Uncle Wiggily in Connecticut
the story by J.D. Salinger, as adapted by Irene Malatesta and Garland McQuinn for Moving Stories, fall, 1998.

(Mary Jane let go the curtain and wandered back to the blue chair... Seated, she opened her handbag and used the mirror to look at her teeth.)
Mary Jane: It's getting so icy out... God that was quick.
Eloise (with a fresh drink in each hand, stopped short. She extended both index fingers, gun-muzzle style): Don't anybody move. I got the whole damn place surrounded.
(Mary Jane laughed and put away her mirror.)
Eloise (She stretched out on the couch again): That maid! She's sitting on her big, black butt reading "The Robe." When I dropped the ice trays taking them out, she actually looked up annoyed.
Mary Jane (picking up her drink): This is my last. And I mean it. Oh, listen! You know who I saw last week? On the main floor of Lord & Taylor's?
Eloise (adjusting a pillow under her head): Mm-hm. Akim Tamiroff.
Mary Jane: Who's he?
Eloise: He's in the movies. He always says, "You make beeg joke, hah?" I love him... wait just a second. (raised her head and her voice) Is that you, Ramona?
Ramona: Yes.
Mary Jane: Is that Ramona? I'm simply dying to see her! I haven't seen her since--
Eloise (shouted, with her eyes shut): Ramona! Go out into the kitchen and take off your galoshes!
Ramona: All right. C'mon, Jimmy.
Mary Jane: Who does she look like now?
Eloise: Lew...She looks like Lew. What I need is a cocker spaniel or something. Somebody that looks like me.
(Ramona enters) Mary Jane: Well, hello, Ramona! I'll bet you don't even remember me!
Eloise: Of course she does. Who's the lady, Ramona?
Ramona: Mary Jane. (scratched herself)
Mary Jane: Marvelous! Will you give me a little kiss, Ramona?
Eloise: Stop that. (Ramona stopped scratching herself) Ramona: I don't like to kiss people.
Eloise (snorted): Where's Jimmy?
Ramona: He's here.
Mary Jane: Who's Jimmy?
Eloise: Oh, God! Her beau. Goes where she goes, does what she does. All very hoopla.
Mary Jane: Really. Do you have a beau, Ramona? Will you tell me his name?
(Ramona's eyes, behind thick, counter-myopia lenses, did not reflect even the smallest part of Mary Jane's enthusiasm... Ramona inserted a finger into her small, broad nose.)
Eloise: Stop that. Mary Jane has asked you a question.
Ramona: Yes. Jimmy. Jimmy Jimmereeno.
Mary Jane: Well! Where is he? Will you tell me, Ramona?
Ramona: Here. I'm holding his hand.
Eloise: Don't look at me.
Mary Jane: Oh, I see. He's just a make-believe little boy. Marvelous.
Eloise: He won't talk to you. Ramona, tell Mary Jane about Jimmy.
Ramona: Well... He has green eyes and black hair. And no mommy and no daddy.
Eloise: What else?
Ramona: No freckles. And a sword.
Eloise: What else?
Ramona: I don't know. (began to scratch herself again)
Mary Jane: Oh, how marvelous!
Eloise: You just think so. I get it all day long. Jimmy even sleeps with her. She sleeps way over to one side of the bed, so's not to roll over and hurt him.
Ramona: Mommy? Can I go out and play?
Eloise: You just came in.
Ramona: Jimmy wants to go out again. He left his sword outside.
Eloise: His goddam sword. Well. Go ahead.
Ramona (taking a burned match out of the ashtray.): Can I have this?
Eloise: May I have this. Yes. Stay out of the street, please.
Mary Jane (musically): Goodbye, Ramona!
Ramona: Bye. C'mon, Jimmy.
Eloise (lunging to her feet): Gimme your glass.
Mary Jane: No, honestly, El, I can't. I'm supposed to be in Larchmont.
Eloise: Call up and say you were killed.
Mary Jane: Oh, no, I--
Eloise: Go phone.
Mary Jane: Well... where's the phone?
Eloise: Over there.

