I guess a good place to start would be at the beginning. Basically, when I was young, things in my life were very messed up. My family life was yucky and I really had no friends at all. It was pretty tough to be alone for so long...to live without love. I have never been a *cookie cutter person*. I never have fit in with other people and because of that, I was rejected a lot by the kids in school. I suppose not a lot has changed in that respect. But after years and years of this, it really affected me and my beliefs about myself. I let what other people thought define who I was. I felt worthless, completely unloved and completely alone. Things continued to build up on top of one another and I wound up wishing that I wasn't even alive. I was neither respected nor loved. I felt that everyone around me would be better off without me there...I felt like a nuisance who was just in the way. After all, who was there to tell me or show me otherwise? These feelings continued on for a few years, and it's only by God's infinite grace and mercy that I am still here today because there were times when I came so close to ending it all. At one point, I even had the pills in my hand thinking about how easy it would be. Things got better when I started going to youth group up at church, but that quickly faded. I started to see that God was what was missing from my life. Since I have let God into my heart, things have been taking an upward turn, and I continue to be amazed at all the changes I have seen God make in me. I still have a really long way to go...I have problems trusting people at times and I still have very, very few friends, but I know that these are things that God will deal with in His own way and His perfect timing. Meanwhile, I am trying to make this a learning and growing experience for myself.

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