you who never cared to stare who cared to stay
when a broken pet said she was alone and
she was here beside you
the whole time. asking herself again
carefully regarding all those notes that never made it.
all the words that died right here on her tongue
right here, on a girl
who wanted to know everything there was
overly ambitious and still feeling unappealing.
pushed away by her own
diabolical creations
a layer, one below the surface, where she's built a house.
wants to drag you down there
all alone.
you said you wouldn't let her.
"i'll never let you do it."
you said it light, as though it were just banter.
"i don't think that generally you are psychopathic"
he says as though he thinks it's funny
"i don't understand why you girls do it"
he says with laughter the things that
make her cry.
she thought about the weather, and how much tears were like rain
cliché, for sure, but still, just true
warm rain like in the tropics
what a bruja, they said
she snapped her fingers, she controls it
spiteful, she brings rain upon all the sopping homeless
she disciplines the stars but
can't command the dripping from her entrails.
a feeling of sick and weakness.
vomiting into the sink
watching as the drain clogs.
"i think," he said, "that you are
just a bit sadomasochistic."
go ahead and go ahead, say the things that make me die a little more
every time you say them.
it's like pulling teeth.