(at a quarter of five)
(Eloise was lying on her back on the floor, a drink balanced on her chest.)
Eloise: I mean you didn't really know Walt. He was the only boy who could ever make me laugh. I mean really laugh. And he didn't even try to be funny. He just was funny. I mean, once i fell down and twisted my ankle, and you know what he said? He said "Poor Uncle Wiggily." He meant my ankle. God, he was nice.
(Mary Jane was lying on her stomach on the couch, her chin on the armrest, facing Eloise. Her drink was on the floor, within reach.)
Mary Jane: Doesn't Lew have a sense of humor?
Eloise: Oh God! Who knows? Yes. I guess so.
(Eloise raised her head, lifted her drink from her chest, and drank from it.)
Mary Jane (giggled): You're terrible.
Eloise: Ah, God, he was nice. It was a special kind of sweet. You know what he did once? Well, he had his hand on my stomach, and all of a sudden he said my stomach was so beautiful he wished some officer would come up and order him to stick his other hand out the window. He said he wanted to do what was fair.
Mary Jane: Have you ever told Lew about him?
Eloise: No.
Mary Jane: Why?
Eloise: Why? Because he's too damn unintelligent, that's why. Listen to me, career girl. If you ever get married again, don't tell your husband anything. Do you hear me?
Mary Jane: Why?
Eloise: I said so, that's why. Take my word. Oh, what's the use of talking. I'll just depress you. Shut me up.
Mary Jane: El... Won't you tell me how Walt was killed?
Eloise: Oh...he... Walt and some other boy were putting this Japanese stove in a package. I don't know. It was all full of gasoline and junk and it exploded in their faces. The other boy just lost an eye.
(Eloise began to cry.)
Mary Jane (slid off the couch and, on her knees, took three steps over to Eloise and began to stroke her forehead.): Don't cry, El, don't cry.
Eloise: Who's crying?
Mary Jane: I know, but don't. It isn't worth it or anything. (The front door opened.)
Eloise: Do me a favor. Go out in the kitchen and tell whosis to give Ramona her dinner early, willya?
Mary Jane: All right.
(Mary Jane stood up, losing and recovering her balance, and left the room. She was back in less than two minutes, with Ramona running ahead of her.)
Mary Jane: Guess what happened to Jimmy.
Eloise: No idea.
Ramona: He got runned over and killed. I saw Skipper with a bone, and he wouldn't--(Eloise feels Ramona's forehead.)
Eloise: You feel a bit feverish. You go straight to bed after you have your dinner. Go on now, please.
(Ramona slowly giant-stepped her way out of the room.)

(at five minutes past seven, the phone rang. Eloise got up... The ringing didn't disturb Mary Jane, who was asleep on the couch.)
Eloise: Hello... Look, I cant meet you. Mary Jane's here. She's got her car parked right in front of me and she cant find the key. (She listened.) Why don't you boys form a platoon and march home? You can say that hut-hope-hoop-hoop business. You can be the big shot. (She listened again.) I'm not funny. Really, I'm not. It's just my face. (She hung up.)
(She walked, less steadily, back into the livingroom. At the window seat, she poured what was left of the bottle of Scotch into her glass... She drank it off, shivered, and sat down. When Grace turned on the light in the dining room, Eloise jumped.)
Eloise: You better not serve until eight, Grace. Mr. Wengler'll be a bit late. (Grace appeared in the dining room light but didn't come forward.)
Grace: Miz Wengler, I wondered if it'd be all right if my husband passed the evenin' here. I got plentya room in my room, and he don't have to be back in New York till tomorrow mornin', and it's so bad out.
Eloise: I'm afraid he can't spend the night here, Grace.
Grace: Ma'am?
Eloise: I say I'm afraid he can't spend the night here. I'm not running a hotel.
(Grace stood for a moment....)
Grace: Yes, Ma'am.
(....and went out to the kitchen.)
(Eloise left the living room and climbed the stairs. She snapped on the light in Ramona's room and held on to the switch, as if for support.)
Eloise: Ramona. Wake up.
(Ramona was sleeping far over on one side of the bed.)
Eloise: Ramona!
Ramona: Mommy?
Eloise: I thought you told me Jimmy was run over and killed.
Ramona: What?
Eloise: You heard me. Why are you sleeping over here?
Ramona: Because... because I don't want to hurt Mickey.
Eloise: Who?
Ramona: Mickey. Mickey Mickeranno.
Eloise (raised her voice to a shriek): You get in the center of that bed. Go on.
(Ramona, extremely frightened, just looked up at Eloise. Eloise grabbed Ramona's ankles and half lifted and half pulled her over to the middle of the bed.)
Eloise: Now go to sleep. Close your eyes... close them.
(Eloise went over to the light switch and flicked it off. But she stood for a long time in the doorway. Tears rolled down her face.)
Eloise: Poor Uncle Wiggily. (she said over and over again. Ramona was awake. She was crying and had been crying. Eloise kissed her wetly on the mouth and wiped the hair out of her eyes and then left the room.)
(She went downstairs, now staggering very badly, and wakened Mary Jane.)
Mary Jane: Wuzzat? Who? Huh? (sitting bolt upright)
Eloise (sobbing): Mary Jane. Listen. Please. You remember our freshman year, and I had that brown-and-yellow dress I bought in Boise, and Miriam Ball told me nobody wore those kind of dresses in New York, and I cried all night? (Eloise shook Mary Jane's arm.) I was a nice girl, wasn't I?


the Players:
Mary Jane: Erika
Eloise: Irene
Ramona: Jen
Grace: Garland