SANCTUARY OF SOLITUDE
I push you all away so I can be free again
and somehow you get pulled in
sucked in
pushed in
I dunno how you get in but you do
I hurt so much when you are all away and I hate you then
but when you are close I hurt more and hate more
You touch my face and bite my soul begging for the blood from my heart
and when I turn away you scream out for me
you try to bring me back
You hold your hands out for me, to save me
I survive and come back and you walk away
and show up in my sanctuary of solitude weeks later.
You know your touch is pure seduction to me
and you know you won't give yourself to me
and if you did, I wouldn't have you.
I try to stare into your eyes and see what it is that brings you here
and to see what it is that takes you away
or pushes you
or sucks you
or fucks you.
Who is it that you are seducing when it isn't me?
And do you walk away from her too
or does she push you away like I do?
At night when the moon is out and that dark evil takes over me
and I am screaming your name
why can't you hear,
who can you hear?
I know you listen to me even when I can't speak.
I think my eyes tell you a story even I don't know how to read.
Those arms that I ran from,
the one's that grabbed me and wouldn't let go
are the same arms I run to now,
but sometimes I find them wrapped around around your body
tight and tucked away
where even I can't fall into them
or only I can't fall into them.
I find a comfort there that I can't find anywhere else and I need them now
when you showed up in my sanctuary of solitude
and pulled me out of my swelling darkness and held me close
and all I want to do is push you farther away then I have ever pushed anyone before
because now I know how it feels when you turn away when I need you here
and I know how it feels when you are here begging to save me
and I hate it when I run to you and find that you have stepped away
and I am left with my pain
and the pain of finding you with your arms wrapped around yourself
and watching you turn your head and laugh
So I sit and stare at my ceiling and see the stars that aren't really there
I let my insides scream to hear your voice
or feel your touch
or to be in the face of torture
your torture
because when I make myself hurt the pain is worse
and when you are taking my pain away I want it back
and I play our last casual conversation and hear you say
"It's nice to see you"
over and over
and I play our last encounter and hear you say
"I can seduce you"
over and over
and I wonder which is worse.
So I stare and wait for fate to greet me
and untill I hear you again
I will be seduced by "You're Lost Little Girl"
and those stars that aren't really there
and a touch I can still feel.
bAcK tO InDeX PaGe
Email: summerland@hotmail.com
