Raising Blair
1980

Naomi came home from work to find her son sitting in the lotus position, in front of a lit candle. She let him finish his meditation as she started dinner. Half an hour later, Blair blew out the candle, stood, and stretched.

"Hungry, sweetie?" Naomi called.

"Not really, Ma." The usual spark was gone from his voice.

"Blair? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Blair," Naomi came out of the kitchen and hugged him. "Tell me what's the matter."

"Mom, don't take this personally, but I just need some space, okay?"

"Sure, sweetie," Naomi nodded, backing off. She went into the kitchen and put the pot of Jamaican Eggplant chili on the stove to simmer, while she read the new issue of Ms. An hour later, she ladled some of the spicy mixture into bowls. "Blair, soup's on."

"I'm not hungry," Blair called from his room.

"Come on now." Naomi carried a bowl to his room, surprised to find his door open. "Just eat a little bit for me, huh? Make you big and strong."

"Quit dreaming, Naomi, I'm never gonna be big or strong," Blair answered in a tired voice.

Naomi put the bowl down on Blair's dresser and sat herself directly in front of him on his bed. "Alright, kiddo, spill it."

Blair rolled over to face the wall. "Mom, I don't want to talk about it. "

Naomi crossed her arms. "Well that's too bad, 'cause you are going to talk about it."

"Maaaa," Blair whined. "Leave me alone!"

"No."

Blair crossed his arms, too, and ignored her, resolutely staring at the wall.

"Did something happen at school?"

Blair didn't answer.

"Is someone making fun of you?"

No response.

"Blair Sandburg, you answer me!"

Blair turned back to her with fire in his eyes. "YES!"

"Yes what?"

"Yes, EVERYTHING! YES something happened at school! YES they make fun of me! YES! Okay, mom?! YES! You happy now?"

"Who made fun of you!"

"Mom, what difference does it make?"

"Blair! It makes a big difference! Honey, if he's doing it to you, he's probably doing it to other kids."

"No, Mom, you just don't get it! They aren't picking on anyone else, they're picking on ME. Because they're all 13 and 14 and I'm only 11, and I'm short, and I'm smart, and my voice hasn't changed, and I get all the top scores but nobody wants me on their team in gym class. THEY HATE ME BECAUSE I DON'T FIT IN! And I hate being me! And I hate school! And I hate everything!" Tears stood in Blair's eyes.

"Sweetie." Naomi was shocked speechless. She tentatively put a hand on his shoulder. He didn't flinch, so she leaned down and kissed him.

"Mom, was my dad short?"

"Oh, sweetie, I don't know."

"Mom, please, just look at me! I don't look like you or any of the other Sandburgs. I must remind you of somebody! Mom, please, think!"

"Oh, Blair." Naomi hugged her son tight. "Baby, if I knew, I swear, I'd tell you in a second. But I just don't."

Blair sat up and put his arms around his mom. "Why do I have to be different, Mom? I hate it."

"Blair Bear, I know it's hard on you now, and I'm so sorry. If I could make it better, I would. But you're special, sweetheart. You're unique and brilliant and beautiful. I promise, when you get older, things will be easier."

Blair let her go and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. "Mom, why did you name me Blair?"

Naomi smiled. "I named you after a good friend of mine who took a trip he couldn't come back from."

Blair sat up, eyes wide. "You mean, he OD'd?"

"Well, yes."

"Oh, wow," Blair said softly. "Nutty."

"Hmm," Naomi said. "But he was a beautiful man, full of love, always smiling, a peaceful man."

"Was Blair his first name or his last name?"

"Oh, neither. His name was Libra, I just transposed it to make Blair. I thought it would be kind of confusing to name you Libra when you're a Gemini."

"Thank you," Blair said with relief. "That's a little more special than I need to be."

Naomi laughed and ran her fingers over his tickle spot, it was on his left side about two inches up from his belly button.

Blair curled up and giggled. "STOP! STOP!"

"What?" Naomi asked, still tickling. "I can't hear you. What?"

"St-o-o-o-p!"

"Oh, stop! Oh, okay." Naomi stopped. She kissed Blair and stood up, walking his dresser and picking up his bowl of chili."So, I guess I'll just pour this back into the pot, huh?"

Blair sat up. "Wait, uh, is it still warm?"

Naomi felt the bowl. "Yes."

"Oh, well I guess I'll eat it for you, then."

"Okay, thanks." Naomi put the bowl back, careful not to smile until she'd left he room. She ignored the bowl she'd set out for herself and went straight to the phone.

"Hello? Doctor Katz? This is Naomi Sandburg. You remember my son, Blair, from last summer? … Yes… Oh he really learned a lot too…Uh-huh…I think he could use a few more sessions …. Right…When could you fit him in?….. Okay, great, thanks….Yes….I'm looking forward to seeing you again, too, Doctor. Good bye."

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