I lay down with him because he is there
He spreads out his arms, a spindly-limbed insect on its back
Welcoming my stolen warmth and cold bare feet

He could be anyone, could be you, until
He tells me about doing coke and you evaporate
I urge him on so that he will continue and perhaps feel accomplished
He says that it makes everything clearer and easier
Until you come down

I go upstairs with him after perhaps an hour of saying No,
I’m not going anywhere with you, no
Half of which I spend thinking that since I’ve started saying No,
It’s my duty, to every other woman he’ll ever beg, to continue saying No

He must think by now that he is charming
Though he can’t remember what came out of his mouth he knows
It must have been something
If we go then I can take off your clothes—
Who ever could resist this sweet talk?

In any bed I am always waiting and restraining speaking
Harder, no
Slower, no
I’m too bored to speak
Or to say, I don’t care, I don’t care

Fatigue forms into thin crust, spreads
Overtakes my eyes until the window is a blurry smear
You were close, he says and I say, Yes
I think the truth has no place in my mouth

I will not count the number of times I compare him,
Flat nose and pale hair, to you, sharp and dark
In the vanishing night I am closer to you
Though he tries to dissolve you, says he didn’t come

He asks again and I am the same
He calls me random, my presence random
Mentally I thank his honesty and decide that I will not bother asking for his number
He knocks over the water and I think
Maybe now I won’t remember in the morning
I’ll be hung over, won’t know anything but how light hurts
So now I can keep going
I say Keep going
Keep going

Keep going






......
07.05.01