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Welcome to RBird's NonCustodial Moms Page

Who is the Noncustodial Mother?

Mothers with out custody are not a new phenomenon. "A noncustodial mother is a mother living away from her child or children a majority of the time. She may have given birth to the child or she may have legally adopted the child. She may be never-married, separated, divorced, or married. She may have custody of one child but have another child living elsewhere, a situation known as split custody. Being noncustodial does not mean she is no longer a parent.

The noncustodial mother may have willinging sought out her status. She may want the freedom of living away from her children, of having the children establish a closer bond with their father, or of pursuing personal or educational goals. She may feel that the children will be better cared for, either financially or emotionally, if they live with their father. She may believe, for many reasons, that she is doing the best for her children, for herself, and for the father. Sometimes these beliefs are acted upon gradually, with forethought. In other cases, the mother may have deserted.

Some mothers have assumed the noncustodial status reluctantly or have vigorously fought against it. The children may have chosen to live with their father because he was the more nuturing parent or because he could better provide for the materially. The mother may have lost a court battle with the father, or a protective service agency may have removed the children from her custody. She may have felt mentally or physically incapable of raising them, reluctantly turning them over to the father. She may have relinquished them to avoid a court battle that she believed she could not win or that she believed would be detrimental to the children. She may have thought the children would be better off living with the father because of her own lack of financial resources. Mothers also become noncustodial because of physical or financial threats. A father who wants custody and recognizes the mother's often precarious earning capacity may threaten to withhold child support and alimony if she attempts to get the children. In some instances, the noncustodial mother has remained on good terms with both the father and the children. In others, the family breakup is tinged with a great deal of animosity and mistrust and anger."

Greif & Pabst, Mothers without custody.

This website is an attempt to give an understanding about life as a NonCustodial Mom. My two beautiful children live with their Dad. I have been a noncustodial mom for many years.

Being a noncustodial mom is hard to live with. It shows up in many facets of our lives. Either physically and or emotionally/mentally.
Since becoming Noncustodial, I have heard "How could a mother do that?" "I'll never understand how a mother could give up her children." so many times that I have lost count. We are not bad people, we have not done something wrong, and no we did not get caught doing something. Society questions our moralities, our sanity, our nurturing abilities, Society wonders and or accuses us of being unfaithful to our husbands, or having emotional problems, or abusing alcohol. Most people don't know how to react when they meet a noncustodial mother. We are often misunderstood.


Did you know that Charlie Chaplins' mother was noncustodial? Cary Grants' mother was also noncustodidal, as was Princess Dianas' mom. Other Noncustodial mothers that are famous are Yoko Ono, Shirley Mclaine, Karen Silkwood, Joanna Kramer from Kramer vs. Kramer, and Sophie from Sophie's Choice. Sinead O'Conner the singer is also a noncustodial mother. Tina Turners' mother was a noncustodial mom for many years. Tatum O'Neal lost primary guardianship of her three children after she and John McEnroe split up in 1992.

I have been doing some research and reading books about noncustiodial moms and or parent, parenting, divorce, and soul nurturing.
The few books that have helped me are:
Mothers Without Custody by Greif and Pabst
Out of Touch, When parents & children lose contact after divorce by Greif
Absentee Mothers by Patricia Paskowicz
Living Juicy by SARK
The Bodacious Book of Succulence by SARK
Whores of the Court by Margaret A. Hagen, Ph.D.

These can be special ordered through Amazon booksAmazon Books


ANCPR: Alliance for Non-Custodial Parents Rights

NOLO another law resource
Spiritweb a way of life

Believe in Yourself

Believe that you have the destiny, the innate ability to become all you expect of life.
Experience all of life's peaks and plateaus. Find
the meaning of life's struggles and
accomplishments. There you will find
the meaning to life and life's work.

Trust in your deeply hidden feelings, because
they show the person that you are. Take hold
of each opportunity, and make the most of it.

Know the person that you are, the needs that
your life contains. Search deeply to capture the
essence of life. Find your limitations and build
upon them. Create within yourself a person
who is strong and capable of withstanding

Know that life will offer some
disappointments, but remember, through
those situations you become a stronger, more
stable person. Don't overlook obstacles, but
work through them. Remember that each road
you choose will offer some difficulty. If life
were meant to be easy, there would be no
challenges and no rainbows.
-Sherrie Householder

How to live

Stay loose. Learn to watch snails. Plant impossible gardens. Invite someone dangerous to tea. Make little signs that say yes! and post them all over your house. Make friends with freedom and uncertainty. Look forward to dreams. Cry during movies. Swing as high as you can on a swingset, by moonlight. Cultivate moods. Refuse to "be responsible". Do it for love. Take lots of naps. Give money away. Do it now. The money will follow. Believe in magic. Laugh a lot. Celebrate every gorgeous moment. Take moonbaths. Have wild imaginings, transformative dreams, and perfect calm. Draw on walls. Read everyday. Imagine yourself magic. Giggle with children. Listen to old people. Open up. Dive in. Be free. Bless yourself. Drive away fear. Play with everything. Entertain your inner child. You are innocent. Build a fort with blankets. Get wet. Hug trees. Write love letters.
--How to live by SARK

Contacting me

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