and crafts fairs and ask the booths if they have large sizes in batiked and velvet clothing. I am finding more and more booths carry large sizes lately.
Dance lessons were recommended to pamper yourself and add to your social skills and life...For $3 at the Timberline Tavern in Downtown Seattle, every Tuesday and Wednesday, there are Two-step and Line dance classes starting at 7:30 PM. Another person recommended the Leif Erikson Hall in Ballard for swing dance lessons she enjoyed. You can flokdance for free at the NW Folklife Festival in Seattle every May and also you can find folk dance groups in almost every city with little effort. Kathleen's in Ballard in Seattle may still offer fat women belly dance classes.
Take a class to explore a talent. Learn to play a musical instrument. Take time to write journals or poems.
Take time to do rituals for yourself. Do yoga. Commune with your body in a warm bath. Get up a half hour early for work and drink tea and read. Meditate. Read books to give you depth and insights. Write
letters to friends. Light candles and listen to music. Go for a walk and pick flowers. Slow down and treat your body and mind like royalty.
We did a love your body ritual, thanking many of our body parts for their service to us.
4. LEARN TO BE EROTIC FOR YOURSELF FIRST
It is essential that you get a handle on your own sexuality before you go out looking for sexual partners. This can be done in many ways. Dance erotically FOR YOURSELF. Seduce yourself. Buy a new sex toy at Toys in Babeland, a Woman Owned Shop, or call them at 1-800-658-9119 or visit them in Seattle. Another place for excellent new sex toys and understandable sex education resources is Good Vibrations, another Woman Owned shop in San Fransisco, or call 1-800-BUY-VIBE. Fantasize. Visualize what makes you feel sexy yourself and what you find sexy in others.
Find out what you like physically, although I find I like different things with each partner so don't get too attached to that!
Attend a Body Electric workshop That will do more
for you in this area than any other thing I can recommend. They can open your eyes to your sensual self that we lose easily in this fast world. They can teach you to be in touch with giving and receiving, in
tune with others. Another series of experiential workshops in Seattle, for women primarily, can be reached at (206) 322-5477. These gals can help you learn to ask for what you want!
Collect pictures of people you find sexy and figure out why you find them sexy... and can you adopt some of those traits? Collect things with genitalia on them... yoni pillows, penis sculptures, lesbian
paintings, make an altar to your sexual energy/body parts. Do menstrual mysteries. I used to make slips of paper with sexual things I could do with myself, put them in a box and would draw one to do with myself when I was doing this work. Paint/draw a picture of your gentials looking at them in a mirror. Become friends and lovers with your own body. Give your genitals a nickname and buy it gifts with it's name on it...The Seattle Institute for Sex Therapy, Education and Researchis another interesting resource. They offer free monthly classes on sexuality in an educational environment. These can make for an interesting date!
Basically, it is up to you to create a sensuous and alluring character to flirt with. Even if you have "lost" your sexuality, trying out new things privately, alone, can only help. Find out what stories turn you on...what pictures make you want to be sexual...learn how to embody that sexual feeling in yourself somehow...through language, imagery, scents, clothing, movement, education...
5. SEEK OUT FAT-POSITIVE COMMUNITY
It is good to find places where fat is not an issue, or fat-friendly environments. I hung out on the lesbian circuit long before I was ever interested in women sexually because of the general size acceptance in the lesbian community. There are exceptions... I saw Cris Williamson at the Vancouver Folk Festival doing some fat-bashing from stage a few years ago, but on the whole, lesbians tend to be very fat-friendly.
The Lesbian Resource Center at (206) 322-3953 has an event hotline that tells you of lesbian events in Seattle, and puts out a monthly newspaper also, yet it can be hard to locate. Lesbian Music Festivals are like dying and going to Heaven for fat women. It can
change your life to go to one if you have never been surrounded by fat-positive, women-centered culture before.
There also seems to be acceptance of large people as sexy within the Pagan community, for both men and women. I suppose it may be related to the fact that most Pagans I know chose the alternative of Paganism,
and are sort of anti-establishment anyway. But the fact that Pagans accept women as godheads and leaders may somehow allow large powerful women to not be seen as threatening but instead as pleasingly powerful
in this community. Anyway, I have found the Pagan community, whether it be WICCA, Celtic covens, Goddess circles... to be quite fat-positive. In Seattle, a good resource for the Pagan community is
Widdershins, a local Pagan newspaper. It is available at metaphysical bookstores in Seattle, yet you may have to hunt a bit. I have found it at Astrology, et al, Bulldog News, Tenzing Momo... maybe call first.
