The sun is september but blinding still
I don’t want to miss a moment of your walk
Two ends of a string brought together: I am not prepared when you get here
I feel ill

Why then, lying in bed did I feel release nothing only pleasure
My hands were not timid then, but reaching up to your face
Blinded, and you bent down so I could do this
It was allowed

This is quite premeditated, the kiss I gave you
As every kiss I gave you
Was
I think If I do it fast it will be okay, tangled up in a moment that we will both excuse

Touching my lips to your forehead I find it slippery
More than I remember, I slide down to your mouth and breathe
Before losing
Sliding again and to your feet

Please, please. Don’t make me do this. Don’t make me beg you. I don’t want to exchange many words before I see you again. It would ruin everything. Everything has already been almost ruined. I confess everything to you. Everything I did was wrong. You are right about it all. Please. Come to see me. Please. I only want that. I don’t even want to talk to you. I don’t even need to hear you speak if you don’t want to speak to me. An hour. Give me an hour out of your day. I am not asking even for the whole hour. I am including traveling time. Please. XXX X XXXXXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXXXX XX XX XXXX. I have loved things, and vistas and colours, and once in a while a person maybe I will like. Please believe me and stop laughing. I love you most of all. X XXXX XXX XXXX XXXX X XXXX XXXXXXX X XXXXX. I want to give you everything. I would give you everything if you would hold on to me please, if you would come to me somehow and put your arms around . You used to hold me like we XXXX XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX. The rain is swirling around now like a million little flies. I am soaking wet and my hands are covered in makeup. I was very unhappy that afternoon at your apartment. I thought you would look at me with hate because, I know, I was not pretty. It is easy to hate people when they want something from you and they are not even XXXXXX. I almost wanted you to say hard things to me then, to prove yourself less kind, less of what I wanted you to be and you didn’, you were not unkind to me. I just didn’t understand. I feel like my life is all around me in little pieces. I XXXX XXX. That is the biggest piece I have. It is not very big; it fits in my hands. I throw it but it always comes back.

Window against wind with brick backs,
I watch the movement like it were a living thing
And feel none of its effects. Below

The wind pursues itself across the grass
Flattening it like kitten-fur, or glinting like a horde of insects
Sparkling toward some corpse

I simply can’t see the point in succeeding.
From evening last everything has been about you,
The wind fingers, bugs in my wall

My hard perfunctory bed.
How my head aches. I twisted up my hair for you
You liked it this way you said once

Morning: I pat my eyes and wonder how
They do not hurt today, only shine though tired
And pat the make-up on and on

Afternoon and I think how I will speak to you
I anticipate your intonations, how you will concede to meet.
You did not recognise my voice

My night is wrong.
You give me nothing, nothing, a promise, loose
To talk again, to keep my touch.

I shiver and I change direction.
I shiver and I lie flat and am eaten.