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Jessica's Daze

Some of My Poetry~ Mother

Am I still so young
Do I not understand who you are?
I'll never be perfection
Or anything close
To who you are

Look at me now
You won't open
Or look for me in the crowd

All I want is Love
I'm of age now
Around you I'm still five
In your eyes
A little innocent accident
Are you still ashamed
You don't understand
Who I am

Do you still hate me
For what I did
What I became

Look at me now
But keep your eyes closed
Listen to the sound
Of my son

All I wanted was Love
I've come of age now
I'm still alive
In your eyes
A little innocent accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Pact

Little one
Your father and I are young
But we love you child

My Son
My Angel of the stars
I need you child

Daddy and I
We made this pact
In our blood
With the Universe
In it we prayed for you
And you returned to us
Again in this life
We'll be there in the next

Little one
Don't ever think you're wrong
Everything you feel is right

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Son

Prophet of my heart
My life's work of love
I need you child

Daddy and I
We made this pact
With our blood
To the Universe
In it we asked for you
And you returned to us
again in this life
We'll be together in the next

So don't cry
I won't be gone for long
I'll see you when you dream
As long as I'm
In your Heart.


Here I am
I fall into this
All the trees
Won't let me into
The forest

Don't know
It could be because
I didn't save myself
I just couldn't do it
Thought about
everything I did

I guess I
Don't think I deserve it
What does that matter now?

Here we are
Fall into you
All their eyes
Upon us
Loving you

Don't know
It's because
You give a good show
You play yourself so well
But I can pull your strings
Make you do anything

I guess I
Don't think I deserve you
What does it matter now?


Let me start over
I didn't mean
What I said

I can't lose you

I don't breathe without you
I can't sleep when I'm alone
I don't sleep without you here

What if I apologize
Will you give me back my life
Do I have to sacrifice myself
Or am I wasting time

We can start over
Move away from here
I think I'm losing you
My vision becomes clear

What if I apologize
Will you give me back my life
Do I have to sacrifice myself
I don't breathe without you
I can't sleep when I'm alone
I don't sleep without you here

Last-Chance Confession

Against it all
I blame myself
I get homesick for you sometimes
Even with my new life
I have to be responsible
Smile when I have to cry
I can't show fear anymore
For fear of being degraded
And He'll see me as damaged
If I reveal what's been
I feel the time has come
And I'm old enough
To pay for what I've done
Before I don't get that chance
And all will be gone
Before I have no one
I have to confess
That I'm not innocent
There goes my pedestal
Taken out from under me
So I guess I'm as low as the rest
Or so my Mother says
I ignore the guilt
So I can live
So I can sleep at night
Always knowing
Lines I crossed.


Love has selective memory
like the sun
It finds it's way through the trees
But it seems to hide from me

Love is a blind visionary
Like a poet
Writes what he sees
But he seems to run from me

What will it take to capture
What will I have to do
What will it take to capture
What's left for me to do
What will it take to capture you

Impassionate to yourself
If I die today
You won't let yourself cry
Love my blind poet
Who only hears what he wants
Never seems to cry

My Son

I know you'll find your way on your own
I wish I could save you the pain of it though
I could walk in front and take it all
You'd follow behind, strong and tall
That isn't reality
Your life isn't mine
On your way to mortality
I hope you'll take your time
Life's too short
Precious one
To waste on the trivial
Love is Forever
My Son
In love you'll live Eternally

You'll be a man someday
Men, They face tremendous strain
Just look at your Father
He traded the bottle for the pain
Pain seems to fade over time
If you let the sadness go
If you can bring yourself to do that
You're older than you know


In a basement
Down a stairway
Leading you here with me

Away from the world
Away from the pressure
In my Sanctuary

I won't tell if you don't
We emotionally blackmail each other
We know our secrets are safe..

In a basement
Down a stairway
Leading you down to me
Forget all the pain
Forget all your troubles
It's our Sanctuary

I won't cry if you don't
If you start
I'll die
Your about as still as a river
But your secrets are safe with me

In a basement
In a castle that no longer stands
In those walls
All our secrets are locked
All isn't lost
Because I still remember.

My God

You said I could fly
As long as you're the one who lifts me
You said you knew why
All the leaves fall in the Autumn

I believe you
My God
You are my God
Someday you will see me
In your eyes
I'll get inside

You said I was your Angel
So innocent and beautiful
You said you'd give me wings
You'll be the one to keep this promise
I believe you
My God
You are my God
Someday you will see me
In your eyes
I'll be inside of you.