You can also use search engines on spirituality to find pagan groups in your town.
Another angle is to CREATE erotic, fat-positive community...check out the Creating A Space For Pleasure, a seminar on hosting erotic events
handouts available on the Society for Human Sexuality website...via the SHS events area. It is a good primer on how to throw sexy parties...You can make a party list of fat-friendly folks, choose
events or rituals, and create a positive playspace... This site has some scary sections but its sections on Safer Sex and Erotic Massage are outstanding. You can create your own erotic community.
Some of my friends and I started a group called the 201 Club in October 1998 in Seattle. The criteria is you must be a woman who weighs over 200 pounds to be in. If you are under 200 pounds slightly, you may wear heavy jewelry. We have had clothing exchanges, made berry cordials, had a dessert-a-thon, and talk about sex and lovers and food and life and enjoy one another alot. We meet at a different member's house every month and keep in touch over an email list we created just for 201. I have heard of other fat groups in other
cities...in Boston, a bunch of gals created the Fat Chicks Ballet, where they perform ballets in tutus and army boots. I heard about the Padded Lillies in the Bay Area. They are a fat woman's synchronized
swimming team...I believe that because of societal conditioning women tend to make groups around social needs more than men do, but men need to do this kind of thing together more...and to offer it to us
all...like a Fat Man's Ballet sounds like something I would go see.
In Seattle we have nude swims from Oct. to May, that are non-sexual events where you can learn to feel comfortable in your naked body around others. Call (360) 424-6833 for more information. There is also
a group for large women and their friends and family to swim (clothed)together at a local pool, called Water Womyn. Call the Lesbian Resource Center at (206) 322-3953
for more information. Going places where you do not hide your flabulous body is an important step in body acceptance and sexiness. Then you can take that confidence with you into the fat-phobic world, where the footing is a bit more slippery.
6. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FAT-POSITIVE IMAGERY
It is good to start an altar of images just like your body. We are inundated with images of thin as beauty on TV, in line at the store, on advertising billboards...we need to reinforce to oursleves that our
body type is also beautiful and historically represented and valid. Whenever I see anything that looks like my body, I grab a copy for my altar. I have xeroxed and saved pictures from Sage Woman magazine of
both large women and large goddesses. I have xeroxed pictures out of book entitled Women En Large...it is not easy to get anymore but they sell it at Toys In Babeland, and it is a fabulous book of lots of different types of fat women, naked and erotic. I get old National Geographics and cut out pictures of large international women. I have one picture where women in a Czechoslavakian village take the fattest
woman at the wedding and toss her in the air on a blanket for fertility rites...the delight and envy of the little girls standing around is precious, as is the joy on the face of the woman being tossed. And the circle of fat, colorful women holding the blanket to
toss her with are amazing also. I cut out a picture of a fat Diana in the paper, advertising an art exhibit. I hang Annie Sprinkle postcards on my wall because her breasts are big and they hang instead of that duct-taped "perky" look that defies gravity. I put up pictures of Queen Latifah. I have a postcard of a fat barbie that says "There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only 8 who do."
You can also collect art objects such as a Venus of Willendorf statue
or a painting of the Sleeping Goddess with her big thighs...I have
seen Venus of Willendorf beeswax candles...I have a glass bowl with
goddess symbols etched on it...I have a bronze cut image of a woman
reaching for the sky...and fat women candle holders...Seek out
representations of your body, naked or clothed. Sacred Source has a WIDE variety of Fat Goddess images... Just as you need new
language for a fat-positive environment, you also need new imagery for
fat self-confidence. You need to know your body type has been present
throughout histroy. I had a "friend" once say about another friend,
once she lost weight, that now she looked "human." Another time I
heard someone say that when I wear a bra my breasts "almost look
normal." It is important to see sagging breasts and big bellies to
know that you are "normal." And men can collect images of Bacchus and
the Green Man and Buddha, etc.
I have gotten into wearing fat women's jewelry...it is erotic and
validating. Jane Iris has goddess jewelry, lesbian embrace pieces and
also yoni images!! Another
good resource for women-centered erotic jewelry with fat women imagery
is Pleiades Jewelry, (415)245-9484. Their Sheela-Na-Gig pendant is
Divine! In Seattle, I pick up $1 medallions of Venus, Gorgon, Dancing
Bird Goddess, etc. at Monsoon Bead Company at 4536 University Way NE
in Seattle. Their phone number is (206)633-2446. Monsoon also has a
fun picture booth!
