.........thursday, the last.....................................
that's right, i said
i know you both hate me
i said
like i was joking back
as though i understood, for once, the spirit
of the moment
unable to speak
leaving this scene
i was so nonchalant
i'm surprised i didn't pull
the fire alarum too
no one gets
to see me break
snivelling silent
behind bathroom walls
the would-be gift i'd give to you
is one more thing
you wouldn't understand
unconscious, dragging
up and down steps
slipping from the grip
of one of the few
who care
so i may be free to fulfill
more pressing engagements
she couldn't stay
to see me break
punishing myself
before bathroom walls
it's nine-thirty
you've been sleeping
your muffled voice and movements
are so far away
they dampen my relief
just to leave me dissolving, finally,
not into stifled breaths
which trick me
into partially letting go
the way you did this morning
but into the real, complete,
soiled stain
that only you
can beat me into
you don't even stick around
to hear me break
touching my eyes
behind bathroom walls
it's the only way sometimes
you run back for more
you knock yourself out
throwing yourself
against the same
beautiful
cruel barrier
mumbling things
so silly, stupid
no one could hate you like this
no one else you could choose
could ever endure you
like this
who else could listen, stifling
her own sobbing
so as not to bother you?
i couldn't stop my talking to no one
and i don't know what time it is
and i can't stop touching
my eyes
i wish you could see
the way i break
snivelling silent
behind bathroom walls.
Email: reflectingoddess@mailcity.com