No-Love Affair

You sleep all day for violent dreams
Take me for granted at night
I fail to fall asleep
I'm just another nameless face
So I get lost in the crowd
I heard your whispers in the dark
Prayed your hollow soul to keep
Your mind, the evil toy
To pray for such a soul
When you're no more than a boy

I may be a nameless face
You're a faceless name

It must be lonely waking up alone
With that precious bottle of wine
I'm sure you'll be hapy together
Wine gets better over time
I've heard your whispers in the dark
Prayed your hollow soul to keep
Your mind,Your evil toy
To pray for such a soul
When you're nothing but a boy.

What I was

What I was
Years ago
Bears not on
What I am now
I wish I was
One of those who stay
Long into their dying years
Instead I strive
To be old
Not knowing
That I'm falling
Into an
Early grave
I don't feel
Much of anything
He says he'll
Make me feel
So I dare him
And he does
He says he's powerful
And he is
What I did
Years before
Has made me
What I am now


I don't think about it anymore
So please, don't remind me
I'm trying to forget the past
Not Light it up for you to see
Nobody really cares about anybody
No one really loves themselves
Maybe it's me who doesn't care
Maybe you don't understand
Spent too many years listening
While nobody listened to me
Never heard what I had to say

You wonder why I dream
It's an escape
A sane emotional suiside
It's my way
Of releasing myself of the pain
In this, eternal Spring
I guess that's all a child has to hold
Are dreams


I don't think of you anymore
So please, leave it alone
I'm trying to forget it all
I'm not coming home
Nobody really cares about anybody
No one really loves themselves
I just don't care for anyone
You'll never know why


You lay there, I watch You sleeping
hours after the rain.
We danced within such passion,
I can take away your pain.

I really feel your sadness,
Transfigure it into energy,
I really want your madness
will you give it all to me?
Just when you think U own me,
I let you know otherwise.
After all the nights you've know me
How could i change my mind?

Expose your pain,
I feel it inside.
Free of chains ,..,no need to hide
No need to Lie.


Love is only an illusion, not to be taken seriously ,
or you could fall into such a hole you'll never get out and never forgive urself for chasing someone like
me who you know u want so bad you can taste it in the inner most depths of your soul though u wont addmit
self-guilt and lose your mind as i shatter like glass in your hands because i feel like i am losing mahself
in all the dam love and pitty , i hold for you only if you could hear me when i scream at myself in my sleep
for the love of ur icy touch On my second skin 'cause i'm still shedding the first raze of lies you told to
keep me close to your dead, insane soul because "im sorry" isnt enough and "i love you" has lost it's
ageless meaning through years of torment, abuse, and lack of sincerity because of people like u, with your
trips to hell and now u can't bare to look me in the eyes, I know you know exactly what i'm talking about
you malicous, lying sex-friend, who only cares to use me in every way possible.
Now .......dont u feel better??????


I've got a soul of bruises,
from years of fighting wounded,
didn't stop to heal mahself,
now there isnt a whole lot left.

I've got a heart full of bruises,
i can't make any excuses,
so hard to learn to love again,
somthing won't let me close them.

I've got a body full of bruises,
a heart and soul everyone uses.,
try again, to get up on mah own,
ventured a little far from home.


Pull me closer,
say you'll never leave.
I am your forever....
This U don't believe.

You cut me,...i'm bleeding,
Mah eyes wouldnt lie...
Please Just stop screaming,..
feels good to see me cry???

This isn't all a game..
No one said it was for fun,
tell me that you feel the same,
now whats said is done


I ran today, into the wild,
and i felt the soul of a child slain.
A wrenching scream, a haunting glare,
The sight would make a blind man stare.
His blood was red, his hair of gold,
i touched his skin, and it was cold.

Piercing eyes, i felt his pain,
all the worse for a child slain.
In a valley, by the highway,
his blood was rushing, faster, my way.
Still the hurt remains the same,
endless death of a child slain.
Though his name i didnt know,.
i felt a nuturing love for him so,.

Tradedy so pointless, who's to blame?

for the selfish murder of a child slain.
His soul had spoke with such a fource,
i knew that nothing could be worse.
If i could die for his life the same....
i'd do it all for a child slain.

copyright 1994-1998 Jessica Kinsella

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