7. USE INTRIGUE AND MYSTERY
Do unusual things to set yourself apart from the crowd. Exploit your
talents and wear them on your sleeve! Dare to be creative and
different. Allow yourself to take up the space you deserve.
I began to look for fat erotic mentors. I made a list of fat people I
found sexy. There were the movie stars...but the real life
acquaintances came in most handy. I knew a woman that was fat yet
exuded sexuality. I damn near studied her without her knowing it! She
wore sexy clothes I had never even considered wearing, with cleavage
showing and exotic cuts and fabrics. She wore suggestive jewelry that
dangled into her cleavage! She always smelled intriging, with earthy,
sensual scents. She had a sexy demeanor and spoke as if she was sexy.
I was astounded at her sexual confidence while being fat. I asked her
where she got some of her clothing and accessories when I liked them.
Her home always smelled exotic, her Indian bedspreads and tapestries
gave one a warm feeling and she carried that with her. Incidentally,
her lover seemed to be oblivious to fat-phobia and worshipped her
body, which may have helped.
What I realized from watching her was that she did not try to hide big
parts of herself, like the glamor magazines were always harping on,
and instead she was flaunting her goodness! I realized that I had been
trying to be seen less, to take up less space, to try to fit
in...because I was too big and obvious. But really, I needed to claim
the space I took up and to fill it, not try to hide myself. I began to
see that all of the neat things I did to flirt and be sexy as a
younger, thinner woman I could again enjoy! I began to also see that
being a feminist didn't mean I had to give up frilly dresses. Now I
just wear combat boots with them and it all balances out. No, I just
found that I had also lost some of my femininity by being fat in this
society...since a big girl in a tutu looks like a stuffed sausage
supposedly. So I learned to reclaim my femininity and my sexuality
together.
I began to wear clothing that fit, instead of covered me. I began to
look for clothing that was sexy, with low cut necklines...with higher
skirt hems...see-through fabrics and exposed backs. I began to buy
silk lingerie and also beaded, velvet evening gowns. I learned to wear
nice body oils and to bathe in sweet bath salts so I always smell
lovely. I began to adorn myself with temporary tattoos and body
glitter...Sometimes I would dye my hair purple or green and it felt
lovely to not be afraid to stand out and be wild. After Body Electric,
I felt I needed a totally new body effect and pierced my nose. 3 years
later, I still am very happy I have a nose ring to adorn my face a bit
more. I guess I am saying take a risk. Go all out. Have fun! Become as
outrageously wild and exotic as you are. And use that mystique and
intrigue sexually...let your potential lover know, there is NO ONE
like you out there. You are irreplacable.
And this works for men too. I know I go crazy for a big man that is
dressed well. But this society can handle big men easier than big
women. You do not see Big and Tall stores for women. Or Chubby and
Tubby's...you see stores for large women with names like SmartSize and
Women's World...and you do not see frozen HungryWoman dinners. And you
do not see women referred to as Big Emily. A woman referred to as Big
Red may quickly lose some sexuality with that name. Big Al's, though,
doesn't raise an eyebrow. So I do feel there is less of a loss of
sexuality inherent in men's experiences due to fat. Not that fat
phobia doesn't still affect men. But there are words and stores that
cater to big men while retaining their sexuality. A fat woman on
almost any TV show will not be the hero or desired sexual entity. In
fact, she will represent the enemy of the desired one often. Fat men
are not treated equally, yet they are represented as sexually viable
much more than women. (Look at the Drew Carey show.) Saturday Night
Live, for example, has had many, many sexy fat male comedians...John
and Jim Belushi, the guy who played the liar, John Candy, Chris
Farley,...and I cannot name one fat woman comedian regular on their
show since its inception in the 1970's!!! I do think fat visibility
for men is different than for women in this culture. I think you can
figure out how to be sexy and male easier in this culture because your
masculinity is not stripped away with fat. A large woman is told she
is masculine, not feminine, and that is perplexing to a sexy large
woman who still desires feminine identification.
I suggest men and women find fat role models they find sexy to study
and identify with. I suggest we all take more risks of visibility as
fat lovers, and accentuate our features, tastes and talents rather
than trying to cover up and hide our bodies. I suggest creating an
individual sexual identity for yourself.
8. REMEMBER YOUR FAT LOVERS
Once I was driving to a fair with a fat-phobic Seattle performer who
said to me, regarding fat people as sexual, "How would you like to
date a fat person?!" He said it as though it was a fate worse than
death. I retorted, "I have loved fat lovers! And they are wonderful!"
