You couldn’t look anywhere in the sports section without seeing at least some mention of steroid use by once baseball superstars Jason Giambi and Barry Bonds.
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Photo by Anne Onaemus.
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That is, until Pedro Martinez left the World Series champion Boston Red Sox for the lowly New York Mets, who finished just four games ahead of the even lowlier Montreal Expos turned Washington Nationals and perhaps now back to Montreal.
Of course, when Carl Pavano, born in New England and raised a Red Sox fan, signed with the New York Yankees it was quite the headline too.
Oh, and David Wells, who said he’d never play in a Red Sox uniform, went ahead and signed a two-year deal with the “hadn’t been champions for 86 years.”
Welcome to the wonderful, wacky world of winter baseball, where dreams can come true, realities can be harsh, and paychecks will be cashed.
The Hot Stove got a kick start when Giambi admitted to steroid use in front of a grand jury, choosing humiliation over perjury. Then, just a day later, the San Francisco Chronicle found that Bonds, he of the 703 career home runs, admitted to steroid use as well, only he didn’t know about it.
Yeah, right.
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This is a fake caption. It is here to make it look like it is a real caption. Yay!
Photo by Anne Onaemus.
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In an April 2002 issue of “Giants,” the game day publication of the Giants (oddly enough) they ran an article about Bonds’ nutrition plan. He monitors (monitored?) everything that goes into his body very carefully and he doesn’t let anything in his mouth that he isn’t absolutely sure about.
Oh, wait. That’s right. Steroids were injected into his buttocks with a needle. It’s not like they were prepared in a blender and served over ice. Because, if it goes in your buttocks, it’s not worth asking about or monitoring carefully. It’s probably just a vitamin supplement. Everybody knows that’s where I take my Vitamin C.
In all seriousness, though, Bonds has hit a lot of home runs and is only 11 away from passing Babe Ruth. In even more seriousness, how many of those home runs are legit?
Sigh.
The Pedro news was even more disheartening for this lifelong Boston Red Sox fan. Of course, I can’t complain that Pedro took the contract. Who wouldn’t? The Mets offered him four guaranteed years worth $56 million. Sure, the Mets are getting a fairly worn out pitcher with an 89 mile an hour “fastball.”
Pedro’s a great pitcher, and I can’t berate him for taking that deal rather than the Red Sox’s reluctant offer of three years. But then Pedro said, and I’m paraphrasing, “My heart will always be with Boston, and my heart will always be with the fans.”
Huh?
Last time I checked the basic protocol of a successful relationship it was that if you have special feelings towards somebody treat them special, not especially horrible. Don’t be patronizing, Pedro. You took the contract, nobody in Boston cared. In fact, they wanted you to, because they love you so much they want you to have the best, they just know that the Red Sox couldn’t be the ones to give it to you.
This reminds me of a joke.
There was this old man who spent all his day in Central Park. From the moment he was young he fell in love with the park and didn’t want to leave. For about two weeks a young kid started coming to the park and he noticed this old man. Finally the kid asked him, “Mister, why is it that I always see you at this park?” The old man grinned and pulled a can of refried beans out of a grocery bag. He said, “Kid, I gotta eat.”
Pedro could have been the man that had to eat.
Think about it.
In other news the Seattle Mariners signed first baseman Richie Sexson.
Do they actually think this is going to help? The Mariners want more power – actually, they want more fans to come to their games, but that’s beside the point. The Mariners want more power in their lineup, so they signed Sexson, who, I guess, has some power.
The problem?
He’s right handed.
A long time ago in a baseball era long, long ago the Mariners built Safeco Field. And they built it for one particular player, and his name, I pray I never forget, was Ken Griffey Jr., who also had power, but he happened to be left handed.
They built the park for left handed power hitters, but to go get power they sign a right handed power.
See something weird here?
Look, right handers don’t have power in Safeco Field. Sure, Bret Boone did. But is there honestly anybody who can say they don’t think he was on steroids? The man hit 24 home runs before coming to Safeco Field, although he averaged just 14. Also, his production was coming down entering his first year with the Mariners. He went from 24 homers, to 20, to 19. And then what? BAM! Thirty-seven! In a pitcher’s park!
Now that they’ve implemented steroid testing in MLB, Boone’s production will decline and Sexson’s will, well, not be what they want.
Too bad, because there was a left handed masher named Carlos Delgado who expressed interest in playing for Seattle.
The Mariners remind me of an old joke.
There was a college student who missed a dentist appointment, but he called up and scheduled another one for the next day. The dentist said, “What made you miss our appointment?”
The student said, “My roommate was yelling at me because I left the heater on and the freezer open.”
“So?” replied the dentist.
“So I sent the house contradictory messages.”
Baseball. It’s a wonderful game.