I am sure the whole depth of the moment was lost on him, but I
remember thinking about it later. I realized I had loved big lovers
and their fat was beautiful, not gross. I loved them and their
bellies...their fat was not something to overlook. Their fat was not
something I thought of as something unsexy, as an obstacle. So I began
to think that perhaps MY lovers felt the same! So now whenever I think
someone will be thinking about my fat as an inhibitor to good sex, I
realize I never thought that and so why would they! I realized alot of
fat insecurity is within our heads. And so remember the fat people you
love and find sexy. And apply the same standards to yourself! Now, if
you hate your own fat and hate your lover's fat, this will not work,
obviously.
9. BELLIES SHOULD BE REVERED AT ALL TIMES
It seems that bellies are vulnerable on practically everyone. One of
my lovers who was not fat wouldn't take off his T-shirt alot of the
times because his mom would tell him he was fat. I had to tell him to
take off his shirt long after this underpants were off in bed. So what
is this that makes even people who aren't fat freaked out about their
bellies? Surely, I do not know. But I do know that I have met few
lovers who were completely at home with their naked belly. So, I
recommend belly adoration for all. Including yourself.
I once had a moving union with a lover when we finally touched
bellies. We had been flirting and were even in a naked shower together
and couldn't get across the sexual line...finally I, at 280 pounds,
said to my 120 pound lover, that I think we should touch bellies. We
did, and then she pushed her breasts into mine and a relationship was
born...I think the power of the belly is strong in a society hung up
on weight slavery such as ours. Bellies are heavily-charged taboos at
this point. Break the belly taboo and be nice to yours.
I noticed that at alot of the hippie festivals I attend, young women
with thin bellies and small breasts are the only ones going topless.
For a big-bellied woman with sagging breasts to go topless does not
warrant the same fawning-type behavior, I've noticed. But that doesn't
stop me. I go naked on stage on purpose...to show off my belly. So
that other bellies can become free too. I have proven that you can
show a fat belly like mine, naked on stage in front of 4,000 people
and still be asked to come back and still be treated like a sex
goddess. I say admit you have a belly and love the bellies around you.
I adorn my belly with watercolors or face paints. I draw flowers and
vines or butterflies or psychedelic swirls on my belly. I massage it
or my lover's belly with sweet smelling oils. I wear temporary tattoos
on it. I put body glitter on it...You never know what is going on with
my belly underneath my clothes!!! All I know is it feels better to
adorn my belly than to always try to shed big chunks of it for someone
else! And your lover probably could use some belly adoring also. Touch
a belly today!
That was the extent of what we covered at this workshop.
At Mama Sutra,
I accept and love my shape and size!
Fat grrls are eating every time you look at them.
A fat grrl has a serious problem.
A fat grrl is caught in a vicious cycle. A fat grrl is lazy. She isn't mobile. Doesn't move enought to burn it off. Fat grrls are less capable of exercise. A fat grrl gets fatter because she can't move because she is fat.
A fat grrl looks dumb in a bathing suit.
A fat grrl at ballet is ridiculous. A fat grrl in a leotard looks like a stuffed sausage. A fat grrl shouldn't run, she jiggles like a pig. A fat grrl's butt sticks off the bike seat.
A fat grrl's problem should be attacked at once.
A fat grrl must be taught to curb her appetite.
A fat grrl must be trained to stop herself.
A fat grrl must combat fat. Must stomp it out. Must kill it before it gets out of control.
A fat grrl should be stunted. Dieted. Drugged.
A fat grrl should go to fat camp.
A fat grrl should be ashamed. Sorry.
A FAT GIRL SHOULD SHED BIG CHUNKS OF HERSELF!
A fat grrl doesn't REALLY need to be that way, you know.
Is out of control.
A fat grrl is uncontrollable.
Dangerously out of control.
A fat grrl is dangerous.
Try these chocolates with goddesses such as the Venus of Willendorf, Bast, Hecate, Athena, and more! Comes with a "Chocolate Enjoyment Ritual"!
I don't care -what- they say about diamonds...chocolate is a grrl's best friend. - Paige
A: Because the A and B shells didn't fit!
Here's a fun poster from those radical women at About-Face!
* Broaden your own beauty standards: Notice beauty in all around you.
* Respect people of all sizes. Replace Fattism with Acceptance and Love.
* Stop using scales and weight control to weigh your value and self-worth. Throw your scales out or else bring them to a fiesty International No Diet Day Celebration in May and sledgehammer them to cheers!
* Reject the destructive pressure to be as thin as possible and rethink your every word, thought and action.
